Shades Of Wrong
by Zerepak
Summary: It was entirely illogical, but sometimes the best decisions in life are the ones that make no sense. He was going to eliminate the shinobi world and I needed a pivot point to end the madness. It wasn't meant to turn out like this, she wasn't supposed to fall in love with me. Maybe it was a mistake to put her in this position, but then again, have I ever been wrong before?
1. Trains and Sewing Machines

_"Trains and Sewing Machines"_

* * *

Ticklish colors prodded at my brain like a kid would poke a poor, defenseless slug with a stick. Most of the time the feeling was less aggressive, gently tapping like rain pattering on the top of your head. There seemed to be a sensitive layer of memory foam wrapped around my brain that picked up on the emotions around me. Each color had a kind of texture, if that's what you want to call it. These colored, textured emotions were not always so rigid as, say, a pointy stick. At times, emotions were subtle, with the wispy haze of a cloud. Intense emotions felt abrasive like splotches of thick paint dappled onto the inside of my skull with the crisp edge of a palette knife.

Rain pelted the window on the first day of school. The palms of my hands smushed my face as I rested on them, making my lips pucker slightly to increase my eight year old pout. I wasn't excited. In fact, I dreaded the start of school. In Konoha, my older brothers were prodigies, known for their strength and leadership. Starting the academy was only the first step of many to catch up with their legacy. As the thought dashed my mind, my heart sank. I didn't want to be a shinobi like them.

Two older ninja were on the other side of the glass. One of them was Anko, a kunoichi who was only a few years older, but she was already a chuunin. The boy she was speaking to was her age, I didn't remember his name though. All I knew was that she kept turning to look at me, or so I thought at first. Then I realized she was fixing her hair in the reflection of the window, trying to look nice for the boy. Instead of staring back, which was my first instinct, I leaned back, tilting two legs off of the ground. I stared up at the ceiling, then closed my eyes. There were so many things I would rather do than sit in a classroom and learn about things that I didn't care about. The only reason I was here was to make my parents happy and to keep my brothers from nagging me for being a weak little girl.

A small groan mumbled through my lips. I was _not_ a little girl!

Though, to them, I probably looked like the most depressing disappointment in the family. At the age of sixteen my oldest brother, Mizoko, already held a spot as one of the Hokage's war time councilors. By fighting in the third great shinobi war he became well renowned for saving a group of older jounin, giving him the opportunity to become a commander at the unbelievably young age of thirteen.

Now, my _other_ older brother was a bird of a different feather. Last year, a flash of lightning and a letter were left for my parents. Hiruko was recruited by some secret service at the ripe old age of ten. Being only two years older than me we were two peas in a pod, almost to a fault. We were friends who got to live with each other and wreak havoc on Mizoko and the rest of our neighborhood. Our mother started graying early because we were such a destructive pair. Ever since he was taken away, all we've heard about his welfare were random little tidbits on his progress through the Torture and Interrogation Corps.

What made their accomplishments impressive was _not_ our family blood trait. They were born without it. Tan skin, sandy-blonde hair, fair green eyes and no kekkei genkai. Those were the traits that my older brothers inherited from our mother. White hair, ivory skin and electric blue eyes indicated those of us who inherited our father's genes. Our phenotypic look is genetically linked to this '_brain tickle_'. It is our bloodline trait.

Each tickle's color indicated a different emotion; the texture was exactly _how_ the person felt it. Or, how powerfully the individual experienced a certain emotion. It's hard to describe a feeling as a color using only words, so work with me here. Think of it as being similar to synesthesia of touch and sight. Press on your eyes and watch the little phosphenes appear, also known as the little lights that show up on your eyelids when you exert pressure. Imagine those phosphenes, only instead of pure white they are filled in with color behind your eyes and pressing on your psyche. Now imagine feeling this, minus the pressure, whenever you were around anyone. That's really the best way to describe it. Synesthesia.

Thoughts of my younger brothers popped into my mind. My two baby brothers were born like me, white as little ghosts. Kaz was only two when I started at the academy. He was the most gentle child ever born. There was this sweetness in his pretty blue eyes. Where mine looked like blue lightning, hard and bright. His looked more like a blue sky obscured by a thin cloud.

A frown tugged the corners of my lips. Kaz's kekkei genkai still wasn't activated. We all hoped that it was because of his age, but father was beginning to think that he was born without it. That was alright though. Kaz, like me, wasn't the ninja _type_. We were too soft to be fighters.

This was very unlike our spark of a youngest sibling, Mikah. He wasn't born until my second year in the academy, so he wasn't born quite yet. He was able to use the emotional connection from the moment he was born, using it as almost a means of communication with us as a baby. Today he claims that he was able to feel us around him even before he was even born, but I think he's just exaggerating. Batteries could be charged on the energy that kid had bounding from him at all moments of the day. The kid never sat still for more than a few minutes in his whole life.

By the way, yeah, _four _brothers. That makes five of us in total. Seven if you count our parents. All of us were born with an affinity toward the lightning element, which _should_ make us a pretty rough bunch. But we weren't. We were goofy siblings who loved each other with everything we had. We were basically a really tiny army made up of two actual fighters, a little girl, an infant, and a fetus. Pretty pathetic, right?

My unborn brother was more adept to using our family's blood trait than his older sister. I mean seriously, a zygote could identify the feelings of individual people while in the womb.

_"Like a kaleidoscope," he would say, "everyone has different colors." _

I, on the other hand, still felt emotions like a loud buzzing of colors and textures in my brain. Only if I was really focusing could I separate and comprehend exactly _who_ I was feeling. Hiruko says it's because I'm the only girl.

_Ugh_. Brothers.

Right now, in this classroom, I could identify that our sensei was irritated. Even though he was holding a firm posture and zero expression form his many years of training, I could it seeping through. Thick light green pigment pressed into my head with tingling pressure indicating very slight anger. Leaning hard against the chalkboard with his eyes closed, the man gave out this dull green vibe of frustration. Some other colors cut through the melting pot, but they were difficult to differentiate because they only skated across the surface leaving a slight ripple of yellow and red.

The first time I experienced this was when the nine tailed fox attacked. Torrents of fear ripped though my head as tangible black hands seemed to clutch onto my brain with pointy talons, causing the immense pain that followed. Everything was dark and black no matter who I was handed off to. Not even Hiruko could calm my fear. It was terrifying. I had no idea what was happening to my village, friends, my brothers. People's body parts littered the streets everywhere you looked. To save me from the images, my mother took me away to hide in our dilapidated house until the Fourth sealed the Kyuubi away. Hiruko and Mizoko ran off to fight, leaving me to handle our hysterical mother. We were all far too young to be involved in a war.

Everything was so dark that night. It became my mission to never feel that way again, or to let the people I love most feel that kind of suffering. That was the only redeeming quality of becoming a ninja. It would give me the tools necessary to keep my brothers safe.

Learning about my blood limit was a double-edged sword. As a result of the soul changing misery I felt on that day, I became locked inside of myself. Others seemed to understand general social rules, but I couldn't seem to follow them correctly. Kids my own age would make fun of me because I would say and do the wrong things at the wrong times. Rather than understanding other people's boundaries, I would break through them leaving other people feeling uncomfortable in almost every situation. I only did this because I could feel everyone's emotions. It felt like my job to make people feel better.

My "perfect empathy" was the cause of some pretty nasty teasing in school. Those who didn't understand my blood limit were busy making fun of my oddly white skin and hair. Kids made fun of my waif-like appearance. I literally looked like a ghost walking around town. Others had normal skin tones, while mine was almost pure white.

Hiruko and Mizoko looked normal. Peach skin tones made them look like they had blood running through their veins instead of snow like the rest of our family. They were bombastic and loud, demanding authority with their mere presence. People always forgot I was even in the room. The fact that my brothers were so awesome was stressful. I didn't want to be awesome like them... _Ever_.

I just wanted to be Katsue.

My greatest dream would be to live on a ranch in the middle of nowhere with fifty kids and a dozen horses.

Yeah, pretty lame, I know. Which is why I never told anyone about my dreams. I just kept my head down and did whatever my brothers expected. Which was hard when you weren't as naturally talented as they were. For example: this family blood trait. I was never horribly inclined to use it because I preferred reading people's faces to see what they were feeling. Emotions are personal, not for random strangers to read at their will. It was more like social practice for me. Maybe if I didn't depend on my kekkei genkai so much then I wouldn't be so awkward.

Since our ability was a linked gene, my older brother, Hiruko, was always a mystery. Somehow, he had been born with some weird ability that no one could seem to understand. People are afraid of what they cannot understand. Last year on baby Kaz's birthday I watched Hiruko's blood limit work for the first time.

_"You little brat! Hand it over," Mizoko lunged across the table to snatch a kunai from the much smaller Hiruko with one of his enormous arms. Hiruko pulled away from the table, leaving Mizoko to grasp at the air with a frustrated scowl. "You're too young to play with that."_

_Hiruko dropped one eyebrow from across the table, a dare. "Yeah, Yeah. Whatever you say, big bro." he said sarcastically, just to irritate Mizoko._

_I picked up the tablecloth and hid my nose like a puppy, barely peaking over the table in preparation for the food fight that was on the teetering edge of explosion._

_"Hand. It. Over." Mizoko enunciated each and every syllable as if he was an invalid with his hand stretched, waiting for Hiruko to return the kunai._

_With a smirking twitch of his lip, Hiruko's eyes bubbled into an effervescent blue. Icing flew everywhere, covering everyone at the table as Mizoko's huge body dropped into the birthday cake. Baby Kaz was clapping ecstatically, licking the icing off of his cheek the uncoordinated movements of a toddler._

_From my low vantage point next to Mizoko's currently drowning form I could see Hiruko's eyes return to their normal, pale green, color. _

_Mizoko leaped up off of the table into a fighting stance out of utmost confusion and fear, throwing his head around, looking for the enemy. Icing dangled dangerously over his eyes, making it look like he had a white beard and eyebrows._

_Hiruko and I exchanged a meaningful glance. He mouthed 'Don't tell mom', playful green eyes glinting mischievously with an unrelenting smirk._

_"**Mizoko**!" Mother's shrill screech pierced the the room with one hand on a hip, the other threatened her tall son with a serving knife, "What do you think you're doing! Katsue and I worked on that cake all day!" She yelled in his face._

_"Ma! I didn't do anything!" Mizoko tried explaining, "He did it!" He pointed at the smaller blonde boy at the other end of the table. "I swear."_

_She looked from the icing covered teen to her young, clean son. Her eyes narrowed up at him, "Very likely story, now clean this mess up before I give you something to complain about."_

_The Hiruko and I sat there innocently, laughing hysterically as our mother tore into our sixteen year old, military trained, six-foot tall brother for ruining her beautiful cake._

_Father just sat at the other end of our crowded table defending the remaining cake slices with intermittent giggles at her furious ramblings. His huge hands covered each piece pretty well. Kaz still refers to that as his all time favorite birthday._

"Hi sweetie! Is this seat taken?"

A voice like angel's bells shot through the fun little memory, shattering it into unfixable fragments as I had a heart attack. My chair clattered back onto all four limbs. Stifling an embarrassed laugh, I twisted a finger through my pale hair and looked down at the table. I felt the hot pit of humiliation boil in my belly when I looked up at her under half lidded eyes.

Long, straight, black hair and black eyes. Not to mention, painfully beautiful. Her crazy eyelashes jutted in every direction wildly. She wore a black, off-the-shoulder, long sleeved shirt with a red and white fan stitched to the front and bright red hakama pants. Typical Uchiha.

Eyes darting around the room nervously, I noticed that there was no one else there. We were the first two to arrive, no one was witness to my spaz attack aside from this ridiculously pretty girl.

Wandering back up to her face, I searched for any sign of ill intent. Kids my own age tended to avoid being near me, thinking that I was going to read their minds or freeze them to death. Those were the ones who didn't understand my appearance. The assumption was that I was made of ice, of course.

Hesitantly, I smiled up at her, not seeing any malice in her black diamond eyes, "Yeah sure." I said.

Why'd she call me 'sweetie'?

"... Sweetie." I added to my answer quickly, not wanting to be rude or something, "I'm Katsue, it's nice to meet you." Heat rushed to my ears as I tried to be friendly. Not weird.

There was a grating noise when she pulled out the chair directly next to mine, "Score!" She plopped down, "Thanks, Kat! I'm Arashi Uchiha," Her hand shot out and took hold of a long strand of my white hair and rubbed it between two fingers in disbelief, "wow, you're hair is _nuts_! Can I touch it?"

The hair was already in her hand without my expressed permission, so I found it funny that she would even bother asking retroactively. Not to mention that she just gave me a nickname. My smile ebbed to widen, this girl was _not_ joking around. Being near her was like being around an open fire pit with pieces of burning matter ricocheting and popping in every direction.

Since she touched my hair without asking first, I decided to make her feel as awkward. Leaning ever closer to her I pointed my finger at the middle of her face with the most serious face in my repertoire. Nervous blinks fluttered over her eyes, she rocked back into her chair with my hair still in hand, refusing to let it go. It was a battle of wills.

A giant grin smoothed over my face, "Yeah you can touch it," I touched the flickering lashes of her right eye, "but only if you show me how to make my eyelashes cool like yours."

At first she just stared at me like I was crazy. My heart sunk, I was being too awkward. There goes a potential friend...

"_Pfft_." A laugh pressed between her lips as she held in a giggle._  
_

Silence passed between us as we just stared at each other with my finger still in her face, her's still laced in a long chunk of my white hair.

Crackling laughter popped out of us both until we were gasping for breath. Arashi hung her arm over my shoulder for support. With a smile on my face, I just looked at this new person as she laughed with all of her heart. There were empty seats all over the classroom. Why she decided to sit next to me on that first day I would never know. Why she endured the ridicule others threw at her because of our friendship, I'd never know. All I'll ever know is that it was the best decision she ever made.

That's how I became best friends with an Uchiha.

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One of the most awkward moments of my young life was the first time I brought her over to my house.

It was another rainy day. For the most part, Konoha had pristine weather, this week was a little out of the ordinary. So, like most eight year olds we just played with toys and imagination. Mostly pretending to be ninjas. My Uchiha best friend showed me how to do my hair. Unlike most women in Konoha my mom didn't have time to be girly, so I never learned how to pick out clothes or put my hair back into a ponytail. My clothes were made up of hand-me-downs from my brothers growing up and my hair just fell in a mess to my bellybutton. The first time I ever experienced love was when Arashi put my hair back into a bun for the first time.

There was no hair on my back, I could wiggle around and it wouldn't get in my eyes! This was a major life improvement that stayed around for a long time.

_Knock, knock, knock._

My beige haired mother stood in the doorframe with a worried line between her eyes, stopping my goofy dance around the room.

"Katsue, can I speak to you?" Mother motioned me into the main room, leaving Arashi to her own devices on my bed with her hair all flopped to one side.

Glancing back at my newfound friend I noticed that she was playing with my favorite horse toy, braiding its hair like she kept trying to do mine, but it looked painful so I didn't let her.

"Yes mommy?" I asked in a typical eight year old 'mom, do you have to do this _right now_?' kind of way.

She had that look on her face, when her skin was completely flat leaving only a few lines under her eyes, which meant she was going to lecture me about something.

Pressing her hands to her hips she leaned a shoulder against the white wall behind her. "You do know that your friend is an Uchiha, right?" My mother held a cautious tone as she spoke about my new friend.

I cocked my head up toward her, what's she talking about? "Yeah Ma, she's my friend."

The line between her eyes got deeper. "You know the Uchiha's reputation Katsue." She ran a hand through her short sandy blonde hair as her thoughts danced through her mint green eyes, "Just…" She said, "Please be careful, okay? I don't like you spending too much time over there."

It was a warning. I could tell from the little lines in her face that she was truly nervous.

The Uchiha's were basically royalty in Konoha. Royalty with a dark fire surrounding them. Although they controlled the police, many civilians stayed away from them. People avoided them and they kept to themselves and that was simply the way things were. But I was only eight, so I didn't really care what other people said about Arashi. I thought she was cool.

Mimicking my mother's face I put my hands on my hips, "Mom, she's cool. She's fun and I like her. She's my best friend. Look what she did to my hair!" My eight-year-old brain argued, spinning slightly to show off my new hairdo.

With a weary, defeated smile she waved me off so I could go back to playing.

When I reached my room, the dark haired Uchiha was flipped upside down with her legs reaching up the wall, book in hand, ready to help me study. The position didn't look particularly comfortable, I wondered how she was able to read upside down like that.

Gently, her ankles tapped the wall in pattering rhythm, "What did your mom say, sweetie?" black eyes turned to me expectantly. She looked funny upside down.

I felt my face get a little screwed up, "She just wanted to ask me something. Don't worry about it." I said, sliding the door behind me. I spoke only loud enough for her to hear me, "I _do_ have a question, though," I leaned over her laying form, "why does everyone stay away from you guys? The Uchiha, I mean?"

Arashi flipped onto her stomach in a fluid motion and looked up at me with a toothy smile, "Everyone's just jealous 'cause we're awesome."

And that's the story of how I acquired my opinion of the Uchiha clan.

They were awesome. No one could contest that. Since the day that Arashi and I met she was better than me at, well, _everything_.

Stronger, faster, smarter, and just overall better as a person and a shinobi. The best part of her awesomeness was that we never held it against each other. How could I hold her natural abilities against her? I was who I was, and she was who she was. It would be stupid to try and compete with someone like her when I'd obviously lose every time. I'd only be setting myself up for disaster.

The only time I even attempted competing with her was when it came to a boy in class.

Most boys thought I was weird because I looked like a ghost with my white skin and hair, but this boy seemed to actually look beyond my bizarre appearance, for a while at least.

"Get out of here Casper, go haunt somewhere else." A dark haired boy called from his circle of friends, jerking his squared chin in my direction. They were playing ninja. Arashi normally stuck up for me, but today she was absent from school. All I'd asked was if I could play too.

The others in the group laughed at me, but one boy with rust colored hair and bright purple eyes furrowed his brow at the leader of the group. "Dude, leave her alone. It's not her fault she looks like that."

It was a backhanded compliment, but it felt nice for someone to stand up for me since I was too meek to do it myself.

He defended me again, "Let her play, if she's cool with Arashi, she's cool with us. Right Senji?"

The mean group leader cocked an eyebrow at the rusty haired boy then tilted his head with a half-frown, motioning me over.

I ran over with jerky strides, were they actually going to let me play with them? Senji looked me up and down with a disgusted expression before muttering to his red haired friend.

"Hiroto, you can't be serious." he said, motioning over at me with his eyebrow, "Not only is she a _girl_, but she is about as soft as marshmallows."

A heavy _thunk_ alarmed in my chest, this was just embarrassing. If they had simply said 'no' then I'd be on my way home, but that one boy's hesitance gave me hope of acceptance.

Blood rushed to my cheeks as I thought of the right thing to say. What were people supposed to say when someone accuses them of being made of a sweet, chewy treat?

"Sorry…" I said, looking to the ground, feeling rejected. I started to turn away to walk home, there was a whirring noise right behind me. As if by instinct, my hand shot out and caught the cardboard shuriken. Glancing down at it then up again, I saw a cocky smile appear on the boy named Hiroto's face.

He looked at Senji with the same smile and said, "See? She's not terrible. Just this once, if she's bad then we'll kick her out and never let her play again. If she's good, then we have nothing to worry about."

Senji shrugged then shot me this look of complete distain. My face burned. I felt the cardboard in my hand and imagined what Arashi would do in this situation. I smiled wide and looked around at the, now scattered, group of boys.

"Hey! Are you gonna throw that or what!"

My smile broadened. I threw the little thing with deadly accuracy so it hit Senji right in the back of his big, stupid, head. The boy jumped out of his skin as he did a 360, a bewildered look on his face.

A smug smirk tugged at my lips at his confusion. I narrowed my eyes at him and said, "Nice dodge."

Senji didn't seem too pleased with that one. Before he could retaliate, I ran so he couldn't tag me. In fact, I wasn't tagged for the rest of the game.

At the end of the game, Hiroto came up to me and placed a purple flower into the palm of my hand. To this day, I still have that little flower pressed between the pages of a childhood book. That day I decided that I liked him. Sadly he was much more interested in my best friend, which was probably why he was being nice to me in the first place. All of the boys liked her; she was the prettiest girl in class on top of being a genius.

Arashi and Hiroto didn't start going out until we were a little older, but his choosing her over me was the only taste of competition I ever needed. When it came to the two of us, I just let her win. It was never a contest to begin with. By nature I was never really competitive. I didn't have dreams of becoming some great shinobi. This was just the only life I knew since my father was a big time advisor and commander.

More than anything I just wanted to follow in my mother's footsteps. I just wanted an easy life with no blood and fighting. Nothing glamorous, just a happy life like my family had when my brothers and I were growing up.

My older brothers were weary of the amount of time I spent behind the walls of the Uchiha compound. Arashi's parents had virtually taken me in as a second daughter. From the time school was out until dinnertime I would just stay there and train with her (a.k.a.: become a living target.) or play (a.k.a.: find her little cousin and launch an attack.).

Ryu was the most entertaining of her cousins. We would hunt him down with a full-scale tactical attack. Wooden and cardboard shuriken were pretty effective against a six year old, especial one who wasn't paying attention. He was Arashi's baby cousin by two years. To him, I was the most interesting person in the world. He asked me every possible question about my life. About my brothers and how I feel other people's emotions and my white hair and how old I was. As he grew up, that affection changed, but never went away.

Time passed through like water down a stream. Meeting Arashi helped me in so many ways. Perhaps it was bizarre, but I'd adopted some of Arashi's personality traits just by spending so much time with her. People didn't find me nearly as awkward as before, I actually made some more friends of my own. I still never knew the right things to say, but now I could at least go into public without being made fun of or making a total fool of myself. It didn't hurt that my best friend was the girl everyone wanted to meet.

Walking down the Uchiha compound's main drag, we passed a few boys who followed Arashi with gawking looks, practically drooling. Even adult men would stare at her when she walked by. To say it was creepy would be the understatement of the century.

We were thirteen. Maybe we weren't entirely mature, but hormones were beginning to take the place of cooties and we all felt it. Arashi had a new boyfriend every week. I hadn't even been kissed yet.

Keeping up with her love life was like trying to catch the wind: impossible. She fell in love then out again more easily than I could pick my outfits in the morning.

Winks were exchanged, then names and sometimes even places to meet up. But that was only for the boys she thought were cute. Unlike most, she thought that long-term relationships were for unrealistic people. That they only worked when you were older and had life figured out. Neither of us had ever been in love before, just a few crushes here and there to keep things interesting.

At one point I'd really liked Hiroto, but he didn't like me back so nothing came of it. He and Arashi were dating these days. It made my blood heat up when she told me about it. She knew that I liked him, but I cared much more about my friend than some guy, so I just let it go.

"Did you see that guy staring at you?" She nudged me with her, now, much taller shoulder and laughed, "Go talk to him! Boys don't bite," She winked, "unless you're into that kind of stuff."

Rolling my eyes at her, I glanced over my shoulder to check out the guy she was talking about. Dark grey hair and a Konoha hitai-ate tied around his forehead. He was very obviously looking at Arashi's butt over the top of his book.

"Ugh, you're so weird Arashi." I made a face over my shoulder, glancing back at the dark haired boy with a slight scowl. He was definitely checking her out, not me.m"C'mon, he was obviously checking out your butt. You _are_ the gorgeous one." I teased, popping my tongue out at her.

She flapped her hand gracefully as a debutant, "Oh _please._ You know I'd _never_ pick an ugly person for a best friend." her arm wrapped around my shoulder, "So, you can't be _that_ bad." A cocky grin appeared on her face in the corner of my eye, "'_That_' being the operative word."

Shaking my head I rolled my eyes again. "Shallow as ever." I said with a smirk. Then my masochistic streak took over.

"So… how are things going with Hiroto?" I asked, trying to look nonchalant about it. As if the thought of my best friend dating the guy I liked didn't make my stomach burn. Considering how much I liked him, I was hesitant to ask. Normally talking about him just hurt. But sometimes you have to put up with a lot of misery to make your friends happy, even when you suffer inside.

Her cheeks burned a little as she walked ahead slightly and she scratched the back of her head with her eyes averted to the trees lining our path, "He broke up with me."

That stopped me dead in my tracks and stared after her, mouth agape. "Really?!"

She was standing still with a look of humiliation directed at the ground. Rather than being sad, she was embarrassed that someone broke up with her rather than vice versa for once. Heart racing, I glanced from her eyes to the ground then back again. I needed to know more. Did she still like him? Was he gay? Would she be mad if I went out with him? Ahh! This was such good news!

She looked up at me with her eyes closed into an embarrassed smile as she explained, "Yeah, turns out he likes someone else-"

A crushing hug choked her explanation away, "-that's terrible! What a jerk!" I shrieked, much louder than I'd expected to. Some guy gave me a dirty look for being so annoying, but I shrugged it off like I'd been teaching myself to do.

She put an arm over my shoulder and looked at me seriously. Her black eyes burned into my soul, searching for something, "Sweetie," her pupils danced, searching my expression for something, "how are you like this?"

Pulling from the embrace, I looked up at her with minor worry. With expressions as readable as her's, it was easy to tell what she was feeling without using my emotional awareness. Slightly upturned eyebrows and the tiny lines under the corners of her lips told me she was in one of her serious moods. Time for a lecture; guess I should just get it over with.

So I initiated my own tongue lashing, "How am I like what?" I asked, cross in my arms over my chest with a cocked head.

Furrowing her eyebrows even more she slanted her lips in frustration, she said "You care too much about what other people want and forget about yourself, sweetie." Black fire seared into my blues, "It's not healthy, someday you're going to get yourself really hurt."

Standing akimbo with my head cocked up at her, I began, "It's really not like that," I picked up a section of white hair and held it to take my eyes away from her intimidating stare. "I just like seeing people happy-" Arashi's lightning fast hand gripped my wrist to hold me captive.

"-at your own expense Kat! I pay attention! You like Hiroto, and that's _fine_, you don't need to lie for me." From above, she placed her hands on my shoulders forcing me to drop my hair and look at her. "Please do me a favor. Try thinking about what _you_ want for once. I want to try and make _you_ happy. If there's nothing you _want_, then tell me something that you _hate_ so I can get rid of it. I want to help you be happy, too. Other people don't matter as much as you do." Concern was written all over her face.

The situation was too intense, it was making me nervous. All of this just because I wanted to console my friend over a breakup? Everyone has officially gone crazy.

With artificial nonchalance, I explained myself, "When other people are happy, it makes me happy too. It's not that I'm overlooking what I want, it's just that other people matter more." An animated grin split my face. "Especially my Arashi!" I sprang up into her arms hugging her tightly until a smile cracked the hard facade she was trying to maintain.

A toothy smile took over her face, making her somehow even prettier. My explanation seemed to calm her down a little.

She laughter, "Okay, but if you ever need anything or need to talk about something you better talk to me first or I'll knock you out!"

The mild threat made me giggle like a gibbering bird, I covered my mouth to buffer the annoying noise. If I took my problems to someone other than her, she might actually hurt me. For some reason, the thought struck me as hilarious.

My stupid laugh made Arashi crack up, pointing at my face as she doubled over with the other hand on her knee to support her toppling form. We walked the rest of the way to my house, chattering and joking about the difficulties of our easy lives.

* * *

_A/N: Fun fact of the day: Synesthesia is a condition where the connections in someone's brain are mixed up and they feel the wrong sensation through their sensory organs, for example they might feel tastes or smell colors or see touch sensations. _


	2. My Fist Kiss Went A Little Like This

_"My First Kiss Went A Little Like This"_

* * *

Laying on my bed, I stared up as thoughts tinkered away, creating images behind my eyes that reflected onto the white canvas of my ceiling. Arashi was on the floor, reading some silly love magazine and telling me about the "10 ways to know if he's totally into you".

"These are pretty great tips, you know." she tucked hair behind her ear, "Here's number one: 'he looks you in the eyes when you talk', if a guy didn't like you, why would he look at your eyes?"

Zoning her out a little, I closed my eyes. Arashi had her first kiss a year ago, I was still waiting to meet someone who could look past my strange personality. Maybe these silly love magazines were onto something, "what else does it say?"

"Number two: 'he wants to know about you'." she flapped the magazine down and muttered, "I mean, that's pretty obvious." flipping her hair, she went on with the list. "Number three: 'he wants to touch you'. _Ooo_, scandalous!"

A blush crept across my face; Arashi was much more _physically_ interested in boys than I was. I'd rather spend my time with someone who wanted to hear what I had to say instead of hang out with some 'hottie with a body' as she called them.

"Number four: 'he wants to comfort you'. Duh, why would you date some guy who didn't make you a number one priority?"

Another thing that we disagreed on, I thought that relationships should be two sided where Arashi wanted to be the goddess of her boyfriend's world.

"Number five: 'he gives you great gifts'. Number six: 'he makes you feel special'. Number seven: 'he wants you to meet his friends and family then vice versa'." she droned on, flipping the page quickly, "number eight: 'he makes you laugh'. Number nine: 'he loves spending time with you'."

Shifting a little, I bent my arm behind my head, "why do gifts matter in a relationship?" This list irked me.

Arashi sat straight up as if I'd offended her mother, "_because_ that's how guys prove that they _know_ you," she sniffed, "if they don't get you cool stuff, then that means they don't know you well enough to pick the right thing or that they don't care enough to think about it."

I rolled my eyes, she could be such a typical girl sometimes. "What's number ten on the list?"

With a victorious hair ruffle, she eased back onto her stomach, "number ten: 'he says he loves you'. That's the only one I really disagree with. Those words are reserved for my mom and dad, not some boy that I'll be over in a week."

Another smile swirled my lips, "yeah, your right about that one."

To say that you love someone is a really big deal. It isn't something that I would take lightly, or say to some random boyfriend. Those words were meant for the man I ended up marrying.

Then a wildly random thought popped into my head, I'm not entirely sure where it came from.

Sitting up on the bed I loudly complained, "can you believe how much homework we have?" Arashi just looked at me like I was an idiot.

I crawled to the edge of my futon with a goofy smile and poked her in the shoulder to get her attention, "we should form a revolt."

Leaping, I landed in a crouch over her magazine reading body, "we can be the leaders of the great homework rebellion and become liberators for classroom freedom." Pumping a fist into the air I tried to mimic an epic looking statue.

Beautifully controlled laughter met my ears in sweet bursts, her emotions were a pink mist of jubilation. "Hiroto can be our figure head because everyone loves him." She laughed, pulling a sheet of paper from her notebook to write down each classmate's rank with a picture of their face. Damn, she was a pretty good artist.

"Oh, and Senji can be our war strategist while Yua drools all over him." I added with my weird giggle, pointing at Arashi's pictures of Sanji and Yua.

Our friends Senji and Yua were a very on and off relationship. More off than on, really. Yua had been in love with Senji since we were little. Unless he needed a cute girl by his side to make his ex girlfriend jealous; he didn't give her the time of day. It was an endless carousel of emotion with those two. Bright colors and powerful textures tinged with clouds of jealousy poked at my brain whenever I was around them. It gave me serious whiplash, like watching a Ping-Pong tournament; especially because he and I never really got along to begin with.

We discussed the details of our epic homework rebellion, snickering about our attack sequence. That is, until Arashi sheepishly admitted that she already finished all of our assignments for the week.

My mouth dropped to the floor, "how? I was with you all day. It was only assigned this morning!"

Flipping her hair back with one hand, she looked up at me with a pretty smile, "it was really nothing, I could help you with it if you want." The offer was sincere. Obviously she was not trying to brag, sometimes it just came off that way because she was legitimately smarter than me.

I waved the offer away like a bad odor, feeling sorry for myself. "Don't worry about it, I'll get it done eventually. I'm really impressed, though. When did you have the time?" I dropped into a kneel so we could speak eye to eye.

Ruffling a hand through her long black hair, a nervous habit I think, she answered, "you went to the bathroom for a few minutes at my house so I just answered the questions and scanned through the book."

Typical Uchiha. Learning a whole book in five minutes.

Even if I decided to give up on being a shinobi, I knew Arashi would have the world's back if anything bad ever happened. I trusted that she was going to be something else, someone who would help the world. She would be someone important.

The months faded into one another and we passed the required tests to become genin. Arashi was chosen to be part of my team because her skills were the antithesis of mine. Basically, she had physical talents while I lacked them. But my ninjutsu was better honed than hers. Sea foam green haired Yua was chosen too, she was training to become a medic. It was the first all female team the academy had seen in quite some time. On the first day of training, we decided that we would be better than all of the boy's teams. We would all become chunin first. Our sensei was a jonin named Merik, he didn't have very high hopes for us.

He thought of us as little flowers whose petals might get screwed up if he worked us too hard. Arashi disillusioned him of that concept quickly when she used her sharingan for the first time during training. It was like watching in slow motion as she anticipated his every action. She was then able to replicate and throw his attacks right back at him. Even though our sensei was obviously going easy on her, it was impressive nonetheless from another genin's standpoint.

Every morning we woke up at 0400 to train together. Mostly, I spent this time reading heavy anatomy textbooks.

Merik Sensei decided that I was suited for my family's form of fighting, the kyusho fighting style. It involved intense study of human anatomy to find the centers of someone's chakra, arteries, and pivot points in order to manipulate them with the use of what were called either pressure points, or death points. Pressure points could change the flow of blood or chakra, while death points could stop it entirely, killing the individual, or at least causing complete paralysis. This was accomplished with very well controlled electric pulses in the tips of our fingers. So far, all I could do was make a soft buzzing sensation in my hands.

Every night I spent hours writing and rewriting the words then drawing and redrawing anatomical figures from these books. I practiced focusing chakra into the fine points of my fingertips so I could better manipulate someone's body. The chakra at my fingertips would meet my opponent's death points and pull the energy out of sync with their body, leaving them paralyzed or even dead depending on which techniques I learned. Mizoko was a, expert in our family's fighting style so he helped me learn the proper stances and how every person was different. Since he knew more about the fighting style than Merik Sensei, my brother pretty much took over my training.

"Go ahead, try pressing your finger tips into my arm. Here, here, and here." he poked himself in the elbow in a few spots.

Light blue light emitted from my fingertips. It took a lot of concentration to keep the electricity in the tips rather than allowing it to flow throughout my hand. I pressed three fingers into the spots he indicated, but nothing happened

Releasing a sigh he smiles at me, "First lesson, Kat. Not everything can be learned from books. Every person was built differently. Books are no match true experience. Let go of your jutsu."

The glow sunk back into my arms and he took up my hand in his, placing my fingertips back onto his arm. One at a time, he pressed my fingertips into his arm, "Do you feel that pulse?" he asked.

I could, it was a cold sliding sensation that seemed to project into my own hand. It was very different than what I'd been expecting, that was the electric current of his body.

"Now, try again. But this time, feel for the currents and try to alter. Let your nature take over, it's in your blood."

It worked; Mizoko's huge arm seemed to deflate this time as he began losing sensation. The wince I saw on his face made me jolt away. I never wanted to hurt him, but when I felt his emotions, it turned out that all he felt was pride. No pain, only happiness. My heart swelled, training with him was my favorite because I could see rapid results.

But, sometimes I ended up getting tossed around like a rag doll by Arashi instead of training with my big brother. She never used sharingan when we sparred, it would just be pathetic to watch her kick the crap out of me day in and day out. She didn't seem to mind though, she had sparring partners our age from her own clan.

Months of training went by in a flash. Waking up incredibly early, running for hours, learning to project chakra into kunai and shuriken, throwing them at targets. And missing a lot of the time. Personally, I preferred kunai. They always felt like an extension of my hand. It was something about the weight of them, I hit the targets perfectly with kunai where I struggled with the airflow around shuriken.

It took a full six months of nonstop practice to use the lightest version of my father's jutsu, but I was finally able to knock Arashi to the ground with the muscles in her joints totally paralyzed.

Yua rushed up to her motionless body, I'd been able to press the points in her lower neck quickly enough to temporarily paralyze her from shoulders to toes. Moments passed, and I was beginning to worry. Arashi was never this quiet.

"Kat! Get over here! I'm going to womp you!" She screeched from the ground trying to use the weight of her head to swing her body over to beat me up.

Doing a little victory dance, I sauntered to her immobile form, "what'll you 'womp' me with? Your sleepy arm or your sleepy leg?" I teased from above, hand on my hips, finally feeling a little sense of accomplishment.

Feeling for her emotions made my grin like a fool. She didn't feel angry that I was able to manipulate her chakra, somehow she was happy that I beat her. My newfound talent meant that I wasn't completely helpless anymore.

Squirming slightly she called from the ground wiggling her head, "I'll bite your bloody head off!"

Curling my fingers next to my lips to make them took like I had fangs, "I've got big teeth!" I laughed back.

Yua, our shorthaired teammate was training to become a healer. She worked on bringing Arashi's chakra flow back to normal with a soft glow from her hands and a look of total focus.

"Ow ow ow!" Arashi twitched as if trying to escape the rest of her body, "it tingles _so_ bad!"

I knew what she meant, my brother, Mizoko, had used me as a practice dummy for this technique a few months ago saying that I couldn't use a jutsu without knowing what it did to my opponent. When your chakra or blood flow broke through the blockages it felt like your entire lower body fell asleep and the tingling pins and needles were your blood vessels and capillaries reopening.

After fumbling up to a wobbly baby deer standing position, Arashi put her arm over my shoulder heavily, "You've got something there, sweetie. That could be really useful on missions where we need to take someone alive. If Yua wasn't here, I wouldn't have been able to get out of that for a while!" She was actually proud of me, and that meant more than I'd ever let her know.

Someday, I'd wish more than anything to tell her "thank you" just one more time.

We decided to go to our favorite cafe for dinner. It was one of those endless food and drinks until closing after a certain time of night; it was popular among the penny pinchers in town, like myself. We were celebrating Yua's completion of the chunin exam.

We had spent the entire year training so hard from morning until night with silly, unnecessary missions scattered in-between. Arashi, Yua and I were up at five every morning to meet up at Training Field 16. There weren't too many people who wanted to utilize the same training grounds so we basically lived there for the months leading up to the exam. When the chunin exams came and went, Arashi and I came out as chunin while Yua was taken out in the second round. She was meant to be a lover, not a fighter. But she got it the second time around, about six months later.

Unlike chunin exams, jonin exams were done on your own time, as a dissertation... kind of. After being given recommendations from your parents and other jonin, you were asked to write up ways to improve the shinobi world so that others could replicate your work and use it on missions. Only a few weeks after we graduated to chunin, Arashi was already a jonin. I still have no idea what she wrote her jonin test about. Regardless, it was impressive that she's been able to move from chunin to jonin so quickly. She became the captain of our team and a boy took her place as a subordinate chunin.

Senji's group had been made up of two dropouts who decided the life wasn't for them, so now he was stuck with us. Yua could have died out of quiet excitement, like a cute little teapot on the verge of exploding with emotional steam. Red was her emotion, like a thick barrier pressing on my brain like a heavy wool blanket whenever she looked at him.

We worked like a well-oiled machine. Yua, our healing nin. Senji, our weapons expert. Arashi, our fearless leader. And me, our group mediator.

Senji and Arashi would go at it because he thought he was a better leader than her, which sometimes I couldn't entirely disagree with. But when things got really tense I'd interject myself to take the brunt of the argument. It was easy to manipulate people into understanding a point of view when you could feel their every emotion and intention.

The day I became a chunin I moved out of my parent's house. Living in a tiny house with six other people was a bit much for someone who needed to come in and out at all hours of day and night due to missions. Mom was not happy about it, neither was Mizoko. But my father and other three other siblings cheered me on, they even helped me decide on an apartment.

It was a studio over my all time favorite penny-pincher cafe. The owner had a baby that same week so he needed a bigger place. This happened to coincide with my apartment search and bang boom everything fell into place. I moved in a week later.

My friends all met me every once in a while for lunch at the cafe to catch up on life. Since becoming genin our lives had spider webbed. At the age of 13, our one friend Koroko had already decided she was marrying her boyfriend. They wouldn't tie the knot for a few years yet, but she wasn't going to be a fighter. She wanted to be a mommy.

Kind of like me.

Although my life got caught up in this intense world of shinobi, I never lost sight of my peaceful goal of being a mother with a simple life and horses. I wanted little babies to love with all of my heart and feel their love all of the time.

My mind drifted as I walked down the dark streets. I was supposed to be going somewhere, but somehow I managed to get myself lost in my own mental wanderings. That happens to everyone sometimes, right?

Then I heard a voice calling, "Katsue? Is that you?"

I turned my head around to see a boy with rusty hair and violet eyes, Hiroto. He had such a handsome face.

A blush crept across the spots under my eyes, "Yeah, hey what's up? You're Hiroto right?" I tried to seem aloof, that's attractive right? _'Number one: he looks into you eyes when he talks to you' _that stupid magazine popped into my head when he looked at me as I answered.

He flashed a winning smile, "its kind of funny, we went all the way through school together and we've never really hung out before." He held out his hand expecting me to take it, "want to take a walk with me?"

It was like I was dreaming, "uh, sure!" I just glanced nervously at his extended hand, not sure what to do. So I spoke out of general awkwardness, "what're you doing out here so late?"

He dropped the hand to his side with a strange look and began striding in the same direction as me glancing over me from time to time. It made me feel like there was something gross on my face, so I rubbed my cheeks with my palms, nothing came off though.

"Oh, just walking around, thinking about stuff." He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, "pretty weird, right?"

I blushed slightly knowing that was exactly what I'd been doing, "No, not weird at all, I was doing the same thing."

His smile dropped slightly, "what were you thinking about?" he asked with a slight twitch of his lip, starting toward Konoha's main road. _'Number two: he wants to know about you' _Maybe that magazine was onto something...

Glancing to the ground then back up to his beautiful face I was afraid to tell him that I'd been thinking about my silly life's aspirations, "Just stuff, ya know?" my mouth twitched nervously, "How about you?"

Obviously trying to make me feel better, he smiled at me in an attempt to relieve the pressure. Then he looked me over generously, "I was thinking about you, actually." My heart fluttered just a bit, face entirely red._ 'Number four: he wants to comfort you'_, that counted as being comforting, right?

The moon lit up the street, giving his hair a fiery look.

Then I giggled and poked him in the shoulder jokingly, "You don't have to lie to make friends, you know. I'm not very interesting to think about." I tried being flirtatious, apparently it had the opposite intended affect.

Suddenly serious, he gave me a glare with furrowed brows, "you're right, I don't have to lie to make friends." He shouldered past me, walking ahead with a scowl on his face.

Well, that's unnecessarily abrasive. The walk got kind of awkward after that. A couple of minutes went by until I felt compelled to apologize for… whatever I said. "I'm sorry if I offended you or something, I was only joking-"

"-it's fine. Don't worry about it. I hate when people call me a liar." He spat back without even looking at me.

My heart shelled itself in some kind of embarrassed clay. Apparently Hiroto wasn't as perfect as I thought, "Sorry, I was only joking…" I muttered to the ground.

We lapsed into silence until he looked over his shoulder at me, "your hair better when you used to leave it down, you don't have to hide that your albino. No one holds it against you." He smiled like a jerk and closed eyes.

Who did this guy think he was? Telling me how to wear my hair? Calling me _albino_? That's just rude. Now I was a little peeved. "Uh, if you're going to call me an albino, just say it behind my back. It isn't nice to say."

He shrugged my sharp comment off like a ball off of his shoulders with an uncaring smile. "Oh, I thought you might be interested."

When I saw my apartment at the end of the road, I just gave him a very general wave and started to walk away, wanting to get out of this weird situation as quickly as possible. Until he grabbed my hand and whipped me around so our noses were virtually touching. His breath was blowing in my face. I'd never been so uncomfortable in my life.

My palms pressed against his chest, "Uh, can I go now?" I asked, trying to push myself out of his grip without having to use any real force.

"Just one thing, Kat." His hand slid behind my head and he bowed down with hooded eyes. Knowing what was about to happen, I pressed back but he pushed my face with the hand behind my head and stole my first kiss from me like a jerk.

I ripped my head back to get out of the awkward embrace, _what the Hell?_ I twisted my fingertips into the hollow of his elbows hard, manipulating the arteries in his arms, leaving them noodles hanging at his sides. Using a lot more electricity than necessary should have left him in some kind of pain, but I didn't stick around to hear him complain about it.

Without turning around to see his reaction, I sprinted toward the apartment at full speed. Locking the door behind me, I panted for breath and sank to the floor.

"_Number three: He wants to touch you._" I grumbled into my folded forearms, "Welp, that's the last time I listen to some stupid magazine."

* * *

A/N: The next chapter gets two of our favorite cannon characters involved! I know you guys are reading this, so even if you're quiet about it, I'll keep trucking along.


	3. Reverie

_"Reverie"_

* * *

"Alright _ladies_," Arashi glared down at Senji, who was visibly ignoring her from the ground, "we have a mission bright and early tomorrow."

Our fearless leader paced before us as if she was giving a wartime speech, "make sure you're prepared, this is going to be our most dangerous assignment to date!" she spouted this with authority as she stopped to pirouette a militarized about face. "We're going to a village, just outside of our boarders, to help an old lady find herbs for a medicine."

Face, meet palm. I rolled my eyes and cocked an eyebrow at her dubiously, "_seriously_, Arashi? This is all we could get? We're so pathetic..." Another lame mission for Team Arashi. It was like she didn't even _try_ lobbying for anything higher than a C rank. She just gave me a shrug and a cheesy smile.

Yua's chocolate eyes lit up as she clasped her hands together, "This will be wonderful! When do we leave?"

Arashi opened her mouth to respond with a finger in the air but metallic sliding cut her off from the ground between Yua and I, everyone's eyes dropped to the spot. Senji sat there with a whetstone, sharpening his katana in long, deliberately obnoxious strides. He was trying to drown out our voices with the rough noise; he was doing a fine job of it. It only stopped so he could he look up at us with his dark eyes to scoff, "this is stupid, why even bother."

It was the day after Hiroto's awkward kiss. I told Arashi about it and she almost fell over laughing.

"You must be kidding me," she lifted a curious eyebrow at me, "did you dream that up or do you at least have some fact to base that ridiculous claim off of?"

The cropped carpet of her bedroom suddenly became exceptionally interesting, "no, I have no proof, but I swear on…" I thought hard about the things I swore on, "…_my hair_ that he kissed me. And it was really weird. I didn't like it."

If her head exploded, I wouldn't have been horribly surprised. Cracking up, she doubled over to the floor, pressing a fist into the white floor, "Haha! W-wait! That is unreal. He never was a very good kisser." She managed to sputter through her giggles.

First kisses were supposed to be special so you could think about it adoringly forever, not awkward and embarrassing so you wanted to bury it in a grave so you never think about it ever again. Mine was utterly humiliating. If someone had seen us, I would have died. My heart deflated. Hiroto had been the only person had every really liked before, so it was a real turn-off that he was such a jerk. At least he was still unbelievably good looking, at least I could think back to that if all else failed.

After early morning team training sessions we would typically talk about our latest little mission. Then we would go our separate ways for the rest of the day. Instead, today I asked everyone to come to the cafe for lunch. I needed to get my mind away from that whole creepy experience with Hiroto. The memory sent shivers through my belly, making my heart tickle and cheeks light up out of embarrassment. I couldn't believe how stupid it felt to really like someone who was a dud in reality.

As we sat waiting for our food, we played Rock-Paper-Scissors to see who would pick it all up at the counter. Of course, I lost so I was forced to collect seven plates of food for Arashi, Senji, Yua, Koroko, Aoi, and little Ryu, who was allowed to tag along.

Intoxicatingly tasty steam puffed up into my face from the plates I stacked high on either arm. It was an impressive balancing act as I wobbled back to the table where my friends cheered for my achievement. I went to give them a goofy victory face, pressing my lips together and wiggling my eyebrows but out of nowhere this little kid, maybe Kaz's age, bumped my hip, knocking my feet right out from under me. Dread hit me before the dirt did as I watched everyone's yummy lunch fly in all different directions. Thrashing my arms around, my fingers only barely grazed one piece of warm flatware.

Landing hard, I hit the ground with a hollow _thud_.

I sat there with my eyes closed and a sore butt waiting to hear the sound of money smashing to the ground. Just a little extra embarrassment to sprinkle on top my, already horrible, day.

But it didn't happen. It took me a second to recover and realize that I was not going to be in debt for a week.

Now frantic, I looked around thinking that by some miracle they landed on pillows right side up or something. But they didn't. Squinting, I looked up to my knight in shining armor. In this case his armor was made up of perfectly balanced plates.

Entirely humiliated, I apologized phonetically, "I. Am. So. Sorry."

Quietly smiling he simply replied, "don't worry about it." he then crouched slightly, offering me an elbow for support.

My ears tinged red, "you _really_ didn't have to do that. I'm so, so sorry. I'm the worst." A nervous giggle shook my shoulders and I turned even redder. This was somehow more embarrassing than last night. A chunin just fell on her butt because of a little kid.

His dark hair was pulled back loosely, allowing bangs to fall around his fine face. Eyes with long ridges that accentuated how tired those thick lashed eyes were. Then I noticed the black shirt with a wide collar. He had the look and the style, he must be an Uchiha.

"Sorry about that, my little brother can be a little rambunctious at times." His voice was deep and beautiful.

That small smile never left his face. "I'm Itachi Uchiha. I don't think we've met," he began to say as his black eyes emitted a tiny glimmer of recognition, "what year did you graduate?"

Now I was really humiliated, he must be older if he's asking something like that. "Oh, I just graduated this year. What about you? I'm Katsue, by the way. But call me Kat for short." I gripped onto him so he could pull me to my feet, it was pretty nice being the damsel in distress.

Blinking slowly, he seemed to be considering an important matter, "pleasure to meet you, Katsue."

Unintentionally, I made a face at him. He very obviously jumped over my request. I hated when people called me by my full name. He brought my friends their plates and drinks, making his adorable little brother apologize for knocking me down.

"You should have been paying better attention," he pouted up at me with big black eyes, but he amended the apology when he looked up at Itachi, "sorry for knocking you down." he added quickly, looking up at his brother with absolute adoration, seeking his approval. I'd been in that exact same situation dozens of times with my brothers, all you wanted was to see a shred of hope that one day you'd be seen as equal.

It was all very well received by the girls at the table who just cooed over him.

All except one.

Arashi leaped up into my savior's arms, "What's up Itachi? Where have you been!"

For whatever reason, I couldn't stop the hot jealousy from bubbling from my chest. Maybe they knew each other or something... Duh, they're both Uchiha, of course they know each other. Arashi pulled up another chair and sat, forcing Itachi and his brother to sit between us.

His head swiveled to me, turning his body away from my best friend, ignoring her tirade about them 'not seeing each other enough'.

Not wanting to be rude or something, I sparked up a conversation. "So," my eyes wandered the room for inspiration, "do you come here often?"

I bit my lips hard wishing I could suck the words back into my mouth. If that didn't sound like a cheesy pick-up line, then I must be the world's most awkward thirteen year old.

Instead of thinking it was odd, Itachi took the words at face value, "Sasuke and I were actually only walking past. He saw Arashi and ran in to say hello," he leaned back a little, seeming to relax with low smile, "everything seems to have worked out perfectly, no?"

Was he flirting with me? Closing my eyes, I reprimanded myself. No, he was nice and cute while I was a goon who just tripped over his little brother, causing utter destruction that he had to run in and fix for me. He was just being friendly so he could get closer to Arashi, like every other boy.

"Are you alright?"

I sighed, opening my eyes again, "Yeah, I'm just even more embarrassed now. Not only did I trip on your brother, which is bad enough, but I kept you from getting home on time."

My face must have looked as miserable as I felt because he waved a hand away my worries with a hand, "really, it was nothing. I've been wondering something, are you related to _Hiruko_ Kyusho?"

"Mm-hm, he's my older brother. Do you know him?" this piqued my interest, I loved meeting Hiruko's friends. They all had very… interesting… things to say about my older brother.

"No, I've only heard of his accomplishments in the IT Corps. Although…" Itachi tilted his head slightly in thought, "how old was he when he graduated the academy?" He wondered, sipping the water Arashi pushed over to him. His eyes gleamed over at me with interest.

I looked to the ceiling with my eyes, hoping the answer would be written up there somewhere. "Nine, I think, but he's been MIA for a while now." The organization my brother worked for was completely locked down and secret, I honestly didn't even know what it was called.

"Hm, he was only a little older than myself." Itachi thought out loud, trying to think back and remember. "Sasuke just started at the academy a few months ago, his grades look pretty impressive so far."

As rude as it looked to my friends, Itachi and I completely ignored them for almost an hour just talking about different classes we had taken and who had which sensei and what kinds of tea we liked best. Oh, and we talked about my favorite food. Another embarrassing moment for the day.

"…doesn't that make you a cannibal?" He smiled with small a wince of disgust at my affinity toward 'katsu' chicken.

A sarcastic smirk slipped out, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say, smart ass." I stuck my tongue out at him, you know, like a big girl. "At least I'm not boring! Onigiri is literally just rice in the shape of a cute little ball."

Onigiri was great, don't get me wrong, but nothing is better than arguing playfully with someone you think is cute. He was very easy to talk to, I didn't feel like I was saying the wrong thing for once in my life. Or at least, if I was saying the wrong thing, he was doing a really good job of ignoring it.

A soft laugh shook his shoulders a little. He didn't know how nice it felt for a guy to seem amused actually by my stupid jokes. Hiroto didn't appreciate them at all last night. I scowled.

"You have a very animated face." he pointed out, his gentle eyes hiding something. The comment wasn't meant to be insulting, though.

My face heated up anyway, "sorry, I'm not good at hiding my emotions." a stupid, nervous giggle murmured through my lips.

From the corner of my eye I saw Sasuke yawn, Itachi scratched the top of his head like a puppy then smiled up at me, "Don't apologize, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Some people can't express themselves at all, consider yourself lucky."

The two of us were really very dissimilar, with opposite tastes in food and fighting styles. Yet we were very similar in our love of books, and our awesome siblings. Though, his taste for historical documents bordered on the obsessive while I just liked my biology texts. Our little world dissolved when we realized that my friends had left us there. The sun was beginning to set. Sasuke, was napping with his body on Itachi, who was sprawled across several separate chairs creating a make shift couch. I sat on top of the table parallel to the boys with the little boy's head on my lap who was breathing in slow but deliberate motions. The scene reminded me of my own little brother, who looked the polar opposite of Sasuke.

"Do you live close by? I could walk you back." Itachi offered quietly with just a hint of hopefulness, trying not to wake his baby brother up.

Deciding to play with him a little, I giggled like an idiot. "It's a_ really_ far walk, I don't know if you'd be up to it."

"It's late, I'd hate to see you walk home alone." He persisted with those soft black eyes.

After a short debate I smirked at him. Standing abruptly, I bounded five or six long strides to the stairs next to the kitchen counter and waved at him with a toothy grin. Under the light of the cafe's neon sign he shook his head slowly, chuckling softly as if my little ploy was funny.

With Sasuke clinging to him, asleep, he wandered over to me, "Will you be here again tomorrow?"

Heat rushed to my ears. Did this beautiful person want to see me again?

My shoulders slumped slightly, _'No, he probably needs something from Arashi'_ I thought with wrought disappointment.

Realizing that I probably looked like a total sad sack I scratched the back of my head nervously, "Not tomorrow, but the day after. You know how it is, never ending missions." I laughed with what I hoped looked like a playful smile. He looked uncomfortable. Maybe my smile looked stupid. So I dropped it.

So I tried making up for my awkwardness, "Thanks again for everything, that would have been an expensive mess."

He just smiled with a gracious blink and turned away into the dusky nightfall. Even his retreating form demanded attention in the darkness of this town.

One very lame mission and two days later I asked Arashi to meet me at the café again for lunch, not wanting to look like a fool if he didn't show. Although he never expressly told me that he would meet me there, I wanted to give it a shot. Not seeing him again would be pretty lame, we seemed to connect in a way that Hiroto and I didn't.

"You must really like that place, who else is coming?" she asked, eyeing me up and down, obviously suspicious.

I waved my hand nervously, "no one." I replied, she cocked a suspicious eyebrow.

Blushing, I defended myself, "no really! Stop giving me that look! I just thought we could use some best friend bonding. You're always busy these days, you crazy jonin. The only time I spend with you is when we're on missions and you have to be a colleague instead of a friend."

That put her more at ease, but she was still wary. When we got to our favorite table by the door, Arashi propped her head up on her hands, "so, how's the Hiroto situation? Anymore crazy stories for me?"

Lips pursed, I looked at her with a cocked eyebrow for a beat, "huh? Who?"

Furrowing her brow, her neck arched foreword like a curious bird. "Uh, you know, the guy you've liked since we were seven?" She raised her eyes with a sarcastic grimace, poking fun of my mental block. Oh, _Hiroto_, ugh _that_ guy….

"Oh right, yeah, _him_." I laughed nervously, I'd completely forgotten about that whole situation. "No, nothing new. I think that was a one time kind of thing, he doesn't seem to like me anyway."

With a hard, confused blink my black haired friend tilted her head, "Really? Hm, that's really weird..."

Blowing on my cup of tea, I sipped the bitter liquid, burning my tongue pretty badly in the process. Bleh! Definitely not enough sugar! My face must have looked as ridiculous as it felt because Arashi cracked up pointing at my face.

Arashi shot up from her seat, "hey there Itachi! What're you doing back here so soon?" she hugged the taller shinobi, glancing at me from the corner of her eye.

It took me a moment to look at them. The picture made my heart sink. They looked beautiful together. Damn my generous heart!

His deep voice answered with a polite smile as his cute little brother poked his head out from behind him waving at Arashi. "This is Sasuke's new favorite place." he put a hand on the smaller boy's head, ruffling his hair a bit and the little boy gave him brother a sourpuss face.

"Hey Arashi! What're you doing here?" his little squeaky voice asked from beneath the hair being pushed over his eyes. Kids have such cute little voices.

She crouched down to his height and poked his chest, "my best friend over there invited me, we come here a lot. It's a _crazy_ coincidence to see you two again, don't you think Kat?"

_Crap_. She knew.

The pit of my stomach balled up a bit. She must have known them really well. It was going to be no competition if she liked him too. I just smiled at her in response to her obvious attempt at calling out my lie.

Itachi stood a few inches taller than Arashi. Initially, I was going to stare down at the table to avoid any awkward tension, but then I caught his eyes. Those black pits gazed at me with some kind of significance. It was like they shot through my heart, leaving an achingly pleasant hole. A smile blessed his features and his whole face brightened, "hello Katsue, how did your mission go?"

I sat at the table, facing the three of them with that burning hole in my chest, "you can _really_ just call me 'Kat'." narrowing my eyes slightly, "and it went okay. My team's captain was a pain in the butt and didn't dish out responsibilities evenly." I accused Arashi with a cheeky grin, "due to her negligence, I learned a lot about spider bites and how they correlate to an herb called 'arachnis'. How's… whatever you've been doing?"

His lips jerked up with humor but didn't answer, allowing the fiery kunoichi next to him to erupt into artificial anger.

"Hey! I did just fine! What're you trying to say? You can't take a few dozen poisonous spider bites without whining about it after?" Arashi pretended to be mad and stomped over to me, "don't make me knock you out, sweetie."

Then she turned on her heel to face Itachi and Sasuke, "did you guys want to join us on this lovely afternoon?"

Itachi smiled slightly but declined, "Sorry, but I have to be somewhere very shortly." Walking toward one of the restaurant's open flaps, he looked over at me with another one of his important stares. It was like he was trying to tell me something. Than again, I'd been wrong about boys before.

"Lame! Next time." Arashi flipped her hair back, glancing sideways at me suspiciously then ran after him.

She kissed his cheek and said goodbye; another crippling blow to my ego.

Shook his head slowly with a smile like he was playing some coy game he waved her off, "see you later."

Arashi looked at me and held her hand out with the other on her hip: "Keys. Now. I need to pee." her fingers wiggled in anticipation.

With a wince of discomfort at her bluntness, I tossed my apartment key to her and she took off running up the stairs.

Itachi hovered just beyond the open side of the restaurant, staring in my direction. He jerked his head slightly toward the street, indicating that I should follow him. Arashi had run up to my apartment to use the bathroom, so I took the opportunity and strode quickly to catch up with the significantly taller boy.

He stood beneath the cafe's neon green sign; the sunlight seemed to lighten his raven hair. Little Sasuke was pretending to fight the 'specials' sign. Kids were so gosh darn cute.

"What's up?" I asked in a way that I hoped seemed aloof and cool, folding my arms over my chest.

His eyes lit up when he looked at me, then averted his stare to the horizon. I just watched him after a minute of silence. He didn't have the same way about him as others from the Uchiha clan. They all had this fire about them. Arashi had that fiery personality, it was something about the way she spoke and the look in her eyes. Arashi was a wildfire with tendrils of heat whipping around wildly and sparking out of control, completely capable of destroying anything that got in her way. Itachi was something different. He was more like the flame at the end of a match, somewhat softer and more controlled, but only seemingly so.

Then another minute passed in silence. Now this is getting kind of awkward. What if Arashi came back down?

So I finally broke the quiet, "are you okay? Do I have to beat someone up or something?" I smiled lightly in attempt to cheer him from the dark misery in his eyes.

He didn't answer, he just stood outside under the café's lit up sign looking utterly miserable. Eyes were cast far away, over my head; they aimed for the horizon with this look of distraction.

I leaned in closer, growing a little annoyed, "if you're not going to talk then why'd you want me to follow you?"

Torrents of laughter sounded in my ear as Sasuke, apparently, foiled that dastardly sign's evil plot. The silence was really beginning to aggravate me now, why have someone to follow you then just stand there with nothing to say?

If I felt for his emotions, I could easily figure out what was going on, but I wanted to let him have privacy. It wasn't my business to burrow into someone else's personal feelings.

He just furrowed his eyebrows at me slightly and made a move to say something, opening his mouth and shutting it. Without a word, he began walking away. It was like a cold knife slid through my chest. My gaze dropped to the ground, was there something wrong with me that completely repelled any guy I liked?

Worrying my brow slightly, I thought, _'What did I do wrong?'_

The crackling noise of his footfalls stopped. I looked up to see that he was hesitating only a few feet away, "you didn't do anything wrong."

Wait. Did I say that out loud?

His posture adjusted as he turned, but instead of looking at me, he watched his little brother. I was so confused.

My confusion got to it's breaking point. That was it, I was feeling this absurd person out.

With my eyes closed I focused on his specific emotions as they filtered into my mind. Grays and blues were painted in thick patterns onto something tangibly black. Blue was the hue of loneliness while sadness appeared gray. Black was depression in its purest sense, something truly dark and awful.

Oh well, I guess he didn't like me after all. The thought was so heavy that it weighed the corners of my lips down into a disappointed frown. My eyes opened and I tried not to look at him.

Then, I caught his eyes glancing over at me.

Flecks of vibrant red seeped through the black into a deep color leaving only the blues and grays splattered as background emotions and some green splattered about, only enough to catch my attention. Unease was pouring off of him, making me take on the feeling.

Red was an emotion I'd always felt with my brothers and parents, sometimes even Arashi. Boys we passed on the street would look at Arashi and red spots would dance across my mind. It was a kind of passion, admiration in a way, but different. It could also appear when someone truly hated you and wished you harm, as I had seen during a few fights while on an assignment.

Turning fully, he gave me the most peculiar stare and asked, "Would you mind meeting me at another location? It's too crowded here." He jerked his head toward his little brother, implying that he wanted to dump his baby brother off at home.

Slashes of blackness appeared across the red paint decorating the inside of my skull again when he looked at his brother. I really couldn't understand it. He spoke so highly of Sasuke, why were his feelings toward the kid so dark and depressed?

The words processed slowly for some reason, like a drip of water sliding its way along the soffit then finally draining down the walls, sinking into the fertile soil that was my brain. Sasuke was running around in the street laughing, then falling to the ground, then running again, vying for his big brother's attention.

After a beat, I finally asked, "where?"

Most people wouldn't notice the tiny splinter of surprise in his eyes when I answered, but I did. A sense of urgency filled his voice, "do you know where the round stones are?" He adjusted just standing position like he was entirely uncomfortable with the whole situation.

What was this some kind of bizarre treasure hunt? Round stones…? I studied the maps in my head quickly trying to figure out what the heck this guy was talking about. Oh!

Eyebrow cocked, I wondered aloud with a sour hint to my voice, "in the forest near Training Ground 66?"

Relief flickered across his face, "meet me there in an hour?"

Smiling like a big goof as my response, he seemed to dissipate into thin air, leaving Sasuke to his own devices.

The little boy folded his arms with a grouchy face and glared up at me, "he's always leaving me behind!"

The smile grew on my face, remembering how my older brothers used to do the same thing to me, "don't worry buddy, it's just what big brothers do."

A flurry of motions whooshed past me as Arashi tossed the keys back to me as she marched past; grumbling about leaving kids in dangerous situations alone, obviously blaming Itachi for Sasuke's lonely position. In a flash, both Uchihas were gone; Arashi must have taken Sasuke back home.

Time buzzed by slowly after they all left, so I went upstairs to take a shower. Time seemed to pass like Friday's dance when you are most excited for something to happen quickly; then when you absolutely dread something, time flies by without a passing glance. One long, drawn out hour later I found myself basking in the sun on one of the huge rocks that gave this area its name. Huge, house sized stones were scattered about the place for no particular rhyme or reason. It wasn't really a clearing at all, just a place hidden deep within the forest.

There was running water from a pretty shallow river. It's burbling currents laughed at me, waiting for some guy only to hide it from my best friend. My heard seemed to clench. I was such a traitor.

* * *

_A/N: I'm still working to keep the dialogue flowing; I'm a scientific writer so this had been a real challenge for me. If anyone has any recommendations, please please please help me out! Thanks for reading!_


	4. Everything Has Changed

_"Everything Has Changed"_

* * *

It glared at me from a short ten feet away. Electrical currents of hatred sparked an inexorable clash of the mind. With long legs extended, the creature threatened everything that I held close to my heart.

Those eyes.

Those spiteful black eyes. They foretold the hellish scheme behind its unforgivable action. Landing on the stone before me was not just a dare, but a warning. Iridescent wings fluttered slightly, glowing like stained glass through the sun's unrelenting rays. They seemed to be what attached those putrid, long legs to its thin body. Its existence disgusted me.

Inching ever closer, I slowly stalked it to ensure the first strike. I pulled out a kunai from my leg pouch. This monster's very existence threatened everything I considered sacred. With a flick of my wrist, the creature batted its stringy legs and came at me. Aiming to kill.

My stomach roiled... this was it.

"Eeeep!"

Flapping my hands wildly I batted the mosquito out of the air in one foul swoop watching it bounce onto the rough stone into a pile of black, twitching, legs. My lips buckled into a sneer as I stood above the body of my victim with someone else's blood on my hand. Vile creatures.

I wiped the blood on the back of my dark pants, grimacing at the idea of it. Mosquitos were my least favorite creatures in the world. For the most part I loved all living things. But bugs seriously grossed me out.

A rustling noise flitted to my ear from the east.

"You waited." His voice was sounded taken back as it echoed through the surrounding trees, giving the area a mystical feel. I whipped my head around, searching for the speaker among the luscious greenery, squinting in the sunlight. I lay back onto the warm, rough surface of the stone to soak in a little more sunshine after such a fierce battle.

"Yeah, you're lucky. I'm not a very patient woman." A goofy smile spread across my lips slowly, excited to spend time with someone who might actually like me. I was going to try and act more like Arashi, boys seemed to like girls who acted cool.

Not even a blink later, he was seated next to me, maybe three feet away.

"How are you, Katsue?" He asked. He didn't look at me, just searched the trees with his gaze lazily.

It was so noncommittal. Such a simple question. Why was it so hard to answer such a simple question?

I was epically confused. Did he just want to sit here and talk about nothing? I thought back to those stupid magazines Arashi was always reading. I tried using the 'cute-sy' voice they suggested as I answered, "I'm good, I guess. How about you?"

My eyes must have expressed exactly what I was thinking through the silly voice, because half of his face hid behind that tall collar of his, thoughts swirling through his black eyes.

"Forgive me Katsue. I keep finding excuses to talk to you with nothing to say." he said, sounding almost embarrassed. "You must find me so strange."

Mouth agape I stared his profile, wondering if he was trying to trick me or something. The world really has gone crazy! This gorgeous creature thinks _he's_ strange?! Well, he was in for a surprise if he thought that I was normal.

Propping myself up with my elbows I took a loose strand of long white hair and played with it nervously. "Um, don't worry about it. Being strange is what I do best." I laughed awkwardly, dropping the hair into a light breeze, trying to think of how to keep the conversation going. I looked up into the sky, "Did Sasuke end up getting home okay? Arashi took off with him after you left."

At the mention of her name his body tensed ever so slightly then relaxed, "Yes, he got home just fine. I didn't mean to leave him there. I had something important to attend to." He assured, eyes molten with apology. Inching slightly closer to me with his eyes still set into the forest, I felt his emotions shift ever so slightly.

My heart raced, "Want to tell me what was so important? I mean, you _did_ leave me standing there like an idiot." I teased with a smirk as I scooted a little closer, too. Still trying not to stare at him.

"It was just something I had to take care of, my assignments are sometimes… complicated." His fingers crawled toward mine as he moved a little closer. Maybe he was just trying to get comfortable or something.

Turning slightly, I pressed my lips into a dubious half-smile, "What's so complicated? You're a chunin like me, right?"

The blood seemed to drain from his face slightly, "No, I'm not." His eyes moved to me, "My missions are a little more comprehensive than a chunin's would be."

Without feeling for them, a wave of blackness brushed over me, leaving a trail of creepy goose bumps on my skin's marshmallowy surface. But I pushed through the feeling and maintained my perfect smile and huffed sarcastically, Ugh! Such a typical Uchiha."

He seemed to shy away from my comment with his eyes downcast. I poked his shoulder, trying to cheer him up, "So what your saying is that you're a badass, youngster jounin like Arashi?" A single laugh rasped in my throat and I rolled my eyes jokingly when I watched the corner of his lip twitch into a smile, "No, no, wait. Let me guess. You're ANBU?"

His face didn't move, but the emotions that emitted from his bodies were obvious. My jaw dropped open. I was right on the money. When the realization really hit, my head dropped, "No freaking way. Seriously?" I sputtered, "ANBU? That's pretty intense for someone our age, don't you think?"

Lightly, a breeze flipped his hair so it covered his expression, "I'm not at liberty to discuss it, sorry Katsue." his fingers twisted the hair back as the smile reappeared on his beautiful face. "Arashi is certainly improving. But she should have staved off becoming a jounin. She isn't ready for that kind of responsibility."

My lip puffed out, "Normally she's pretty good. Our team is just a little uncooperative sometimes." I defended Arashi a little. But I didn't want to talk about her, I wanted to talk about him! "If you think she's only '_improving_', then you probably think I'm a total waste of life." I half-joked with a convincing smile.

Itachi's body leaned a little closer to mine; his fingers were only an inch or two from my own. From here I could feel how warm he was, his heat made my fingertips tingle with anticipation. I wanted so badly to touch them, just to see what they felt like.

"We're all born with gifts different than one another. Instead of focusing things that you lack, try redirecting that energy toward a more logical goal for yourself." He suggested, turning his head to look over my face more fully.

Images from the other night with Hiroto flashed rapidly through my mind like a horrendous picture show. I shook the memories away like water from a shaking dog. "Yeah, your right. But I'm not really good at anything. The Kyusho pressure points are all I've got going for me." I said with self depreciating humor.

He perked up with interest, "What's that?"

Taken back, I cocked my head at him. "You don't know what that is?" I was kind of shocked, if he was ANBU he had to have done all kinds of training with a plethora of fighting styles including my father's. "It's my dad's fighting technique, well, more like my whole family's. We manipulate pressure and pivot points in the body using highly focused chakra in our fingertips. Pulses of electricity mess with the body's natural currents and shuts down the nerves temporarily. My dad and brothers can make it a fatal technique, but I don't care much for killing."

Rough, calloused fingers encircled my softer, white ones, consoling them. A smile reached his charcoal eyes, "Neither do I."

Hot prickles of blood vessels opened on my face, declaring that my face was probably the shade of a maraschino cherry. Without looking at him, I drew few tiny circles on his thumb with each fingertip, letting my hair fall to cover my red face so he wouldn't see how nervous I was. There was this sense of pressing heat that seemed to flow off of him in waves, giving me an odd sense of comfort. Like a blanket over your shoulders on a cool night, it was a very pleasant sensation. For a short moment I considered this situation.

Here I am with an impressively beautiful guy who seemed to actually like me. He's not only great looking but, more importantly, he's smart and sweet. Oh, and he was holding my hand. How did this even happen? Did I fall asleep somewhere and this was just some tantalizing dream? That stupid magazine article popped into my head, but I decided to shuffle it into the back of my mind. The last think I needed was to get my hopes up again.

Moments passed in comfortable quiet. Things were whirling through my skull. Images shuffled past my eyes, I wanted to break the silence before the conversation faded away. But the rough skin of his hand was highly distracting.

When I felt my face beginning to cool, I spoke into the chilling air, "Why won't you call me 'Kat'? I really prefer it. My parents are the only ones who call 'Katsue'. It makes me think you're about to yell at me for not taking the garbage out or something."

Curling his fingers around mine a little more tightly, I felt my heart skip a beat. He spoke with a smile in his voice, "Nicknames are for children and super villains." the low smile changed his beautiful face minutely, giving him a boyish appearance as he turned his shoulders to look me in the eyes, "I prefer your real name, it suits you."

The smile on my face was starting to hurt my cheeks, but I just couldn't stop, I was too happy. It was just back and forth conversation until the sun started to set.

We moved to the ground because the stone was getting cold as the sun started going down, casting dark shadows over the lovely day. Not to mention we were getting closer and closer to each other until we were virtually folded over one another. I could feel electric heat radiating from his hand. It warmed my fingertips, causing static to shock my heart into an erratic frenzy. This was something I'd never experienced with before. My petty, superficial, attraction to Hiroto seemed comical compared to this.

I bent myself over his laying form so I could look at his face. I said, "So, you can't tell me anything about your job, or whatever, that kept me waiting here for you?" Untangling my hand from his, I pet the top of his head, combing my pale fingers through his dark bangs. His hair was not what I'd call soft, but it certainly wasn't an unpleasant texture.

Grass tickled my ankle when chilly air passed us by, leaving a trail of goose bumps up my leg. Itachi's dark eyes opened slightly wider, giving him this innocent appearance as he looked up from the ground beside me. Even at this strange angle, his face was perfect.

Silence was his answer. He had just been given the admirable rank as captain of ANBU. He was so young! It was all so interesting to me but he didn't want to talk about work. No wonder the poor guy was always exhausted…

"It's not a job so much as an all consuming vacuum." He finally explained into the darkening wind with an edge, closing his eyes with a deep, cleansing breath as if the thought of his missions was truly toxic.

ANBU missions were very conceptual, far more cerebral than anything I'd ever have to do. It must have been very stressful for him. I could feel that black pit of depression pressing into my skull again, forcing me to feel the same dark emotion. But I managed to push through it and pulled some hair over my eyes. I bent over him chanting creepily, "All work and no play makes Itachi Uchiha a dull boy."

He smirked up at me with a sharp, evil glint in his eye. "Who ever said that I don't play?" He asked.

I flicked his hair playfully so it fell into his eyes causing him to blink furiously and brush it away. "I said so. You're pretty boring actually. I'm not entirely sure why someone would want to hang out with you."

As soon as I said the words, regret blew up like a balloon in my stomach. My throat hurts… wait, I'm screaming. Wait, is that water? Where am I?

With a loud splash, I was soaked. Paddling mid river with my clothes bogging me down.

"You're _such_ a jerk!" I squealed like a little schoolgirl as I slapped the water hard in an attempt at retaliation as I waded to the bank behind me.

Itachi stood at the water's edge creating a funnel with his hand as if he couldn't hear me, "I'm sorry, who's boring?" He taunted.

_No way_ was he getting away with _that_! I tried splashing him again, but he disappeared and a hand appeared on top of my head. He was behind me, crouched over the riverbank. At first I made the silly assumption that he was going to help me out. I was dead wrong.

"Repeat after me: Itachi Uchiha is…" he took a moment to search for the right word, "fun." His voice was located right behind my left ear, I swatted at the source but the hand on my head, but he dunked me.

I splashed around until he let me back up and coughed up a little water, "Hey!" I spit more water out, "You're no fun _at all_!"

Then he came again hesitantly, "How about this one then: 'Itachi is going to dunk me again'." His fingertips danced in little patterns on top of my head with quiet, sadistic laugh. Flashbacks of my older brother dunking me in the river when we were little kids came to mind.

"No _way_, you wouldn-" My hair flopped up and over the sides of my face like dog-ears as he popped me back under. Mizoko and Hiruko used to do stuff like this to me all of the time.

_Ugh,_ older brothers_._

I waved my arms around above my head and reached up for his hand, ready to bite, "I am going to kill you!"

This time his voice didn't waver even a little, "Repeat after me: 'I think Itachi Uchiha is _hot_'."

With his hand between my teeth, I couldn't make myself bite him. I was too shocked that he had actually _said_ that. I looked up at him with wide puppy eyes.

He responded by scratching the top of my head gently with a childish laugh. "Katsue, you aren't even trying to escape, _you're_ no fun at all."

Now soaked and looking like an absolute mess, he must have finally felt bad. He held out a hand to help me out of the water with a victorious smirk. Of course I played along, pretending to let him win for a second. I was trying to look pitiful and helpless.

Then, to wipe that stupid smile off his face, I yanked him in with my whole body weight and waited for the splash that ultimately followed.

Spinning underwater, I saw his mortified face. That was all of the retaliation I needed. We both cracked up and feigned drowning each other. I skid my hand across the water's surface, creating a wall of water that went right over his head as he ducked. He was more subtle in his attacks, rushing water with his arms beneath the surface to create little whirlpools to pull me down then pulling me back up to keep me from drowning. The pink sunset was beginning to fade into darkness, leaving us shivering, but laughing at each other's expense.

To avoid one another's tactical assaults, we scrambled out of the water simultaneously, panting heavily.

Squeezing out the bottom of his shirt, torrents of water dripped to the ground creating a muddy spot in front of him. Looking me up and down, Itachi chuckled, "You look like a wet lab rat."

Pouting, I pulled off my long, waterlogged, scarf and threw it at him. He let it hit him in the face with a sloshing noise, "Oh shove it you big jerk, like you look any better." I pretended to curtsy, holding out my dark navy pants like dress tails, "Would you prefer if I looked like a pretty princess?"

His eyes glimmered with humor, "No, you look fine the way you are. A wretch and a mess." He poked a finger into his chin with a contemplative smile, "Perhaps even the queen of messes."

I wrung out my long, wet gray, hair and directed the runoff water toward him. His forearms made for an effective shield. Well played, Itachi.

"At least I'm not the prince of all things completely absurd and nonsensical." I shrugged haughtily, only realizing after how lame my accusation sounded, "You're the prince of peculiarity."

His eyebrow quirked, trying not to laugh _at_ me rather than _with_ me. Why was I eternally awkward?

He pulled the hair out of his low ponytail to shake it out like a dog, getting me wet again. I glared up at him with my hands on my hips.

He took a step toward me with raised eyebrows, "You find _me_ absurd?" he asked, his face was suddenly mock seriousness. He he seized my shoulders, "Are you calling me royalty?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, you're royally weird. Unfortunately for you, as the Queen of Messes, I demand that you help me get this squishy, muddy skirt off," I demanded, only realizing too late that it sounded pretty provocative I added, "I'm wearing pants too, the skirt just looks nice… Right?"

Oh my goodness, could I be any more embarrassing.

He threw his head back laughing like a little kid. My face turned beat red, ears burning out of total humiliation.

In between laughs he said, "Why are you so frightened of me?" Tears of laughter lit up his eyes, "My opinion doesn't matter, Katsue. How you act, how you dress, that is no one's business but your own. Stop trying so hard, its ridiculous."

I bit the inside of my lip to keep from talking, I was so embarrassed. But, of course, I spoke anyway, because I'm an idiot.

"I just get nervous because you're kind of really intimidating." Mortified at my own words, I swatted my face. I'm supposed to _think_ about his being intimidating, not say it to his face!

He just gave me a gracious smile and I accepted that as his own acknowledgement of his ability to make knees shake and worlds quake. The guy _did_ try to make me call him 'hot', which he really was now that I looked at his wet shirt clinging to his body. His hair was pretty hilarious though, when it was out of its well-tamed ponytail is was wild. Maybe it just looked crazy because he shook the water out.

With no response from my new friend, I continued the conversation based on my own curiosity, "Itachi, I have a question for you," I started, squeezing my frozen three-quarter sleeves dry, "why do you want to hang out with me? I mean, yeah, my brothers are pretty awesome," my gaze dropped from his curious gaze to the mud, "but I'm not."

Suddenly, he was behind me, resting his head on top of mine effectively destroying the invisible barrier of personal space we'd been quietly maintaining all afternoon. I could feel his jawline set into a smile as he slowly wrapped his arms around my abdomen, a very sweet and very affectionate action.

"You happen to interest me. Do we need to delve further into my abysmal psyche." he muttered as I felt his chest breathing against my back.

His question wasn't really a question. It was more like a statement telling me not to worry about what happens inside of his brain. Which was an absurd thing to ask of a thirteen-year-old girl.

"Your 'abysmal psyche' is what get me interested in you, that's why I'm so curious." I tilted my head, trying to look at him from this bizarre position.

"Hmm. You find me interesting, too…" Itachi began. He stepped back leaving his hands at the tail of my back. Moments later my skirt dropped into a pile in the dirt with a 'plop' and I squeaked and began covering my self with my hands, forgetting that I'd asked him to help me take my skirt off.

He took me by the shoulders and pulled me close to whisper in my ear, "the deed is done, Your Majesty." Warm breath heated my ear from the bone chilling cold, melting the ice and tingling the sensitive skin.

As if on cue, shivers overtook my body, wracking my muscles and causing my teeth to clatter loudly. From excitement or hypothermia? I had no idea. But let's go with the latter just to be safe.

"I-Itachi, I hate t-t-o say this, b-but it's t-time to g-g-go home." I chattered, "Your little st-stunt got me soaked." I held out my arms to prove my point with the drips falling from my three quarter sleeves then wrapped them back around myself in attempt to warm up. "And I-I may -o-or may na-not f-freeze to d-d-death if you k-keep me here any l-longer."

His, just as chilly, arms wrapped around me like huge manacles, furthering my potential hypothermia, "What if I don't let you?" His lips nearly brushed my ear and my heart shook. Well, that seemed to do the trick. I was now so overwhelmed with heated feelings that the cold seemed to disappear.

Knees shaking, I somehow made myself escape his inviting clutches, his hand took hold of my wrist, spinning me to face him with his one hand on the small of my back. Oh no this was just like the other night, I winced away slightly.

"How about we just meet up again t-tomorrow?" I invited with a slightly less chattery voice, now simply stuttering from utmost nervousness, hoping and praying that he'd say yes.

A small, victorious smile took over his face. I could tell that he was trying not to smile, but couldn't help it. His half lidded eyes bowed to observe me as he said, "That would be perfect."

Beaming, I looked into his black eyes in search of any kind of foul play. There was nothing to find, he genuinely wanted to see me again. Tying his hair back, he turned, looking over his shoulder at me before taking off into the woods.

For who knows how long, I simply stood there in the middle of this bizarre stretch of forest. Just smiling at the river's twinkling waves as the moon lit the crisp night, thinking about what I should wear tomorrow night.

That's the story of how I fell in love with the village's most reviled criminal.


	5. Never Saw You Coming

_"Never Saw You Coming"_

* * *

As if by some miracle, this awesome guy decided to spend time with me. We could talk about anything from the intricacies of our village's power struggle among the other countries to how stupid someone's hair looked. I tried not to feel for his emotions, afraid of what I might find. Even if this was all just an illusion, I wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe that someone this beautiful could like me more than Arashi. My heart felt swollen in my chest whenever he spoke. Words were never so beautiful as when they were formed by his lips.

Our relationship was solid enough; he never got jealous of who I spent time with or angry got with me. In fact he wouldn't even argue back if I started fights, which was a little annoying actually.

He was very unlike me.

I was so jealous. Trying to argue with him all of the time didn't help either. He was just so damn secretive! Every word he spoke was double speak. He covered his bases so he could go back on this word easily. It's hard to argue with someone who's smarter than you.

He spent a lot of time with Arashi; it made me so upset some days. He was helping her hone the sharingan's ability; he was the perfect sparring partner for her. They would be perfect together, both ahead of everyone in every way, both painfully beautiful.

Arashi and I would walk through the Uchiha compound chatting on most days after a morning of training with the Yua and Senji. If we happened across Itachi and his baby brother, she would rush up to hug him and the little guy. I restrained myself from doing the same only because he didn't seem like someone who enjoyed his personal life being put on display.

Arashi didn't know about our little meetings every night, but she somehow strongly suspected.

"Have fun with your 'man of mystery' today, sweetie," she would taunt with a wink, "but don't have _too much_ fun, if you get me."

My face and ears turned red. Itachi and I weren't doing anything.. like that! Talking is what took up the time between us. We'd talk about everything in our lives. I'd tell him about my stupid brothers, or Hiraku's scary ability. He'd talk about how well his little brother was doing in school and that the little guy just learned how to use the fireball jutsu. Sasuke took up a lot of Itachi's mind. He loved to brag about his brother's accomplishments. It was sweet.

My youngest brother, Mikah, was only two years old when Itachi and I started with these secretive meetings, but Kaz was a year older Sasuke. We always pitted our brothers against one another. If Kaz did something impressive, Sasuke did something better.

Today, while Arashi and I were leaving the compound we spotted Itachi arguing with his father. Or more, his father arguing at him and Itachi just rolling with it. At least this proved that I wasn't the only one he would ignore into submission.

"You need to be there Itachi. No discussion." His father's gruff voice came, arms crossed defensively.

Arashi and I hid behind a house and listened in to the conversation carefully.

"My mission tomorrow is covert. This clan is all you ever think about. Your mind is so narrow..." Itachi argued back with this strangely frightening sharpness to his eyes, yet he maintained perfect composure. A very well trained shinobi.

Without anything to say, his father released a disgusted noise, then strutted inside of their house and forcefully slid the door shut with a hollow _clack_. Itach's face was shadowed as he shook his head slowly and lifted it in the direction of our hiding spot.

"Hello, cousin." He announced to no one in particular.

Arashi popped her head out from behind the building, "'sup Itachi?"

…They were cousins? You've got to be kidding me. Why was I so naïve all of the time?

"Nothing, and you?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Ya know, just looking for something to do with Kat. If you aren't busy we should go out or something. And don't listen to your him, he's just being a dad." Arashi bumped her fist ho his shoulder jokingly trying to remove that sharp look from his eyes. The two bantered back and forth for a little, but he never once addressed me or even said hello. He really knew how to make me feel insignificant around other people.

When we were alone, he was completely different.

Running water and fully bloomed willows flowed throughout the area in picturesque colors of bright blossoms and fallen, green leaves . It wasn't quite a clearing as much as a deep spot in the forest scattered with rounded stones jutting out of the ground among the trees like enormous dropped marbles. I waited there under a fully bloomed willow, a salix, I believe.

'_An hour, he said_', with a flick of the wrist, I threw a kunai at the tree across the river, knocking a few flowers from the limber branches into the dirt. It had been two hours that I'd been waiting, so three hours total I sat there feeling like an idiot. Everything rushed into my head. What if he forgot? Did I misunderstand what he meant? I'm Ron Burgundy? Light reflected off of the river in clear bubbles of white snow drifting up from the crystalline water. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to take in the natural smells around me. I'd give him another ten minutes before I just went home defeated and lonely.

Sounds of everything entered my mind. The footsteps of a bird on the branches above my head clicking and scratching at peeled bark. A deer snorted and breathed with hollow whiffing noises, each step it took was a loud crackle of dry leaves and dirt. The river was a din of activity. It was the overture of the natural sounds surrounding my peacefully napping form.

Next I took in smells. Dirt and mud smelled like earthy water. Air was always fresh and clean out here, it seemed to clear your mind and give you more room to think of important things. The trees were like another home for me as a kid. My mother would panic when I'd climb. One time I did fall, I broke my arm and she never let me go up into a tree again.

After a moment, I took in a new smell. Something sweet and light. It was like paper dipped in sugar. I felt my hair brush back and I opened my eyes. Storm cloud irises filled my consciousness obscuring every complaint I'd entertained only moments ago. His face was so beautiful.

'_Too beautiful for you_,' my heart whispered to defend itself.

Someone like me had no business with a guy like him. I was white as a ghost with hair to match; looking like something out of a bad horror flick. Not to mention I was impossibly boring compared to his exciting life.

Then of course you had to notice that he was almost about six inches taller than me with long dark hair and eyes with peachy skin to top it all off. He was flawless. It tore at my heart whenever I passed him by on the street without even the slightest acknowledgement, knowing I was nothing compared to him. That's probably why he wouldn't talk to me around others. He was ashamed of hanging out with me.

His emotions felt red and pale yellow. He was content today. With his face was a mere two inches from mine, heat rolled off of his nose and warmed my own. Electric awareness radiated from his skin to mine as he pressed closer, bowing those long lashes as he closed his eyes slightly, dropping his gaze to my mouth then back up with these eyes like he was asking a question.

I watched his eyes hover to a close just before I felt that light, gentle touch as his lips brushed mine. My own eyes closed, allowing me to take in the sweet sensation. My heart stung with a feeling I'd never known before. It physically ached, but in a good way. Like my heart was trying to escape into his chest so he could understand the feelings he was inflicting upon me.

The sensitive surface of our lips parted and for a moment I watched his eyes. He was waiting for something, waiting for me to say or do the right thing. I had no idea what to do or say, it would be a miracle if I could make myself breathe again.

'_That's what my first kiss _should_ have felt like'_ were my first thoughts.

Now nervous under pressure my face and ears burned, blushing furiously.

After a moment, he must have found what he was looking for because his face moved from stone cold, nervous tension to a bright smile. Even his eyes looked lighter in color, I could see through them like clear, grey puddles.

My breathing returned when he sat back on his heels and muttered softly, "sorry for the wait."

What wait? The face I made must have been hilarious because his eyebrow cocked up in humor.

"It's fine I was just thinking about stuff." I lied, only a little though. He didn't need to know that I was thinking about him constantly.

"What were you thinking about?" His voice was tweaked with curiosity and a gentle smile, like he knew the effect he had on me.

So I tried to be vague: "The world, nature. You know, stuff like that."

Somehow he knew I was stretching it, "that's interesting. Is there anything else on your mind?"

Then it came to me, I could trap him now. Knitting my brow, I asked him, "Yeah, I was wondering why you were being so weird lately. Everything was completely fine and now you're acting like I'm an extra bag of laundry."

We sat facing each other for a little while; his face gave away very little information. The sun was beginning to fall from the sky in a crash of reds and yellows and blues as it met the horizon, congruent with the emotions Itachi was trying so hard to conceal.

"Could you do something for me?" He asked, eyes closing slightly as he sat back to get more comfortable. Grays and black clouded the red emotions radiating from him.

"Yes, anything." Ugh, that came out way too eagerly.

"Can you trust me?" His eyes reopened with newfound intensity, "if I asked you to pretend not to know me, could you do that for us?" The force of his stare was something to be reckoned with, I sat back against the tree to pull myself out of his gravity.

"Us? I didn't realize there was an 'us'." I tried to keep my face from betraying its own emotionless façade.

He didn't play ball. I wanted to hear him say that he liked me, or something. Apparently, he wasn't one of those guys.

It would certainly suck being out of the limelight with him, but I couldn't make myself say no. Not having him around would be like finding the most beautiful place in the world then having the lights shut off on you. He was beginning to look nervous, like I wouldn't do as he requested.

After a pause I followed up, "I can do that, but can I ask you why?"

The soft smile returned to his lips, "Just trust me."

His emotions were black, scattered with blue and red, his smile was a lie. For now, I'd just have to understand.


	6. Stay, Stay, Stay

_"Stay, Stay, Stay"_

* * *

Everything seemed normal. Bells still tolled at 1200 hour, the sun's beams still heated the light stained stone streets. People went about their day as if nothing was coming. Little did we all know of the looming storm that approached so rapidly. The storm was coming, how were we all so naive? At this present moment I was wandering toward my favorite part of the day. The time of night that I would get to see Itachi. Though, lately it was becoming weird. From the beginning, I knew he was the type to hold his emotions on a string; I always had to reach up and grab them. Usually, it took me quite a few jumps before I could grasp his real feelings, even when I used my blood limit. It was frustrating, yes, but it made my time with him all so much more interesting. It was almost a game to me at this point; see how many guesses it took to figure out what was really going on inside of his head. I was on my thirteenth attempt this week, hopefully I'd be able to see through that blank, emotionless mask tonight. Chances were slim though, he had been growing steadily more and more resistant to any kind of conversation. Most of his words were clear and concise, not spending a great deal of energy on talking about daily life.

I sighed into the quiet moonlight. Things were complicated when they never had been before. This happened in every relationship, the turning point where nothing is new anymore. Perhaps he was bored and now wanted someone else, or I was just too damn weird for him.

"Katsue!"

A high soprano voice bounced off the buildings that framed the street. Turning over my left shoulder I spotted my best friend running toward me. I turned fully so she could see the smile on my jesting smile and tilted eyebrow. "What's up, _sweetie_?"

Since we were kids she always called everyone 'sweetie', I still have no clue why, but many times she used it as a sarcastic insult. She ran at me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders with a very light tackle.

"Where do you think _you're_ going, Kat?" she asked with a sideways glance, emphasizing 'you're'. This was part of her daily interrogation.

Heat rushed to my ears. She knew about Itachi, but I never entertained her accusations. He had asked me to keep our 'relationship' on the down low, and to trust him. So I did. Maybe it was wrong to keep my best friend, and his cousin, out of the loop, but he wanted it this way. If a little lack of information was all it took to keep him happy, I was more than willing to do so. I was _not_ willing to lose him over something so stupid.

_"Katsue!"_

A sharp pain bubbled into my psyche, popping the Itachi-infested thoughts floating in my head.

My shriek reverberated throughout the ally walls hurting my ears with the sound, "OW! What?"

Releasing her pinch with accusing eyes narrowed dangerously, Arashi reiterated whatever she had been saying, "I asked you a simple question," she stepped closer, lips curving to a slight smirk, "requiring a simple answer," she poked my nose, "from a simple person."

Making a face at her, I stepped away, rubbing my arm. Trying to keep information from Arashi was like trying to keep up with her love life: _impossible_. I couldn't help imagining her as a TI interrogator. From the time we were kids, I could never keep anything from her, she always figured it out one way or another, she would sometimes threaten me with the sharingan if I didn't tell her. Knowing that her eyes had a hypnotizing quality, I would give up the information she sought. But I couldn't let her win this round; her cousin would be pretty pissed if I let it slip.

She pinched the soft, marshmallowy, underside of my arm again, more firmly, to hold my attention. Waiting for my response with those black eyes, a knowing smirk blessed her flower petal lips.

I stuck my tongue out, wrenching my, now bruised, arm from between her pincers. I continued down the road without having to speak, she knew I was seeing someone. Hell, she even knew _who_ I was seeing, but she knew better than to say it aloud, not wanting to break our unspoken agreement. With my best friend by my side prattling on about who she 'guessed' my 'secret' boyfriend was, we wandered down my dark, creaky street.

"Is he tall? Hot? When did he graduate? What kind of guy is he? Smart? Rough? A nerd? A jock?" she gripped my shoulders, spinning me to look at her with both eyebrows up. "C'mon, you've gotta give me something! The suspense is _killing_ me!"

A sigh dropped from my lungs to the ground, bringing my shoulders down with it. M_y Gods_ was she incessant about this.

Arashi was what one might call a flirt. Of all our friends, she'd had the most boyfriends- none of which lasted more than a few weeks, sometimes as little as just a couple of hours. No wonder though, she was definitely the prettiest girl from our graduating class. Tall with jet-black hair and eyes rimmed with wild black eyelashes that made her look untamable. Almost challenging the boys to try and hold her down. She had a refined face with high cheekbones and light pink lips, her only physical flaw was a small divot in the side of her neck. A remnant of our kyusho training. Her face was angular and aggressive, where mine was more teardrop shaped giving me a sweet, pastry-esque appearance. Those black eyelashes of hers were my envy when we were growing up; they gave her a fierceness that I could never achieve.

Elegantly tossing that long hair back over her shoulder, Arashi began slowing her pace; knowing our walk together would soon end. He always met me deep in the woods, far away from anyone's curious wanderings. In my heart I wanted to go out in public with him, show that I wasn't completely inept with boys. But he was so secretive, as if some terrible thing was going to happen if we were even glance at each other in passing. Sometimes it was pretty irritating.

Arashi waved with her fingertips like the diva she was, "See you later sweetie, tell me everything!" one finger scratched her chin thoughtfully, "But then again, maybe I'll ask wonder boy _himself_ about your night-"

Pirouetting on my heel I pointed my index finger in her face accusingly, "-stop it right there, you- "

A slow and slightly implicative smile curled her lips as an eyebrow tweaked enticingly at me. "-meet me for sake after? Mizoko asked me on a date, but it would be weird going to meet you brother alone…" The slightest blush faded onto her features, softening her intensity for only a moment. Mizoko had always wanted Arashi, since we were young. But he was too much of a dope to ask her out alone, normally he asked me to invite her places so he could 'accidentally' run into her and have a flirtatious conversation. Their loose little relationship always made me a little jealous, they weren't even together and they could have a perfectly healthy conversation in the market or on a mission. It was a little weird that my brother who was eight years older than us had a crush on her, but she had this thing about her that made you want to love her. Just like her cousin. They were both evil little sand traps hidden at the beach. Everything looks all pretty and nice on the surface until you step into the sand and find yourself being pulled under by their deep inner turmoil. Although Arashi's quicksand was less self destructive than her Itachi's, she did have a bit of a harsh side when she found herself taking missions that involved my brother. Her whole persona would become stone and she would put up a wall to block his sweet advances. Sometimes it was better not to think about her motives, they really made no sense sometimes. Once I asked her about it and she just scoffed and said that I was being a romantic. I still have no idea what she meant by that.

Before I could answer, a thrill of cold lightning wound through my stomach. Electricity tingled on the side on my cheek and neck. Someone was watching us with some serious intent. Over the past few months, a new form of my blood trait had begun showing its ugly head. It was much simpler to explain that the emotional hypersensitivity, I could feel it if someone was watching me, like a thousand needles poking into the exposed skin. It was especially strong when someone intended harm.

Arashi noticed my body jolt minutely from the odd feeling and her face smoothed into her 'work' face, reestablishing the hard look of a Konoha jonin.

Turning to her in an jerky, electrified twitches, I said, "Sure, I'd love to." Her eyes flashed back at me, understanding without words.

Hearing the warning in my voice she smiled with a sharp nod, excited for an adventure. The widespread tingle was irritating my skin; I could feel it from the corner of my eye, around the back of my head to the other ear as if a really itchy cloth was laid out on my face. Sounds of fabric rustling and rapidly tapping steps with the rhythmic clinking of metal bounced off of the rooftops and into my ears. This person was very poorly trained or at least had heavy feet and a poor choice of attire.

Arashi went into full work mode, making quick observations after a brief, yet calming voice. "Our friend up there lacks any identifying features. Black hood and a bunch of metal weapons," the metallic noise seemed to intensify as silently audible commands were breathed in a commanding jonin voice, "we'll walk further towards the forest, we can't get civilians involved. They're just trying to take down one, or both of us." Shuriken appeared between each of her knuckles, ready for a fight, onyx irises glinted at me from the corner of her eye. "Check for others, give it about a square mile. I think he's alone."

Before I could extend my emotional radar, rapid-fire sparks of metal on metal rang out in the fading sunlight echoing across the darkness of my quiet neighborhood. There were Konoha shinobi at the main gate and perimeter for that exact reason, how did someone manage to sneak in with so many safe guards? It didn't make sense. If someone attacked us, an alarm should have gone out to all available shinobi a while ago.

Tearing another kunai out of my thigh bag, I flung it past Arashi's leaping head to catch the bad guy between the legs while her shuriken deflected the enemy's metal as it tore toward us, each shuriken whirred violently to the dirt creating small craters where they hit. The finest thread of Arashi's black hair floated into a pile into one of the newly churned holes in the road as she appeared on the rooftop before the enemy with impossible speed.

Adjusting my eyes to the low light, I saw the two of them. Their figures cut through the shadows of moonlight, producing long, blue reflections over this small section on town. Our assailant strained to escape, fluttering like a butterfly between your hands, flinging himself around wildly, but my kunai was buried deep in the concrete wall, trapping him indefinitely. I was happy with my handy work, focusing chakra into my weapons was the focus of this month's training.

I jumped up the to the roof, following Arashi's lead. She dug another knife into the cloth next to his head to keep him slit, binding both of his hands with one of her own, pulling down the black hood with the other. Dark, yet pallid, brown hair flitted out, revealing a youthful face and a broad smile; Arashi's face grew enraged as she grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

"Ryu! What are you _doing_!" Arashi hoisted her little cousin up, straining the fabric still stuck to the wall behind him, "we could have killed you!"

Not unlike the others in their clan, he was going to be a good-looking guy when he got a little older. As of now, he was just an eleven year old kid with a very competitive spirit and an inferiority complex.

He pouted as Arashi picked up some lost shuriken on the rooftop, leaving him pinned to the concrete wall, "C'mon sis, you never let me hang out with you and your friends." The youngster whined.

Standing akimbo, she began her lecture, "You can't because you're a little kid and we're adults. Your parents would kill me if you started acting like us, they'd blame _me_ for all of _your_ bad habits."

Then, wrenching the kunai out of the wall next to his head she added, "not to mention you're in love with my best friend," she smiled at me cruelly then back to Ryu with the same expression, "she has a boyfriend now, you know."

Disappointment fell about his shoulders like a heavy blanket, his guilty face flashed red with embarrassment but tried to hide the pout with his shaggy hair. The poor kid had been crushing on me since he was a little boy. It was precious, but it would never happen. One Uchiha was more than enough to handle.

She ran a finger across the knife's edge and side glanced at me suggestively, "Okay, here's the deal brat. You can come with us tonight," he started cheering but Arashi held up a finger in silence, "… but only if you blame Kat for your dirty habits." She added, pointing at me accusingly.

My mouth gaped in protest, "No! I _do not_ need your family hating me!"

"Oh? Why is that, Kat? Please, share with the class." She asked with a sly smile, trying to force more information out of me.

Grr, she's good. "Just... please Ryu? Don't tell your parents anything, blame your cousin." I begged with my hands clasped together as I whipped out my saddest puppy face.

Itachi would be mad, well as mad as he ever got, which was more like being a little irked. I couldn't believe I dropped that hint. Though it wasn't much, it was enough to cause suspicion.

"Hm, which cousin are you implying?" With a smug look of accomplishment at my foundering eyes she jerked her head toward the lights in town, "Let's go get drunk and act like idiots!"

Ryu bounced on the balls of his feet; a huge smile stretched across his face. He was happy that Arashi was treating him like an equal for once. She could be tough on him sometimes. Neither of them had siblings, so they had a very close cousin relationship like brother and sister.

"I'll meet you guys there, I need to do something first."

My wording was wide open for attack, I opted my mouth to correct it, but Arashi got there first.

"Go for it Kat, go do whoever you need to do." She covered her mouth in mock exasperation at my horrified blush, "Oh, sorry, I meant '_what_' you need to do. Silly me!" She shot me a wink while Ryu looked crestfallen with a sad little frown in the dim light.

We waved then took off in opposite directions, wind whistled at our absence.

Ugh, I was so late. He probably already left.

Leaves and branches whipped past my ears. I was hypersensitive to people's emotions. They affected me more intensely than others. Right now I could feel his anxiousness through the branches, it was giving me heart palpitations.

Perched on a tree limb and looked around the briar, I searched the area with my eyes squinted. Huge rounded rocks scattered like marbles in the black moonlit grass, there were massive trees in this section of ancient wood. Continuing my search, my heart sunk. He wasn't here, he was a patient man but he wouldn't have waited this long just to talk to me for a while about nothing. Not these days...

He liked purposeful conversation now, not meaningless chatter like he used to. I let myself flop back against the tree letting my long white hair get tangled in its bark, pulling some strands out of my messy bun. Closing my eyes I thought to myself, rubbing the stress from my eyes with hard fists: how long was I going to do this? How long was I going to be in love with guy who didn't want me around his family or even meet my own? Was he ashamed of me? It was the most painfully sweet emotion in the world, love. The smallest things became your world, allowing major character flaws to slip between the cracks. Small, quiet smiles and gentle onyx eyes that reveled in my odd personality seemed to conquer his depressive personality. I excused it because I knew he had a lot to express without the need, or want, to talk about them with me. He feared what I would think of him much more than he let on, I could feel his anxiety rise whenever he alluded to any emotional connection with me. No matter how passive, or how well trained a person was, it was impossible to hide what's inside your heart.

Listening to the sound of trees, frogs and crickets carried in the wind I felt a calm overwhelm me. I felt at home here in the woods, it gave me a real sense of serenity as my confused and frustrating thoughts began to melt away.

An invasive tingling was suddenly blocked off by a light touch. His sweet lips brushed against mine in the hurried way they always did. "Hello, Katsue."

It was such a typical moment, I wanted to absorb it all and keep it for myself. My eyes remained closed as I leaned forward, desperate to feel his lips against mine again. His hair tickled my nose and I smiled. "Hello, Prince Peculiar."

I felt orange anxiety peak again, as if the color was poking through my skull with its intensity. Maybe he didn't like when I poked at his social ineptness anymore...

Soft, warm breaths sent a burning cloud from my lips to my heart. I opened my eyes in slits, trying not to make any sudden movements. At times, being around him was similar to befriending a mountain lion, you never wanted to move too fast for fear that those claws might lash out to end your life rather than the unlikely rumbling purrs you really want to hear. He was standing upside down on the branch above using ninjutsu, allowing his shirt to fall to his crossed arms, giving me a view of his flat stomach; his face only a nose length away. My cheeks heated up when I looked back up, realizing that he just observed my eyes trailing his body. Ink black eyes observed me like a bird of prey, mouth a line, skin completely smooth minus the exhausted lines under his eyes.

This was his 'I need to talk about something important' face. Most people wouldn't be able to differentiate his different moods because they were all overshadowed with an overture of apathy. To pull of his kind of lifestyle it must be important to maintain a perfect poker face.

Lifting my hand I went to brush a gentle hand to his cheek. He, of course, evaporated. It was impressive how much faster he was than me. How much stronger and smarter and simply better in every way. No one could compare to him, not even Arashi.

He jumped down into a crouch in front of me, right side up this time. His eyes were only inches from mine, capturing me in their abysmal depths.

"You're meeting my cousins for sake."

It wasn't a question so much as an observation.

Brushing my long white hair back behind one ear I replied, "Yeah, Arashi is letting Ryu come out with us for once. Should I break the kid's heart and tell him that I'm taken?" Electric blues met black Uchiha eyes; a smirk unconsciously appeared on my face as his face softened at the suggestion.

His larger hand smoothed against my face, rubbing his heavily calloused thumb lightly over my cheekbone, leaving a ticklish trail behind each motion.

"By whom are you taken?" He urged with a cocked eyebrow, knowing the answer, wanting to hear it aloud.

Tilting my head out of his grasp to keep the game going I smirked. "You know, just some guy I met on the street."

He let out a quiet laugh like cascading water, "a pathetic loser with no particular talent, as well?" He leaned forward, whispering into the hollow of my neck with light kisses that trailed up to my ear, I felt his lips mold into a smirk against my skin. "Unless you'd like to amend your original story."

And that's the story of how I became a puddle.

No really.

The hand he placed on my calf was nothing compared to that mouth of his. He knew just what to say to make me his fool.

"Oh, _please_." The words mumbled from my lips before he shut me up with a kiss. "You know who I'm referring to…" I tossed my head back with a slight gasp as he lightly dragged his lip across my chin, "I'm yours, entirely, forever, Itachi."

Somehow, I was now pinned against the tree with one of his hands tangled in my hair, pulling my head back against the bark, exposing my helpless neck to the chilling air as his other arm supported his weight against the tree. His tongue danced across my lower lip then jaw line. I quivered. This was the most complete I'd felt in weeks, he was acting like he wanted me around for the first time in a while. Moving against his kiss, I pressed my lips against his ever so gently.

Everything stopped.

Now an arms length away, half of Itachi's shirt flapped open. Apparently I unconsciously started undressing him. Oops. He just looked at me with this expression like he was in some kind of pain, still trying to hide it with a well trained, emotionless facade. I could still feel the tension coming off of him in torrents. It was normal for him to be a little weird, but lately he'd become almost intolerably strange. He was steadily pushing me away, but it always worked like a rubber band. He'd pull further and further away until we had a moment like this were we were both staring, each enduring sharp pain from the interaction. A sheet of well-tamed expression fell over his whole body; he now looked at me passively, without a trace of that bit of sadness.

That look made me want to punch him directly in the face.

He had this way of making people feel like they don't matter. Like they were completely unimportant, hindrances even.

Cocking an eyebrow at him I challenged his reaction, "…So, what? Now were just going to sit here and chit-chat like everything's fine?" I glared at his emotionless eyes, "That's bull and you know it."

Taking out my harshest, most frustrated tone I pouted, "Sometimes you make me feel like nothing." Searching for the right terminology, I flapped my arms out to the sides like a fledgling, "Like none of this means anything to you. Why is that, Itachi?" I took a step toward him.

His expression remained the same, stoic and uncaring. This was very much at odds with the colorful pinwheel of emotion fluttering wildly across his mind. With no answer for a solid minute, I gave up on him. The situation had grown too awkward for me to handle, everyone had a limit, and I'd just reached mine. Being the coward I was, I tried not to look at his face as I pushed myself down from the tree limb and landed on the ground softly, feet kicking up dust with a light thud. I was afraid of what I'd see in those beautiful back orbs, afraid that they'd be asking me to stay and talk about it. If I'd been brave enough, I would have seen his emotionally broken eyes close in mutual heartache as he ground his knuckles into the branch right where I'd been seated only moments before.

He was just so aggravating sometimes.

With a scowl on my face, I began trudging back to town. I felt a tear or two travel on cold tracks down my face then drop into the dirt. My heart ached, it felt like he didn't want me anymore, and I couldn't even argue. A person like his should never have settled on a weird girl like me. I closed my eyes, angry that I let him get away with treating me like an invalid, and for letting myself fall in love with someone who was obviously too arrogant to love me back. Lately was been treating me like fine china. As if I would break if he made the wrong move, which ultimately he did anyway. It was a vicious cycle.

It had been two months of this, he'd pull me in with sweet words then randomly become a cold statue and push me away again.

Arms wrapped around my torso from behind, forcing my motion to a halt mid step. Heat from his body slowly soaked through the layers of clothing that separated us, giving us both an odd sense of comfort.

His breath flitted through my hair, tickling the back of my ear, hovering momentarily before kissing my temple. "You're not nothing." He promised silently, his lips pressed into my hair, tightening his hold by twisting his fingers into my shirt.

Allowing my head to drop away from his lips, more tears fell; generating a rainstorm for the ants. Was I supposed to forgive him for being a complete jerk just because he said so?

No, I wasn't.

Wiping away my tears with the back of my hand I could feel him lean against me. But I pulled away. "Words are meaningless without action, Itachi. I can't play these games with you anymore." I choked at the end. He gripped me more tightly, trying to hold me there, maybe pull me into him so I could understand what was really going on. But I resisted.

"Please, Itachi. I can't do this right now." He released me slightly; I brushed his arms away and kept on walking, never finding the courage to look back.

This time he didn't even try to make me feel better, I heard the flutter of leaves when he disappeared.

Before I went to meet Arashi, I went for a calming walk just to clear my head. Pacing, I walked past the bar several times before going inside.

When I walked through the red tipped canvas covering, Arashi and Ryu were already seated at our favorite bar. It's only our favorite because they thought that Arashi and I were actually old enough to drink. She was already red in the face with the haze of alcohol. Ryu was standing, no, more like planted, with his arms crossed, an uneasy stance as he swayed slightly.

Arashi tried standing but immediately fell back into her seat. "Katsuuuee! How ws _your_ date'hm? Mizoko is sooo cute! I wish you coulda bin there… here," She was smashed. My brother shouldn't have bought her alcohol. Her singsong voice cut off when she saw my puffy eyelids and grew serious, "What did he do."

I explained the whole frustrating situation from beginning to end, carefully leaving out any defining features so I could keep up the pretense that she didn't know him.

"...And then I just walked away like a total chicken." I finished, staring down the cup of hot sake in my fist.

Throwing back the last bit of my drink I clinked the cup on the table and stood, ready to go home angry. Alcohol doesn't help when you're really pissed off. I waved at the two Uchihas and started to walk out.

Quick as a viper, Arashi's hand snatched my wrist.

Her eyes were intense as she spoke, "Kat, he's really a guh'guy. Somethin' mus-hic-t be wrong, maybe there'sa bad thingn goin' on in his life?" Her thumb pressed into my palm softly, releasing me a bit, she reeked of several kinds of alcohol.

Black eyes bore a hole into that same hand, "...he has a lot on his plate rie'now. You should be there for him instead of getting' all mad and leavin'm to be alone…" she took a sobering breath, "In his own personal Hell." Her eyes shot back up to mine, ready to argue.

This took me back; normally Arashi doesn't give her opinion on my ranting and ravings. Not unless I ask her for it.

But she was right; I hadn't even thought to ask if _he_ was okay, all I worried about were my own feelings. With his strange behavior, it was actually cruel that I'd been neglecting him like that, my chest felt empty. I was such a jerk. Shaking my head slightly, Arashi caught the touch of defiance in my eye. I was right about one thing; he never wanted to tell me what was really wrong. It was a giant mind game to him.

I muttered, "I'm afraid of talking too much... He doesn't talk about how he feels so I don't want to press him needlessly."

She threw my hand away from her with a look of fierce protectiveness, "Kat. You've been my best friend since… forever." a smile ghosted my lips, thinking she was siding with me, "But, I've seen you botch your happiness too many times." Her forehead wrinkled, "It's infuriating! Ever since he walked into your life you've been happier than I've ever seen you!" She looked up into my eyes with drunken resolve, "Both of you."

My skepticism at her last point was palpable, but I smirked my point anyway. I raised an eyebrow and folded my arms, awaiting an explanation. He seemed more unhappy every day, she was definitely making that part up to make me agree with her.

She stared at the bar with a drunken smile. "He's a lot more subtle than you." Finally a smile cracked her lips, eyes traveling over my saucy body language, "Most people are." There was a joke in her voice. The serious Arashi was gone with the next bat of her eyelash.

A dig at my hypersensitivity, there's my Arashi. Good, I missed her. Serious Arashi was too logical for my tastes.

Slumped back in my chair I pressed my palms to my eyes, realizing that I'd just admitted my fault by calling her 'logical'. "How do I fix this! One minute he's all over me, the next he's like a cold statue." I groaned, as if the loud noise would make new ideas come to me.

A pair of thumbs started massaging my shoulders. It felt so great that I didn't need to look up and see who it was, honestly I didn't care as long as they didn't stop.

"If you ask me, this guy seems like a jerk." A young, male voice emitted from the entity behind me.

Arashi scowled at him, "Ryu! Don't talk about your cous-"

I shot from my seat, making Ryu almost fall back, "-More sake anyone?" I jerked my head at Arashi angrily as if to say '_really?'_

Crisis averted. I'd narrowly avoiding the exposure my relationship to the whole bar, my eyes narrowed at my best friend.

Sheepishly, Arashi shook her head, she was already tanked. Ryu gave me a drunken stare, which I took as a no. Earlier, my brother must have given the kid some strong drink to make him shut up while he flirted with Arashi.

I sighed, time for everyone to go home.

Ryu put Arashi's arm over his shoulder for support. "You know Kat, you might not notice, but you can really hurt people," he looked to the ground, refusing to look at me, "You talk about his guy treating you like you don't matter every day when you could be with anyone you want." With a deeply shadowed expression, disappeared out the door with his cousin slumped over like a sack of rice.

Tonight was just not my night.

On the stumble home I found myself taking an indirect route, viewing the pretty stars as I wandered. Walking around aimlessly was like a therapy session for me, silence created the perfect thinking environment to go over today's unnerving events. The light played off of the dimly lit windows of this town giving it an eerie feel. It was oddly pleasant.

"Katsue."

Hearing his voice was like breathing again. I picked up my head and saw Itachi just standing in the middle of the road before me, lightning shot through my heart.

Nothing profound came to mind, so this is what came out: "I was walking."

The randomness didn't even faze him as he slowly ambled toward me with a hint of hesitance, "Note taken."

Measuring the distance with my eyes I asked, "want to walk with me?" Knowing he'd just say no, I kept my walking pace as I passed him.

With black eyes eyes wider and as nervous as a startled rabbit's, I watched as he quietly replied by coming to my side.

No words passed between us. It was uncomfortable as if words unsaid created a physical weight that forced a distance between us.

We walked in silence for a long time until we got to my apartment stairs. I couldn't make myself look at him, expecting this to be the end of our sweet relationship and far too resigned to fight. "Well, I guess..."

He closed the slight gap in one stride, my breath hitched as my thoughts scattered everywhere and nowhere at once. I hated him for having this power over me.

Another step. He was inches away from my face, reaching out to stroke the side of my face gently. In town. Where someone could potentially see us.

The next logical thing that I comprehended next was listening to my own voice asking him to come inside for tea.

He, of course, said yes.

I always made two separate pots of tea on the rare occasion that he came to my apartment. One for him and one for me, we hated each other's tastes in tea and really anything edible.

Itachi liked his tea pure, strong and bitter. Also known as: disgusting.

I, on the other hand, preferred tea flavored sugar water. Also known as: perfection.

Placing the pots on either side of my bed on short wooden servers, I curled up with my cup, patting the spot next to me, imploring Itachi to sit. After pouring his own tea, he wrapped an arm around my torso, sliding his whole body down to bury his face into the crook of my neck, finally beginning to relax a little, one muscle as a time. I could feel each stress begin to leave his body like little demons as his muscles twitched into place, sinking slowly and comfortably onto the side of my body.

This was grand and all, but needed to talk to him about this stuff considering I basically broke up with him a few hours ago. "Itachi?"

He curled his arm over my back to pull me closer. The other placed his cup by the side of my futon then propped his head up so he could look like he was ready to talk. In this dim light he was so beautiful.

Another sigh drooped my shoulders, knowing it was time to figure out what was going on with him. As if my words were dangerous animals being released into the space between us, I guardedly asked, "What's wrong?"

His eyelids hooded heavily, looking down and away from me, enhancing the exhausted look in his eyes. I felt that ever-present anxiety poke through his hazy, black depression. The question hung in the air awkwardly as if someone else was now in the room annihilating the moment by ripping chainsaw.

Bed was my favorite place to talk with Itachi. I could layer myself in five protective blankets so if his words hurt, I could just snuggle into them and feel better. But he wasn't a huge fan of spending time in my apartment; it was too open, I guess.

Without a word, he wrapped his hand around the back of my head to pull me closer then pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, curling around me protectively, trying to speak as gently as he could. "My internal struggles have already complicated things, forget them." Affection and anxiety now rolled off of him in equal parts.

His words resonated in my heart, my breath hitched slightly as my heart hammered away at my ribcage.

"I'm not ashamed of you." He rubbed his thumb in a deep circle over my shirt into my hip. "Our relationship is the only thing that I consider to be fully mine." His eyes closed half way, suffering shone through those black irises. Something darkened his expression briefly; I noticed his jaw clench then slack.

"I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations, don't become another person I need to impress." The words seemed to physically deflate him, his eyes closed, dark eyelashes fluttering at whatever projected behind those tired lids.

I pulled his body closer, smooching his cheek to my collarbone. "Please, don't leave tonight." My voice wavered slightly. Our relationship wasn't physical at all. I simply enjoyed sleeping next to him; I never slept better than when the person I loved more than the world was next to me, breathing silently in comfortable sleep. Perhaps it was because he seemed almost human when he slept, all of the tension left his face, leaving only small smiles and winces from whatever battle took him on in his dreams.

He held half of my face in his palm and rubbed a thumb across the hard plane of my jaw, pushing his head up against it.

He looked up at me, visibly conflicted. "You know I can't."

From this angle he looked surprisingly young, innocent even. So contrasting from reality, apparently my eyes didn't get the memo.

Surprisingly, I smiled at his answer.

This was Itachi. He didn't want to be away all of the time and see the things he needed to see, kill the people he needed to kill. It was truly unfair for me to expect him to play the happy boyfriend all of the time with the additional burden of being perfect. Perfection came at a great cost. Depression strikes everyone at some point, and right now he was in pretty deep.

This was my Itachi. Perfect as he may be, flawed as he certainly was. But this was the only one I could ever have.

* * *

_A/N: This is the last fluffy chapter, I promise!_


	7. Cold As You

"_Cold As You_"

* * *

The months passed by quickly as I spent less and less time with Itachi. He cared about me a lot, but he _loved_ his job. Keeping people safe and doing right by Konoha was his number one priority.

Eventually we started arguing again. Or more, I argued _at_ him. He would try to make me feel better, but ultimately fail because I was so sure that I was right. I felt that he was wrong for being emotionally unreachable, as if that was something he could control. In the middle of this tumultuous relationship, somewhere along the line, I fell irrevocably in love with him.

Arashi's words from our drunken night together stuck with me. Maybe it was unfair to take my frustrations out on a guy who was just trying to do what he felt was right. Yeah, she was right. But that didn't make me feel any better when he open up about things I knew he was hiding. I felt as his sweetly gently soul began to darken and rot away. I had to watch him suffer alone; each and every day it grew worse and worse.

It started like any normal day. In fact, it was more exciting than usual because there was an entirely cloudless sky up above. It lit up the streets and my spirits.

I met my team in the morning to work on my manipulation skills with Arashi. She gave me some lessons on using my chakra as an offensive skill. She was showing me how to cause, not only paralysis, but also pain. Mizoko had been trying to teach her some moves, but she couldn't focus her energy precisely enough to pull them off. Which turned out to be a good thing since more widespread chakra caused more pain, as my big brother found out the hard way.

Everything I did during the day lead up to one thing, seeing Itachi. Specifically stating that he would be early, I laid out in our normal spot with a blanket from home. Waiting was always the hardest part. As the moon began to rise and my heart began to fall.

He never showed up.

Night fell by the time I gave up on him, making incremental excuses as time ticked by. With a heart broken sigh, I walked home alone. This wasn't the first time he left me out there. Wandering home, I felt around with my chakra hoping that he might see me or something. But he didn't.

Once I got home, I curled myself into a few of my giant blankets, emotionally exhausted from a day of being forgotten by someone who _claimed_ to care about me.

I tapped the picture at the foot of my bed with my toes lightly, bouncing it off the wall with little rattling noises. It was our team photo. Yua, Arashi and me all squeezed into the frame with Merik standing behind us with a 'Gods please help me' expression. We all looked so young and goofy, it made me smile after a long day of being utterly disappointed.

With a sliding _bang_, my apartment door swung open. Alarmed, I scrambled out of bed into a light fighting stance, kunai in hand. A cold rush of air fluttered the picture frame, knocking it to the ground.

I snuck into the darkness of my kitchen and stared at the scene being projected by the moon's light through my front door.

Moonlight bathed Itachi as he stood there in the doorframe, arms drooped to his sides in complete ANBU garb. His head was dropped to his chest, eyes downcast and wide, horrified even. He looked like he was melting under the pale light as his shoulders slouched, bobbing his head slightly as heavy breaths moved his torso raggedly. He looked like he'd just watched someone die right before his eyes, which was very much a possibility in his line of work.

I approached him wearily, something was wrong with this picture, I tucked the knife into my waistband.

The problem became apparent as I moved closer. He reeked of blood and metal.

My first assumption was that he was somehow injured. I rushed up to him to get a better look at whatever was causing that awful smell.

Emotions I'd never felt before rolled off of him like toxic black and red smoke nearly choking me with a strange, unidentifiable feeling. It was the pungent sense of depression and abject, blood red, hatred.

His ANBU mask rested on the top, left side of his head. His eyes flickered to me. There was something awful in his expression. His lips mashed into mine as he pushed me inside with a forceful, desperate kiss, kicking the door closed as he pushed his way through. The kiss felt like all of the darkness he had been keeping from me for so many months as he gripped my arms hard, each finger digging into my snowy flesh. Then, pressing his forehead to mine with eyes squeezed shut tightly; his body seemed to cave in with uncontrollable sobs. Sporadic patters of tears assaulted my hard floor; I felt some of them seep through my shirt leaving icy spots on my chest. He grabbed my wrists and pressed them down and away from his body, nearly falling to the ground but grappled me for support, which I gave willingly. Slipping my arms under his, cupping the back of his neck and drawing aimless patterns with my fingertips, I tried my best to be consoling.

This was something I'd never experienced before, he was so damaged and I couldn't understand why.

He roughly pushed away, letting my arms fall to my sides. The hard sound of metal against wood rang out with a loud _thuck_. His arms didn't look like they had moved, but at some point he had taken my kunai and threw it against the wall of my apartment. I turned to look for it, it was embedded deep in my wall, almost to the hilt, right where my picture frame usually hung.

A hard, cold ball of emotion lodged itself in the hollow of my throat, preventing me from speaking. Why would he want to break that picture? He knew it was my favorite. When I attempted to lift one of my hands to wipe away his rapidly falling tears I realized that they wouldn't budge. Itachi's hands formed hard shackles. Shackles that shook uncontrollably from his ceaseless misery.

His voice broke. Streaming tears dripped from his lip and disappeared against his grated teeth. "Listen to me." He demanded through clenched teeth. His shaking form was beginning to quiet.

A pause and a deep, calming breath.

After his moment of breathing, he was terrifyingly composed, constricting his hands around mine hard like the talons of a bird with a mouse in its grip.

No longer crying or shaking he spoke with a deathly calm, "Whatever they say about me is true."

Listening to what he had to say was not in the forefront of my mind at that moment in time. The sound of my metatarsals snapping like firecrackers in his grip was much more poignant. Pulling away was not an option either, that is, unless I was willing to lose my arms permanently.

After an aching pause, he rolled the bones under his hard thumbs. A cry of outright pain escaped my lips.

"What are you talking about Itachi?" I managed to sob, still trying to pull my hands away from him.

Sharp pain shot up my arms when he pressed his thumbs further into my busted wrists. The pain in my hands was agonizing, but it was nothing compared to the incomprehensible suffering in my heart.

Now entirely broken, I dropped to my knees like a marionette with its strings cut. "Itachi!" I screamed, "Stop!" Tears fell, painting the wood floor with dark ink. "Please." I choked before forcing myself to look back up at him.

His eyes were different, something changed. When I spoke, they softened for a moment then hardened into black diamonds. In the back of my mind I thought how smart he was to destroy my hands, by destroying them my pressure point maneuvers were useless. If he hadn't done that, I would have been able to fight back. Maybe even get away from this horrible place.

He threw my hands at me like weapons to knock me further to the ground. He towered over me, head angled so his eyes peered through his dark lower lashes like I was mere dirt on his shoe. All I could see were his eyes, his black collar obscured the rest of his face. And his hitai-ate. With a slash through the insignia. A red glow emitted from his sharingan, something I'd never seen him use before. "Just remember Katsue," He said, "everything they say is true."

This time, his voice didn't waver: "I killed them all."

The words hung in the air like putrid reminders of the encounter once he disappeared. Leaving me a bleeding mess on the floor with his insane ramblings corkscrewing through my brain, rendering into gelatinous goo that couldn't put a sentence together.

Logically, he took the time to close the door and leave the keys where I could reach them once I realized that I should go to a hospital But I didn't, instead I laid all night with two untreated mangled forearms, but more importantly, an irreparably damaged heart.

There was nothing. My mind was floating in space somewhere between hell and limbo, praying this was some kind of sick nightmare. What happened to my sweet Itachi? Who was that awful person in his body?

This had to be a nightmare

One of my first coherent thoughts was that I needed to stop the bleeding. Wrapping towels around my flattened hands was nearly impossible with no opposable thumbs, but I'm fairly ingenious so I figured it out by using my teeth as a new set of hands.

Since Itachi left, I'd hoarded myself away hoping never to deal with what he'd admitted to me.

Hours went by until Mizoko came to drop the news like an explosive.

He found me curled up in bed with bloody towels wrapped around my arms watching white fuzz on the television with dull blue eyes.

Thinking that someone else must have told me first, he just hugged me tightly and whispered through his own tears, "Kat… I'm so sorry."

Arashi and Ryu were dead. Itachi killed them all, his entire clan.

I knew Itachi was powerful and not to be trifled with, but to eliminate an entire clan single handedly was unheard of. Especially the Uchiha clan.

It was strange. I didn't cry when he told me this. I wasn't even upset, just lost. Completely and utterly lost.

"I hate to ask you this… but we need every available person right now to help with the ...bodies." My green eyed brother added, on the verge of falling into another round of sobs.

It was strange and unnerving to see my almost seven foot tall, militarized brother look so shaken. His face was blanched with bloodshot, green eyes, clouded with mourning exhaustion. "We saw the… remains. It's not going to be easy getting that place cleared out. This wasn't something anyone planned for. I'm sorry to ask you to do this, I really am, but it might end up helping you in the long run. Seeing them, I mean… We really need people to identify the... bodies."

Nodding slowly as his request sunk into my jelly brain, he helped me stand by grabbing my elbow, taking care not to hurt my forearms as I walked around like a zombie with my arms extended in front of me, my wrists dropped my hands at a painlessly broken 90 degree angle. Before going to the site, Mizoko took me to the hospital. It was a beehive of activity. Doctors and medics running around, pushing people out of the way to rooms with black tarps on the operating tables. There were black tarps everywhere. The entire time we sat awaiting medical attention, my brother was throwing a fit. He was trying to make me tell him how my hands came to be so damaged. My mind was busy trying to process everything that I couldn't speak. Even if I could, I'd never tell anyone how my hands ended up like this. I'd never willingly speak his name again.

I just sat there, completely devoid of anything resembling emotion as they wrapped up my hands in gauze after the doctor was forced to rebreak my wrists. Some of the tiny bones had begun to set. Even that pain wasn't enough to break me out of the lethargy that took over to dull my shattered soul's screams.

Mizoko dragged me to the graveyard, er, I mean 'compound' so I could help remove and identify bodies.

Numb to the erratic motions around me all I could see were the bodies laid out for identification as I held two chilled Uchiha under each arm, adding them to the never-ending list of dead. They were in long rows of black tarp. My broken mind compared the image to an army of ants walking in a perfect line. Everything blurred, only allowing me to see and remember a few important things. All other thoughts faded into obscurity. Young Sasuke was with the Hokage, sobbing and empty. The Third was in the midst of rushing him out of there as quickly as possible, trying to prevent any further psychological damage. Yeah, good luck with that.

The moon hung full in the sky like a giant piñata, it was a surprisingly gorgeous night. Unfortunately, that meant it was bright enough to see the horrifying sights around me. Since the only survivor was seven years old, each older shinobi was asked to help figure out which corpse belonged to whom. Which was not an easy task for some of the remains, seeing as they had been sliced to ribbons.

Ryu's young face, once so full of life was now white and oily with death, eyes wide open seemingly terrified of the new world he'd recently entered. It hurt to see him like that, but for some reason I didn't cry. I just told Mizoko who he was, completely relaxed and calm. My brother squeezed my shoulder and gazed at me heavily with a skeptical eye.

Identifying Arashi's parents was one thing, but seeing my best friend's dismembered body… that was an abomination.

For the rest of my life, just before my eyes closed, I would see that silently screaming face.

The waxy paleness of her skin. Blood caked her face and body. It was black and coagulated. She hadn't been killed like the others. She had been eviscerated. Everything about her body looked as painful as her death must have been. From her clavicle to hip on either side was dissected. Slit open like a fish for roasting, her organs strewn about like a macabre piñata dissection.

Though all of this was terrible I was able to take it in stride, breathing deeply through my stomach to keep my head. My eyes trailed her wounds, stuck there momentarily. Until they decided to look to her dead, white pupils. They were what finally made me lose it. Desperately, I fell to the ground above her screaming in her face. "Get up! This isn't funny!" Clutched onto her body, I sobbed, screaming for her to come back, beating on her collapsed chest with my fists, "You can't die… you can't die… Arashi I need you… please don't go..."

Tearing my eyes from her face I looked to the moon, knowing that somewhere, her murderer was looking at the same floating orb of light. For him, I had few words. For now, "_Fuck you._" was all I could muster in the form of a heartbroken whimper. Raw from the sobs wracking my throat, my voice screamed brokenly to the sky as others from the cleanup effort stopped their work to stare at me with sympathy. But I couldn't care, I didn't even notice the pity in their eyes as I pressed my face into the side of Arashi's cold, white neck, combing through her dark hair into fists, clenching then softening mechanically, still thinking that my actions would hurt her. No amount of hair pulling, pinching or nose poking would make her smile again. Those separated, screaming lips were trapped in that terrifying moment forever. Her blood flaked off onto me, transforming me into the image of savagery as my white hair took on a dark red color in some places. It stuck up wildly when I combed it from my face to look at my best friend's face for the last time.

Grappling me from behind, my brother ripped my arms away from her body; not only for my sanity, but for his as well. Another minute of my breakdown would have taken him down with me into a place where no one could think straight. If he couldn't keep his head and get this mission accomplished, no one could. Sometimes I forgot how much Arashi meant to him, but I couldn't even manage an apologetic look. His green eyes were all I saw before everything went dark and calm. I couldn't see, or feel. I was okay with that. My next memory was in the hospital surrounded by doctors telling me to breathe, rewrapping my wrists in hard plaster casts to ensure that they wouldn't be damaged any further.

I still cry, to this day. Arashi was my best friend. Ryu was just a kid with his whole life ahead of him. It was hard teaching myself how to speak of them in the past tense. There is never a moment when I don't think of them as if they're still alive, just playing with me, hiding somewhere in the world in order to trick me.

Whoever said death is painless has obviously never witnessed death of this magnitude. Every face was screaming in agony. Each horrifying face haunted my life. Sleep became a nightmare in itself. The moment my eyes closed I relived that heart scorching night.

The day I came home from the hospital I stared at my team photo for hours the way it laid on the floor, somehow the glass didn't shatter when the wind blew it from my wall. Standing there with dark shadows under my eyes, I realized that this was the only picture I had of my life long friend and me together.

In a daze, I turned on the shower and stood staring at my truly ghastly appearance in the body length mirror on the back of my bathroom door. Dull blue eyes swept my body. For once, I could really see why everyone thought I was an apparition. The purple stains of exhaustion under my eyes seemed to sink my eyes back into my skull, I looked, somehow, bleached white. Sallow, almost. The white casts around my arms were supposed to be in slings, but I couldn't stand looking injured. Everyone would ask me what happened, and to that I had no answer. Clotted blood was dried in my hair, staining some of the strands a dark red, almost black. Logically, I knew that when I showered, it would be gone. But I needed something more permanent. My best friend's blood didn't belong on my, it belonged on _him_. I didn't kill her, _he_ did. The next thing I knew, a kunai was in my hand, slicing through my long hair raggedly. Piles of white, red and black corn silk showered the linoleum tiles, almost blending in as I cut away at the back of my head until it was practically gone, leaving only the front long. My body felt lighter.

I didn't want to be the same person today as I was two days ago. I wanted to be someone different than the idiot who fell in love with a murderer and let her best friend die by his hands.

I stared again at the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at me. I looked… dangerous.

It was difficult to grasp that I'd spent so much time with this person and had no idea who he was. How could I not see it? What had I missed? How did I overlook that he was a total sociopath?

The guilt was the worst. Somehow I was unable to save the person who had always been there for me, pushing me to be better than I ever imagined I could be. Arashi was the one who opened me up to the shinobi world. It was never my intention to stay; she was the glue that stuck me there.

Years passed and I watched from afar as Sasuke grew to look more and more like his older brother. Secretly, it made my heart swell painfully. Itachi left Sasuke alive. There had to have been a reason. He was not as naturally gifted as his older brother, but he worked hard, desperately striving for something. But he had an arrogance that Itachi never really showed.

That probably had something to do with having the idol of his life kill his whole family in cold blood right before his eyes.

Rehabilitation for my mangled hands was rough. There were deep divots in my wrists where he had dug his fingers into them. The bones were crushed; luckily I had a great team of doctors who got me back into action within that first year. Though my kyusho jutsu was affected terribly, I was forced to learn new techniques to keep up with my team. I decided to focus on lying.

During the time without the use of my arms, I worked on my bloodtrait's strength. Most importantly, I logged which colors mean what emotions more specifically so that I could describe them to others more easily. This came in handy when I began training to identify liars. It was easy for me. If the emotions a person was trying to describe didn't fit their true feelings, they were obviously lying. It became tricky with well trained shinobi, but I was able to pick up on subtle tells. One tell was when someone was hiding information. I could feel an ambush of colored fog when people were trying to hide information. If they were outright lying, it felt more like dark black or red. It was a rush of color, like spray paint.

These days I could comprehend many people's emotions at once rather than simply focusing on one person at a time. Mikah had been right; it was like looking through a kaleidoscope. Each person had their own color signature, if I concentrated on multiple people at once I could see them all moving like watching a multicolored lava lamp projected against the inside of my head. I'd practice by going out into public and pretend to do something innocuous, forcing my chakra outward stretching over the area like fog rolling over the hills. I'd build it up to see how many I could keep track of at one time. My record was twelve, for now.

Lately, I was being utilized by the TI Corps because my arms made me useless in the field.

No one could lie to me anymore. One cannot hide their real emotions and intentions, it didn't matter their shinobi training. You could change your face, but you could never change how you feel. Randomly in the middle of the night I'd have some big, intimidating interrogator take me to TI and I would just sit in the room as interviews were held. The training to do this was pretty basic; different sets of finger taps indicated that the person was lying, while others meant that they were being truthful. It was ANBU Morse code.

Mostly, they lied. Mostly, they were tortured until we got the right answers. It sickened me to watch torture; I could feel their enduring misery every moment. When Ibiki noticed my painful flinching, he allowed me to leave.

As soon as I began working interrogations, he started working with me to get my kyusho technique back. He set me up with Anko and another kunoichi named Ayumi. Ayumi was a dancer, or at least that's what I thought when I first watched her training techniques. At first I was completely confused, then it dawned on me. Those weren't pretty dance moves; she was the master of an ancient fighting style called "capoeira".

Ibiki would walk in on my training with Mizoko sometimes to make sure I was doing things right. Mizoko developed a therapeutic method for me to regain the use of my fingers. Normally, people with bad hand injuries are told to 'swim' through rice. Literally. Try it some time; your hands will become exhausted faster than you can say "that looks easy". Instead of using rice, my brother filled a clay pot with little electric probes to stimulate the nerves in my fingertips. Although they still looked bad, I was beginning to recover from the severe nerve damage. I could feel my chakra flow beginning to regulate and flow normally through my hands, I was beginning to regain control of my own hands.

My new sensei was Ayumi. She was a beautiful blonde with an excellent figure who moved with an elegancy that only a true master could pull off. The light colors of her sleeveless, zip up belly shirt and pretty, northern features were in stark contrast with her terrifying training methods.

"Have any questions?" she asked me in her high soprano with a sickeningly sweet smile. She sounded like a fifteen year old teen, rather than a twenty two year old prodigy. Mizoko was the one to set this up, they had dated for a minute back in the day but called it off mutually, somehow remaining friends in the end.

She had me on a circuit of very basic capoeira stances just to learn the movement. For those of you who know nothing of capoeira, it is a fighting style born of slaves. They were not permitted to fight, or to learn fighting skills, so they made it look as if they were dancing to keep their masters from discovering their true motive. Eventually the slaves freed themselves, but continued teaching the style to younger generations to carry the memory of their brave defiance. It was beautiful to observe Ayumi. Her languid movements made her become a well-controlled ocean wave as each motion flowed into another.

Breathing hard, I pushed myself back up from the ground. I was trying to mix this style with kyusho would make me a more effective fighter once my hands were restored. It had been long and arduous, but they were on the mend. I still couldn't focus energy into my hands as precisely as I once could, but so much could be expected from the extent of damage done.

With my stomach tightened, I dropped back into the free flowing stances, attempting the same aqueous fluidity that Ayumi displayed. Every time I went through the motions, her keep eye would catch something wrong. I preferred working with Anko. She wasn't nearly as mean to me.

* * *

171…172…173…174…

"Get on your face maggot!" The purple haired kunoichi pressed her foot into my back, forcing my pushups even lower, even as I favored my weak hands.

178…179...

Wincing from the pain, I tried pushing the ground away from me. "I wanna see you kiss the ground,"

…183…184…185…

Her sandal dug into my vertebrae, "A little pain never killed anyone,"

…198…199…

My nose touched the ground on my two-hundreth pushup, "I said _kiss_ the ground, none of this eskimo shit!" Shakily, I tried to jump into a squat, but the older woman drove her heel into my spine, crushing me to the dirt. "Grow some tits. You didn't kiss the ground, now back to the beginning!"

Somehow my 'physical therapy' sessions with Anko were nicer than Ayumi's deadly expectations. At least Anko didn't pretend to be nice about it. No matter how many times I repeated a certain movement, it was always wrong, or at least it wasn't perfect. Perfection certainly had its drawbacks.

* * *

"Last one, then you're finished for the day."

My heart sang. This would be my first break in months, I had to make this kata completely flawless to get out of here.

After standing square for a moment with my eyes closed, feeling my own blood flow, keeping myself in rhythm with my body's natural percussion, I fell sideways onto one hand and kicked up above my head with both feet, forming a C-shape with my body. Dropping back onto the ground, I curled my core tightly into what is called Aú Giro Sem Mao, or, becoming a ball and flipping through the air, landing in a well controlled crouch. Leaning onto my left thigh, I swooped low, shifting my weight evenly to maintain my balance in the ginga movement as I threw myself into another complicated series of cartwheels and flips. Every motion was fluid and gentle, yet powerful and energetic. Feminine, yet dangerous. Exactly what this petite, beautiful psychopath wanted from me. My movements were perfect, there was no way she could have found a flaw in that kata.

"Again."

The word buzzed through my head like a wild hornet. Exhausted, I fell to the floor in a tiny white pile. Her intelligent blue eyes smiled, although her lips displayed no such affection. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling, "Ayumi Sensei, you said that was my last one, I really can't do that again."

Gentle, shoeless footfalls made their way over to my head until she was crouched over me, blocking my view of the white ceiling, "Your shirt ruffled as your feel hit the floor from the aú giro sam mao." Her voice was sweet like anti-freeze. I would take anti-freeze poisoning over another training session with Ayumi every day of the week.

"Kat. Go again. Show me what you can really do this time. A kunoichi should be frighteningly beautiful. In our field we need to be able to get out of close quarters. The world is full of dangerous people who would love to hurt you and everyone you care about. We've watched that happen before, lets not let history repeat itself." She eyed my gloved wrists, knowing the scars that lived under tight wraps, "That is why you are learning this fighting style." She nudged my shoulder with one pointed toe, "I don't take on many students, so stop your blubbering and make this next kata an art form."

My body felt like a bowl of noodles, I could barely twitch my fingers.

"Get up before you make a sweat stain on my floor. You have until the count of _one _unless you want to see how bad things can get for you." She threatened.

It wasn't a threat, it was a promise.

Closing my eyes with a hard swallow, I shuddered then leaped up into the same fifty movements.

I'd have to pick some new clothes out if this was the way she was going to be. Several days ago I'd stopped wearing my big comfy scarves and instead wore a mesh shirt with bandages underneath to keep 'the girls' from flopping about and leggings while I trained to near-death every day. Sixteen hours each day to be exact. Only taking time away from Ayumi and Anko to eat and drink, sometimes sleep, and shower. Then I'd wake up at 0400 and start it all over again.

When I went on missions I still wore my big scarves, they covered my chest and a long shirt with my family crest on the back to cover my butt, there was no reason to attract any more attention to my, already eye-catching, appearance. And I don't mean that in a good way. People still stared at my skin and hair like I was from another planet. It was annoying.

Mizoko worked with me, he wanted to teach me the most difficult form of kyusho.

"Miz, my hands still don't work. How do you expect me to do this?" I asked as he dropped four heavy texts in my arms.

'Dim Mak' or the Death Mask Jutsu was highly focused chakra that cut off all of the victim's vitals. The user could adjust this focused energy if they only wanted to suspend the enemy's body for short periods of time. Complicated as it was, Mizoko thought I'd be able to use it.

"Dim Mak could save your life one day, and if that's all I could ever do for you as a brother, then I'd consider myself successful." The large man's ham of a hand scratched the top of my nearly bald head.

Years of this went by, training with these new techniques, reading endless anatomy books. Using my brother as a Dim Mak test dummy.

Ibiki was always stopping in to see how my arms were doing. The terrifying man insisted that I go for my jonin exam, he said I would have a permanent place in his ranks without a problem. He found my blood limit impressive. There were specialized missions for people with my talent; assassinations and intel were among them. Kyusho was far more important to those missions, as I learned the hard way.

Killing was my least favorite part of the job. For me it was very personal. I could feel their terrified final breaths and heartbeats flutter to an abrupt end. I would watch as Shinigami took them away, leaving their eyes wide and clouded, horrified by their new life in the realm of the dead. In those last, aching, moments you could watch their final thoughts cross their faces. Those were the moments that made me hate the suffering, if only I could give them all a taste of death, perhaps the fear would drive them into a new plane of existential living, a life where they would redeem themselves for the wrongs.

Anyone had the capability for good and evil.

This brought up my two most philosophical questions, the ones that kept me up at night. Why do bad people do good things?

And more importantly: why do good people do bad things?

To those questions, I could search for centuries without even the simplest answer. The facts were that nothing was so black or white as 'good' and 'bad'.

Here I was with my fingers dug into the base of this middle aged, relatively attractive man's neck, killing him silently as Ayumi began heating the opium that we would inject into his blackened and collapsed veins to cover up his death. When his posse found him, they would think he had overdosed; the vomit and blood were disgusting. And my purpose was to keep him alive only long enough to inject the drug cocktail into a vein between his toes, like he normally would. Surreal and disturbing as it seemed, I found myself looking at a picture Ayumi found in his pocket while she patted him down for weapons.

The worn photo beheld two little girls and a dark haired woman; all of them were well dressed, seated elegantly on the sand of some beach. The picture was well loved with frayed edges and a greasy, darkened frame from the man feeling the glossy paper between his fingers. Flicking the palm-sized picture over in my hand, I found writing on the back. "I love you, always." Was written by a feminine hand with dark, tearstained tally marks extending down the back of the small page.

I was unsure of what to make of this. Was he the good man who was stuck with a bad lot? Or the bad man who loved his family more than anything?

Ayumi had the needle's cap between her teeth as her eyes wandered the syringe to the tip, tapping it to remove any excess bubbles before gently removing his glossy leather shoe and worn sock. The point eased into his skin and he began convulsing. I closed my eyes, my heart was in the throws of turmoil as I felt this man, who had a loving family somewhere, die under my hands.

I knew my place in this philosophy. I was a good person who did bad things for the good of the people I loved. When I got the chance, I'd get out of this high paid world of expert killings as soon as I could.

At night I wept for the lives I'd irrevocably changed and for the world that I could never fix.

Soon after Arashi's death I decided that I was _not_ going to advance on to become a jounin, no matter how much Ibiki, Ayumi and Anko levied for it. Leadership skills were not in the cards for me. Arashi was always the leader, I was always the follower. Now I just floated in some cosmic space uselessly grasping for anything static in my life, including my skill level expectancy as a chuunin.

When our team lost Arashi, she was quickly replaced by a jounin boy from the Aburame clan. He was very quiet, but really knew what he was doing with those nasty bugs. His name was Sora, I recognized him from the graduating class a few years ahead of me, he was friendly with Anko.

Since no one knew about my relationship with _him_, no one understood the pain I felt in the many months that passed with the word "Uchiha" on everyone's tongues. Or whenever I heard them speak his name out loud, which was fairly taboo for a long time. Even now, people avoid using his name, only referring to the Uchiha massacre as it was, rather than go into specifics. Everyone had lost someone. Everyone knew I lost someone important. They understood that my best friend had been murdered and I'd been the one to identify her body. Others on the scene had seen my erratic breakdown, but I wasn't the only one.

The Hokage took notice of my depression and sent us on a barrage of new missions to distract me.

Time was fleeting. There was now emptiness where my heart was supposed to be.

A few months ago I heard more bad news: the Akatsuki had gained a new member, Itachi Uchiha.

It didn't bother me so much this time. Disappointment and pain were all that his existence generated. This new development barely got my attention in the grand scheme of things.

Compared to the nightmares, reality seemed like a dream.

Every night I saw Arashi's screaming, dead face coated in blood, yelling at me for being too late. For never seeing the signs. In my head I imagined how the scene must have looked during her final moments. How she must have fought back to protect her little cousin, but died, failing with her last breath. This was not a death I ever imagined for a person like Arashi.

After the first three years of loneliness, I started dating someone. Feeling his affectionate emotion was enough for me to run away blindly, but I didn't. He was sweet enough, boring in my opinion and could get nasty when he didn't get his way. But he was someone who avoided bringing up Arashi and the entire massacre as a whole. He was an escape from the tragedy that had become my life. Although he really, truly annoyed the Hell out of me, I decided to stick it out until the pain in my chest dulled away.

It never did.

Today my team was assigned to a C-rank mission. We were giving protection to a caravan of melon traders. The man buying them requested for us to keep anyone from stealing his stock. Melons were not of any significance to me; I would just use my hypersensitivity to scout for any malicious folk along the way. I wasn't really sure why someone would want to steal melons anyway.

We would be away for a few weeks; my boyfriend (if that's what you want to call him) met us at the gate.

Oh yeah, his name was Hiroto by the way, if you remember him. You know, that guy who snagged my first kiss without permission. Yeah, _that guy_.

He was there for me when Arashi died, he always wanted to talk. He brought me flowers and sent letters in attempts at cheering me up. It never actually worked, but it spoke for something to feign happiness for someone else's benefit. Whenever he saw me he got this look of total contentment. Waves of pink happiness rolled off of him like mist over the hillside.

Personally, it disgusted me, roiling my stomach to the point of actual illness. It was like living a lie.

My main hope from the relationship was that his emotion could grow strong enough to force the feelings of happiness onto me. It was definitely cruel to use someone like that, but my heart was missing. How could I be expected to make heartfelt decisions with no heart?

When I reached the main gate of Konoha, he gave me a brief kiss to the lip and pressed a tiny flower into the palm of my hand as his violet eyes glowed at me with intense emotion, "Be safe, Kat."

Turning away without a word, I shoved the flower into my pocket while I knew he was still watching me and walked on to catch up with the others.

Our team was made up of four. Sora, our Aburame bug expert and captain. Senji: our personal weapons/tactic expert. Yua, my favorite healing nin. And myself, long range sensory defense and close quarters combat.

Yua was still madly in love with Senji. Their relationship made me uneasy, she would obviously die for him, which threw off the balance of our team. He, on the other hand, was engaged to marry the girl of his own dreams. She was the daughter of a katana master who happened to be highly sought after by the other boys in town. It was a bizarre love polygon. Her emotions sometimes forced me to tears; it was difficult to take on peoples' emotions without feeling them myself, they would leak into my own psyche forcing me to feel their misery. As if I didn't have enough of my own.

This was a main reason why I didn't leave Arashi's wake. Her parents were dead; they couldn't keep her mangled body company. No one was there to tamper with my devastated life, no one could press their emotions into me, to skew my feelings.

With so much tragedy surrounding her death, I was surprised that virtually no one came to her wake or funeral. Only our two other childhood friends, Aoi and Kokoro, even came to pay respects. Yua and Senji came briefly to pray then left without even looking at me, I appreciated that more than they could know. My little brothers were kept away while Mizoko was still in charge of cleaning up the clan's compound. My parents didn't want my little brothers to be negatively affected by this event.

I slept on a mat next to her casket, I thought of it as a morbid final sleepover.

Physically shaking my head, I forced myself back into the present moment.

Yua was explaining to us that these melon traders were not exactly what we thought. "They grow and sell yubari and dansuki melons."

My jaw literally dropped open, those were some of the most expensive foods in the known world. They were only grown in a select region and were not easy to maintain. "No wonder they need protection." I muttered to myself.

Suddenly I felt an observer. That tingling sensation fell on the back of my now very short hair. The observer did not have ill intentions, I could feel that much. But it didn't make me at ease after hearing Yua's explanation.

Without hesitation I told my team, "Someone's watching us." I turned to our captain, "Sora?"

Silently, the tall Aburame sent out his bugs to scout the area ahead for chakra, but found nothing significant.

It took us a solid 2 days to get to the caravan's location in Rice Country. All of this time I continued feeling the observer. While we slept, it was the worst.

In our tent we all had to sleep together. Yua and I usually sandwiched ourselves between Sora and Senji. She, of course, liked to sleep next to Senji, while I was forced to sleep next to the guy with bugs living in his skin.

While I slept, that obnoxious tingling persisted, continually jerking me awake. I tossed and turned all night, unable to get even a wink of replenishing sleep. Sora probably wanted to kill me.

I told the team about this individual again the next morning, they seemed as unbothered as me. Knowing I'd be able to feel any ill intent kept them at ease. Maybe it was some punk kid trying to get a rise out of us; it wouldn't have been the first time.

The sun was beginning to set when we finally arrived.

My heart jumped out of my chest when the smell hit me.

There were horses in this caravan! I ran up to them and fell in love with a big dapple-grey who flopped his ears around awkwardly when I kissed his velveteen nose. I spent the first two hours talking like a baby to the horse, and like an avid horse person to the driver, asking him any question under the sun. It was great, I loved horses. They were like really big, fuzzy kids.

Senji just shook his head slowly, making fun of me with Yua. Sora just stood as his typically quiet, blue hooded self probably thinking I was a total idiot.

The farmers fed us. Over dinner, we decided to sleep in shifts to keep a set of totally aware people awake at once. I got to sleep on the first round next to the fireplace; Yua and Senji were on the lookout for anything dangerous. The boys had to sleep inside of one of the well-packed carts, so Sora was out of luck on the comfort end of things.

Women were treated like some kind of delicate flowers here.

Speaking of which...

I pulled out Hiroto's flower. It was pretty enough, violet.

On closer observation it has erratic black and red flecks of color. They reminded me of… _his_... inconsistent emotions when they used to flicker across my brain. Reds of passion and blacks of depression. Coincidentally, colors somewhat similar to the sharingan.

Of course. Anything to remind me of that missing nin.

Without another thought, I cast it into the orange flames and watched the little thing curl from the heat until it was nothing but a twisted black speck of nothing. Imagining the flower as my own feelings toward the subject. Beautiful, soft petals of the flower were perfect and vivacious until it was forced into the fire by no fault of its own, shriveling and dying until it was nothing but grey, emotionless ash. My eyes began to close as I stared at the fire with a sense of calm, happy that I could watch as I metaphorically killed myself every night so long as I had flowers to throw into the flames. Silence overtook me, for the first time in years I fell into a calm sleep with no nightmares.


	8. Paralyzed

"_Paralyzed_"

* * *

Harsh reality took hold of me as I fell from the height of my dream to the cold, real dirt. You know, like one of those midnight sitting straight up and realizing that you aren't actually falling off of a cliff about to meet a swift demise. One of those kinds of wake ups.

I dipped out of my not-so-restful sleep in a full body spaz attack.

For once I didn't have nightmares, but for some reason my self-preservation was on point tonight. Being awake was very important. I wasn't sure why, but it was.

Throwing my head back and forth I noticed that all of the farming ladies were still sleeping hard around me. Embers glowed from the fire pit giving the early morning atmosphere a soft orange, almost dreamlike ambiance.

Rather than fight myself back to sleep, I decided that it would be better for me to take over Yua's shift. There was nothing else to do, I was wide-awake.

Soft yelling, the kind where the arguers think that no one can hear them but everyone is secretly listening but pretending that they don't hear drifted to my ears.

Yua and Senji were toe-to-toe right up in each others faces, eyes narrowed intently with lips taut. At first I thought they were about to kiss. Yua whipped her hand back and slapped him hard across the face with a loud _thwack_!

First thoughts: _Woah!_ Go Yua! Took her long enough to stand up to that pompous asshole. Time after time I had to watch him break her sweet little heart. It was time for him to get a taste of his own medicine.

Hurrying my steps, I got between them before Senji could throttle our little green haired healing nin.

"Hey! Quit it you idiots!" I whisper-yelled as each hand hovered a few inches above the dueling pair's chests to prevent any further reactions, "what gives! We're supposed to hurt the bad guys, not our own team! Are you crazy?"

Yua's little face was red. So red that I could see it even though it was pitch dark outside. She pointed at his face with a shaking hand, it was as if she was about to pet a snarling dog. "H-he started it!"

She then folded her arms and pointed her nose up to the sky, turning her body slightly so she didn't have to look at him.

_Ugh_...Time to play mommy.

"Senji, what did you do?" I turned, voicing my disapproval with a matriarchal stance. Standing akimbo, intentionally blocking Yua from looking at her adored teammate. Once I looked up to his face my rigid stance softened. If Yua saw the hurt glaze over his expression as he looked up to her profile, she would have become malleable putty for him to mold and play with all over again. But as my eyes searched him, he noticed, recoiling slightly from the intensity of my stare. His trademark scowl reset his entire body into stone.

His squared jaw was set like cement, when he spoke it was like hearing that cement grind against itself. Since we were kids, he always had a gravelly voice that grated on my nerves. "Stay out of it Marshmallow, this is none of your business."

Senji was always that kid. You know, the one who tried to boss everyone around even when he was wrong. If I said the sky was blue, and he said the sky was red, even if I had a whole research team behind me, I'd still be wrong. His authority was the only correct one, as much as I hated admitting it, he was a very good leader. But that was a whole other can of worms. It was a mystery as to why he was not a jonin, we were seventeen and he had all of the required leadership skills necessary. It wouldn't be too weird for him to try for it. In my own opinion, I think it's because he wasn't smart enough for the written test. He had all of the recommendations, Hell my dad even wrote the brute a recommendation. After I regained control of my hands, he learned to respect me, if not as an equal, he saw me as a living person rather than a ghost.

A small groan escaped my lips as I rolled my eyes, he was going to be a pain in the ass about this.

My psyche cracked its knuckles and I stretched my neck from side to side. Now it was time to work my magic, "Well, now it _is_ my business now. You two woke me up from a very nice night of sleep." He didn't move, not even a little. "So, tell me what's going on." I smirked a little, knowing the exact buttons to push, "…or, I can just believe whatever Yua says, I'm sure she's right anyway."

If Hell fire could accurately describe brown eyes, that's what his would look like. He hated having his authority questioned, especially if the person questioning was the ghost girl from school. Standing slightly taller, trying to assert some kind of dominance, he responded, "Like I said before, it's none of your business. If you need to know, Yua decided tonight was the time to tell me she..."

His voice dropped off a cliff along with his eyes, softening the whole way down to the dirt, kicking a small rock with his sandal.

"…she…?" I lifted an eyebrow, it was obvious that this guy did not want to share this little nugget of information with me, but I was making him do it anyway. Who knows, maybe talking their problems out would ultimately help their relationship.

Face hard, he stood square and glared back at me. "…That she has an emotional connection with me that we do not share." He ended bluntly, moving his glare to a stricken green-haired girl whose eyes rimmed with tears. Yua wrapped her arms around herself and tucked her chin to her chest, a sobbing mess.

In my head I was throwing the world's greatest party. So proud of my little Yua! She finally told him how she felt; it felt like an eternity that we'd all been keeping that little not-so-secret secret from Senji. But I needed to keep myself level so I wouldn't depict any favoritism between them.

I pressed my lips together, thinking of the right way to go about this particular situation. There were two paths I could take here: let them fight it out right now, or teach them a valuable lesson about maintaining your head on a mission. I looked over my shoulder at the crying girl and told her gently, "Yua, that's information best kept for your own time, not while we're on a mission. You need to keep your head straight in these situations. If you don't think you can work to your fullest capacity with Senji then you should work with another team in the future."

Eyes wide, she opened and closed her mouth like a human sized fish, unable to think of anything to say. What an emotional little teapot she was. Well, I guess tonight she finally boiled over. Senji looked like a total punk, like I was showing favoritism toward him, making him right. "And _you_, Senji." I directed the next criticism toward him, "You need to chill out. Just because something isn't going _your_ way, doesn't mean that it's wrong. Yua feels a certain way, but that doesn't mean you need to throw it back in her face whenever you can. It's bad for our chemistry as a whole."

The smug expression morphed into a full on sour-puss glare, first at me, then at Yua. Probably deciding who to smack first. Holding my arms out like a crossing guard I kept on going, switching my gaze from one to the other, "C'mon guys, just go to bed. I'll go grab Sora and you guys can hit the hay. You're probably just tired."

They each gave a sharp nod and exchanged harsh glares to each other before strutting in opposite directions like children. I let out the anxious breath I was holding. Now that our nightly fiasco was figured out, it was time to go wake up our captain.

Boxes filled cart where Sora had to sleep, I felt bad that he wasn't allowed to just sleep next to the fire with me. Ah well, everyone has their different traditions, I guess.

Sliding open the huge wooden door made enough noise to wake anyone up but when I peeked inside, no one was there.

Huh.

Lighting up one of the oil lamps on the side of the vessel with one of the matches next to the door, l I still couldn't see him. Squinting into the darkness I began feeling around with my hands until I felt something solid.

"What are you looking for?"

Virtually jumping out of my skin, I dropped the matchbox sending the little pieces of wood flying everywhere. In a frustrated haunch I went to yell at whoever snuck up on me, then I found myself nose to chest with a dark blue hooded person who stared down at me with no expression.

Sora had his arms crossed staring down at me with beadle black eyes. Those long sleeved hoodies were creepy. Aburames were pretty creepy as a whole if you asked me. Always completely buttoned up so you could never see their faces unless you were really close up like I was currently. It was rumored that they always wore all of those clothes to cover up the holes in their skin made by the bugs. But that was just a rumor... right?

Bugs grossed me out big time. My skin crawled at the thought, sending shivers tickling across my scalp and spine. Memory of the mosquito I murdered back when my life was normal flew across my mind, then disappeared when I stumbled back, realizing how oddly close we were standing.

I scratched the back of my head nervously. "Hey Sora, I was just coming to wake you up. Ha-ha... guess you were already awake… okay well... I'll see you up front!" Jerkily, I began walking away but I heard him clear his throat behind me.

His small, almost sickly sounding voice spoke. "Thank you for dealing with that situation." Unfolding then folding his arms again nervously, his face remained blank.

That was probably the largest sentence I'd ever heard him speak. It was shocking to say the least.

My lips twitched into a little smirk, "Any time, those two just need to keep their silly drama away from us, right?" Maybe goofing off with him would make him open up a little.

Apparently not.

Sora went silent. The space between us seemed to fill with awkward clay preventing either of us from moving.

A nervous giggle bumbled from my lips ridiculously, and before I had to acknowledge the odd sound, bounded off to the front of the melon caravan, completely embarrassed.


	9. Trouble

_"Trouble"_

* * *

That annoying face tickle persisted throughout the days. We were only a few miles away from our final destination then we could get out of here and I could take a much needed shower. Currently, Yua and I were living off of baby powder and water bottles to wash up with. It was completely nasty. White hair and filth did _not_ work well together.

It was nice spending so much time with these guys. My friends from school basically dropped me like a hot rock as soon as Arashi died. The pain of seeing me without her must have been too much for them, she was everyone's favorite after all.

Koroko had a baby last month. It was unreal that someone who I graduated from the academy with had a kid already.

_Yeah, yeah, yeah._ I know. She's married so she can do whatever she wants.

But _still_. Seventeen with a baby?

No way. I'm _not_ about that life.

Maybe someday, if I found someone who was willing to deal with my off kilter personality then I'd settle down and have fifty kids. Okay, I'm exaggerating. More like three or four kids.

But that would not be any time soon. Kids were still my number one goal in life, but this world was a dangerous place for any female shinobi to raise babies. Anything could happen at any moment, and that really scared me. What would they do if I died? If their father happened to be the best guy ever, maybe he'd be able to raise them into awesome people without me, but that was doubtful.

Guys are all manipulative jerks. As proven by a certain missing nin that I chose not to think about as much as humanly possible.

To me, men were just the sperm donors. I wanted to be the one who raises my kids. But as long as I kept up with this lifestyle, that couldn't happen.

"Sora, Kat; time to switch out. Get to bed." Senji announced with his authoritatively annoying voice. Did he forget that he wasn't the captain here? I rolled my eyes, then yawned, stretching my arms above my head, making my back crack.

It was decided after that first night that Yua would watch the back end of the train while Senji would take the front. Just because she needed to stay away from him for now until they could work out their little issue on their own time.

Rubbing my face I realized that I had some serious luggage under my eyes. No really, this was like advanced sleepiness. Hopefully that meant I'd sleep like a rock tonight.

Again, I said goodnight to Sora with a little wave and we went our separate ways for the night.

The fire pit was great; it gave everything this great smoky smell. My clothes would smell like fire for months and it would be fabulous.

When we were younger, Arashi and I used to sit out back at her house and lay around her fire pit in folding chairs. Her neighbors hated it, but we loved it. Her dad would come out and give us blankets so we could have little camp outs. Life was so simple back then.

Memories faded into my abysmal mind as dreams took over to create the false reality I'd grown to hate.

Each night was another war with my own subconsciousness.

In my head, Arashi and Ryu would be alive. We'd be hanging out as if everything was normal again, then in another moment I'd see their horrific, dead faces with _him_ standing above me, hand extended, expecting me to take it with those sinfully sweet eyes.

In these dreams, I always forgave him. In these dreams he was his passive, gentle self again. Even I wasn't so stupid to believe that he could ever be that person again. If he somehow managed to transition back into the person I once knew, I could never forgive him for ruining my life, breaking my heart, and killing the ones I grew to think of as family.

Consciously, I knew he was not the same anymore. He was a monster, something to be eliminated from this world without a second thought.

If I ever did see him again, I'd fight. I wouldn't be that weak little girl he ruined so many years ago.

Ugh. I was doing it again. I thought I was sleeping, but instead I was thinking. Does this ever happen to anyone else or am I the only crazy one?

So I did what I always do when I couldn't sleep. I counted. And counted and counted until the world faded back into darkness, this time I was truly sleeping.

As my body lifted into the stratosphere, I thought _'What a nice dream I'm having, this is pretty cool.'_

Air whipped by my ears, it was so loud, abrasive even.

Rough movements jostled me awake in a panic as I was thrown against something solid.

What the…

Now I was fully aware I tried looking around but something was covering my eyes. Somehow I was now in a tree. The bark was rough under my knees. I could smell pine needles. Leaning foreword, I felt for the side of the tree limb so I could get out of there.

Everything was black; I felt my eyelashes bristle against some kind of surface. A hand jumped over my mouth. A sense of heat radiated from behind me. A sharp, cold line pressed to my throat hard enough to pinch the skin. A kunai.


	10. Give Me A Reason

"_Give Me A Reason_"

* * *

What the Hell! Where are Senji and Yua! Why even _have_ a lookout if they aren't going to do their job!

Without my eyes I could still comprehend my surroundings, but only to a certain extent. Self preservation kicked in and I began feeling around my environment. Extending my chakra almost like tongues, I felt around trying to make sense of the situation. There was only one person here. Only one bad guy to vanquish.

A redish pink wave hit me deep in my skull in the form of a tiny ache. So, whoever had me either hated or loved me; I could pretty much assume which. And I guess they were… happy about it? Weird.

Curling my core tightly -with perfect muscle control, might I add, thank you Ayumi- I wound up and kicked the assailant with all my strength in one flowing movement. I felt their lower ribs encase my foot as it impacted their gut, yuck.

… and now my body was dangling over what I could only assume was open air.

Dropping, dangling and falling like a rag doll jarred my senses. They dulled momentarily as I blinked from beneath the darkness of my blindfold. I felt like a teddy bear being held by one leg by a sadistic little kid. My attacker swiftly turned their wrist at the very moment my foot thrust into their abdomen and grabbed my ankle forcing my body to just hang at their whim.

Maybe my attack was pointless, but now they weren't able to hold that kunai to my throat. Rule number 1: get yourself out of the most fatal situation even at the risk of losing less important appendages. My right leg was this fight's casualty since it currently felt like it was being ripped out of its socket.

There was nothing preventing me from speaking so with my scarf and t-shirt falling over my face like a babushka I snapped, "Who the fuck do you think you are!"

Of course, I got no response, not that I was really expecting one, I was just frustrated and needed to let it out verbally like I always did. My brain prayed that they wouldn't just drop me right now; that would really, truly suck. I could definitely survive the fall, but after the years of therapy I went through with my hands I did not want to repeat that kind of misery with my ankles. Anko would destroy me if that happened.

I flailed like an unsuspecting fish on a hook being hoisted out of the water by a meager fishing line. Thrashing and twisting about, I tried grabbing at them, but failed miserably. They twisted my ankle, slowly twirling me around like a flower between your fingers. It was dizzying. I found myself becoming exhausted; apparently being someone's puppet was pretty hard work. Their iron grip left me unmoving as their captive. It was sort of like getting your leg stuck in a tree... or something.

In a frustratingly quiet manner, the individual placed me back on the tree branch, quickly taking control of my arms before I could throw the kunai between my knuckles. Calloused hands manipulated the knives from my grip. If they just killed me now I'd be better off, I was _not_ going to be the person who failed the simplest melon mission just because some jerk wanted to screw things up for me. That would be completely ridiculous.

Heavy cloth draped over me as their body crouched over mine, trapping my ankles with their knees. Now it was time to panic. What if they weren't after the melons and were genuinely more interested in kidnapping some sleeping girl?

This was all way too much. My eyes were still useless; something was tied tightly around my head. I threw it around, trying to shake my blindfold free.

Then something weird happened. It was the strangest thing. One at a time, the person picked up my hands and brought them close to their face. Close enough that I could feel the air blowing out of their lungs in silent, warm gusts. My fingers twitched nervously.

I reached out with my fingertips when they picked up my left hand and brushed against a nose, then the soft spot under their eye and the twitch of eyelashes fluttered against my skin. Before I could tear out their eyeballs with my nails they pinned my hand next to my head and took up the other, twisting and turning and bending it at will like a kitten would play with a piece of string.

My wrists were healed up completely; only scars remained from where the metatarsals once stuck out of my skin.

They brought my hand closer to their face, examining the damage I imagined. Perhaps trying to figure out how I got them, or if they would cause me pain. The scars were pretty interesting to look at, I thought, but not interesting enough to kidnap a Konoha shinobi and want to face the consequences.

The scars told the exact story.

One deep colorless dimple left by each of his fingertips.

Normally, I wrapped them so no one could see my weakened hands, but I was stupid and assumed nothing would go wrong during a silly melon caravan mission. Last time I'd ever make that mistake.

Their intent concern with my distorted appendages was beginning to get on my nerves, "Those don't hurt anymore, you know." Tightening my lips I snarled aggressively.

Ignoring me completely they continued turning my hands one at a time. In an almost delicate way, they pressed a fingertip into one of the deep, scarred divot gently. Almost immeasurably, their emotions shifted into something dark. My chest tightened, the apprehension was choking me. They brought my hand so close that I could feel their breath heating my skin again.

…Uhh _what_?

Lips touched one of the scars on my wrist, repeating the same action four more times for each dimple. They mimicked this bizarre behavior with one hand then the other, finally gently pinning them both above my head with one of their own larger hands, leaning over me, adjusting their weight so they were balanced on my knees to prevent my escape.

Hovering only slightly above my face, for a second I thought they were going to kiss me, the person shifted their weight foreword. I struggled to get away. To them I must have looked like a mouse with its tail caught in a trap.

As they moved closer, I pinned the side of my face against the tree, pressing the abrasive surface into the tender skin of my face. Using one hand, they pinned my hands above my head, squeezing my wrists to the point of pain. Swallowing hard I considered the situation.

Okay. So I'm in a tree, some unknown distance above the ground. Leaping away and hoping for the best would be a bad idea, this person has some intention, but it doesn't seem evil. But, I needed to get out. All of my limbs were compromised, without my fingers I couldn't manipulate their pressure points. All of my training with capoeira training seemed useless in this situation. My abdomen was the only body part that my kidnapper didn't pay attention to, but that wasn't helpful to me. There was nothing I could do right now, I'd have to wait until their body shifted so I could pirouette out of their hold by pushing through the weakness of their knees or the area above their hip. Behind the knee was an important point in the body, if twisted the right way, you could force your way out of a very bad situation by catching hold of their legs with one of your own.

His unoccupied hand forced my face foreword painfully, pressing their fingers into the side of my cheek as I strained to keep myself still. Cracking vertebrae in my cervical spine warned me to follow the enemy's lead to forgo paralysis. My heart hammered in my chest, I tried to slow it but there was something so unusual about this whole situation. Why kidnap a Konoha kunoichi over some stupid melons?!

Achingly slow, their finger grazed over the roughed up skin on the side of my face, sending a stinging sensation down my neck. I flinched away from the pain. Their touch lightened somewhat, but continued easing their face nearer. I could feel their breath on my lips, my face tightened with anticipation. U_gh_, I'm such an idiot. Never show weakness!

In my head I thought this person was about to do something truly awful to me. It would start with a kiss, then end with my body irreparably damaged in ways I could never fix. Goosebumps trailed up and down my arms and my stomach turned to iron ore at the thought.

Hovering mere millimeters away from my lips, he tilted his head slightly, pressing brow to mine tenderly, sliding his hand behind my neck to hold the familiar pose.

My heart stilled.

I was in the grips of an Akatsuki member, a deadly killer.

A cold, hard ball of emotion made itself home in my throat, but I wouldn't cry. I've spilled enough tears for _him_.

It was odd, but I couldn't help remembering the last time he pressed his forehead to mine so gently, the day he ruined my life by killing my best friend and breaking my only means of self defense. All of the memories from the past five years trickled through the crevices in my brain, feeding my fury. It would be illogical to let this happen, once upon a time in fairytale land he was worth my time and suffering. Not anymore, I was too strong to let him tear down my walls again.

Feeling his face pressed ever so gently against mine was beginning to rehatch a long dead emotion from within my heart. So, I did the least logical thing and attacked.


	11. I Hate Everything About You

_"I Hate Everything About You"_

* * *

Using every bit of energy in my body I wrenched out of his hold and shot a kick into his chest. I heard him skid to a stop across the wide tree branch. By ripping it out from the weight of his knee, my ankle may or may not have been broken, but I sure as hell got out of that bizarrely intimate hold. Against my heart's desire.

My newly freed hands pulled off whatever was covering my eyes.

"Pft, _really_?" I rolled my eyes. It was my own forehead protector. So simple.

Retying the Konoha symbol back onto my arm, the moment before I looked up to look at was filled with anxiety. Did he look the same? Did he now look the monster I'd overlooked so long ago? Or was he the same with those deceptively gentle eyes that could steal my heart again? Dread overwhelmed my heart, carefully constructing a face that wouldn't betray it.

In my heart of hearts, I wasn't ready to face him. I wasn't ready to see my dreams come to fruition. To see that he truly was the angel of death I fell in foolishly fell in love with. But that was when I was still a malleable child. Today I wasn't the weak little girl I was five long years ago.

With a low, calming breath, I lifted my head to look at Itachi Uchiha.

He stood, looking almost small compared to the enormous pines surrounding us. Sharp, avian eyes slowly wandered me; taking in my changed appearance. The years had changed him severely. Although much of his face was obscured by that black cloak scattered with red clouds, I could see that his hair had gotten longer. Using the distance between us as a gauge, I guessed that he was at about four inches taller than before. The most major change was pretty obvious, his eyes.

The sharingan eyes were rimmed with feathers of long black lashes. Blood red irises with three whirling tomoe. The most advanced stage of the Uchiha's blood limit. Arashi only ever had two black marks in her eyes and I could never keep up with her movements, she always preempted my attacks. He must have known I was going to lash out and simply allowed it to happen. Though it made zero sense to me, I watched him warily as I shifted my position to a loose but prepared stance, unnerved. If he intended to kill me, he would have already done so. He must want something else from me, or my team. To me, he distance between us was achingly tense, while he just seemed to wish he was somewhere else, as if he was here by some other, greater force. Probably some command by a higher order.

It would be ridiculous for me to even think I had a fighting chance against him, even with both arms removed and a blindfold he could probably still kill me in ten thousand excruciating ways. It would be worse than sparring with Arashi, she was at least someone who wouldn't _want_ to hurt me. Itachi was capable of killing _everyone_ he loved. It made me wonder what he could do to someone he was indifferent toward. Akatsuki didn't take just any petty criminal, they only took S-class missing ninja. I was not made of the same stuff he was. He was a weasel, smart and fierce. I was a cobra, fluid and sleek. Maybe I looked tougher with my hood extended, but he had the sharp teeth and claws. Then again, _he_ was the one with the hypnotizing eyes...

Everyone was right. He was the Hidden Leaf's greatest failure. But standing here, only feet away, I couldn't help that hot stake driving through my heart as thoughts of what could have been swarmed my mind. Seeing how much we both changed drew the breath right out of me. They say the first cut is the deepest, I couldn't agree more.

No words came at first, from either of us. The uncomfortable silence was intense. Everything that I'd ever wanted to say to him scattered like marbles dropped to the floor. It was not like I'd imagined this moment would be. He just gazed at me with disinterest, pulling his arm into that stupid cloak allowing it to hang out of the front. Getting comfy, I presumed.

The way he didn't seem to care sparked something in me. It was as if he brought me here just to taunt me, to rekindle those miserable feelings for shits and giggles. If he wanted insanity, I'd give him insanity. My thoughts condensed and I exploded like a broken pipeline.

Daring a step towards him I smirked humorlessly, shaking my head slightly with incredulity, "You're a piece of crap, you know that right?" My arm extended, "You took everything from me! My best friend, my trust, my ability to cope, and worst of all?"

I took another step closer, throwing my arm to the side in a fist, wishing I could smash it into his pretty face. "I _loved_ you, you took _everything_ from me." He didn't react, his emotions didn't even spike. His apathy was really pissing me off; my words didn't even give him pause.

A harsh laugh escaped in a huff, "And you don't even care! Is this some kind of twisted fun for you? Making people love you then ripping it apart? How could you kill your own parents? Cousins?"

My tirade continued with another angry stomp, "What about Sasuke? He adored you. Now he wants nothing more than to see you die by his own hands."

Still, nothing showed on his face, but the mention of his brother's name darkened his emotions, spinning a complicated web of black and red. It wasn't enough. I wouldn't stop until he was hurt enough to show it, but knowing him, his face wouldn't move until I was done losing my mind. He was the immovable object, I was the unstoppable force.

"Is that what you want? Retribution of some kind? Sorry, but that's reserved for people who had a soul in the first place." It felt like I was going to ignite, so much energy and anger was trapped inside of me from all these years of covering it up with false happiness through Hiroto.

A pause. A calming breath.

Still bristling, I made myself breathe, stress sometimes made me stop breathing. I was losing my head, which was exactly what he wanted. It made no sense. Why was he even here? Why did he take me? Just to look at the scars on my arms that _he_ created? No, there had to be something else.

Stoic as ever, he observed me lazily. Maybe my word choices weren't strong enough. I wanted to see pain mar his features.

So I dug deeper, taking another small step foreword leaving only a few short feet between us, "Oh! And not to mention you left all of us to clean up the mess you made. Do you think we enjoyed picking up pieces of bodies? Of children and mothers and fathers? Our friends and comrades?" My voice was raw and harsh and everything I needed it to be sad I leaned at the hips toward him, if I wanted to reach out and smack him, I could.

An unexpected sob ripped from my throat and my shoulders slouched pitifully as I looked away from him into the trees, not wanting him to see my tears. "Arashi's dead. No one even went to her wake. She was completely alone _because of you_. You looked at your adoring cousin and sliced her from throat to thigh like some animal."

After another tormented scoff, I added quietly "We lost most of her organs... she wasn't even in one piece when we burned her body…" Forgetting the tears, I felt my face wrinkle out of pure misery as I faced him once more. "To what end, Itachi?" Tears streamed down my face, crying for the memory, not for him. He didn't deserve it. "That's your fault. All of it."

Everything I'd been holding in for the past five years came pouring out at the person who caused my suffering. It was the best therapy a girl could want.

Silence was heavy, he didn't answer. He just watched passively as my anger wound down, like I was being a pain in the ass. I felt for his emotions to get a better read on him. He felt like contentment and concern; fairly conflicting emotions when paired with that stupidly aloof face of his.

His one long stride closed the remaining gap between us, the invasion of personal space drove me backward. His arm shot out and grabbed me around the waist, cinching my arms to him before I could even acknowledge the movement. He didn't look at me, he was tall enough that my face was smooshed against his clavicle. His hair and chin tickled the top of my head.

My eyes went wide, outrageously conflicted. Seeing him was one thing, touching him was entirely different. This was all so surreal. My heart felt as if blood was pouring out, filling my chest cavity with painful heat. His emotions were much less subtle now, more amorous but less content. The hand that wasn't crushing my body to his crawled up my spine and into my hair. Gently tracing my short spiky hair, he seemed to measure its former length against his nimble fingers.

Everything in me demanded that I escape with my life. But I couldn't move. He rocked back enough that I was no longer sandwiched between his hands and chest. Hesitating momentarily, I looked up to see those red eyes staring down at me, glazed with malice. I cringed away but he held me in place. His eyes immediately faded to black and closed, as if he was reacting to my fearful quiver. Damn those eyes. Damn this broken heart.

This position gave me the chance to really look at him. He looked older, even older than eighteen, he looked closer to twenty-five. Older still with those tired, angry eyes.

So different, yet entirely the same. Exactly how my memory always painted him, just touched up with a dark brush. No matter how beautiful he was, I needed to get out of his control. Right now he was playing the part of cobra, I was the mesmerized rodent awaiting a quick end to my life. For now, his eyes were still closed, waiting for something it seemed. This was my chance.

With a surge of energy powered by my resentment, I managed to push myself under his arm and away. Leaping off of the tree, I landed lightly, kicking up a few browned pine needles. At a full speed, I tore away from the general direction of the caravan and deeper into the forest, hoping he would follow me and keep away from my friends.

It worked, he was much faster then me. We collided mid step and I plummeted into the leafy underbrush, skidding through the dirt, tearing my skin.

Well, that certainly hurt. My body bounced, literally, when I shouldered the ground. Adjusting my body weight, I flipped up and back, narrowly avoiding being hit with several shuriken. Where my body was moments ago, there was now a small forest of metal weapons jabbing out of the ground. I sensed for him, but I couldn't pick anything up. Instead of waiting to be found I bounded away, I didn't notice that he was only a step behind me until he kicked my legs out from under me. I caught myself in a handspring and started to bounce back to my feet, but he caught my ankle and threw it to the ground forcing my whole body to follow into a jumble of limbs. Throwing my abdomen foreword to escape, my momentum was halted by a hand in the middle of my chest, compressing it into the dirt, squeezing the air from my lungs, pinning me to the ground.

I was caught.

He crouched over, pinning me between his two arms. His eyes were still black, it was disarming. Whenever I imagined 'evil' Itachi, I imagined his sharing an activated. Not those soft, trusting black coals.

Now I was in some trouble. He had me down like before, it was as if he knew the exact position to keep me from getting away. His mouth was a taut line, the rest of his face was this as his 'I need to talk to you' face I closed my eyes, if he was going to kill me he would have already. So it was time to behave like an adult and figure out what he wanted from me. Itachi leaned down to me until we were almost hugging. His lips touched the shell of my ear sending hot, while electricity along the back of my neck.

"It was never my desire to cause you pain."

His voice was deeper too, just another thing to add to that growing list of things that changed about him over the years. The meaning of his words were illogical.

My first thoughts were: _so… what now_.

Was I supposed to forgive him and forget that he was a mass murdering son of a bitch?

_No!_

Tossing my head away from him, I squeezed my eyes shut, sealing away the image of his face, hoping with all of my heart that this was just another nightmare.

Hesitantly, he hovered over my face then leaned to the right, his bangs brushed my cheeks as I felt him shift above me. He pressed a kiss into the crook of my neck as if I were made of delicate wet paper. My heart quivered in fear and something else. Dragging his lips against the soft flesh between jaw and throat, he kissed the hard plane of my jaw. Then my ear, and chin. Just below my lower lip, I felt his breathing change. The radiant heat from his lips warmed mine, his breaths came out slightly shuddered. Only slightly.

As much as I disagreed with it, my biological brain wanted to kiss and touch him back. Our relationship had never been a physical one, but right now he was making me feel in ways that I did not want to feel for anyone... _ever_.

Tossing my head around, he sat up a little to avoid being hit in the face, a natural reflex. He couldn't have this power over me, not now, not _ever_! Not after wreckage he'd made of my life!

But, as much as I didn't want to believe it, his strategy was working; I couldn't make myself escape. Not with the sentiments I still harbored for him. Those feelings were my soft spot, my weakness. It was as if he'd placed some mind controlling hex on me that put me back under his spell the moment he showed any form of affection, no matter how misguided it was.

I was truly pathetic.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, I could still feel it. I could feel that he cared about me. Reds and blues danced across my mind like poison. Passion and loneliness.

Feeling his emotions crushed me. The fact that he still wanted me in some way ruined my ability to think clearly. He could tell me right now that he loved me, and I wouldn't know what to do. Deep in my subconscious, I knew I'd just forgive him. I craved his acceptance more than anything in this world. I craved the acceptance of a sociopath. What did that speak of my personality? I hated myself for it, but I really still loved him. It was a weight that I'd been burdened with for a long time and it would never cease.

My whole body shook, I couldn't take this. He was manipulating me like it was nothing.

Then something dawned upon me. If he still held an emotional tie to me, then two could play at this game of manipulation and pain.

Loosening his grip on me, his lips brushed my ear again as his voice started with a sharp edge. "You replaced me." Emotional pain flowed from him in the form of grey and blue spray paint on my psyche, "I was under the false pretense that you were 'mine, entirely, _forever_'." He twisted the last word until it sounded dirty, pushing away so he could view my face as I responded. This was something he used to do, he would watch my face to see if I was lying or not.

His black eyes looked down at me, expecting an answer. He wanted to hear me say that I wasn't seeing someone, but I actually was. So lying was out of the question. I still wanted to see pain in his eyes, even if it wasn't for the deaths of the people I that loved him. I could make him hurt.

Delicately, I pulled my one arm from his gentle grip. My fingertips lightly reached up, ever so gently brushing the bangs from of his face, tucking them behind his ear, trying to make him feel like I was enamored with him. He was expecting me to dispute that I was dating Hiroto.

Through the years I'd been sent on missions where I had to play this little game with criminals and opium dealers. I'd play the part of a sweet, sensual little angel who wanted to have a good time with a bad boy. I'd flirt my eyes, slide the tip of my tongue along my upper lip. Once they were close enough for me to reach behind their head, my fingers would lock to the base of the skull and cut off their biological functions with a small electrical pulse. I'd kill them silently, leaving no trace or evidence. Anko or Ayumi always came with me to these assignments since I was not experienced enough to go alone.

I gazed at the aim of my bitter affections through heavily lashed eyes, giving my most entrancing look, knowing just the right words for once as I slipped my fingers toward the side of his neck.

"Just a placeholder, I suppose." My voice came out just as vindictively sweet as I'd hoped.

His eyes grew sharp and predatory as suspicion flashed across them.

_'Careful now, Kat. Don't make him kill you._' I thought nervously. It took all of my concentration not to move my fingers, he was too smart not to know what I was doing if I moved too quickly, this had to feel natural.

"...A placeholder." he murmured, easing upright just a little, his black eyes softened briefly then hardened into black diamonds, finally reflecting some kind of emotional damage.

_Good_. So far, I was winning this round of the 'who can cause more pain' Olympics.

He eased back into place, just above my lips just close enough that they could almost touch, knowing the game I was playing. "Placeholders are meant to represent something that's lacking. You fail to understand the meaning of that word."

I could feel his anger pressing on my skull, but it only fed the flames in my heart. Guess he forgot that I could be mean, too. His reaction wasn't as fiery as I wanted, so he received no points.

Smiling sweetly, I purred, "Alright, _Your Majesty..._" I reached down his neck, against his chest, sliding my hand around to the middle of his back, pulling his torso closer to mine until our bodies were sealed together. I then propped myself up on the opposite elbow so our faces were virtually touching. Keeping my eyes uplifted to watch his weary reaction, I grazed my lower lip across the flat plane of his jaw to his ear. It freaked me out that I was able to do this to someone without feeling badly. He was falling into my trap like a lamb to slaughter. It was pleasantly surprising.

Melting a kiss to his temple, then the spot just below his ear, he began to unfold. With each touch of my lips to his skin, he relaxed a little more. Using the sweetest, most sickening voice I could conjure I whispered with all of the salty sweetness I could conjure, "He's a _temporary_ solution to _long term_ problems."

He shot up to a sitting position, releasing the cage of his arms letting my fall back into the dirt. I was surprised the forest didn't catch fire from the burning heat of his glare. Refusing to meet my gaze, he glowered at the vast emptiness behind me. There's the reaction I was looking for.

...And a 10 from the Chinese judges!

Itachi didn't try to leave or anything. He just sat with his hand on my calf, staring into the distance with zero outward expression, obviously thinking. Too bad his face couldn't hide anything from me. The wild pinwheel of reds, blacks and violets told me that there was a lot more on his mind than he'd ever admit.

I just smiled victoriously as he murmured to himself. It was barely audible but I picked up on words like: "temporary solution" and "reality" and "pointless".

I propped myself up on my elbows, maybe I should have worn my heavier clothes. This outfit was not cutting it out here in the cold forest. Pine needles were poking into my back and thighs, it was killer.

Why was my brain so completely random?

With no retort, I dubbed myself victor of this battle and started to collect myself a little. The pressure on my calf tightened to the point of pain, reminding me that I was still his prisoner.

He was now staring at me with a disgusted sneer. Thinking there was something physically grossing him out, I rubbed my face. No dirt came off. I ran my fingers through my hair, nope nothing weird there either. Twisting my face a little, I cocked an eyebrow in search of aims explanation. What right did _he_ have to be disgusted with _me_?

His voice rushed out in a blowtorch wind, "Pathetic. I'm gone for a few years and you give yourself away to some beautiful stranger." He spoke in a way that I was really unused to. It was vicious and untamed.

This took me back. "Uh, _what_?" I calmed the muscles in my face and narrowed my eyes at him, not really understanding his meaning.

Eyes black onyx softened to a gentler coal. He reverted to this calm, collected, almost heartbroken voice, "I expected more than that from a person like you." His eyes darted away from me as he said it, allowing me to understand his implication.

Now where did he get _that_ idea? Regardless, it was obnoxious that he thought he could be angry even if I _had_ slept with someone.

The space between us wasn't very large, but somehow we felt so far away. Finally I reeled myself in and managed to speak, keeping my words concise. "That's no longer your problem."

His eyes hardened into something sharp enough to cut me, "You admit it." His hand clenched my leg hard then released just as quickly.

My leg jerked away from the pain, "No you ass! Where do you come up with these things!" A shrill voice erupted in my defense.

"You implied it."

"No I didn't!"

He inched his face toward mine pressing his eyebrows together slightly forcing me to drop back a little big, "Is your 'long term problem' me? Tell me about this 'temporary solution'."

I didn't back down, instead I pressed close to his face with narrow angry eyes, he didn't move back like I had. "He loves me endlessly. He makes me feel like I matter." I hissed venomously, "Something I _never_ had with _you_."

Itachi rocked back onto the pads of his feet, releasing my now very bruised calf. I won this battle for sure this time.

Standing abruptly, he brushed the dirt from his stupid cloak and pulled an arm inside allowing it to rest on the open front. Getting all comfy in his stupid, evil cloak. Black nail polish? Sweet fashion statement, jerk.

In a flash, he was gone, leaving only twirling leaves where he once stood.

Eyes blinking in complete confusion I wondered, _was that a really vivid nightmare, or an even more frightening reality_?

The sun was beginning to rise, proving the latter to be true.

My friends must be freaking out.

* * *

_A/N: I'm not sure why, but I really liked writing this chapter. Itachi's not a happy boy. Oh, Kat, if only you knew... Hope you're liking this so far, I know there are readers- you're all just hiding. Don't be afraid, I don't bite… much._


	12. Friends, Lovers, Or Nothing

_"Friends, Lovers, Or Nothing"_

* * *

Shaken, I took a few calming breaths before standing to start the long walk back to my mission assignment. In fact, I had no freaking clue where I was, so this would be a challenge to say the least. Huge pines surrounded me on all sides, needles and twigs dug into my back and thighs when Itachi threw me to the ground leaving white scrapes all over. I couldn't tell my team what really happened out here, I'd have to make something up. It was highly unlikely that the Akatsuki would care about a bunch of pricey melons. So, I needed to come up with a cover story to explain my absence.

Every limping step I took reminded me of this absurd situation. What were the odds? It was still relatively dark, so maybe my friends wouldn't have noticed my disappearance. Maybe I'd tell them I needed to bathe? I did smell kind of weird. And I hadn't been able to shower in a week so I probably looked like roadkill.

I winced at the pine scattered path before me. Itachi kissed my hair. My stomach squirmed, I must have smelled so gross and greasy. Bleh! Rolling my head toward the sky I realized that my dry hair would give me away anyway, so that story would not fly anyway.

Did get hungry? I could say I went to find something… wait, we're guarding a bunch of farmers. That would be an idiotic excuse. Senji would call me out faster than the words could leave my mouth. Ideas rolled around the inside of my head, I imagined what they would do if I told them the truth. Sora would calmly explain why we needed to send me back to Konoha for my own safety because someone like Itachi Uchiha wouldn't do that to just anyone. He would be suspicious of me and further distance me from my captain. Senji would argue that I brought the situation onto myself by being unaware of my surroundings, for being a defenseless woman. Yua would fuss over my injuries without even considering why I was picked out, she was always the kindest in out team. If she thought I'd been in some kind of trouble, her first reaction would be to try and make me better. Thoughts of my medic nin sparked a new idea. I could pretend I got sick. Yeah, I'll stick to that one. Being fake-sick was the easiest and it would explain the dark shadows under my eyes from the lack of sleep as well as the fact that I looked like I got beaten up, which, thinking back to the past few hours, I kind of did.

None of this made sense. Why, after all of this time, would he show up just to tell me that he didn't want me to suffer? That vibrant emotion that took him over when he thought about me with someone else proved that things were not exactly as they seemed on the surface with him. They never were. Like the glassy surface of a deep river. There were currents under those clear, tepid waves that could contain anything from little fish to crocodiles. That blank stare was his effort to hide everything he really felt inside, his disillusioned mind telling him that his inner turmoil was better trapped inside. Once, it made me feel guilty. Guilty because if I had been able to break down his walls, if I'd been smart enough to fix him, he may not have ended up the way he did. Maybe Arashi would still be alive, Sasuke wouldn't have to live with the survivor's guilt he harbored. Itachi wasn't so detached in the beginning. Before he lost his mind, he was really quite endearing. Never afraid to tell me what was going on inside, he would tell me when he was really broken up about something, his worries and fears. Slowly we lost that openness as he pushed me further and further away. It was only a few months before the slaughter that he started hiding the perfect person he truly was. There was no exact moment that I could pinpoint that should have changed him so drastically. There were no warning signs. Something must have happened while he was on a mission that really affected him.

But really. Did he expect forgiveness from me? I tried to make it clear that I wouldn't succumb the second time around, but I wasn't very convincing. I hadn't even been able to convince myself that I wouldn't just let myself melt into that comfortable puddle he always managed to melt me into. Suffering was a pretty obvious side-effect to having the one you love drop off the edge of sanity into that deep, dark place just beyond genius. There was a thin line between what we call intellect and insanity. Who was sane? Who was a genius? Maybe I was the insane one for connecting myself so solidly to my family and he was simply freeing himself of that bond. I could live with that. If being considered a lunatic was the price you paid for being an emotionally invested person, it was worth it. Every time I looked into my baby brothers' eyes I thanked my soul for being untainted by genius or perfection like Itachi's had been. Watching them grow up to become the wonderful people they were; that was more important than anything else in my life. Being perfect was not worth losing everything I held close to my heart.

After a few hours of walking, I finally saw my destination over a briar of flowers and mint. My ankle was likely sprained pretty badly and my calf had deep green and black bruising in the shape of a hand. Not to mention my minority dislocated hip from being dangled upside down. I didn't want to exacerbate the injuries by running all the way back, so I limped slowly across the field to meet the disjointed trail of separate wooden carts.

The sun was peaking just over the hillside, casting long beams of deep golden light into the blades of high grass. It gave the whole flat land a magical allure, like I'd just waltzed into a fairytale, and out of a nightmare.

Sora was walking along the side of the lead cart with an anxious expression. Yua and Senji were seated on opposite ends of the driver's compartment, having a staring contest through dark, tired eyes it would seem. Sora's eyes were the first to find mine, his walk loosened up. He must have been tense; I was one of his chunin, so if I'd gone missing he would have had to face my father. That would have been very, very bad.

"Kat! Are you alright?" Yua was the first to ask once I reached a relatively normal conversation distance. I just nodded like a little kid who just got caught with the stolen cookie, smiling and blushing. My made up story about getting sick and trying to stay away from the fruit totally worked, awesome. Yua's foam green hair's blunt bangs rustled in the breeze, she looked unconvinced but went along with my story perfectly as the boys just shrugged and Senji went off muttering something about women being useless. I climbed up the side of the huge rig to take his place opposite of Yua.

After a beat, she looked me over cautiously. "You look terrible Kat," She inched closer to me, "let me take a look at you." She placed a light hand on my shoulder, leading me into a laying position, flat the slowly warming wooden surface.

She glanced over me with a trained eye. For a second I thought she was going to call my bluff, but instead, her chilly hands hovered over my body, seeming to sense for my injuries until she they were near my injured leg. She pulled the high top of my sandal, over the affected ankle and calf. With a tiny, knowing shift, she then whispered with her version of scathing criticism, "Bruising and sprains are not symptomatic of any illness I've ever studied," Her hands emitted a light glow as I felt her chakra press through my skin with an irritating feeling of overworked nerves.

Some describe it as a tickle, it was not ticklish. It felt more like the nervous chill that goes through your stomach when you hear bad news. But instead of your stomach, it was felt whenever a healer worked their chakra into your injury.

Opening my mouth to argue, she broke her concentrated stare to glance at me warily, my mouth closed. The nervous energy in my leg was somewhat painful as she reestablished the ligaments in my ankle, "No one else needs to know, think of it like doctor-patient confidentiality." The anxiety left my body with each breath as she spoke. "I'm no stranger to the world of recklessness." The glow seemed to dissipate as she smiled at me knowingly, "Just take care of yourself, okay?"

I could honestly cry. She was the best person in the world. Willing to not only lie for me, but also pretend to fix my illness in front of Sora so I wouldn't have to admit what really happened. Eventually, maybe I'd be able to talk about it. But not today. I wasn't ready to truly admit it to myself yet.

Senji appeared over my face. "Quit stalling, Kat. I know what happened."

Oh no, oh no. My heart fluttered as my new excuses ran through my head. What would I say now!

"You skipped out on the last two sleep shifts." At first I was going to argue, but looking at his concerned, exhausted eyes, I changed my mind. "Yua and I are going to sleep, don't skip out this time." Senji muttered, dark lines under his eyes indicated that he was not exaggerating. They must have been up all night waiting for me. Cold, liquid guilt filled my belly.

I watched the green haired girl's eyes light up at the mention of her name; she then sat back from her crouch over me, offering a soft hand to help me up. After pulling me to a seated position, Yua jumped down and walked after Senji's retreating silhouette, springing every step like a lovey-dovey school girl.

I looked around. Sora had been there a few minutes ago, walking along the cart. My head popped over the edge to see if he was still there, but when I saw he wasn't there I traced the immediate area with my eyes. A smile quirked the corner of my mouth. He was petting my favorite dappled grey pony from the first day.

Standing tenderly on my newly fixed hip and ankle, I shifted my weight from left to right to test Yua's work. The sprain in my ankle was significantly less painful and my hip was not nearly as tight as it had been before, at least I could walk on it without much of a limp now. I walked in little circles, feeling for the painful pressure spots and positions so I could avoid them in the future in case I ended up in another tight spot. Now it was time to go play the part of a tough guy shinobi. I gimped my way over to the horses at the front to hang out with the blue clad jonin.

Soft whuffs and snorts filled the air. The ponies' flickering tails made my heart increase in size and volume. I loved horses since I was a little girl; it was something about their eyes that made them trustworthy. It was calming to see them after such a stressful night.

Sora was standing in front of one of the large draft animals with his hand hovering only slightly over the horse's forehead.

"That one's my favorite." I announced, reaching out to pat it's neck, giving the horse a toothy smile, his coat was just as sleek as it had been the other week, the people here took care of their animals. Even after the worst night in a long time, a horse could leave me grinning like a giddy child. His response was silence, and I really didn't mind. Sora was not a talker, this made him nice to converse with. He didn't feel compelled to give his opinion about anything, unless you asked. Then you'd get a quietly expressive response.

The pony's hair was so soft, his skin kept twitching, thinking I was a fly. I just wanted to bury myself into his neck and fall asleep. The quiet between Sora and I was making me uncomfortable. We never had either a good or bad relationship, just indifferent. Purely professional. I didn't really like it. Yua and Senji, as dysfunctional as they were, I considered them to be my friends. Sora was not in the same line of thought. We were strangers who happened to work with one another. He was a quiet person so it was hard to get to know him. He never really spoke unless he had to debrief us on a mission or our roles. For the most part, we were all on the same level of training so he respected our ability to make well thought out, independent decisions if we were separated. Today was the day I'd finally get him to talk to me like we were friends. The guy needed to lighten up! No reservations anymore, not after being kidnapped by a violent killer last night.

The smile returned to my face and I addressed him. "Do you like horses, too?" My gaze followed his arm up to that hood, to the much taller jonin's face.

Remaining unchanged, expressionless, he responded almost inaudibly, "I love all living creatures."

Finally extending his fingertips and touching the sweet animal's face, who bobbed his head in response to the affection. For such a mysterious person, he was very much in tuned with nature. He knew a lot about wind currents and the tides of the earth. Why the weather changed and the meaning of temperature and pressure and how it all affected the world around us. It was pretty cool working under him, he taught us each quite a bit.

Sometimes I forgot about the whole Aburame bug thing. He didn't look like a living bug hive to me. He just looked like a guy with a narrow face and dark beady eyes. The thought of giving your child to a bunch of bugs made my skin crawl. The image made me want to throw up, actually. But my morbid curiosity made me want to look it up when I got home, or maybe ask him. Or maybe I wouldn't. That might be pushing the envelope on a friendly conversation; he might think I was making fun of him or something. Like 'oh hey, I know we don't really talk, but do you have holes in your skin so the bugs can come and go freely or do they come out of your orifices?' yeah, that wouldn't go too well, especially with my lack of… what do they call it? Oh right, 'tact'.

I didn't hold his clan's traditions against him. That wouldn't be fair at all. Surely no one really _wanted_ to become a bug hive. I answered after a moment of silence with a tiny smile, "Me too. Horses are my favorite though. Do you have a favorite?"

He just smiled a little and looked out to the forest. "Not really."

I followed his eyes to the horizon; you could see an sweeping, iridescent haze when the little beasts reflected in the sunlight. His bugs were out detecting chakra. While they did that, I extended my feelers a few hundred meters. If someone was out there, we would know it.

Being on duty with Sora gave me ample time to think about my crazy night and begin to digest what happened. I climbed back up to the leading cart as Sora walked with the horses, he really loved them. He seemed to prefer their company over mine. It was cute to see such an accomplished person respond to an animal so tenderly, as if he knew what they were thinking. It brought a smile to my face. I watched him interact with the big fuzzy creatures for a long time as the sun rode higher in the sky. Supposedly I'd be out here until late tonight to keep everything under control in case the proverbial shit hit the fan to make up for my inexplicable absence.

Sunburn was inevitable with my frosty complexion; my skin was already darkening in the sunlight. Not in the good way that would make me look somewhat normal, but in the 'crap, I reallllly should have put on sunblock' kind of way that was going to both freeze and burn me to death all night tonight. I wrapped my beige scarf around my head to cover my face, a multi-purposed clothing choice on my end. Now, even if Sora decided to come up here to talk to me, he wouldn't be able to see the weird faces I made at the memories from last night. A deep frown tugged my lips as images flashed through my head.

After five years, one of the most dangerous ninja ever to come from the Hidden Leaf pressed his forehead to mine and kissed me like a treasured memory. Like any small movement would tear me into little threads that would scatter into the wind if he moved the wrong way.

Then, I proceeded to call this dangerous felon a jerk and an ass and a piece of crap. Then went on to basically tell him to stuff it because I was with someone else. You know, all before he kissed my neck and compelled my body to react. Using my pitiful seduction skills, I placed my fingers into the death points at the base of his skull, letting him think that I was caressing his face out of love. The line blurred until I wasn't entirely sure if I was acting or ready to kill him. For some reason I couldn't do it though. I couldn't kill him. If anyone found out about that major blunder I could be exiled from Konoha. Aiding the enemy, or something.

I sighed into the sky, blinking slowly into the luxurious sunlight. I was kind of proud of this newfound ability to just let all of my emotions out without being scared of the repercussions. Throughout the past few years, I'd gone back to the resigned child I was before Arashi met me. Being around others was a chore rather than any kind of fun. 'Fun' was sitting in my room reading anatomy texts and working with Ayumi and Anko. Focusing on my job was my new form of fun. My reactions had become highly controlled and my patience for liars was zero. Though, in a real fighting situation, screaming my heart out like that could have ended _very_ badly.

Frowning even deeper I remembered, that I _was_ a real combat situation. I just thought of it as a lover's quarrel because that's what it felt like to me. A dangerously sexy lover's quarrel. Really thinking about it, he did all of that for no logical reason. He didn't even say anything of significance. I was the one doing all of the screaming, he just seemed to really want to hold and touch me again.

For whatever reason, that magazine article from my past ilfe relayed through my head. Arashi was laying on my floor, magazine in hand, spouting the ten ways to tell if he's "totally into you". One of them was that "he wants to touch you." Another was "he wants to comfort you." Maybe this was his way of trying to mend things with me. My head hurt. None of this jived with his personality, it was too confusing. Itachi Uchiha never did anything without reason

Feeling the lumbering movements of the wooden vessel with every step of the cart animals, I let myself zone out, almost hypnotized by the repetitive, rotational movements beneath me. The sky was bright and cloud free today, kind of like my soul. For the first time in years I felt clean and somewhat happy. It was probably because I was able to scream every bit of frustration out of me for once. Deep in my heart I knew the real reason, but I couldn't admit it to myself. That little voice inside of my head wouldn't even say it aloud, afraid that I might give in to the needs my heart desperately cried out for. It was so peaceful.

Wait. What was I going to do about Hiroto? I mean, no I don't have any feelings for him, but should I tell him that I was basically put in a situation that physically and emotionally compromised the sanctity of our sham of a relationship? Hmm. That was something to think about.

Lightning tingled across my face. Someone was watching us. I sat up to tell Sora, but when I went to pull down my scarf, he was in a squat in front of me, only a breath away from each other.

"There is someone observing us from the trees to the south. Tell me their intensions."

Shooting a flat shell shaped wave of chakra, I reached around to find who he was talking about. There were two. Both had high levels of malice, enough to make me feel angry as a side effect.

"There are two people, both seem pretty nasty."

"Stay here." Sora flipped backward and hit the ground running.

I stood as quickly as I could with my painful ankle and shouted after him, "No! Don't go alone, I'll wake up the others!"

But by the time I got down from the cart, he was gone from sight. The Abrame ran off to the opposite end of the clearing we were currently traveling through. I felt for Sora's emotions. It only occurred to me once I felt the fizzing sensation, that I'd never actually done this to him before. His emotions were surprisingly animated; they were almost palatable like the bubbles in your soda.

Each bubble a different fleeting emotion. No. Correction, I was feeling the bugs. Each bug had bits of his chakra and emitted different feelings. How interesting! I lengthened my feeling to the south to make sure he didn't die or anything drastic like that.

Two people. The colors flooded my mind in two separate entities that flowed amongst themselves in little capsules. One was angry, confused, disappointed and happy all at the same time. The other was black depression, but was clearly working to mask it with anger and jealousy.

Well, I knew who _that_ was. Sora couldn't take on Itachi. He would die horribly. My brain tried to reason with me; maybe Sora would be smart and avoid any conflict. But then again, he was a guy, and guys _are_ pretty dumb.

Senji woke up hollering, he was mad that no one woke him up sooner to go with Sora. Yua stayed back and watched the caravan so we could take off after Sora. I didn't explain who was there, only that there were two and I felt bad vibes from both. My contact with Sora was flickering like a candlelight in in the wind. Sometimes it disappeared entirely, then it would reignite brighter than before. Then it just went up in smoke. I couldn't sense him anymore. My heart dropped through my stomach and picked up my feet faster, beating the ground to increase my speed. Something was very wrong.

We came across a red stain on the natural green pasture. A bleeding mess was all that remained of Sora's body. Two giant shuriken the size of a wagon wheel ripped open his shoulder and chest, exposing his internal workings for all to see. Stumbling over my injured ankle, I dropped to my knees next to him without scoping out the surrounding area. Closing my eyes tightly to remain focused, I pressed an ear to his badly rendered abdomen, his heart was beating erratically and his lungs were barely functioning, gurgling with blood. Some of that blood now smeared across the side of my face.

"Get Yua!" I commanded out loud. We needed her right now, she could pot. Without hesitation, Senji ran back to the caravan to get our healer before the words made it out of my mouth.

I sensed around, Senji was running fast. Blood was pouring from his wounds. I was no medical ninja, but I wasn't stupid. Tearing the bandages from my abdomen, made tourniquets around his shoulder and pulled off my scarf to use it as a barrier to keep his organs from failing from outside of his body. This was so bad. His skin was fading, the blood loss becoming too much for him to bear. There was this vacuous look to him, his eyes were distant as they stared up into the sky seemingly horrified. I felt the uncomfortable tingle again. It was like thousands of needles poked through my skin.

Footsteps and bells announced their presence. Two black-cloaked people wandered through the trees slowly. I watched as the smaller individual removed his sandogasa, revealing the one and only Itachi Uchiha.

I froze. Sora's pulse grew succinct beneath my bloodied hands. Itachi's presence seemed to fill the entire field, somehow managing to overwhelm his ungodly partner. At first I couldn't even look at the man, I was stupefied. He was this enormous man with a bandaged sword. He looked like a shark. A blue skinned, air breathing, vertebrate, two legged fucking shark. And not just any shark, he was Kisame Hishigaki. One of the Seven Swordsmen. It was like being at a super villain meet and greet. If I happened to be a child murderer I'd probably be peeing my pants with excitement. But I wasn't. So instead I was almost peeing myself in cold sweat, overwhelmed with incomprehensible fear. One of them did this to a _jonin_ of the Hidden Leaf. I was watching death walk toward me, in no real rush either, but I couldn't make myself move. I couldn't leave my captain to die in the dirt all alone.

They stopped momentarily near the tree line becoming abscured by the many bushes and trees in the way, having a conversation it would seem. Kisame's shoulders pulsed, he was laughing. They were probably deciding what to do with us, which method of death would be best.

For the first time in my life, I was really afraid of Itachi. Now that he was paired with another Akatsuki person, I couldn't help the ice that dripped down my spine leaving a cold pit of dread in my stomach. The cloaks were an indication of their affiliation, that I knew, but those eyes of his were what really put me on edge. They were sharp, red and predatory. The slightest movement could send him into a killing spree at any moment.

Sora gargled a cough. Blood spattered my face and his chin. Without thinking about it I reached out and whipped the blood from his lips with my clean forearm then ran a hand along his jaw for comfort, and to feel for his rather faint pulse.

Not even a breath passed before Itachi was glowering at us from above, gazing between the two of us like he was deciding who to slice into little bloody bits first. Sora's eyes widened in recognition. Through the blood in his mouth he gurgled one word before deflating into something nearly comatose. That one word was "Run."

Running was not an option. I looked to my injured friend, up to Itachi, then back again. I wouldn't let my friend die like this. Not again, _he_ couldn't take anymore of my friends away.

Heart pounding, I heard Sora's quiet voice again as he begged, "Don't…" a breath, "let 'im…" a breath, "kill you." His eyes turned up past me to Itachi. A ragged breath sputtered form his lips and his eyes widened into an eternally blank stare toward the sky seemingly in immense pain. I thought he was having a seizure.

Curling up like a marionette I glowered up at the much stronger ninja standing only inches away. He looked down at me with cold, detachment in his sharp, red eyes and spoke without emotion, "I'd hate to take your life, Katsue." Hardening, he added, "Listen to the dead man and run. A fight with you is not what we're after," Motioning his head toward the shark-man who stood far behind him, raven bangs fluttering in the bright breeze. "My partner here will not be so merciful."

My body automatically dropped back down over Sora protectively, "I'd rather die than leave him here."

Visual daggers aimed at the nearly dead man at his feet, the dark haired Uchiha gently poked the dying Aburame with his sandal like he was nothing but a sack of organs.

A snarl buzzed my lips, "Don't. Touch. Him." I threatened, pulling out my trusty kunai and focusing chakra into my fingertips, finally ready to fight.

A cocky smirk appeared on his face in conjunction with complacent red eyes, "What will you do?" His voice lulled softly, joking almost, "Organization has nightmares about you," His eyes were telling me something important, his emotions were cold and angry, but somewhat hurt and empathetic. "What makes you think you can save a life?" His voice was not hard, but his words were cruel. He had a good point. I would die here if I fought Itachi, that was not in question. What interested me was that running away to leave Sora here was never an option in my mind. I found that interesting. I'd rather die a thousand deaths than let Sora go like this. I'd never forgive myself if he died here today because of my twisted relationship with a missing nin.

Grimacing at Sora's unmoving chest I heard Yua squeal from the sidelines, my eyes glanced in her direction. Her short green hair was bustling in the wind with tears in her eyes.

I threw one hand up in her direction, "Stay back, I'll get Sora out of here. Meet us back at Konoha." Without taking my gaze from Itachi, I began unbinding my abdomen even more, leaving only my chest unrevealed. I did know basic first aid from all of my anatomy books- if I tried removing that giant shuriken right now, Sora would bleed out almost immediately and die painfully. So rather than face something so horrible, I tied the metal weapons to his body so it wouldn't move during our travels.

It would take me one and a half days to get there if I didn't stop and if I could maintain my speed throughout the journey.

No one else noticed the small rocking motion his body made as Itachi watched me basically get naked in order to tie those shuriken to Sora. His eyes lazily wandered from my maternal crouch over Sora, to Yua, then back again to the boy in the dirt and my very exposed, flounder belly. With a tiny huff, he then turned and started to walk away, "Take your dead and leave. You're not worth our time." Seemingly directing his phrase at the shark beast, who adopted an acrid sense of humor.

It grouched at the announcement, "Itachi, why so sour. Pull the stick outta your ass and let us have some fun." It whined, reaching for the hilt of its blade, "Can't I just kill the girl? She seems feisty enough." He grinned, showing off pearly sharp teeth, "Samehada would _love_ a taste of her."

Itachi looked up at the monster with what looked like no emotion to the untrained eye. But apparently Kisame knew that look the same way I did. It was a warning. The swordsman dropped the handle of his blade like it shocked him. He was emitting major disappointment with the overtone of respect, fear and frustration.

"They're mere distractions from our goal." Itachi's soothing voice resounded over the vast area, taking his place right next to the shark creature and reapplying his sandogasa, further hiding his expression.

Kisame barked a laugh, "So, then why kill the Aburame kid, Itachi?"

My heart dropped from my chest into the dirt where it finally decided to give up and die. It was the only rational explanation for the cold feeling that dropped over my shoulders, leaving me numb.

The beautiful onyx Uchiha turned his gaze sideways so I could see his eye flicker to me from beneath the shadow of his hat as he responded frostily, without a shred of remorse. "He got in my way."

In a gust of fallen leaves, they were gone.


	13. Iris

_"Iris"_

* * *

Yua rushed forth and took Sora's body in her arms with frantic motions, ripping his shirt layers open for better access to his injuries as that blue glow emitted from her small hands. Mixed flaky and newly bubbling blood fringed his netted undershirt as it framed the bandaged organs that were squashed against the giant shuriken that tightly pinched his shoulder and chest to the ground. My feeble attempt to save his life was washed over by Yua's highly trained hands as they sealed his skin to the protruding metal to prevent any further blood loss. I was visibly shaking as my eyes scoured the eviscerations.

"Hold this still." She commanded. Leaning over, I gripped the metal object tightly. Yua worked the area around the weapon. She must have felt my worried presence next to her, "I can't take it out until the organs are back inside of his body, in a minute we'll take them out. While I heal the injury closed you will have to slowly lift it out of him, don't be gentle, he can't feel a thing." Bile rose to the back of my mouth. But I did exactly as she said. Moments stretched into minutes which felt like micro eternities. Once the moment passed, I was able to breathe again, with slurping air, Sora was breathing again, arrhythmically, but breathing nonetheless.

"Are you alright, Kat?" Yua's bell-like voice tinkled on like a wind chime repeating the same questions over and over trying to console me as she worked her glowing hands over Sora's visibly closing injuries.

Yes, physically I was doing alright. Physically I was surprisingly fine. No one had even _tried_ to hurt me, which was pretty surprising considering the situation from an outsider's point of view. A chunin like me had no business even pretending that I had a chance against not one, but two Akatsuki members. Yua probably thought I'd lost my mind when she saw that, especially if she'd heard Itachi instruct me to leave. Almost anyone else in that situation would have taken his advice, but to me it was a stand off. I couldn't let him lull me into a sense of insignificance again. I was worth something. Or at least, I'd be worth something if I could actually get Sora home alive.

It was stupid of me to get in Itachi's face like that, but I couldn't just sit there like a good girl and let him control my life. He couldn't really think that I would leave Sora there to die.

Staring blankly ahead, my soul went back to rotted and black again like it had been a few days prior. At least it was a beautiful day outside. Oh, the things that occur to you when you're stressed out can be so strange.

"...That guy could have killed you!..." The glow left her hands and she gazed up at me from her position on the ground,"...Was that who I think it was?" Yua worried her forehead as she bound Sora's gaping wounds with white bandages from her medic's apron to protect her temporary fix. Much of his side was missing and the bones of his shoulder were entirely visible. Pale pink skin covered what were once over flowing organs. He was a patchwork of pink, white and blue. Blue eyelids told me that he had some serious brain damage going on inside of his head. A small groan buzzed my lips as the realization hit. His brain may be no more than mush.

With her medical knowledge, Yua and I had been able to remove the giant shuriken without killing him, they were laid the ground between us, at my feet. She was going to bring them back for Senji to take a look at.

There was too much going on inside of my head to answer her endless questions, though I really wanted to. I wanted to tell her that Itachi Uchiha, or Kisame Hichigaki, nearly murdered our captain. I didn't want to lie for _him, _but I couldn't help it. The fewer people to learn about this mission's (interesting?) events, the better.

Once Yua finished with Sora's external injuries, she looked up at me, quiet understanding passed between us. She was not very quick on her feet, but I was. She helped lift the heavier man into my arms as I shouldered his weight and started running as fast as my messed up ankle could take me. Her green hair bustled in the sunny breeze as she watched me run into the trees. My teammate would let Senji know what happened in his absence.

It took me almost a full day of running nonstop. The cyclical rhythm of feet beating at the ground hypnotized me, almost to the point of passing out mid step. Luckily I caught my vision blurring and shook off the exhaustion before we careened into a tree a few times. That could have been a disaster. Sora's weight was beginning to wear heavily on my joints, my knees and ankles were screaming with every motion. Heavy lifting never had a place in my life, I was pure endurance. By the time I actually arrived at the gates of Konoha I was exhausted to the point where if I stopped running my legs would collapse.

The gates of Konoha were a blessed sight. Several shinobi rushed to us from the perimeter, they'd seen me running and recognized my white hair. I'm not sure who took Sora from me, but somehow I was now in the hospital bed next to his.

I'd slept through the day that we arrived then well into the next. There was no light, only white curtains separating each patient in graveyard neat rows. Staring at the ceiling, I felt for my injuries. They'd been well cared for, I could barely feel my fractured ankle or the pressure strains on my knees. The worst were my feet. With 200,000 nerve endings in the soles of our feet, it was amazing how much white, awful pain a little running could cause. The area was a din of activity, seemingly chaotic, but perfectly controlled. Much like my life. Each time I think I have control over a situation, a crazy wildcard would ruin everything. Doctors rushed around the patient next to me.

It was Sora.

I just stared at that white curtain, wondering how bad things really were.

They let me out the next morning without a problem, asking only that I take a day or two before training heavily.

During the weeks after I was released, all of my time was spent with Sora. Dark red, blood soaked injured were cleaned out constantly. They were closed because of Yua, everyone had her to thank for his life. His organs were back in place due to some high intensity healing sessions, their time laying beyond his body really damaged them. A ravaging systemic infection put him in the red zone for several weeks. Fluids and plasma bags hung around the bed on silver hooks that decorated his room.

I donated a lot of that plasma, along with Yua and Senji. Every week I found myself with a new needle in my arm to have my blood drained to aid in my friend's recovery process.

Although he was unconscious, I felt compelled to stay there and keep him company. It wouldn't be easy waking up from this, his chances of continuing as a shinobi were pretty slim. It was my fault that he'd been injured, both physically and psychologically. There were only a few of people that I knew of who used those giant shuriken, Itachi was one of them. Of course I couldn't know for absolute certain that it was Itachi who attacked Sora, that other guy looked pretty bloodthirsty, too. But, there were only a few things that could cause this kind of mental trauma, and none of them were very pretty. One of them being some of the sharingan's abilities, powerful genjutsu.

Sora's brain was effectively mush; he couldn't even speak to tell us to tell the doctors what happened. In fact, he was placed under a medically induced coma until his body could handle the shock of being torn apart and sewn back together. The doctor said that it was a miracle that he'd survived this long at all. Light pink fissures in his skin held his right arm and lower half abdomen to the rest of him.

Here I sat with his hand in mine staring absently at the heart monitor on the other side of his bed. A breathing tube was stuffed down his throat along with a thinner tan colored tube that fed him. Nothing had changed. His pulse was bad, respiratory rates were beginning to improve, but that was all. He was now the proud owner of one and a half lungs, the head medic on staff was unable to repair much of the damage done to his severed diaphragm and lung.

Days passed with no change, Sora was totally comatose. Doctors said that his mind was in a bad state and to give him space, that he wouldn't know whether I was there or not anyway. Still, I came by every day and just sat there staring at him in disbelief with those tubes down his throat to feed him, the breathing apparatus was much more abrasive to look at. A tall blonde medic shoved it down his throat during the first night when a wheezing gasp left him choking on his deflated lung in the missile of a healing session. A well-nourished night nurse filled me in on the action when I awoke.

There is nothing pretty about being in a coma. A shudder chilled my body as I watched him breathe in rasping gasps. Our captain got wrecked by these guys; if one of us had gone instead of him we would be dead. Hell, if all of us went at once we would probably all be dead.

Hiroto tried to be there for me. I told him to stay away… permanently. It was strange. I hadn't cheated on him, but it felt like I had simply because I was so intoxicatingly in love with Itachi. Hiroto thought I was being unfair; that by leaving him I was throwing away three years of our lives. Unlike him, I didn't care. Maybe it was cruel for me to have used him to force my emotions into a false state of happiness for this long. Yes, it was; but I had to put up with him as much as he had to put up with me and at this point, it wasn't worth any effort to me. My heart had been removed long before Hiroto and I started dating; it was an empty relationship on my end from the get go. It was actually even more unfair for me to stay with him than it was to just end it and let him find someone who could love him back.

"We can fix this! Just give me time, when Sora get out of the hospital we can work it out!" Hiroto's violet eyes burned into mine, "Please, Kat, don't do this to me."

Oddly enough, the broken hearted verse didn't affect me in any way. I'd experienced enough heartache for one lifetime, and I was only seventeen years old. Ah, the life of a shinobi...

He didn't take the break up very well. But honestly, I didn't care. For now, I needed to focus on being there for my team, and for myself.

Yua was crushed by Sora's condition when she and Senji returned. She blamed herself for not being knowledgeable enough to fix him. There was nothing she could have done, if she hadn't been there Sora would surely be dead. We went to see him together every day while Hiroto would stand at the entrance to the hospital with his little purple flowers, waiting for me to fall into his arms like a fool in love. Senji eyed him up like one of my brothers would as the guy's attempts grew more and more desperate. Apparently he had no idea who I was, and I certainly could not deal with his puppy love right now, there were more important things on my plate. One heart could only handle so much turmoil in a week.

I learned last week that my youngest brother was entering the academy, my parents asked me to attend the ceremony for support. Which, of course, I did happily.

As if fate wanted to stick a knife in my heart for kicks, Sasuke Uchiha was waiting with his new genin team in front of the school. Naruto Uzumaki was in his group, poor Sasuke. That kid was a such a pain in the ass. He was a major troublemaker; but it was probably because he had no parental guidance. Nonetheless, he was a real pain.

And then there was a cute little pink haired girl, I felt her frustration and admiration poke at my brain in little colorful waves whenever she looked at the Sasuke. She reminded me of myself in a way, entirely in love with an outwardly emotionless Uchiha. In reality, that kid had a lot going on inside but, and like his brother was not willing to show it.

My youngest brother was precious; he had white hair and electric blue eyes like our father, Kaz, and me. When I looked at Mikah I noticed just how much he looked like our father. It brought a smile to my face. Bouncing like a ball of pure energy he bounded to us once the Hokage gave his entrance speech.

To me, it all passed in a blur. My mind was miles away in that field. Of course, I'd been trying not to dwell on the details. Being around my family would distract me.

Mikah wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face into my shirt. "You came! I thought you were going to be away again!"

I smiled and hugged him back, "Well I couldn't miss something so important for some silly mission, now could I?"

Beaming up at me, he jumped next to Mizoko, repeating the zealous routine with everyone aside from his slightly older brother, Kaz, who just stood there clothed entirely in black with his arms folded with a look of total disinterest when Mikah smiled adoringly up at him.

Kaz had developed nasty streak a mile wide. Any nice occasion was an opportunity to a cynical prat. When Itachi killed his family it really shook my baby brother up, another fault to blame that bastard with. The boy never wanted to be close to us anymore, as a defense, incase something happened to us. He was a year older than Sasuke and he'd seen what that kind of loss could do to a person. So he locked himself into his mind so he would never need to feel the pain of loss, like Sasuke had. He used to be the sweetest kid too…

Looking around I realized that someone was missing. Oh, right. Hiruko was working. He was always working nowadays. It had been almost a year since I last saw him. The thought tugged at the bottom of my heart, a pout appearing. I loved my brother so much, it broke my heart that he wasn't around anymore. We were always together as kids, only two years apart we were friends with each other on top of being brother and sister. Like best friends who got to live together.

The picture before me was precious. My mother and father were all smiles, hugging their baby boy. It made my heart sink and swell at the same time. Kids were great, I got the opportunity to watch my little brothers grow up and that's part of what made me want my idealistically simple life. I was pretty much a second mom to them.

A complete life for me would be having kids and having the monetary stability to keep them happy while maintaining my own life and hobbies. Such as horses. A ranch maybe. But that would be idealistic, not realistic in today's world. As a shinobi it would be pretty difficult to take care of a kid and bills without risking my child becoming an orphan.

Mizoko put me in a headlock from behind. "So how was your baby sized mission, Kat?"

I smirked up at him and pushed through the hold, twisting his wrist from a pressure point until he fell to his knee before me. "I scared away two big bad Akatsuki guys."

Mint green eyes flicked up to me shining with prideful intrigue, "Oh really? How'd you do that?"

I let go of his hand and he stood, his kneeling height was as tall at me. When Mizoko stood he was bordering gigantism. Me? More like five foot nothing, only coming up to my brother's stomach.

Impatiently waiting for an explanation, he folded his massive arms and tweaked a brow at me dubiously. Like typical siblings, we reverted back to childhood whenever we came into contact.

Like the big, bad kunoichi I was, I stuck my tongue out at him. "Psh, I kicked their butts!"

He cocked his big blonde head with a dubious sneer, "Liar, you're just a baby. Did you cry at them or something?"

My big brother was great. Bickering back and forth we fought about stupid stuff like my height versus his in a fight and who's taste for shrimp tempura deserved mention at the next parade/academy entrance speech. I almost went a whole hour without thinking of Sora or Itachi as we wandered to our parents' house.

Then his name danced across my brain like a little demon poking his trident into my bubble of happiness, the smile dropped from my face into the dirt, killing our innocent giggling. Mizoko gave me a lopsided frown of frustration.

Those of us with my father's genetics have the ability to feel the emotions of those around us. Mizoko and Kaz had no specialties. He was talented in taijutsu, he helped me out a lot when I was young and talentless, even helping to acquire Ayumi and Anko as mentors. He taught me self-defense and some of my manipulation techniques as a genin, now I was almost as good as he was. It's kind of funny how adjusting your weight just right in the right way can send someone ten times your size flying.

Mizoko felt left out when we were around Mikah and Father because the three of us rarely needed to speak to one another, sensing each other's emotions was our form of communication.

"Why so blue, Kat?" Mizoko cocked his head like a bird, "You still going out with Hiroto? Things going okay?"

Naivety was sweetest when it was coming from a big guy like him. He really liked Hiroto, he thought that my ex was a nice guy. Oh how little he knew.

Forcing a smile, I shrugged the question away, "No, one of my friends is in the hospital. The Akatsuki guys I was telling you about, one of them messed up his brain really bad."

Phew. Another awkward relationship conversation with my brother narrowly avoided.

My big brother cocked an eyebrow at me, "Kat, you didn't answer my question: are you and Hiroto still a thing or what?"

Damn. Another tactic: be brainless, "I don't think so."

He still didn't look impressed, "You don't know if you're dating someone or not? C'mon Kat, I'm not dumb. Spit it out."

Brothers are somehow the most annoying friends you'll ever know.

I tucked a long strand of white hair behind my ear and shrugged, "Fine, no, we aren't dating anymore, happy?"

His eyes looked somewhat disappointed, "Is that why you're giving me that face?" One of his enormous hands ate my shoulder. "Do I have to beat him up?"

I corrected my pathetically sad eyes so he had no reason to keep pushing the issue. "No, I broke up with him. It's nothing, I promise."

Frustration came from him like steam from his every pore, "Well then what's wrong!" He commanded with his 'I'm in control here' voice.

"I already told you, you dolt!" I put my hands on my hips and glared straight up at him as my voice jumped an octave.

"No you didn't. The only way your hospitalized friend gave you that sad look is if he's mister mystery boyfriend. Arashi never did tell me who-"

My heart crumbled at her name. _Arashi_…

"Aw man, sorry Kat, I just forget sometimes…" Mizoko's voice trailed, realizing what he'd said with his own broken heart behind mint eyes.

No matter how much time went by, my heart never healed, neither did my brother's. I was never strong enough to move on from her death and the cold, lifeless eyes I saw that night. He couldn't escape the image of a girl he had feelings for, not to mention the savage imagery of his little sister desperately clinging to her lifeless body. We silently agreed never to speak of it, we didn't want to think about that night. A lot of things are sometimes better left unsaid.

He pulled me into a soft, brotherly hug. "Sorry Kat, I forgot." Palming his forehead out of regret, he directed me toward my apartment, away from our parents' place. They'd be disappointed that I didn't come over for a celebratory family reunion for Mikah, but I just wanted to curl up and maybe visit Sora, a friend I was able to save from Itachi.

He didn't ask me anything else about my relationship issues. He never could get straight answers from me anyway. That's why he always spoke to Arashi about it, which only drew them closer to one another.

My little apartment was the only stagnant thing in my life. Always the same, never changing. It was like sunshine, always welcome.

Mizoko opened the door and lead me to my room by the shoulders like I was blindfolded, moving the litter strewn about the place with his feet. He hugged me, apologizing again and again, even offering to bring some dinner back for me from our parents' house. I declined, wanting some time alone. Eventually he left me alone to wallow in my misery.

Our team photo still sat on the windowsill at the foot of my bed. I covered myself in blankets and traced her face with my index finger. There were people I'd been close to over the course of life. But the only one who ever surpassed my love for Arashi was her older cousin. She was so wonderful, and beautiful, and strong. It made me want to hate him. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. So instead, I hated myself right for letting myself become such an idiot over some guy.

_Crackle_.

The little hairs on the back of my neck fluttered up giving me little goose bumps everywhere.

_Pop_.

The air was electric. Another snap made me jump. Then another thunderous _pop_ cracked the silence of my little apartment. It sounded like a fireplace with ricocheting pieces of coal exploding from the heat. I unfurled myself from bed and peeked into my kitchen, trying to identify that strange noise. Thinking that someone was breaking in, I took a kunai in hand and crept around the barrier wall that divided the bedroom from the kitchen.

Vibrant blue lightning flashed in the middle of my tiny kitchen nook, a tall man with long hair and a uniform stepped out of the electricity and into my private residence.

* * *

_A/N: A HUGE thank you to Neggs, Gogirlbubble, and "oh noes" for the first reviews on this story! ^^ You guys are the best! I'm so happy people actually enjoy this!_


	14. Possession

_A/N: Thank you PervertAnimeOtaku and gogirlbubble for the reviews! You guys made my day, so here's your reward:_

_"Possession"_

* * *

Eyes wide, I sat gaping at the man for a long, tense moment. From behind that white barrier wall he looked horribly intimidating.

Straight, dark blonde hair extended down his lower back, brushing the backs of his thighs. Tall with wide shoulders and narrow in the waist. He wore a serious, yet very striking face. He was wearing a long lab coat with some kind of uniform with an abstract symbol underneath. It had been at least a year since our last encounter.

A loopy, toothy grin broke the unusually stern expression on his face. He must have seen me hiding. "How the fuck are ya, baby sis?"

Instantly I launched out of my spot, tackling him to the ground without a second thought. Our small tumble halted with him on the ground and me sitting on his stomach. Laughing, he pulled at my short hair and made a face, "Changing things up? You look weird with short hair." My laugh dropped, he smirked up, "Never mind, you _always_ look weird, little ghosty."

Rolling my eyes I reached back to pat the peach fuzz on my head, "No, I did that a while ago. Almost six years now," crumpling my face I pouted, "Not that you'd know that, you big jerk. What happened to _'coming to visit'_ huh?"

He just rolled his eyes and shook his head a little. Guilt trips didn't work on him, but it was worth a shot. "Long time no see I guess." He gave me a stupid, toothy smirk, "Time gets eaten away when you're always busy."

The smile on his face defied the blues and greys of loneliness I could feel swirling from his soul. It cooled my heart to imagine this job of his cramping my bright, exciting brother's style.

"I missed you, you big jerk! Where have you been? You're hair is even longer and more ridiculous looking than the last time." I poked his nose before taking hold of a strand of hair, pulling it out to receive an irritated wince from my older brother.

He pressed a knuckle into my scalp giving me a little nuggie, "I've been working Kat, you know how it is. Have you ever thought that maybe _you're_ the one who doesn't visit _me_?"

My mouth opened to protest, but he cut me off.

"-And my hair is sexy, the ladies love it."

Again, I opened my mouth only to be cut off.

"-But I didn't come here to chat." His demeanor changed in a wave that washed over his body. Sitting up slightly, he melted back into a terrifyingly professional façade.

The change was drastic, moving him from the adorably goofy older brother I loved more than anything to this highly trained something-or-other. I jumped off of him and sat patiently, waiting for further explanation. It was pretty disappointing that he didn't come to hang out. I missed my big brother's silly antics.

The professional appearance he walked in with returned to his features. "It's come to my attention that some guys in black cloaks with red cloud designs put a hurting on you and your friend?"

I nodded sharply.

"Akatsuki, right?"

With eyebrows elevated, I nodded again slowly.

"Was one Itachi Uchiha?"

Air caught in my lungs, choking me a little, "Yes."

The smile in his eyes faded into a serious veneer. "Katsue. Listen, there are a lot of things I know, but much more that I _don't_ know about him. All I know for absolute certain is that he's dangerous. We need as much information as possible on that guy," Pulling his hair back behind his shoulders his voice lowered, "You need to tell me every motion he made, every word he spoke, every weapon you saw and a detailed description of the surroundings to your _exact_ memory."

My eyes flickered away from the memories. The thoughts hurt, I remembered every gesture, every word even though I really wish I couldn't. But how could I lie when these images had been running through my head every moment of every day?

He pressed on, "Did he attack you? Who were you with? Describe any weapons. Describe his partner."

His questions were endless, but I answered them accordingly... but only to a certain extent.

"He attacked our captain. I was with Senji Yukimura, Yua Kazuma and Sora Aburame. I didn't see the fight, only the…" I sucked in a breath to cushion the emotional blow the spoken words would later take on me, "The aftermath. A giant shuriken ripped Sora apart."

Hiruko blinked hard, "And his partner?"

"Oh yeah, he looked like a shark with a huge sword wrapped in bandages." I added, remembering that monster's evil eyes.

Another hard blink, "Did you have contact with either of them before the attack?" he asked apprehensively with slightly opened eyes.

Holding myself entirely still, I lied. "No."

I left out the night before Sora was attacked. My brother didn't need to know any of that; he'd just be confused and protective, so would his superiors.

He seemed uneasy with my answer; a weary smile was back on his face. "Okay Kat, if you say so,"

Allowing his entire body to relax again he leaned forward slightly. He ruffled my hair and his aura grew nervous. A tense determination reached his mint green eyes. "This might not be my place to say but..." His gaze dropped to the floor.

Being around Hiraku made me feel like we were kids again. We were kneeling across from one another in the middle of my kitchen. The look in his eye gave me the impression that he was truly concerned about something, but to be sure, I checked out his emotions.

They were an intricate spider web of feeling. Any and every emotion someone could feel jutted and branched off in every direction giving me the impression that he was wholly conflicted about something, in literally every way. But those green eyes were seriously nervous about something, it was impressive that someone could hide so much, not that being deceived by a genius was anything new.

He was silent, seemingly outrageously irritated with the wood floor as a scowl set itself on his face.

I tried to cheer him up with a light punch in the shoulder, "My floors are spotless, don't you dirty them up with that nasty look, bro."

Glancing up, he sighed heavily, deliberating; I could see those quick wheels churning up thoughts behind his eyes. He was smarter than anyone I'd ever met; he got all of the good genes. Something must have shown on my face because he shifted slightly, the fingers on his left hand twitched reflexively.

Hesitantly, he lifted a hand to my face, pushing pearly strands back to look at my face before blinking slowly. He pressed a knuckle into my head playfully. "First of all: spotless is not the word I would use. You live like a cave creature. Seriously," He extended his arm to the side, lifting a crumpled t-shirt from the middle of my scattered kitchen floor, "this is disgusting." I giggled a little, feigning embarrassment, snatching the garment from his hooked finger and hiding it behind my back.

Apprehensiveness altered his features again, choosing his words carefully like he was placing pieces in a game of chess. "Secondly: …Don't…" His eyes darted away from me, back to the floor. He was torn about something, normally this was where I'd jump in and help ease his mind, but, selfishly, I wanted him to just tell me. Hiruko was never this nervous, about anything, ever. It was making me nervous by association.

I felt him staring, observing my like a test subject. A throaty grunt ground form his throat, "Aw, fuck it: don't hold everything Itachi does…" I flinched at the name, "… against him."

I almost threw up.

Did he take crazy pills this morning?

"...you _must_ be joking Hiraku." The words spilled from my lips along with my heart leaving me, somehow, more empty than before. There was a hollow sound to my voice, it sounded strange in my ears.

He put his hand on top of my head, looking at me, seemingly staring right through my eyes and into the soul behind them. "Just this once, Kat. Please, please trust me."

How many time shad I heard _that_ line before? Shaking my head, I shrugged his hand off, "I can't do that. Sorry." I narrowed my eyes back at him; he couldn't really expect me to listen to that kind of request.

"Some things are entirely perception, Kat."

Rocking back onto my heels I tucked some hair behind my ears. "What do you mean _'perception'_? The guy's a murderer and Akatsuki. I could go on all day about the atrocities-"

My brother held out a hand to stop me, "-There's nothing more I can tell you." Then, collecting himself to stand slowly. Rising parallel, I scowled at him and his stupid hair. He just looked down at me with a lopsided smile, the playfulness reestablished in his eyes. "One more thing: you should really consider taking the test to become a jonin. You can't just live in the past for the rest of your life, what would Arashi think of the shell you've become without her?" The mention of her name softened my heart allowing my hard gaze to drop, "Just a little something to think about."

The room grew electric again; my favorite brother pressed his knuckle into the top of my head again and clucked his teeth pretending to shoot me with the other hand. "See you on the flip side, sis," A wink, "Remember: I love you."

In a blue flash of electricity, he was gone.

I collapsed into a pile before cracking the floor with my fist, leaving tiny scratches in my knuckles and some wood splinters under my fist.

_Itachi Itachi Itachi!_ Why was everything related to _him_ all of the time? Couldn't I go just _one_ day without having to think about that guy?

No I couldn't.

Because he killed Arashi and broke my heart.

With one huge exasperated, angry, ragged breath I hoisted myself up and made a sandwich.


	15. Push

_"Push"_

* * *

I continued visiting Sora every day, thankfully he was beginning to come out of his funk. Now, he was able to breath on his own and eat, but he still couldn't speak. Without him our team only went on small missions to random places doing random things that held little to no importance in the grand scheme of things. Temporarily, we were reassigned a jonin to watch after us, but it wasn't the same. It seemed pretty ridiculous to me that we needed someone to babysit us while we babysat a civilian's cats. We weren't genin anymore, this was unbelievably silly.

While Yua played with a calico kitten, I leaned back on the owner's couch. The chunin exams would be held again soon. Kaz announced a few months back that he was going to try for them; I didn't have much faith in his abilities. But being a good older sister, I gave him my best along with his team, all of which he scoffed at and ignored.

My experience in the chunin exams was great. Arashi and I came out as chunin in our first attempt. Yua didn't make it through the second round during our first attempt, but she got it the year after. We worked hard for it; nothing is given freely in the shinobi world.

Kaz was not as ambitious as we were. Every day, Arashi and I got up before the sun and ran for miles then kicked each other's butts until we couldn't move. We tested each other's special abilities and worked ourselves to the point of exhaustion.

My baby brother had a dream; he wanted to work with Hikaru for that same secret service.

Unfortunately for Kaz, our brother's position was unattainable by normal people. You don't apply. They recruit you, and you don't say no. Once recruited, you belong to them for the rest of your life.

It was good to have such strong aspirations, but it was important to keep your goals in check. That was something I'd learned over the years.

Little Sasuke would be going with his team to the exams. I really hoped they'd survive. Losing Sasuke would be like losing my own brother. He barely knew me, but at one time we did spend quite a bit of time together.

When Itachi was still trying to get my attention, he brought Sasuke to my favorite little cafe every day. The memory pained me.

Finally, after days of deliberation over what Hiruko had said, I sent in my jonin test. He was right, had Arashi been alive she would have pushed me to become a jonin just so we could be equals on missions. It was written, rather than physical.

Kages are more concerned about their jonin's ability to think through a situation. Our abilities and leadership were already tested as chunin, now was more like a dissertation for a doctorate. You need to come up with your own way to improve the shinobi world with notes and techniques anyone could utilize.

First you had to be recommended, which I was. My older brothers each sent in recommendations as well as our father. Even if I didn't pass this time around, it wasn't one of my life goals to become a jonin, I was simply taking my big brother's advice and honoring my deceased friend's spirit.

Taking on genin would be a welcome hassle, but it would be a full time job that could take my mind off of everything else; and put a little more money in my pocket. Not to mention I'd get to help teach some kids how to be good and self-sacrificing, rather than self-centered and dependent. Giving your life and limb for the good of another was the most honorable sacrifice a person could make.

At this time, Ayumi had set me up with seemingly endless individual missions, without the rest of my team. Ibiki had been grooming me for assassinations for a long time now, allowing me to take on a few before I ever dreamed of applying for jonin. He wanted me to work with him just like my brothers and father before me. Sometimes life just sends you on this crazy path that you never envisioned for yourself. For me, being an oddly successful assassin was dissatisfying. They always sent me to these seedy places to take out cartel leaders and pushers who wanted to plague our village with their toxic opioids. Rather than watch a drug war break loose, I was sent, along with Ayumi for back up, to get close enough to make it look like an accident. Due to my skin color, I was mainly used for the actual kill while Ayumi, with her beauty and grace, would touch them in just the right ways and flutter her eyes with sultry promises to force their guard down. No man could resist her charms.

Once Ayumi invited them back to our room, we would make it look like an overdose. Lots of study went into these missions, we had to know everything about drugs and their side effects to properly kill our targets.

The results from my test arrived two days before the start of chunin exams with a small note.

The Third Hokage wrote to me, personally, to request my help with genin during the exam. He wanted me to remain stationed at the main gate and feel out who would be most dangerous, vicious, cunning, deceptive, and so on, to ensure their relative safety in the later rounds.

He wrote briefly how this information was only to be passed on to him, directly. Then, he wrote, during the "written" section of exam I was to work as a proctor.

Simple enough: catch cheaters.

It was an honor for the Hokage to send me a handwritten note, it brightened my whole day.

I did a little shoulder dance and cleaned up the apartment to the best of my meager ability. My test passed and I was officially a jonin. My brand spanking new, green vest would arrive soon after. An hour or two after the letter arrived, my brothers and parents paraded in to congratulate me. There would be an official ceremony later.

_Two days_. Finally, I'd have something to occupy my mind other than my daily hospital visits with Yua and Senji. These new missions were despicable, they made me sick. Killing people really bothered me, but Ayumi made sure to remind me that I still hadn't technically killed anyone, she had. I was just the sicko who held them in limbo between life and death just to make the assassination look realistic. Now that I was a jonin, the missions would only get worse.

As I stared myself down in the mirror, I put on a new, black banded forehead protector, wrapping it around my upper arm; it kept the symbol visible yet out of the way during missions. Next, I pulled on my new, elbow length, gray fingerless gloves. I flexed my fingers, holding one arm out then searched my appearance in the mirror. They were light and comfortable, plus they hid my unsightly scars and bruises so others couldn't notice weak points, like _last_ time. The memory sent shivers across my shoulders.

Watching my reflection, I took note of my body's condition. My body was built like a prepubescent boy. I lacked any curves or a chest, the only thing I had going for me was a good butt. Still, I covered it with a skirt to avoid any pervy stares, the only ones who stared at me were sixteen year old boys. But then again, if it looks female, a teenaged boy will stare at it. Tossing my long white bangs back, I bound my chest with thin, white bandages. My bitty lady parts didn't need to flop about while I was trying to look professional. They were multipurpose, those bandages helped me stop the bleeding when Sora was dying on that field. He was doing much better, he was up and talking again, but he couldn't leave the hospital just yet, there were a few more surgeries he had to endure.

Bent at the waist, I pulled a loose fitting scarf that fell over my shoulders, covering most of my chest, only exposing my collarbones. Deep blue, half of a thigh length tights were a pain in the butt to get on. If I could tell you how many pairs of tights I went through in a year, you'd probably laugh at me. I'd been outgrowing them, my thighs were getting bigger or something. It was hard to tell. I hadn't gained any weight, so it was a mystery. My tights were covered by a short, navy -almost black- skirt that tied on the sides to allow free movement. Ayumi used to give me a hard time about making noise during my katas so my outfit choices moved from fashion to practicality. The only thing I still wore were my big floppy scarves, they were just so damn perfect, not to mention they hid my very modest chest (a.k.a. lack thereof). Though I had a pretty extensive selection of colored scarves, but deep reddish browns seemed to bring out my eyes and distract from my frosty skin.

Twirling in the mirror I checked out my work. I should look fine in my vest, much more professional looking than even a few years ago thanks to Ayumi.

The floor creaked under foot as I strutted from the bathroom. Beams of light fell through my windowsill in long bars as they were obstructed by my thick paneled blinds. Light was glinting off of my favorite picture, glaring me in the eye. Dropping to a kneel, I took the photo into my hands lovingly. Arashi would have been so proud. She was the first to become a jonin in our class. In typical Uchiha style, she was pretty much the top of our class with everything. With a proud smile, I hung the frame against the wall and dragged my fingers across our young faces, leaving streaks of fog from the contact.

As I wandered into my kitchen, violet and black flowers smiled at me from the table. Hiroto sent them in congratulations. When I received them I considered just dumping the weeds in the nearest garbage can. Then something came over me. I kept them. Why not? Purple was my favorite color, plus they chased away some of the gloom and loneliness.

It was more than obvious that he wanted me back in his life, but on my end it would be a while before I could date again, and forever before I'd deal with his pompous attitude again. Picking off the head of one small flower, I balled it up between my thumb and forefinger. Before that fateful mission, it had taken nearly two years to even consider dating someone. Moving on is hard work for the ones left behind. Especially when that person you loved so much always showed up, or someone would talk about them and how they once were. I was always consciously telling myself that he wasn't not worth the heartache, that I deserved more. I hung my head to pout at the wood grain, reminding myself how awful he was.

Then that little voice in the back of my heart would remind me of my sweet Itachi. The one who was entirely sane and gentle. The one who would never hurt me.

My brain reminded me of the bad while my heart whispered his name longingly.

As I wandered to the exams for my duty assignment, I thought about the past few weeks. It was shocking when my brother told me not to hold everything against him. How was that even remotely possible? He killed his entire clan, and then came to my apartment, cried on me, shattered my wrists to the point where they were unusable for months and then joined Akatsuki. Not to mention what he, potentially, did to Sora.

Shaking away the memory, I took a look around. The classroom was pretty big, to fit all of the genin. It was rimmed with dozens of proctors, and I was one of them. We would just sit and keep our eyes out for cheaters. Of course, the point of this exercise was to see how well they could acquire information without detection. I was going to go hard on them, the last thing we need in this world were more unqualified chunin.

All of us knew the drill when we got in there. A big intimidating instructor from the Torture and Interrogation Corps would scare the kids, and we pick out whoever was obviously cheating. Today, that terrifying TI guy was my boss, Ibiki.

That Uzumaki kid put on a little show, obviously he knew none of these answers. But the he stayed the whole time and didn't get caught cheating, in fact, when offered the answers by the dark haired girl beside him, he turned it down flat. Sasuke and the Sakura got really lucky.

Secretly, I was rooting for them. Sakura was sweet. A young, pink haired version of myself. Maybe a little less weird/awkward than me and a lot more obsessive, but she had heart and cared a lot about her teammates. Even when Naruto was a handful and Sasuke disappointed.

Uchiha boys? A disappointment? Oh no never, not them. _Psh_.

In the back of my head I thought how Itachi should be proud of his brother, even if the murderer was an insane sociopath. Any sibling or parent would be proud to have someone like Sasuke in their family. He was a good kid, quiet, but good. Not to mention he was doing pretty great with his sharingan. Whenever people spoke about him, all they had was praise. He didn't have a family anymore, so I cheered for him from the sidelines.

Kaz made it through the first section. His team was made up of an Inuzuka boy and a pretty little blonde girl. The girl wasn't particularly sneaky, but I gave leniency where it was deserved. The girl had no special traits at all, so she utilized someone else's idea. Someone had attached mirrors everywhere and was manipulating them with their pencil. The blonde noticed this and I could see her gaze turn toward the ceiling, pretending to think, to look at the reflections.

A good number of kids made it through the first test this year.

Encroaching darkness overwhelmed my psyche, darkening my every thought. Hate and bloodlust.

Sitting in the same room as that one kid made me almost throw up. Hatred was the only emotion I could sense from him. That gourd on his back smelled of blood and metal, like Itachi had on the night of the massacre. This kid. He didn't have feelings even remotely similar to normal people. I'd never felt something like this before, it's potency made me take on his dark lack of emotion.

I was agitated and annoyed with everyone and everything. There was a tiny piece of wire fencing sticking out into my back as I leaned up against it. Like a normal person, I shuffled back and stared it down, expecting it to explode into flames so it could stop offending my skin. In other words, I chose not to make any friends today. A few other proctors tried to speak to me, even one very cute guy with black hair and a bandage over his nose. For now I informed him that I had to focus on something. A complete and total lie, but I didn't want anyone to think I was some kind of pompous jerk who simply didn't want to mingle with the other jonin. These were the people I'd be working with from now on so I'd have to play nice.

With eyes shut, I extended my field of chakra, feeling out each kid individually. There was only one person who really gave me pause and it was that red headed sand nin. The others were a typical graph of different emotions; most people were normal while on either end there were docile ones like that Hyuuga girl, Shikaku's only son, and Choza's oldest. Then there were vile ones, like the rain and sound ninja, not to mention that boy from the sand. They all made my skin crawl. This world did not need any more people like them.

Absently, I wrote notes in my palm sized notepad and tried to look nonchalant, seated against the fencing perimeter around the Forest of Death as Anko scared the piss out of the genin.

"Yo."

I was jerked from my thoughts like a falling dream. Scattering my arms, I braced myself against the dirt darting my eyes around for danger. White hair caught me by surprise, then I looked in front of me, lifting my gaze to meet his tired eye.

Kakashi Hatake. He didn't even need to introduce himself, _everyone_ knew that face. Former ANBU. The Copy Ninja. Insatiable sexual deviant. You name it, the guy was famous for it.

Kakashi was pretty intimidating in person, that mask made me nervous. The goofy smile in his uncovered eye disillusioned me of that notion. He was feeling lusty purples and skeptical greens, typical man.

He was crouched in front of me, smiling with a hand in the air, innocently welcoming.

He folded up his copy of Icha-Icha and put it in his shuriken bag. "So, you're the new jonin?" He looked me up and down with his eyes, unimpressed. I thought of giving him a dirty look since I was already agitated by that sand ninja, but instead I thought back to my psychological texts for a game to play.

Well, if he didn't like me already, I might as well toy with him. I'd rather be known as a smart weirdo than an easily intimidated little girl any day.

Like I was observing his behavior, in an attempt to seem as strange as possible, I pressed foreword, close to his face. I was an anthropologist doing an etic behavioral study on him. Moving in closer to his face, I stared at a particular point next to his eye, he eased away slowly, kind of freaked out by this strange girl's behavior. Normal people will think you are staring at a defect and rub the spot nervously, eventually they realize that you're not staring at anything and become more confused because humans tend to look each other in the eye, not some random spot on their eyebrow.

Try it some time, it makes people very uncomfortable, I found it rather satisfying in this situation.

He rubbed his eye, the typical response of a normal minded person, you know, rather than a sociopath. Briefly, I wondered how my missing nin would respond to such a test...

I wrote notes and looked back up at him, focusing on that same spot. Now he looked disconcerted, trying to look over at my notebook.

The wary expression on his well covered face made me want to burst out laughing, if he was trying to intimidate me, it was not going to work, I grew up with two spooky older brothers who prepared me for the world of patronizing jerks.

"Yes, I am 'the new jonin'." Leaning back to my spot on the fence, he stared down at me lazily, I felt a cocky dare cross my expression, "The name's Katsue. Nice to meet you." I added, wanting to see if he would continue looking at me like I was wasting his time.

His eye drooped slightly, now seemingly apprehensive of my presence. "You're Hiruko's sister. Interesting." Silence passed between us for a minute before he spoke again in an attempt to keep the conversation going, "What do you think of the genin?"

Ah an opinion question, I continued feeling the atmosphere as I wrote more notes. I glanced up and down from the pad to the man before me, "Well, my younger brother is the only one that I know personally. It would be really mean to base them all off of my opinion of my brother." I beamed jokingly, pushing the feelings of hate being forced onto me by that Sand punk.

Little lines appeared under his exposed eye giving him an interested appearance, completely ignoring my end of the conversation. "Tell me about your kekkei genkai."


	16. Weekend Warriors

_"Weekend Warriors"_

* * *

_Not today creepy dude. _I laughed in my head slightly with a sarcastic smirk, "Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not special like Hiruko."

Disappointment indeed, he seemed fairly disinterested in me after that. After an awkward pause, the conversation dropped as we both watched the kids enter the forest.

Anko was giving a speech. She was pretty, and intense: I loved it. She was always a fun person to look up to; she was not too much older than me. She graduated with Sora. Throughout our many years of training together, something about her always reminded me of Arashi.

She yelled at the genin, making them virtually piss themselves in fear. I was expecting their tails between their legs as they wandered into the forest. I watched from my low spot on the ground as Kaz made his way in, that short white hair and all black outfit gave him away.

Hours later, after I knew my brother got in okay, I dashed to the Hokage's office. On the way up the stairs, I thought to myself.

Here I am, completely content with my life as a chunin. Going on missions, getting paid more than enough to live, doing lots of things that I hated, but such was the life of a shinobi. Then, of course, my smart-ass brother had to go and say something. And now I was a jonin. Now my life would circle the Village and its needs above everything, even the people I loved. I had no room to be selfish anymore; everything I did was for them from this point forward.

The stairs finally came to an end; I saw those double doors and my heart fluttered. I really hoped that my notes were good enough, what if he couldn't read my terrible handwriting?

Kakashi passed me, and I waved at him. Brushing past, he left without a second glance. I watched the taller jonin out of the corner of my eye, kind of disappointed by his reaction; once he was down the hall I closed the door.

When I pushed it closed, Sarutobi looked down at his papers, lifting one to examine it more thoroughly.

"So, what do you have for me?" The old man asked motioning me to sit without looking up.

Sarutobi was great. Almost like the whole Village's smart grandpa. I'd gotten to see him on several, more personal, occasions because of Mizoko's position as a tactical advisor and Father's former position as a commander.

The words echoed slightly. I remained a rigid statue in the middle of the rounded office. Something was weird, everything felt odd. The air. The smell. Something about the color of this room felt… wrong.

My mind whipped back to the minute previous. As he was leaving, Kakashi hadn't even looked at me. Although I doubted he found me particularly interesting to look at, that man ogled nearly every female in sight. Maybe I was just imagining things. The air though, something felt wrong about it. Like it was too thick. Did his words actually echo? Or was it my imagination?

The older man, looked up at me, now annoyed. "How did they look?"

His question was vague; it didn't really have anything to do with my notes either. I decided to do a little test, I was told to give this to the Hokage alone, perhaps someone was trying to give me a hard time.

Extending my chakra, I could feel something was up. There was not one, but four emotional patterns in this room, spiraling and pin wheeling in different directions with vibrant colors specific to each. But supposedly, the Hokage was the only one here aside from myself.

_That's cute._

This was a test, probably to see if I was really jonin material. This was all an illusion formed by genjutsu. Looking around, it was pretty impressive. If someone didn't have my ability, it would have been hard to distinguish the difference. Someone else would have needed actual awareness, unlike my natural gift.

Using my chakra like a cloud around me, I repelled the illusion. The world around me faded, becoming a darker version of the same room, making me kind of dizzy. It always had that effect; coming out of a genjutsu was almost like breathing too fast. Your face feels like it's buzzing and the spot just behind your eyes aches when you come out.

The four around me were Kakashi, Kurenai, Sarutobi and one kunoichi from the exam.

The Third Hokage gave me a sincere smile this time with a small grunting laugh of approval. "You passed."

Phew. That was a little nerve wracking. Kakashi looked like he could fall asleep at any moment, like this whole thing was boring him. While the student and Kurenai looked me up and down like some type of threat. It was unsettling; I could feel distrust pouring from them in torrents.

"Now then. Kurenai, Sugi, Kakashi; you're dismissed." They each disappeared through the main door; the sun was beginning to rise, creating long rectangular bands of light across the desk. The doors clicked closed.

I walked up to the desk and placed my little notepad onto his desk gently with my fingertips, bending the pages slightly as I pressed it into place, feeling to make sure everything was as it seemed this time around.

"Katsue, what you detected today does not interest me." He slid the notebook over to him and threw it into the shredder next to his desk.

It took all of my mental awareness to keep my jaw from dropping. It also took all of my mental awareness not to say '_uhhh_' before asking, "_What_?"

The sagely man folded his hands together and leaned in closer. "I have something important to ask of you." He motioned me closer until I was directly opposite of him. He wrote a note carefully and pushed it into my arms with instructions, "It will burn itself five minutes after it has been opened, remember every word. Never replicate it for your own memory. This is greater than yourself, remember that." His elderly eyes stuck to me like a promise.

Jerkily I nodded with a gulp, "Yes, Lord Hokage."

As I began to walk away I heard him shift slightly, "If you don't think you're ready, inform me directly so we can make other plans."

My hand was on the cold door knob; I nodded again slowly, knowing he was watching, then glanced back. He was seated at his desk, shifting through papers as if our conversation had never happened.

The scroll in my fist weighed fifty pounds.

Already, my first mission as a jonin.

I'm not ready for this.


	17. Fix Me

A/N: A special thank you to itunesaddiction for the fav/follow and to every reader. I'm so glad you guys like this. Enjoy!

_"Fix Me_"

* * *

As soon as I got home I tore off my vest, throwing it on the floor in a heap of green, then kicked my shoes aside so I could tackle my kitchen counter, over the sink. I didn't need a burning note to light my apartment on fire. I broke the red seal and read with speed and efficiency:

_"Katsue,_

_This is for your eyes only._

_Although I cannot tell you much, a liaison is necessary to report information for Konoha. After observing your interrogation skills, you were chosen specifically. Meet our informant at the following address in tomorrow. Work your ability as a filter. They will be unable to lie. Work this to our advantage."_

Signed by the Third Hokage. I tossed the scroll into the metal sink and ran the water over the paper, soaking it thoroughly. A few moments later it lit up, burning until it was nothing but ash slurping down the drain.

I knew Konoha pretty well considering I lived there my entire life, but that address didn't exist. It was the edge of town furthest from the stadium, deep within the Uchiha compound. It made sense for me to meet this informant there, the place was completely abandoned. Completely devoid of life. I frowned. No wonder he asked me to tell him if I couldn't uphold this duty. If this was really so important I'd do it. Though, it would be hard to walk into that place again.

I'd really been looking foreword to getting my own genin team, too.

It was still early, so I went for a long run and worked on my detection skills.

It was pretty exhausting, and confusing at times. The best way to test myself was to go into heavy crowds. I'd sit somewhere and pretend to read a book or relax in the sunshine. The real test was how many people I could sense at any given time. The largest number I could keep up with at once was somewhere near sixty. The emotions start to get jumbled beyond that. Once they get confused I would lose count and I'd have to start over. This took several hours. I almost wished Ayumi or Anko were around just to have someone to train with. Yua and Senji were on a mission, so I felt pretty desolate.

On the walk home I found myself wandering. Wandering somewhere familiar. In a daze I ended up standing with a band of caution tape wrapped in my hand, tears were falling ink drops on the cement. Every once and a while this would just happen. Since the night when we had to pick up the bodies, I hadn't dared to go inside. It would shatter me to see my best friend's home again, empty.

Suddenly, as if electrocuted, my awareness heightened. Straightening my back, I wiped my eyes. A light tingling annoyed my face. Someone was staring directly at me from the main walkway. That wasn't possible; no one went inside this place. I looked around with my eyes and tried to feel out for anyone. There was anxiety and anger. Depression and stress. I still saw no one. Until I saw a tiny movement in the distance, I thought that I was finally losing it. Black spiky hair and a black shirt with a huge neck opening with a red and white fan on the back, typical Uchiha attire. Sasuke was filled with a disdainful feeling, it oozed from his pores as he glared at me through the darkness of fading twilight. He was angry that I was here, in front of his home.

To Sasuke I probably looked like an idiot crying for people who weren't even related to me. He probably wanted to be alone here, to continue his life long mourning. My heart was heavy with guilt, I started to walk off. He sprinted over to me as quickly as a genin could.

Stopping only meters away, our eyes met. He had those same eyes. Those black pits of emotion like Arashi, lacking the soft apathy of Itachi's controlled black flames. Sasuke's were harder and angrier, yet somehow the same.

He was taller than me now, no longer the little kid who knocked me flat on my butt. I couldn't bring myself continue looking up into his eyes, they were too similar to his big brother's, a resounding _pang_ sounded against my heart. So I looked at his eyebrows, a technique Hiruko taught me to make it look like you're paying attention.

He spoke with narrowed eyes, a threat, "What business do you have here."

Just like his brother; not a question, but an observation.

I decided to make my explanation concise so this wouldn't turn into a long conversation: "My friends were Uchiha."

Without another word, he walked past me toward the compound's main entrance. Heartache waved off of him with each step like black and blue bruises on his heart.

Exactly like his brother, no need for a long conversation, just an answer to a simple question. The kid had a few months to train for the last section of the chunin exam. It would be tough for him. Supposedly, he was going up against Gaara. That guy creeped me out big time. He didn't feel any kind of emotion for anyone but himself, he'd kill anyone without a second thought. I heard about Gai's student, it ached my heart to know how that boy had been ravaged so mercilessly. The kid had no idea the kind of heartlessness he was up against.

Then again, when I fought in the second round of the chunin exam, I didn't let my competitor put up too much of a fight either. I didn't ruin the boy's life though, I just made his chakra flow slow until he couldn't use anything but taijutsu. There were little scars all over my body from that kid's needles. Stupid Mist shinobi.

I wanted to wish Sasuke good luck, but that would be a little odd coming from someone he would never remember.

"What did you say?"

I glanced over my shoulder up to see the genin in question only a few feet away, turned toward me with an impassive expression, the moon was riding higher in the sky. In this pale light, Sasuke was the mirror image of Itachi as I remembered him. Wondrous black eyes lit up in the moonlight, even his hair looked lighter from the pale highlight of the night sky. He stood his found expectantly. Thoughts turned in my skull, churning up my mental conversation. I hadn't said anything out loud... right?

"Nothing?" I questioned aloud with a cocked eyebrow. The boy's face was the exact same shape as Itachi's, the only thing missing now were the long ridges that made him look eternally exhausted.

The founder Uchiha brother was scary intense, mean almost, as he took a step toward me into a slight stance. "Yes you did, tell me."

So I thought about it. What did I say? Huh, so weird. I really need to keep my mouth less engaged. Make something up: "I was mumbling to myself."

With that same intense glare, he shifted minutely, ready to pounce. There was no fooling an Uchiha, his eyes narrowed slightly. "You said my name."

I swallowed. No I didn't. Why did he think that? Make something up again! "You look like my friend when she was young."

It was true enough that he wouldn't be able to detect a lie in my voice.

Hard understanding passed his features as he took another step, moving from 'attack' mode into 'slightly weary' mode.

"Who?" He was genuinely curious now, his lip tweaked, causing the sides of his eyes to wrinkle slightly. He had a far more expressive face than his older brother, perhaps that was intentional.

Heat rushed to my ears, this conversation was much longer than I'd hoped. All I wanted was to visit her death site. Who knows, maybe speaking with him a little would be therapeutic.

"Arashi Uchiha." Straining against the tears that threatened, I took a deep, cleansing breath. "She was almost my sister we were so close." I muttered quietly. This was the first time I'd spoken about her memory in a pleasant light for a very long time, it felt kind of nice.

He didn't answer, just scrutinized me with his eyes. Trying to figure out if I was lying or not. Finding whatever he sought, he prodded on, "She was my cousin."

A pause.

His brows knit together in remembrance, "Do I know you?"

…Sorry. My heart is currently beating at three hundred beats per minute.

Let me collect myself.

With a deep breath I thought quickly. He couldn't know me. I don't want him to. Watching him grow up from the sidelines was good enough; I didn't need a personal relationship with him. It would only cause both of us more pain.

"No."

My answer rang out across the walls of the Uchiha compound as if Arashi was calling my bluff like she always used to.

Then, without another word, I took off at an immeasurable sprint. To him it probably looked like I literally disappeared. Genin are so precious. It was pretty rude to leave mid-conversation like that, but I was not going to survive another minute with that tension in my stomach.

The door slammed behind me.

Kicking off my shoes by the door, I fell into bed, twisting myself into a comforting sausage of blankets. There were a couple of plates laying around with a few magazines and tea cups strewn about. Reaching up with a shaken hand, I gripped my team photo from the wall by the foot of my bed. Arashi's face smiling back at me is what burst the water balloon behind my eyes. I cried and cried so hard that I didn't even notice when darkness took over, blessing me with sleep.

The picture was pressed to my heart when I woke up. Arashi had to be telling me she loved me. Even if it was a ridiculous, almost superstitious, assumption, the feeling it gave off calmed me. The sun wouldn't be up for several hours now, ugh. Rolling out of bed, literally, I pulled a blanket up around me to trap the wonderful heat underneath as I bumped around in the dark to gather my clothes sleepily.

Today was the day I started my job as liaison.

I put my clothes on, and drank a little tea. Then promptly left the cup out on the table. My roiling, nervous stomach prevented me from eating anything by gurgling ominously. With a throaty sigh I decided to go for a walk before my little meeting to calm my nerves. Though I wasn't sure what exact time I should meet this person, I assumed any normal person would still be asleep. Silent streets gave me solace. I could mull over last nights events in peace, because no one was up this early, this wasn't even a real time of day. Real people were in the comfort of their very own sleep burritos, enjoying a reasonable night's sleep.

The sky was pretty enough; a few clouds obscured the moon creating barely visible shadows on the ground. I fleetingly wondered how the moon must feel about these clouds coming along to block her view of Konoha.

My own thoughts sometimes embarrassed me. If someone could read my mind they would be mortified and I'd be institutionalized. No one would ever understand these crazy passing thoughts, not even me.

It must have been somewhere around 0400, now was a good time to start wandering over there. It would truly suck walking into the Uchiha compound. All I could think of were the millions of memories I'd pushed to the back of my mind for all of these years, never facing them, only holding them tightly, afraid to let go.

When I arrived, it was about 0445, not too shabby for a walk. My steps were silent as I stalked the shadows, not wanting anyone to catch me sneaking in. Lifting the tape slightly, I ducked under, stepping over with the limber motions of a contortionist. I was on the other side where my pulse quickened. Head on a swivel, I scanned the main road of the compound. Lifetimes ago, I spent every day here just watching the people wander past, going about their business.

Now, where was I supposed to go? I hadn't really thought about it. This place was the size of a village in itself. Was there somewhere specific I should wait?

So I wandered aimlessly, poking my head around, looking for any sign of the person I was meant to meet. Ghosts of so many happy events haunted these streets, their cold hands gripped my heart, leaving me breathless.

Eventually the world around me became a blur. The only thing I saw?

Arashi's house.

I'd spent so much time there. Growing up, her parents were like family to me. I pushed the door open and smiled. The place still smelled like her, it didn't reek of death and blood like it had the last time. I took another deep breath. It smelled like her perfume. A cool daisy and freesia. It was what I imagined fresh water smelled like. Fingertips tenderly traced her kitchen counter, feeling the divots Arashi and I left from a bunch of cooking mishaps when her mom yelled at us for using kunai instead of kitchen knives. Smiling, I drifted through the hallways, tracing my sensitive fingers along the walls, feeling for the waxy patches from the time we tried painting a mural, then had to fix it but used the wrong kind of paint. Her parents were so mad that we had to hang out at my house instead. Lost in the millions of memories, I found myself in her bedroom. Our team picture was pinned to the wall next to her futon. Right where she could look at it until her eyes closed.

Somehow, I didn't cry. I wasn't angry. I just stood there with no emotion at all. Serenity took over, like she was here with me telling me that we were all right. Quietly, I took in every detail of this room. It felt like her arms wrapped around my shoulders, hugging me close to tell a secret or ask about something, maybe pinch my underarm and make some snarky comment. This didn't turn out the way I expected, I never would have guessed that seeing her things would bring me so much peace. I wrapped my arms around myself to reciprocate the hug I felt hover over my shoulders, crawling my hands up either arm with my fingers until they touched something warm and solid. I gripped a warm hand holding my upper arm. A _real, touchable hand._ Not a spirit, not genjutsu.

I sensed for the intruder's intensions immediately. I had become so overwhelmed by the room that I lost track of myself and my surroundings. It wasn't Arashi holding me in spirit, but a real person. Shoving away, I turned roughly into a tight stance, shuriken in hand, ready to attack.

Metal clanged to the floor with a sputter as it skittered across the wood paneling. The weapon dropped from my hand.

Now, this was too much.


	18. Strange World

_"Strange World"_

* * *

"Itachi, you have a decision. Either you can take this responsibility onto yourself, or another ANBU operative can take your place." Our aged Hokage bowed his head slightly, obviously troubled by his own remarks. "The choice is entirely yours."

Above my bent position stood Konoha's Third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi. Darkness of his shadow shrouded my kneeling form beneath the blue moonlight. Silence was never so dense as the tension between two people speaking of unmentionable secrets. The space between was so thick that it must have obstructed the airflow to my brain, causing me think that all of this would be possible.

As compared to the other crucial matters currently consuming my life, this latest mission mattered little. The Akatsuki would not want me to have lingering ties to Konoha. It was my job to gain information on her family; her brothers specifically. It would take a few months of observation to decide what the next step would be, how to make her actually want to open up to a stranger. Timing was everything to women.

All I knew of this girl was that she was born into the Kyusho family bloodline and that she was a thirteen-year-old chunin, the same age as me. The Kyusho had never been a danger to Konoha before, so it came as a shock when I was asked to hunt down and kill these people without mercy. Throughout the wars, many extended members of the Kyusho family lost their lives protecting the Village, leaving only one direct blood relative. Gouken Kyusho was a championed commander and wartime councilor for the Hokage, he was well respected within the Village and was seen as a model citizen for small children to look up to. To kill this man's sons was abhorrent. Ruining his life was an unfortunate side effect of the constant state of unease within Konoha when it came down to the happiness of one versus the safety of many. Even now, I had no idea what they did or why they deserved this kind of betrayal by a village they'd given their lives for; it wasn't my right to know. Regardless of the logic, I had to do whatever was commanded of me.

The Kyusho had only seven living relatives. From the small bit of available information on their abilities, I learned that they have a kekkei genkai. There was no written knowledge on what their blood trait was comprised of, but it was rumored to be something malevolent that could end countless lives. So as a precaution, the commander's sons needed to be exterminated. All of them. Which is where this kunoichi's role came into play.

It would be arrogant to assume that any female would change her life at my request. Yet, in the same breath, it would be ignorant to undermine my capability as a shinobi. Every second of my life was a behavioral study on those around me. Without my knowledge or consent, every infinitesimal detail of every second was filed into organized subdivisions deep within my brain. Little pieces of paper indicated where I could reach them in the future for utilization in plans or strategy.

From the time we are born we are indoctrinated with this concept that knowledge was important above all; it kept people safe and alive.

But I defy this concept. Adversely, knowledge could also cause suffering and death for the ones you love.

Studying your enemy will ultimately allow you to destroy them. Yet conversely, it could force you to understand their view of reality.

To understand a monster is to become one.

Which is exactly why this mission had been a difficulty for me to overcome. It was one thing to eliminate your target's family, another entirely to kill your own. I'd be throwing myself into the proverbial snake pit by committing myself to this for the remainder of my life.

One option was for me to watch as my beloved village was thrown into civil war by an Uchiha coup d'etat. Other nations would seize the moment of weakness to invade, throwing the world into another war. Countless lives would be inevitably lost as my clan rebelled in an attempt to overthrow Konoha and the Hokage.

Or, I could go through with the mission at hand and delve into a darkness deeper than the sky as my family's blood flooded the streets by the end of my own blade. This choice would give me the opportunity to save one life; my younger brother.

If he survived the slaughter, he would have to live under the false belief that his older brother was a cold-blooded murderer. This knowledge would cause his suffering and my eventual death. Further displaying the fickle nature of knowledge and reality. Whatever one chooses to believe is what encompasses their reality. Through Sasuke's eyes I would become a lifelong opponent. The obstacle for him to overcome through his entire life. He'd hate me, scorn me, and wish death upon me. My innocent little brother would become an avenger, someone who wanted to kill in order to soothe the aching wound in his soul. Somehow, this was exactly what I wanted.

A world in which I had to kill my seven-year-old brother was inconceivable and unacceptable.

After weeks of heart staking deliberation, my decision was finalized. By choosing to end my own clan, I was making countless choices all in one breath. As Akatsuki, I would obtain intel on the organization. Dropping signals from time to time so the Third could better protect and prepare Konoha civilians and ninja alike. This decision also comprised another, lesser, unforgivable mission.

Manipulating a young girl to speak freely about her family just so that I could ultimately kill her siblings was deplorable. Especially when she would just have to die in the end anyway.

Few deaths were a tragedy, many were a mere statistic.

Reality is a vacillating creature that gives you many choices. Whether you dig your grave in truths or lies is entirely left to the individual. In my reality, she was just a child with idealistic views of the world. An innocent little fool.

This imaginary world would inevitably end as soon as I forced myself to take action. The very moment her eyes met mine, her fate would be sealed.

Once my time with the Akatsuki began, I'd work on the second segment of Sarutobi's arrangement.

No one knew his name. No one knew his face. They only knew that he needed to die in order to save the village that would soon ostracize me for the actions I was forced to take on my own clan.


	19. Astray

_"Astray"_

* * *

It was a Monday when I began my observations. Tear drops in the ocean would be easier to find than a nameless person in Konoha. Holding a book out in front of me, I scanned the ever flowing crowd of people for the same white hair I could see in the picture Lord Hokage provided me with. Sasuke asked for me to help with his shadow shuriken jutsu earlier, unfortunately I had to go searching for a potential target rather than spend time with my little brother. This was the part that I hated most, losing the little time that remained with the people I cared about most. Though this did help my cover, making me seem more distant and angry.

The early morning hours ticked by in the heart of Konoha. That was where most people spent their days. A female was bound to end up there at some point to go shopping or meet with friends. Actively searching was of no use in a population this large. Running around wouldn't help, but eventually every person in the Village had to go food shopping, so I waited on a bench.

Once my entire morning was wasted, I decided to head back home to find something more useful to do until I could think of a better system. Pulling open the door to my room, I picked up a book and walked over the main gate of my home.

The sun overhead began to peak. Bright light threatened to blind me as I tried looking at the pages in my hand that were being masked by one of my favorite books. To others it would look like I was glaring at it, when in reality I was trying to keep the light out of my eyes by squinting.

Over by the main gate of the Uchiha compound was where I spotted them for the first time. My cousin, Arashi Uchiha, was walking with her head held high as anyone from our clan. All around me were the dark haired, dark eyed, dark souls of the Uchiha. The only thing that deviated from the monochrome monotony was a spark of pearlescent white as it bopped through the foot traffic.

For most people, when they first meet someone for the first time, they remember a face, or eyes. Hands or hair, their laugh or lips.

As if magnetically attracted to the contours, I memorized the shape of her head. It was such stark contrast with its invariably dark surroundings that I was staring at her, along with many others who found the odd color fascinating.

That finely shaped head balanced delicately atop her neck as if it had been crafted of porcelain by a master of the craft. The way it held that long mess of pearlescent hair bunched up in a knot. It allowed me to see the back of her head but not her face. Maybe I would be unable to recognize her eyes, nose, or mouth in the future. But I would always remember the shape of her icy white head moving through the sea of Uchiha.

It was unusual to find people within the compound who were not in some way related to the clan. Apparently, she was unaware of that unspoken, unwritten rule.

Pushing off of the wall, I trailed the pair. They stopped at Arashi's home then made their way back to the main drag. What caught my attention was that this girl did not seem to understand social situations the way normal people did. It was probably an act, to make her seem less approachable to others.

Screams reverberated through the warm air making me shudder and my ears want to bleed. I couldn't find the origin of the high-pitched squeal, but they sounded young, like a child's. Choked sobs slowed to a cooing giggle then a gummy laugh. Locating the offending child, I realized that it was a baby around the age of two. Across from the little dark haired boy was the white haired girl in a crouch, her hands huddled in front of her face. At first I assumed that she had hurt him in some way, based on the information I'd been supplied with the Kyusho were a dangerous group.

Moments passed until the scene sunk in and I realized that she had actually been the one to end his unhappy cries. Fingers wiggling over her ears, she was making faces at him, turning tears to smiles. Others on the street stared at her as they walked by, shooting dirty looks that someone else may have shied away from. The iced porcelain girl held out a gentle hand allowing the little boy to swat at it in an uncoordinated fashion as she made faces to keep him from crying again, his mother smiled at the girl warily. Above her, Arashi rolled her eyes and shook her head at her little friend's behavior. I was taking mental notes on the girl's personality to later decide what the next step would be.

It was the way she behaved as if no one else's opinion mattered that struck me. Other's feelings didn't seem to cross her mind, even as people stared at her odd behavior she paid them no mind. Normally, when people had a problem in the Uchiha clan, they were expected to fix it themselves. Such as their child screaming in public. The mother of that child would never have asked for assistance, it was expected that she would have brought it home to alleviate the awkward stares. Assistance was given to those who truly needed it, the Uchiha were too proud of a people to ask for it anyway.

Before they left, the white haired girl showed the baby how to give a high five. Continuing at a slow walk, they made a turn toward the main gate of the compound. People stared at the odd looking pair as they passed. For the most part, outsiders tried not to associate with the Uchiha unless coerced in some way. We came off as arrogant because of our talents, as a general rule we were all too prideful toward our heritage. Civilians of Konoha saw us as a dangerous threat to their peaceful lives, and I couldn't make myself disagree.

Peeking over the top of my book, I watched the girl stumble on her own feet, catching herself just before crashing to the ground with a sound of embarrassment. Without lying to myself, I had to admit one thing to myself to maintain my own humanity as I killed her. She was just a simple girl with the life that I wished for Sasuke and myself. An easy life with no arguments or impossible decisions. I'd already made the choice to become a thankless martyr for Konoha's benefit. This included irrevocably destroying this innocent girl's life too.

Compared to my cousin's taller dark haired frame, my target looked like an ice apparition wandering the streets of Konoha. Where Arashi was dark, the smaller girl was light. Their footsteps dragged to a halt under a thin pine, my cousin toss her head back with a laugh. Then, the white haired girl looked over her shoulder, looking directly at me. This gave me the smallest opportunity to see her face. Blue eyes and ivory skin, just like the photo. The frosted skin I'd been expecting, but her eyes were terrifyingly bright, the picture didn't do them justice. Electric winter blue completed the puzzle, I decided that she must have been some kind of ice demon. She looked at me skeptically then turned back to my cousin with a dramatically doubtful smirk then stuck her tongue out. Leaned against the compound's concrete wall, I made myself look back to my book so she couldn't suspect anything. Sun's rays heated the stone behind my back, releasing the knots from my shoulders. There was nothing suspicious about reading in public on a day like this.

Another sound chirped through the noises of this busy street. The white demon tackled Arashi with a hug, eyes a false disappointment. They were just beyond the walls of our small, disconnected section of Konoha.

Hiding my face beneath the wide collar of my shirt, I strutted past them as if in a rush. Neither looked at me, all I could see were the head motions of whatever lecture my cousin threw at the ice apparition who simply rolled her eyes without a care.

By reading their lips I realized they were speaking of a chunin from their graduating class, Hiroto. I remembered seeing him with my cousin only a few days ago. He made her cry.

A dejected wave overtook the girl's features at the mention of the boy's name. This girl meant no one harm, it annoyed me that I didn't just jump right in rather than take the time to do observations. If I allowed myself to believe that she was dangerous, this would have gone much smoother. It was the way she treated everyone, there were no slips in the general naivety of her nature.

If it took a moment to realize that I needed her in my life, that would have been too long. Whether it was for her to be Sasuke's mentor once I left; a close friend or a lover, I wasn't sure. All I knew, after only an hour of observation, was that she was truly unique.

I'd have to meet with the Hokage and see if there were any other options to let her live.

In the past I had no trouble with progressing strategies, or trusting my instincts when it came to my missions. In this case, it was clear that nothing would go the way that I had arranged. After months of planning, I simply had to rewrite everything. Meticulously counting the motions and expressions on her face, it was apparent that the Hokage was expecting the impossible from me.

In theory this was much easier to handle. When he and I spoke of it the first time, I was gaining information on a hated enemy. In theory she was evil with the instinct to kill. A demon of sorts with ill intent.

But that was only a theory.

In my reality she was no evil villain, she was just a girl who thought the same way as I. Everyone else's happiness mattered whether she was held high in their opinion or not. Self-sacrificing in a way. Evidently, the kind of girl who did not care who you were or what you were doing only that she was going to do what was on her agenda whether the public cared or not. Even if an opinion was completely absurd and misinformed, she would argue it. Within the moment I met her, I knew this to be true and I was ensnared in a future I had never planned for.

* * *

_A/N: I hope you like my Itachi point of view, I'm not entirely sure that I'm doing him justice or not, but I'm working on it. In fact, I may switch the order of the chapters so his POV comes before anything else. Let me know what you think/ tell me if you have suggestions to make anything better, I really appreciate them._


	20. Glowing Embers

"Glowing Embers"

* * *

White ceramic plates flew in every direction threatening to shatter her triumphant moment. I was almost embarrassed for her. But I didn't have the time to mull over this girl's foolishness. From my months of research I concluded that she couldn't care less about her physical body. Sasuke shouldered her hip and she dropped to the dirt hard and fast. I chose to save the glassware rather than her; there is only so much time within a moment, even for me. It would give me an opportunity to speak with her if she thought of me as a kind stranger.

From the ground she looked up at me, blushing out of humiliation. "You really didn't have to do that. I'm so, so sorry. I'm the worst."

'The worst' was certainly an exaggeration, 'completely absurd' would better describe her.

That was the day that I learned her name: _Katsue_.

It rolled off of my tongue as if by muscle memory. Like I'd said it thousands of times before. Katsue wanted me to refer to her by a nickname, but I didn't want to become friendly with the enemy. On the way back to her table, she prattled on about everything and anything. The poor girl was speaking endlessly to make up for her embarrassing fall. Apparently, I'm far more intimidating than I ever noticed.

Some of the topics were banal such as: different types of tea, favorite colors, and our favorite places to eat. Other things she spoke of were fairly intriguing. Her family's Kyusho technique was fascinating. They were all able to manipulate vitals with precise chakra flow to their fingertips. If they used that ability in healing practices, perhaps their family wouldn't be viewed as an enemy.

At least that's what I thought at the time.

After only an hour of speaking with her, I was trapped. Like several other young men from our village, I was held captive by her psychotic ramblings and sweetly naïve views of the world. I was literally entranced by her. As if I could spend days speaking to her, trying to find the logic behind her irrational blue eyes. If there was any logic to be found at all. Her mind was a complex maze of self doubt and overconfidence, just when you think you've found a reasonable pattern you reach a dead end and have to begin your research again. With a mind like that she could work well as an informant. No captor could force information from a person who couldn't properly store it themselves.

After months of observing her and I never found it in me to distract her from her average, chaotic life. Sasuke accidentally shattered the unseen barrier between the two of us and gave me that final push to commit to this section of the harrowing mission before me.

I'd always prided myself on making well-educated assumptions and decisions, for whatever reason I'd simply trusted my superiors rather than allowing myself to absorb all possible information before taking on this mission. If I'd looked at the information before taking this mission I wouldn't be in another impossible situation.

The only way to acquire information regarding Katsue's family was by her own mouth, so I had her meet me somewhere secure so no one could listen in on our conversations. Wording was important, it was my responsibility to keep her talking about her family. By speaking of Sasuke highly, I learned that we shared a common bond; the pride we held for our families. Although it would have helped, I couldn't ask anyone about her without raising suspicion about a relationship between us, it would be a threat to the mission. Not that it would kill me to date her, I rather enjoyed her strange mind. Dating me would certainly call for her early demise. I couldn't risk her death before I received all possible intel about the Kyusho's kekkei genkai and her brothers' whereabouts.


	21. Gravity

_"Gravity"_

* * *

It took some time for me to pull her closer to me, emotionally that is. She was fragile; or her emotions were at the very least unstable. Bodily she was fairly resilient. After observing a few of her early morning training sessions it came to my attention that the Kyusho jutsu was something to pay attention to. Using sharingan I learned the motions and stances easily, the chakra concentration required would take some practice on my end. Perhaps that manipulation technique would become pertinent in the future.

Arashi would tear her apart, but Katsue would pick herself back up rebound into an attack. Even when her chakra was low, she pushed herself to the point of exhaustion before letting my cousin win. As Arashi stood over the white haired girl's crumpled body, I watched as her blue eyes shifted from defeat to happiness as she looked to my dark relative. Contentedness would overwhelm her features as my cousin would hoist her to her feet.

Weeks passed before I realized what her blood trait was.

Emotional hypersensitivity.

For some reason that knowledge disappointed me. I was anticipating some dangerous ability that could kill people with ease, making her and her family a danger to society. It made me wish that I'd refused this mission. I'd be killing a group of people whose ability could not even hurt anyone. All they could do was know what particular individuals felt emotionally. The Kyusho jutsu was decidedly more lethal, but that wasn't what Sarutobi feared. From what Katsue told me, her only living relatives were her parents and four brothers. One of her brothers was two years old. I would have to kill a child who had not even learned how to speak full sentences. That was very disturbing.

Over time she fell for it, my adoring act. There were many moments where I wanted to drop the façade and fight with her when she would talk about shallow topics. The way she spoke about such inane topics made me want to give up, they bored me to tears. But then there were always glimmers of the person she truly was underneath the small talk and flirtatious smiles. Katsue's walls of naivety were built by my cousin's stereotypically superficial personality. She felt the need to behave like a brainless fan girl to keep me entertained rather than speak to me about things that truly held her interest. Such as her keen knowledge of human anatomy and the oddly extensive understanding of horses. Underneath that barrier of brainless chatter, there was a very interesting person with highly intelligent views of the world. A person who I would have considered attractive. A person that I would have wanted for myself if not for these encumbering stipulations. In another world, maybe we could have been happy together. But I had to endure being someone she would want, rather than who I was in reality. My reality.

She was so foolishly unaware, thinking that my cousin was the one they all stared at. Yes, Arashi was very sought after in Konoha, but she could never maintain a relationship for more than a few days due to her appalling personality. They were shallow relationships for attention, to prove to everyone that she could be with whoever she wanted. By watching their interactions I noticed how my cousin searched Katsue's face for jealousy that she would never find. Aside from that one time Arashi found herself dating a russet haired ninja from their graduating class, Katsue never felt jealousy toward my very talented cousin.

Though I never kept close tabs on that development; that one kid, Hiroto, once fascinated Katsue. It confused me as to why. He was entirely brainless. A pretty boy with nothing but flowers in his head.

It was oddly frustrating to imagine her with someone so dense. Once I overheard a conversation, at first I thought I'd imagined it, Katsue and Arashi lay out under the stars on her rooftop.

My cousin glanced over with a twinge of jealousy behind her fake smile, "I still can't believe what happened with Hiroto, he's such a jerk. Don't boys know that first kisses are supposed to be special?"

First kiss? A pang of something unidentifiable prodded painfully at my heart, I listened for Katsue's response.

Sighing, she shifted nervously, "Yeah, I don't know, it was just so… strange. I didn't even like him that much," Arashi skeptically raised her eyebrows, Katsue saw and blushed profusely, "Okay, fine, I used to like him, but that creepy situation totally freaked me out."

"Tell me what happened again, I don't remember." The dark haired girl was lying, I could hear it in her voice, she simply wanted to make her friend feel uncomfortable.

Deep red color flushed my white demon's face as her eyes searched the sky for the right words. "Uhh," she cleared her throat quietly, "Well, basically we were walking together and I made fun of him about something stupid-"

"-Get to the kissing part!" Arashi cut into the story, leaving Katsue even more humiliated. How she thought that Arashi loved her so much was beyond me, my cousin treated everyone like they were below her. It annoyed me, but I wouldn't become the wedge that drove them from one another.

Katsue started speaking with her hands in front of her, "I went to walk away and he grabbed my wrist and pinned me to him," her voice squeaked, "Ehm, then he kissed me."

"Sounds pretty romantic to me, Kat." Arashi taunted, it was as if she knew I was standing here listening and felt compelled to make me feel… whatever this was.

Her white hair glowed under the pale moonlight, making her stand out more than she normally did. The contrast allowed me to watch the dejected scowl twist her features as her eyes sharpened toward the sky. "It really wasn't though, Arashi, I made his arms into noodles with kyusho and ran home to take a shower 'cause it made me feel so gross."

The image made my headache and stomach buzz with agitation. It was unlike any feeling I'd ever experienced prior, I wanted to protect her from that kind of rejection, that kind of embarrassment. After I heard that conversation, I decided to kiss her myself, not wanting to leave before giving her something sweet to remember me by.

Pure electricity rose in the static warmth between our lips, I hesitated momentarily. I'd only kissed one other girl, but she was uninterested in having a relationship with me, so it ended before Katsue entered my life. The momentary hesitation was gone when I saw that look in her eyes. They seemed to ask "what the hell are you waiting for?" and if I hadn't kissed her right then, the moment would have left. A string of green flowers showered us, she didn't seem to notice, but it was enough to excuse myself from the tenderly brief contact. Salix flowers were caught in her hair, but she was so dazed that she never noticed, I just let her keep them there, whenever she went home she would look in the mirror and become embarrassed for my sake. It brought me a strange warmth to imagine her growing flustered at her appearance because of me. Her little tantrums were amusing.

From day one, I'd been compiling my own mental notes to determine a new plan of action. Death was no longer an option, I wouldn't allow that to happen. I'd talk to the Hokage to see what he would recommend. If there was a possibility for her survival, I'd do it. If necessary, I would kill her, but it wouldn't be easy for me to push away my personal feelings on the matter anymore.

Each day, I brought new information from Katsue's mouth to Sarutobi's ear. And every day I asked if there was another way, if there was a way to keep her alive. If her brothers needed to die, that was one thing. But to kill her would be like running a fawn through with my sword without reason. That girl couldn't kill anyone, she didn't have it in her. Eventually the Third closed his eyes hesitantly, "It will be complicated, but it could potentially work better longitudinally than our initial strategy."

I told him that I was willing to do whatever he asked if it meant keeping both Sasuke and Katsue alive.

Before, she was just some empty headed girl who spent her time with my shallow cousin. Now she was a puzzle for me to unravel, to understand. We become the things we cannot understand, if I could become innocently forgiving like her; I could live happily with myself for the things I would be forced to do in the very near future. For her safety I couldn't let anyone know the extent of our relationship. If other people propositioned her, she should have said yes. She should have made other friends. She should have maintained her naively simple life.

But at the same time I couldn't let her continue with that life. My nails dug into the callouses of my palms whenever I imagined the scene. Others would have the intention of perverting her sweetly illogical mind once I left and she hated me. That was something I would prevent if, at all, possible. In my head, I'd planned all of this. By deviating from that plan, by becoming emotionally compromised, things became significantly more complex. She was supposed to remain a non sequitur, an apparition, a theory.

In this world of darkness I've enveloped myself in with this decision I'd thrown myself into, she became the light that forced me to see the facts. She was not as immature or incompetent as I made her feel. It was my only hope that she would just mold into my false view of her. Naivety would keep her out of harm's way.

But it was not her nature to follow a plan. Disorganization seeped through her every pore. All I wanted was to save her from myself, but she fought me at every turn. Heart encased in armor, I would push her away. Then she would take another step closer, bringing our ever tightening gap to a close. It brought out a part of me that wasn't very pretty.

One of the last nights I spent as a Konoha shinobi was with her. She mentioned my young cousin's crush on her, asking if she should break his heart and him that she was taken. The need to hear her claim herself as mine was the sweetest poison. With the few weeks that remained, I wanted to push her away, but she was the only thing that was truly mine anymore.

"Oh _please_," She gasped sarcastically through the veil of emotion that distorted her view of reality as I pressed my lips to her snowy skin. "You know who I'm referring to…" kissing her chin lightly, I gentleman my lips along her jaw. Her neck tensed as she spoke again. "I'm yours, entirely, forever, Itachi."

Pressed against one of the huge trees in our hiding place, I nearly lost myself in her words. Some uncontrollable emotion took over, I shoved away, not wanting to feel that way. It was this blissful heat that spread from my chest, blurring my mind until all I could see was her pale face below mine. It was a promise that I couldn't force her to keep the way I wanted. I wanted to protect her from the heartache, the pain. But I couldn't.

The way she said those words caused a violent reaction. Two things happened instantaneously. Not only had I lost control of myself, but I also lost sight of the mission. By urging her to say those words I opened a door that I could never close again. She loved me, and openly admitted it without saying the exact words. Knowledge is so dangerous. It drove me to push away from her. There was no way to go about this mission without driving her away. If I didn't, this would all damage her so much more. But the heartbreak I saw when I pushed away from her words was too much. I'd made a mistake, she said those words out of trust and I'd broken it by pushing her away again at a pivotal moment in our relationship. Those words were meant for the person she would want for the rest of her life, I selfishly hoped that she meant them.

Schooling my features, I decided to go along with my heartless facade. Our eyes locked. Her eyes wanted to be happy, but I'd ruined it. Now heartbreak clouded them.

"Sometimes you make me feel like nothing." she muttered only loud enough for me to hear. As she leaped from the tree I told myself to walk away. To let her go and forget about me. To let her go and find happiness with someone else.

But I couldn't do it

Following her into the darkness I noticed the shine of tears dropping to the ground from her pretty head. Another blow to my heart. I couldn't stop myself from trying to fix it.

She was stomping away toward the village. She was frustrated and pained by my inability to have a real relationship with her. If only she knew how much this hurt me too. The moment she was within earshot of Konoha, our communications always ceased. So I had to act quickly. By pulling her into my arms, she melted. I held her flush against me, feeling her every curve and movement. Her heartbeat played through her back rhythmically against my chest. I kissed the top of her white head. "You're not nothing." I whispered, truly hoping she would forgive me for this erratic behavior.

Using her hand, she wiped away her tears. This was the part when she would turn around and place her hands behind my head to kiss me. But it didn't happen. Instead she tried twisting from me. "Words are meaningless without action, Itachi. I can't play these games with you anymore." A voice like heartbreak fell from her lips, leaving me somewhat stunned. Thinking I could fix that broken heart, I tightened my arms around.

Shouldering away from me she didn't even look back. "Please, Itachi. I can't do this right now."

Whenever she said that word, '_please_', it weakened me. Whether it was a moment of passion or anger, it had become a pressure point in my heart. The word bothered me enough to find her when she left me standing there. I followed her back to the bar where she met my drunken cousins. When I heard Katsue describing my actions from her point of view, my breathing stopped. I couldn't move. Guilt ate at me from the inside. Was I really that bad?

This was what I was trying for. I needed her to push against me and leave. She needed to become separated from me.

Everything I did somehow made her love me more than the day before. Even when I was terrible to her.

I never wanted to force her into my world; it would end up ruining her life. By killing her brothers and best friend, she would hate me just like Sasuke. The Hokage was going to let her live, she was not a threat. Only her cancerous older brothers. Mizoko was a great man like their father, he had no particular talents other than a keen eye for strategy and proficiency in the kyusho jutsu. It was still curious as to why he needed to die. Though, from the knowledge I'd received on Hiruko, the man was a monster who lacked any shred of a soul or consciousness.

Sunshine melted Katsue's icy appearance when she would speak of her brothers. She loved them above everything else, even more than she loved Arashi or me. It would destroy her when I had to eliminate them.

Then again, I could always lie... or tell her the truth. The real truth. Sometimes truth and artifice became mixed these days. To me, they were the same thing. Everyone knew me as a lie, I was the only one who knew the real Itachi Uchiha.

This hypothesis was confirmed when I found her again five years later in the arms of another. When her tongue was tainted with venomous hate that poisoned my veins, forcing me to say and do things that I'd live to regret.


	22. Dreaming With A Broken Heart

_A/N: Thank you for the fav/follow/review Lychantrope! It influenced me to write this chapter. A lot of this one is a recap- happy reading!_

_"Dreaming With A Broken Heart"_

* * *

Kisame and I trodded across the world to find Kyuubi's jinchuriki, Naruto Uzumaki. With just a touch of unfortunate timing, Katsue and her team were in the same place at the same time. They ran across the trees above our heads. At first I didn't recognize her, she was different. It was the way she moved with fluidity rather than jerky, clumsy motions that caught my eye.

My partner liked staying at inns rather than roughing it in a tent. When we stopped for the night, I told him that I was going to stay somewhere separately. He knew better than to ask for details, just as I never ask him where he went in his free time. Then again, I simply didn't care what he did.

My white haired demon's team hadn't even reached their destination yet. The caravan was still almost thirty miles away, another day's journey by foot.

I wandered, sensing for her chakra, searching for her. The sun was gone, leaving only the moon's sultry beams to ignite the scene I dreaded beneath that tent. The only reason I recognized her was due to that perfectly formed skull. It poked out from beneath a shared blanket between her and a teammate, a male teammate. Heat burned the inside of my stomach at the thought.

Within their tent, she was sleeping next to an Aburame jonin, Sora I believe his name was. He wasn't sleeping. Instead he watched her sleep, eyeing her shallow breaths as her chest rose and fell. The way he looked at her as her eyes fluttered restlessly almost made me lose my mind. But I didn't. I remained calm, regaining my composure, telling myself that after all of this time she could still love me. Turning to leave, a small squeak emitted from the tent. Knowing it was a bad idea, I looked back anyway. She pushed up to the Aburame in a restless movement, laying a gentle hand across his chest, gripping his shirt, pulling him toward her; igniting a stockpile of frustrations I'd been holding back for five years. The jonin's face lit up red, obviously thinking about reacting to _my _Katsue's touch. When her bare knee peeked from beneath the blanket and pressed over his hip, I left.

If I stayed any longer...

The image still haunts me. She looked so much older, so beautiful, so…

I blinked away the memory.

Every nerve in my body pricked the surface of my skin when I thought of it. I'd never been one to become jealous of anything. Fighting skills, intelligence, beauty, love, family. These were all things that other people deserved to have.

But Katsue… no one deserved to have her. Not the way I remembered her enigmatic mind. Memories of her sweet disposition drew me closer, making me want to observe her again. Not the way she grew into a truly beautiful woman. Her external body was not as interesting to me as her encrypted mind. Somehow she had remained the same over the years, she was still the overly expressive girl with her heart on her sleeve wishing that everyone would like her.

It was never my intent to become emotionally involved with her. She was meant to be an easily manipulated pawn in the long run. But for some reason, after dealing with her angry outbursts and speaking with her about her likes and dislikes, she had become a part of my every day thoughts as I traveled with Kisame.

I'd be drinking tea with my partner at any number of cafes and her disgusting taste for sugar water would stop my cup before it reached my lips.

"You just shit yourself?" Kisame laughed at my hesitancy. My eyes flashed a warning over my teacup. The swordsman caught my hint and shrugged it off with a curious grin.

He knew enough, once Kisame confided that he had a woman. She had his children, they lived on the coast, awaiting his return. Pain registered in his beady, cold-blooded eyes whenever he spoke of them.

"If this gig didn't pay so well, I'd be out of here." He cleaned a fish with a knife before eating it raw, bones and all, "Whuha bouh youh?" he asked, still crunching the bones between his sharp teeth.

There was silence for some time as I decided whether it was safe to tell him. If everything worked as planned, I would need a cover story for my nightly absences.

"There's someone." Is all I'd allow, more description would beg him to question further, I'd rather remain cautious with Katsue involved, even if she ended up with another man at the end of it all.

When I ordered my favorite foods her voice would taunt me, telling me that she hated them even when I knew she was just trying to get on my nerves. I'd walk past a river and remember that first day when she called me boring and I was forced to prove her wrong. At the time it had been a requirement to play the part of an adoring lover. But near the end, it was no longer an act.

This was not how I planned for things to go. Before, it wouldn't have mattered if the Akatsuki were to kill her when she was only a concept. Killing her was part of the mission. Before I knew who I was being commanded to monitor, I felt that it would be easy. After all of this time away from her I realized that I couldn't let her die at any cost. I'd caused so much pain, so much unforgivable pain by simply existing. Yet at the same time, I couldn't make myself leave her alone. Like the moon's relationship with the tide. Pulling and reaching, hoping to cross paths, but never quite strong enough to make that final jump through space. No matter how far I was, I always felt the pull, I always felt her gravity. Once I rebounded to her, it was a wave of energy that I could barely control.

While Kisame and I were still within nightly traveling distance, I went to see her. It was horrifying to see what she did to her hair. It looked as if she had been in some kind of accident. The back was shorter than the first knuckle of my finger while the front was longer than before. Her hips would sway slightly as she walked, giving her an alluring way about her that she didn't have before. Almost every motion she made was fluid. Even when she ran into the Aburame. Her face flattened against his chest. If I watched that scene any longer, something would have driven me to the breaking point, the pain in my chest was growing unbearable. There was only so much one could stand to endure.

For whatever reason, I felt compelled to speak to her that night. I had no right to take her away and confront her. At first I convinced myself that I would kill her so she wouldn't have to experience the coming war, or my imminent death. But when I held that kunai to her throat something came over me, her hands came into view. Waves of remorse reinforced her skin, making it impossible to press any harder into that vulnerable flesh.

The scars I'd left on her hands were exposed. They softened me. I still had no excuse for that, I had no reason. It was a spur of the moment decision that I would have to die with.

With a hard kick, she tried to get away, bounding with grace only seen in dancers. It made me wonder. But I simply picked her up by the ankle and let her dangle by one lean, white leg. It didn't hurt that I could get a better look at her body from this angle. Her hips had widened, but her chest remained the same. Her entire abdomen was covered in white bandages leaving her collarbones exposed. She swung around wildly with her arms, not thinking to take her forehead protector off of her eyes. Next, I laid her back down on the branch. I didn't want to speak much, just get my frustrations out to her so we could both go on living, woefully unaware of each other's activities.

Kissing her wrists was another thing that I did on a whim. For whatever reason, I hoped that it would make the cracks in her porcelain skin go away.

When I had her in my arms again, she was much harder than I remembered. She was no longer made of snow and marshmallows; she was now cold, hard marble. She must not have dealt well with everything once I left. After I pressed my forehead to hers, she realized who I was. I let her lash out, knowing she wouldn't just leave without giving me a piece of her mind.

Once she managed to pull the blind from her eyes, she glowered at me. Electricity seemed to spark from her eyes, they were so hateful, much of her innocence was gone. The pit of my stomach boiled furiously imagining what was done to draw the innocence from her eyes like that, it was more than what I'd done, it was a compilation of things. Yelling at me for everything that already tortured me every second of the day, she started crying. Not for me, but out of pure emotional let down.

I was unable to kiss her to make her stop, she wouldn't allow me. It was another difficult choice not to tell her the truth at that moment. When she realized who I was, she had this motion about her. This motion expressed how much she hated me and wished to spite me.

By taking a step foreword, I held her close to me again. She used kyusho, making my arm fall limp as she pushed out of my arms and into the forest like an arrow through the air.

Using my arms as manacles, I pinned her to the ground, forcing her to listen to what I needed to say.

Leaning in, I buried myself into her pearl hair. I was unsure of what to say now that she was in my arms, reluctantly or otherwise.

"It was never my desire to cause you pain." I whispered softly, hoping she would give some sign of caring.

The glare she shot at me pierced some of my restraint. Instead of speaking, I decided to make her understand what was going on in my mind. Her body reacted to my caresses as I pressed my lips to her face. Just as I was about to kiss her lips, she flinched away. Her body shook, blue eyes growing emotionally exhausted.

She had grown several inches taller, and a more feminine shape took hold of her body. Seeing her long, snowy legs bare was something else. Luckily, she still wore those frumpy scarves or I may not have been able to restrain myself from convincing her to be with me on the forest floor among nature. Although she obviously held a form of hatred in her heart, she still also cared for me. It would have been easy to manipulate her into uncontrollable wanting.

Images of her with that Aburame plagued my well-tamed mind and I lost control.

"You've replaced me." I hissed into her ear, "I was under the false pretense that you were mine, entirely, _forever_."

Something about her softened, in one fluid motion, she brushed the hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear, her fingertips hesitated by my ear, brushing them with accidental sensuality. She moved from nervous and tired to incredibly sexy. The way her blue eyes met mine with a glint of dark intent made my pants tighten. Placing a light hand to the side of my neck, I dropped toward her. It felt unbelievable. Her cold hand was like an ice cube melting down my face as she stared up at me with cold eyes that betrayed her actions. They were spiteful as her lips parted, leaning up toward me, at first I thought she was going to kiss me. But then she just pressed her cheek to mine and spoke into my ear with a slight rasp. "Just a placeholder, I suppose."

Releasing her slightly, my heart seized. _A placeholder?_

Below me, she had this tiny look of satisfaction from my reaction. She was intentionally drawing me in just to break me down. That wouldn't happen again.

"Placeholders are meant to represent something that's lacking. You fail to understand the meaning of that word." I responding, it would be unpleasant for this conversation to devolve into an argument.

Her fingers traced my back, pulling me flush against her until our bodies were completely entwined, pushing herself up using her elbows, she pressed her head to the crook of my neck, folding the fabric of my cloak as she did. Tilting her head upwards, her lips brushed my ear as her mouth moved with every vindictive syllable, "Alright _Your Majesty_, he's a _temporary_ solution to _long-term_ problems."

Something in the wording disturbed me. It was like hearing her describe every intimate detail of her defloration. Pressure built up from my boiling blood forcing me upright. Bile rose in my throat, burning my tongue. Everything about her implied the vulgar meaning of those spiteful words. I couldn't even look at her, it made me sick.

The cocky grin on her face didn't help the situation. She was happy to see me hurting. Instead of trying to leave with those as her final departing words, I let out my own steam.

"Pathetic." My eyes narrowed, "I'm gone for a few years and you give yourself away to a beautiful stranger." The words were viscous, I could barely force them out of me.

Then her face dropped, "Uh, what?"

I wanted to believe that she was just trying to get a rise out of me, but I couldn't. How could she want to see this pain in me? All I wanted was to speak with her about everything, what happened? When had I lost control? Images of the incident in the tent came to mind, "I expected more than this from a person like you." The words came out mangled and broken, not how I'd intended them.

Her eyes tightened and she shifted up to her elbows, her sharp azure eyes caught me, "That's no longer your problem."

I snarled at her, "So you admit it." Realizing that I was clenching her leg tight enough to break in my fist, I let go, leaving my hand merely resting on her now green calf.

She shrieked out of disgust and pain, "No you ass! Where do you come up with these things!"

I thought back to the wording along with her actions, "You implied it."

"No I didn't!" Her voice was steadily growing more shrill.

The flesh above my nose curled into an angry snarl, "Is your 'l_ong term problem_' me? Tell me about this '_temporary solution_'" I asked with every bit of distaste pressed into each syllable.

Eyes as blue as lightning, bright and just as dangerous, glowered up at me with the slightest hint of smug success. Her jaw set hard. "He loves me endlessly. He makes me feel like I matter. Something I never had with you." The violence of her words struck me harder that I could have imagined. I never wanted her to feel like I didn't care about her, I did.

Several things happened at once when she said that. First was that I realized the needing, protective emotion I felt toward her was love. The feeling was indescribable, yet self explanatory. Another was that I needed to think of something to try and fix her disjointed life. Lastly, I needed to kill the son of a bitch that stole her away from me.

_Sora_.

It was something about the way the words came out of her mouth that accused him specifically. The cruelty of my own response to her supposed infidelity was jarring. She was the only one who could make me lose my temper like this. The warmth of her pale skin heated my chest, boiling my blood. This view of her, beneath me, the way she would have looked to him. I was suddenly repulsed by her.

That was her final attack, she won this battle.

'_You make people feel like they're nothing.'_ filtered through my mind in a loop. Haunted by her repeated emotional assault, I fled. It crushed me to hear her say that. She was right. At the time, I didn't love her. It wasn't until moments before she uttered those abominable words that I realized her position in my world.

As I left her in the underbrush, I thought back to the entire week. Images of her newly developed body with that Aburame. Even more images of her with Hiroto. Their potency gagged me, forcing me to stand quietly for a few hours before going back to Kisame.

Telling me that she was not taken with him didn't change the way the movie played behind my eyes. Blinks were only breaks between each painful onslaught of memories. Hiroto had her and that bug clansman wanted her. She was right about one thing, I had no right to ask about her relationships.

A smile creased my face for the first time in months as I thought about how badly was going to destroy that insect. Once again, no one deserved to have her. It was insane, but I felt this strange feeling of dominion over her. As if she was mine and not to be shared with others. Especially once I had her in my arms again.

Holding her was similar to holding a baby bird, such brittle bones and loud cries. When she screamed at me and told me about my cousin's lonely wake and funeral, it was harrowing. It was nearly as disturbing as those deep scars I'd caused. But I couldn't show pity or remorse for those wounds I'd inflicted. She couldn't know anything.

She couldn't even know me.

When she said that Sora was a temporary solution, she pressed the side of her lip to my face, forcing my soul to bear. The way those vivid, tortured words played out in my head were something horrendous. A temporary solution to long-term problems? What did that mean? Yes, she had replaced me. But did that mean she had given someone permission to...

Sometimes it was hard. It was difficult to pretend to be someone else every day when you want nothing more than to fix everything. To take every action back. She would never believe or forgive me, but it would be nice to speak someone about the hollow darkness that overshadowed my philanthropic soul.

It was really senseless to try and hide my emotions anyway. Katsue knew that I was a liar but she never discovered the extent of my deceits. She could feel them in her own way.

So similar to her brother, yet entirely different.

I've yet to meet the famed Hiruko the of the Eradication Jutsu. 'Famed' may not be the appropriate term for her brother. Perhaps invaluable or reverent were better terms, now that I'd acquired more information on him. Not many accounts of his life still existed, so fame would not be the proper expression. The Konoha's Torture and Interrogation unit had few notes written of his capability. They were all burned on his command. Eventually, I would meet the man, he needed to meet the one who would ruin his sister's life.

Here I was again watching the sun creep across the wood floor, stealing another day from me. Kisame was under the assumption that I was sleeping with a commander's wife from the Hidden Leaf. In his reality, I was ruining a relationship and acquiring intel through pillow talk and physical manipulation. This had truly happened in the past, one of us would gain information from some loose-lipped kunoichi. It was easy for me, the sharingan was very seductive when I used it to hypnotize them into giving me the information I wanted. It was role play for me, so that Kisame would not think anything of it when I was away during the nights just beyond Konoha.

All I knew was that Sarutobi finally found a liaison to transmit the information I'd been collecting. All of this time I'd leveed for Katsue to be the one, but after our interaction in the forest I wasn't sure if I could stand to be near her.

The times I needed control, Katsue cut through everything like a sharpened blade. Like now, in this darkened room, she was the light that forced me to see everything a new way.


	23. Elsewhere

_"Elsewhere"_

* * *

Red sharingan eyes pierced the darkness of morning.

Raven hair, so tall, so beautiful.

Cursed by the pale moonlight he finally looked the part of the evil villain I'd pinned him with for the past five years. The collar of his black and red patterned cloak obscured his disinterested face. One arm lazily hung from the front of it, allowing one sleeve to look sad and deflated while the other arm was still encircled, hugging the space where I'd been trapped only a moment before. Although there were no chains physically binding me body, I couldn't make myself move. I was petrified. Of all people, why was _he_ here? Maybe he came to intercept the informant?

Silence was heavier than the gravity I felt pulling me toward my enemy and heart's keeper. Time slowed until all I could hear were the trembling breaths that fluttered through my nostrils, even the air in my body was timid in his presence. Not a word passed between us. All I could do was stare in disbelief. The last time we met I thought that I'd never see him again just because he seemed to want me far away from his partner. The time when he nearly killed another one of my friends. Standing there in the place where all of my most treasured memories lived, the one who stole them all away desecrated the first moment I'd ever felt at peace with Arashi's death. Fate really loved to screw with me. I didn't know what to do next. Was he going to kill me? His brother? The Hokage? The spy?

If he was planning to kill anyone, it would have to be me. Living would cease to matter if I let him hurt another person in my life. As a jonin of Konoha it was my responsibility to protect everyone within her walls But that wasn't all. It was a personal feeling of mine that a shinobi should never let others die because you couldn't uphold your responsibility during an assignment. Sasuke and the Third would be safe from Itachi this time around, even if I had to die fighting.

In a capoeira stance, I prepared for the worst, channeling my chakra into the very tips of my fingers for deadly accuracy.

For one of first times ever, Itachi spoke first.

"You came." His voice was low and gentle.

The only logical possibility was that his voice was my imagination, he didn't speak with that kind of sweetness anymore and he _never_ started conversations, he only ended them.

He took one long stride toward me. In the time it took for his foot to hit the ground, I picked up my lost shuriken and resumed a defensive position. Maybe he was going to burn the place to a crisp? My back was to Arashi's bed; psychologically I was protecting a dead girl. Physically, I was defending the village from an antisocial murderer.

Narrowed blue eyes met Itachi's bored black and red sharingan, they were impossibly mesmerizing but I managed to keep my head by focusing on his eyebrows. With a silent breath, I calmed down and evened my erratically fluttering heartbeats.

In one swift motion I whipped out three kunai and pulled them around my knuckles, tightening my stance. Coiled like a viper ready to strike. If he made another move, I'd be able to react. Without wanting to give away the purpose of my trip here, I decided to say something and push him away like the last time. "Shouldn't you be out violating graves or something?" I spat between tight lips.

His head tilted up to an odd angle allowing shadow to over take his light skin, leaving only widened blood red eyes and a terrifyingly sadistic smile to shine through the darkness, slight humor veiled his grin. "Shouldn't your new lover be violating _you_?"

_Woah! _Well, _that_ was out of character!

Blinking hard, I recovered from the shock of his foreword verbal assault and scoffed. "Why so nasty _Your Majesty_? Come to finish the job? Leave this place, and Sasuke, alone."

His eyes grew sharper at the mention of his brother's name; there was a sense of abject, black, depression pulsing from him in bursts of tactile smoke beating against my skull.

"Being the best at _everything_ means no one could compare, Katsue." His eyes wandered down my body slowly, as if taking the time to remove every article of clothing I wore, leaving me wildly uncomfortable by the time his eyes made their way back up. With our eyes locked, my body experienced some seriously mixed reactions. His smug grimace painted a vulgar picture onto the front of my mind. Heat curled low in my abdomen in a relatively pleasant way.

Blood rushed to my ears and cheeks at my own reaction. I just started talking nervously, not really paying attention to the words leaving my mouth "You don't have to lie to make friends, Itachi." A choked laugh, "Oh wait, _yes you do!_"

His image seemed to evaporate. Where'd he go? There was a loud clatter of metal. A familiar, cold line pressed my throat. The edge of my own kunai. My empty hands grasped the air. His words breathed holy onto my ear, voice full of anger and something that I couldn't quite pinpoint. One hand was flat to my stomach, jerking me closer until I could feel the outline of his body through his clothing behind me. "So you're my liaison. He couldn't even find a seasoned jonin to trust this information to? Times must be hard in the mighty Hidden Leaf Village."

My heart suddenly stopped beating.


	24. What Is It To Burn

"What Is It To Burn"

* * *

My heart sputtered to a stop in my chest.

You think I'm joking, but I'm not.

The last memory I had before darkness took over was my eyelids fluttering into the back of my skull and my face growing cold and tingly. Cold metal sliced through the flesh of my throat. Warm liquid dripped from the wound to the rapidly rising floor, which bounced off of my face with a mind altering _'thuck_'.

At first I thought I'd died and my last thoughts were of Itachi. Moments after the thought entered my mind, white light filtered through my pink eyelids, creating bright colors and patterns through the fleshy medium, spiderwebs of veins stretched across my visual reality. Somewhere just beyond consciousness, I could feel movements vaguely through my skin as the earth seemed to shift below me.

When I woke up, my eyes slowly creaked open, each flicker of my twitching lashes felt like someone was smashing a drum to my head. The first thing I noticed as my eyes adjusted to the onslaught of light, was the black mass huddled over me with it's head tilted. At first, I thought it was a giant, monster crow; but that made no sense. Fuzzy outlines enveloped my brain, tickling my psyche and dispersing any logical thought. Skin tone then came into focus to take the place of what I had assumed was the big bird's beak, eliminating what I had come to address as the 'giant crow theory'. Last to fade into my visual field were his ink blot eyes surrounded by white. Just the way I liked them. They made him look less harsh and more like my sweet Itachi again. His forehead worried with concern and surprise, his expression was being tamed as he watched my eyes open, not wanting me to see how concerned he actually was. But I did see it, and it felt great. He was worried about me, oddly enough. Even though _he_ started it.

Yeah, that's right. I was immature enough to say 'he started it' about something like this. Don't you judge me.

With a small whimper, I closed my eyes tightly so I could turn try and my head to look around. Wincing, I felt the skin of my neck separate. I couldn't feel pain, it just felt really weird. Feeling his heat hover above me, Itachi's hand reached out to mine, unraveling my fingers. My heart skipped at the bit of contact, causing me to jerk away. Persistent as ever, he firmly grasped my wrist, wrenching my fingers apart with gentle resolution, and placed two white pills into the palm of my hand, gently closing my fingers over them so they wouldn't roll away. Taking my other hand, just as gently with the same level of command, he placed has hand on the back of mine, stretching my fingers out with his thumb to make me grasp something smooth and cylindrical.

A glass of water. He expected me to take some random pills after putting a knife to my throat? Yeah, okay buddy.

It occurred to me the surreal nature of this situation. Currently I was at his whim, if he wanted to kill me, he would have. Just like that time in the forest, he was almost caring for me instead of shafting me with a sword. Actually, he wasn't _almost_ caring for me, he really was. Proof was all around me.

A glass of water in my right hand, pills for the headache in the other, a bandage around my neck, and a cold towel on my forehead. Oh, and I was in a comfy bed with blankets all over.

Fate really must have some horrible vendetta against me, or something.

The memory of his calmly put, but viciously voiced, words tackled me head first. No pun intended.

When he said that I was _his_ liason, I felt no deception. Nothing even related to deception, for once. My heart flitted like hummingbirds wings against my rib cage as my pulse became erratic. When did the world go crazy?

Oh, right. Somewhere around five years ago.

"Breathe." I heard him command. Cool air rushed to my lungs, this was a very bad coping mechanism, not breathing. Stress shouldn't keep you from fulfilling a basic human need, right? Annoyance passed over my face, I hated when I took his commands, even when they actually were for my own wellbeing.

Turning my head slowly as not to hurt my sliced up neck, I got a good look at my new surroundings. Apparently we weren't in Arashi's room anymore. This place had an entirely different layout. There were family photos on a dusty windowsill, I couldn't see the images in the unbearably bright light. Dust covered the images, and nearly everything else in the room.

Wait. _Light_?

I screeched like a dog who's tail got caught in the door. "How long was I out!"

"Wait, don't stand yet!" Itachi's arm shot out to grab me back onto the bed, but I bounced away from his outstretched arm but gravity suddenly reversed, I fell to the floor in a pile.

Obviously I was not heading that jerk's warning, I stumbled back up to a standing position allowing the towel on my head to slosh to the ground in a white and red heap. I immediately regretted that decision. Instinctually, my hands gripped the sides of my head, pressing my thumbs into the soft temples, circling in small patterns to eradicate this horrible feeling. Thundering pain radiated through my skull from the sound of Itachi's command, ringing out loudly against the glass walls of my sensitive skull. Like a gong was being pounded behind my ears, my skull seemed vibrate from the blaring pain, blurring my sight even further. Not to mention the instant dizziness that was causing me to lose balance, kneeling, then crumpling myself into a heap on the floor. I covered my aching head with my arms to block out the sunlight and noise. The silence was screaming. If he decided to kill me now, I couldn't say I'd mind it. This wasn't just any pain. This was advanced pain.

Then again, if he took the time to bandage my throat, it was doubtful that he planned on killing me. Not to mention that he brought me a glass of water and pills, which were thrown in all directions out of haste. Groaning in misery of all kinds, I poked my one eye from behind my elbow to scan the floor for the victims of my illogical freak out. Closing it again, I tucked myself harder into a kneeled up ball, embarrassed with myself. It would have been a waste of his time to bring me those things if he really wanted me dead.

Coughing rang out from the general direction of my left side. Opening one eye again from beneath my arms, I glanced around to see Itachi doubled over, clutching his mouth with one hand and supporting his weight with the other. Blood seeped between each finger, dripping to the floor to create a perfectly circular puddle of crimson. Unwrapping my head, I eased to a sitting position with one eye sealed closed. White light glared against the puddle and rivers of blood running down his forearm, causing my heart to flutter empathetically. With eyes closed tightly, painfully, the creases under his eyes grew dark and heavy from the wracking fit. His lungs gurgled and hacked from the effort. With eyes that looked like he'd been punched in the face, they opened to reveal dulled black irises as he watched me, looking for my reaction. The breaths being forced from his lungs became ragged and heavy, my chin wrinkled a little as I watched his shoulders rise and fall from the effort of simply breathing. In the interrupted silence of our quiet breathing, he looked down at the dusty floor, looking to the blood between his hands. The moment was long and tense, filled with each of our needs to both protect ourselves and each other. All I could hear were his labored breaths until he lifted his head and smiled over at me sheepishly with a little dribble of blood running down his chin. "You were unconscious for three hours." he blinked slowly with that same smile, hiding his face slightly while maintaining eye contact to gauge my reaction. "I have lung cancer."

Okay, so you know how I've been trying to convince you that I wasn't going to care about him anymore? Yeah, that was a total lie.

Ice flooded my veins as my body froze solid, allowing only the smallest shift toward him as we sat ten feet away from each other on our knees. The words he spoke couldn't have been real, I must have imagined it. Just to be safe, I asked carefully, "...what did you just say?"

He took a deep, gurgling breath and laughed with that heart wrenching wheeze. "I'm dying of lung cancer, Katsue."

With one eye closed, trying to force the headache back into my skull, I pushed myself up from the ground to one knee, trembling, I yelled at him through clenched teeth. "You can't die!"

His body shook with frustrating amusement, "Why not? Because you say so?"

That, I didn't appreciate. None of this was funny, not at all. Lifting my other leg, I swung into a low squat, wanting to walk over and.. and.. hit him or something! I went for a kunai, just in case he was just doing this to make me go crazy. But my shuriken bag was missing. Rolling my eyes closed I bobbed my head with a smirk. He always thought way too much. With a heavy sigh, I resolved to trust him not to kill me for the time being. On hands and knees I clambered across the floor over to one of the last Uchiha, glaring up with my molten lava blues. "No! You can't die because Sasuke needs to kill you!"

This time he laughed hard enough to throw him into another coughing fit. My arms shot out to brace his shoulders, which felt rather well muscled, might I add. Blushing at the thought, I pushed myself back again, releasing him like his cloak had burned me. Somehow managed to look down at me like I was completely ridiculous with a bloody hand over his mouth as his breaths began to even out.

You're right, I shouldn't feel bad about an S class criminal's painful demise. But I did, so stop giving me that look. Yeah, that one. And don't tell me I'm stupid because... well, I already know that.

I poked his shoulder hard in an attempt to make him stop that coughing-laughing combo, "This isn't funny! Stop laughing!"

My voice grew shrill as I began to panic from the wracking coughs. What if he died right now and I couldn't get any information from him? That would just be the icing on this shit cake called my life.

Laughing softly, taking my advice, he sat back with open, humorous eyes, almost seeming tall again but the minor slouch gave him a more approachable look. "You're beginning to sound like a nagging housewife, you know that right?" His eyes glimmered with familiar laughter as the black blood on his lower lip beginning to dry and flake away, "You'd make a terrible wife."

A scowl creased my forehead as I glared at him. Talk about insulting! With pursed lips and eyes narrow I spat, "Why's that you murdering son of a bitch?"

His tongue flicked out to clear the nearly crusted blood from his lip then smiled. Not a sharp, sadistic 'new' Itachi smile, but a real one that seemed to pushed the old Itachi out to say hello. "You can barely convince yourself to put dishes in the sink. How could you clean a house and kids then take care of a tired, working husband?" Coming off sarcastic and aloof as a tentative joke shone through his eyes.

We had played this game before. Once upon a time, when life was still an imaginary fairytale world, back in another life. Before he shattered the magic of childhood dreams with violence that no one should have to witness. As much as I wanted to yell and scream and fight and hurt him, I couldn't do it. Not when he looked like a very sick version of my beloved, sweet, Itachi.

Some other time I'd fight with him, but not right now. I think we both needed this interlude of happiness in our bizarre lives. My nose crumpled as if something smelled bad and I waved a gloved hand in his direction with both eyes finally open as the pain in my head began to ebb.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever!" I stuck my tongue out at him, "No women could live up to that expectation anyway, so have fun marrying a dude."

It felt weird joking around with a guy I hated and loved so much at the same time. Right now, it seemed almost normal again.

His exhausted eyes dropped like his emotions from their nearly happy pink textured color to a cloud of the blackest depression as his face recreated that emotionless mask again.

"My mother exceeded that expectation." He spoke to his reflection in the black pool of blood beneath him with a fist pressed into the wood floor next to it. His eyes closed and a painful expression seeped over his every feature.

There was nothing to say, I just looked away from him as my chest tightened, wishing I could take my words back.

It was one of those awkwardly long moments in life where all you can think is how stupid you are for saying the wrong thing.

Think about this: here I am laughing with a guy who killed his own mother in cold blood, not to mention his entire family including my best friend. He then slit my throat and told me that he's dying of cancer like it was no big deal and now tells me that his mother was perfect, as if I was supposed to accept his emotions are real. Every time we took a step toward reconciliation, we jumped back. Not together though, one of us was always on one foot trying to fix things while the other was trying to cause pain. It was this awful dance that never ended, even when the music stopped.

Itachi was a ruthless killer and I couldn't forget that, right now we were supposed to be exchanging notes and going on our way, but instead we were doing our dance, wasting time playing pretend. Our relationship came to an end five years ago and it needed to stay that way. The thought burned my heart.

Oh right, I'm irrevocably in love with him. Can't forget _that_ stupid part.

We just stayed there in understood silence for a while as Itachi reconstructed his well developed mask of disinterest and I tried not to get upset about it. My own anger and sadness filtered through my expression. It should have come as a relief that he was dying. No one would have his blood on their hands. He would just die; sick and alone and miserable with his pathetically wasted life. Imagining his death tore at the spot in my chest where my heart once lived, filling it with heat and pain.

I still wanted to hurt him and make him suffer for the deaths of the people I loved. But right now, it seemed like he was already trapped in his own personal, twisted, living Hell.


	25. Arms For Legs

_"Arms For Legs"_

* * *

In some species of spider, offspring will kill their mother for sustenance. A selfless cause for a mother, to give her life for her young's survival.

As I stared at the air behind him, I really wanted to remind Itachi that he killed his mother, not for survival, but because he lost his mind. Glancing up a little nervously, my eyes met his briefly before both sets darted away, his face hardened in the corner of my eye. To me, there were no excuses to hurt the person who loved you from the moment you were conceived, it really made me sick that he could on and off choose to feel badly for the people he killed. The day he killed everyone and left his baby brother with nothing but hate in his tiny soul was the day my sympathy toward his actions ended. He could treat me like nothing, but to shatter a little boy's future like that… it was unforgivable. No matter how much I wanted to remind him of this little fact, after seeing the pain in his expression when he mentioned her I realized that I couldn't push him like that. No matter how evil it was in my own opinion, no one could kill their own mother without sheading tears. Thus I didn't say anything, just held an unintentional gaze on him, wishing I could magically know the right thing to say and go back to talking as if everything was normal again.

Several feet stretched between us on the bloody wood floor, I watched the time tick by as the sun's rays grew shorter and shorter. Spider webs of heartbreak strung between us, I tried to pull away from the tug. Unnerving as it was, I knew that he could make me bend until I shattered into pitiful forgiveness if he truly wanted. I wanted to be free of his hold on me, so I held the distance and didn't say a word., allowing him to look tortured and alone for a while gave me this odd sense of satisfaction. It was cruel of me, but I didn't want him to begin thinking that I forgave him for slaughtering my closest friend.

His head lifted, but he remained staring at the ground next to my knee, emotions still battling for territory on his face. I imagined that he was trying to keep me from seeing that emotional battle take place because his long, dark bangs covered his eyes, they were probably what would give him away. Light reflected against the floor, shining directly in my eyes. It probably looked like I was glaring at him when in reality I was just trying to see through the bright light. With shoulders square, he looked me over passively, starting at my knee then trailing up my green vest slowly, landing on my bandaged throat for a hesitant moment before continuing up to my eyes.

His eyes were bloodshot from coughing so hard, narrowed with an unfathomable despair he muttered, "You think you have me all figured out."

Ice cold air seemed to solidify around us, giving me goose bumps up and down my arms, he was back to his new persona. His voice was calm and passive, no real emotion behind it. Just as cold and dead as his soul. I found myself reeling, grasping for his meaning. Rocking back onto my tip toes, I tilted my head curiously. He was suddenly a different person, it was giving me whiplash keeping up with him.

There was nothing to figure out, facts are facts. If he didn't kill his family then both of our lives would be very different. Hell, our lives could very well be totally normal if he hadn't lost his marbles. But I hadn't said anything, so now I was just plain confused.

Blinking, and completely puzzled, I placed my hands on my hips and angled my head up at him with an uplifted eyebrow. "Care to clarify?"

After a quiet breath he looked back down at me with those stupid, red eyes of his. "Reality is a multifaceted projection of what you choose to believe. What you define as true." He continued with closed eyes and slightly clenched jaw, leaning back ever so slightly, giving me another opportunity to admire him. Over the years he had only changed slightly. His jaw seemed to have elongated, or maybe his face was just thinner. His hair was longer, but the color remained the same raven's wing gray.

Now his body shifted, leaning forward as if I pulled him toward me. "Katsue. I'm many things that you will never understand..." Energy passed through his sweet, dark eyes. "All I am, all I'll ever be, is Itachi Uchiha."

I didn't understand. "You're confusing me with all of these mood swings." I stared at him dully, "What is all of that supposed to mean? You mean to say that your 'reality' is different form mine? Because I don't believe that after everything that happened." With a deep sigh I continued with weakness in my voice, "Once, I saw you as someone important, someone who showed me how to be my own person and accept my flaws. You forced me to see myself under a different light, but now…" my voice trailed off.

I took another breath, "Now I'm someone different, just like you are. You're not the same guy I met in the cafe under my apartment, nor am I the little girl you kissed by the river. We aren't children anymore, Itachi. Just by saying that your version of reality is different doesn't make your decisions right. You can sit here in that stupid cloud covered cloak all day and tell me how you've never changed and that I simply don't understand you, but all that would mean to me is that you're a liar and and a sociopath. That you lack any real emotions because I saw you that night." his eyes flickered at me. "I know that you weren't completely emotionless about that night, you cried on me, Hell, you snapped my wrists." My lips twitched into a frown, I looked away from his curious eyes, "You made me feel like I was never worth anything to you."

Some emotion crept from the man in front of me, filling me with this kind of heat, I couldn't identify this particular emotion but whatever it was took over his mind. I glanced back up at him from my sloped position to see his jaw clench and release at my words, like he was trying to filter his thoughts, like whatever was on his mind was somehow dangerous.

"Yes, that is exactly what I mean." he regarded me quietly, as if I was that frightened animal again. His eyes were still red, giving him the look of a killer. Those deadly eyes paired strangely with his relaxed pose as he spoke carefully, as if to a wild fawn fearing that I would spook and run off. "In my reality, your importance never ceased. You made me fall in love."

Hitching my breath, a small noise gasped from my mouth in surprise. I'd been expecting him to lecture me on how emotions are only weaknesses or something. The way he said it almost made it seem like he held a grudge against me for letting him feel that way toward me. Shifting back a little, I retreated from his words and looked away from his eyes, not wanting to see the lively trap of emotion waiting for me.

More webbing seemed to want to bind us closer. But I resisted, I wouldn't let it happen again. I wouldn't fall for this; I wouldn't tell him I want him back in my life, that I loved him now as I always had. Those words wouldn't change anything; it might even affect my ability to get the information required to complete this assignment. His words had awesome impact on my heart. The way he looked so helpless on his knees across from me, paired with the gentleness of his articulation. For just a moment, my sweet Itachi embodied this new evil sharp-tongued murderer. Transforming from red to black, his eyes beseeched me to say something, anything. But I held my tongue and heart tightly, if I lost this battle now, I'd lose the entire war. I'd be stuck under his spell again, and I couldn't have that. Not right now. Not when people depended on me to collect intelligence from him, although that almost seemed insignificant to me at this current moment.

Minutes passed in silence as I held my mouth shut with effort, eventually he just looked to the ground in front of him with a small wistful smile, embarrassed. "You found someone else. The Aburame or Hiroto?"

My jaw hung open, offended. "You seriously think I'd want to date a guy who had bugs living inside him? Do you even know me?" I held out a hand sarcastically, "Hi I'm Katsue Kyusho, nice to meet you."

He took the hand and tugged it hard; jerking me forward to catch myself with the other hand to the floor, my knees dug into the dusty floor, now closer to one another as he pressed my fingertips to his lips with a soft kiss that melted my heart. "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm a liar and a sociopath."

He sure knew how to turn a phrase. Tilting my head foreword the skin of me neck cracked back open, pain shot up my face. A frown pulled at the sides of my mouth, solidifying my melted heart. "What was up with slicing my neck open, by the way? That really wasn't okay."

Darkness shot through my psyche as his eyes softened with a remorseful twitch. "You collapsed _into_ the blade, not the other way around."

I cocked an eyebrow, irritation traced my features, "So what? You couldn't move fast enough? Oh please." Rolling my eyes, I pulled my hand back and folded them on my lap as I sat back into a kneel. "You shouldn't have been holding a damn kunai to my neck in the first place." There was no way I was going to let that one go. But for now I needed to accomplish an important goal, the one I came here for. "Anyway, you homicidal sociopath, I need to do my job. So quit trying to chat like we're friends or something."

The little smile on his face disappeared along with the trembling red admiration I could feel from his soul. Shifting through his cloak, burning scrolls appeared between each of his fingers with a pen in the other hand. Our eyes met with a silent understanding, those were for the correspondence notes. After pulling out more sealed scrolls from some secret pocket inside of his sleeve, he popped one seal open and got to writing, using the floor as a writingdesk.

I got up using my wobbly legs for balance and wandered the place to try and ignore the pain in my head. The sun was now completely up, lighting the room, enlightening the dust that covered every surface, even the air seemed filled with the stuff creating a veil over the entire space. We were in Itachi's old room. The thought made me blush, I'm not sure why.

Shivers chilled to the pit of my stomach. Pictures of Sasuke as a kid sat on the windowsill, riddled with dust from the many years of lonliness. I swept my thumb across the glass, smudging some of the mousy grey color out of the way so I could look at each picture. Their mother was stunningly beautiful with long midnight hair like Sasuke, and Itachi's ink black eyes. Their father, I recognized him a little from town as a kid. At school he was always there to give safety lectures. Under their fathers arm was a young Itachi, the one I fell so hard for.

Loud silence met my ear, the scratch of his pen ceased. He must have been done writing. Making my way over to the darkly clad man on the floor I tried to peek at what he wrote over his shoulder. Before I could, he snapped the scroll shut, sealing it, shooting me a deadly glare over his shoulder. I jumped back and waited patiently. Ending with three notes, he sealed the bands securing them, then motioned me over. I tumbled to the floor in front of him, crpssin my legs. He pushed them into my arms firmly, maintaining full eye contact. His hands lingered over my lap momentarily as I watched his mouth move. "Hokage's eyes only."

Lingering in that position, I became very aware of our proximity and leaned back away from his tantalizing gaze. With the ghost of a smile, he stood, towering over me as if to remind me how weak I was in comparison. My eyes traveled from his feet up to his eyes, my neck bent at a ninety degree angle to see his face. He must have grown since the last time...

Terrible thoughts burst into my head like a bullet through my brain. Memories of my captain laying nearly dead on the ground. Sora asking, no _begging_ me with his eyes to run away with my life. Tearing the bindings from my body to stop the bleeding, Itachi kicking Sora's mutilated body, making the giant shuriken shift painfully in his side and nearly ruining the work I did to stop anymore blood from seeping through. Those strange sharingan that ruined Sora's mind for months. Looking at Itachi now, I figured if I didnt ask now, I may not get another chance. This may be the only time I'd be able to speak to him like this again for the rest of our lives. It wasn't fair for me to live in the shadows like this whenever it came it this particular man. I needed to know what he was capable of if I was supposed to 'forgive him' as my brother requested.

I had to ask.

"Were you the one who hurt Sora?"

Long black lashes flickered, betraying their emotionless mask. Red and green flickered, love and envy.

"Why do you ask?" He responded, blinking innocently, thinking he'd been able to hide his emotions toward my captain away from me. Little did he know how much I'd honed this skill of mine.

I hid the scrolls in my shuriken bag then held my hands to my hips saucily. "You did, didn't you." I narrowed my eyes at him, now completely pissed off. "Why? What did he do to you? He almost died! And at that, his brain basically melted from whatever you did to him."

Lips tightened on his end, lime green jealousy dappled his contented yellow emotions. "You cannot hold everything against me, not entirely."

The sun was high in the sky, it would be hot outside. The sunshine and green grass outside were in stark contrast to Itachi's pale face and general darkness.

I waited for him to elaborate, but he never did. So I continued the conversation on my own with a small breath, "I'm not sleeping with him, if that's what you think." His whole body flinched away, "I really can't believe you'd do something like that over something so stupid." I heard his teeth grind a little, setting his jaw hard, obviously conflicted. "Just for the future, if this correspondence is to continue like this, just please…" I searched for the right words in the ceiling, before looking at him again, "If you need to kill people to make you happy, or whatever, just keep me, this village, and my friends out of it."

The creases under his eyes seemed to darken as his eyes drooped in another unfathomable expression. Without anything to say, I began to leave.

"Katsue..." He whispered after me as my hand reached for the door. In his tone, what he really mean was 'wait'.

As much as I wanted to ignore him and power through the door, leaving him alone to consider the damage he'd done to our bizarre relationship, I couldn't do it. All I did was glare back at him and slowly turn to face him He was dying after all. At least that's what I told myself.

Lips pursed, I placed my hands on my hips again in defiance. "What do you plan on speaking to me about for six hours?"

Concurrent with my words, his lips covered mine with a possessiveness I'd never felt before, pushing me back a step as the invasion of personal space pressed me backwards. Fingers laced themselves around the back of my head, pulling me ever closer, deepening the intimate contact.

'_Well, that answers my question_.' I thought sardonically, smiling into his lips as his mirrored the motion.

The possessive bit was rather unlike him from what I remembered, but I wasn't complaining.

Pulling away carefully as not to offend him or something, I reopened my eyes. All kinds of emotions were coming out of him. As if on instinct alone, his body repossessed the space between us again. Warm air was all that separated our lips, but they didn't touch.

"Forgive me, I'm sure your boyfriend wont be happy about this." Speaking so close to my face, his eyes caught mine, half hooded and sensual. Overtaking the small space, he took my lower lip between his own and pulled my body closer to his by laying a palm against the nape of my neck, tilting my head back slightly so he could press his cheek to mine and speak into my ear, air tickling the warming my sensitive lobe, "Guess I just don't care."

...Where did he get this idea that I had a boyfriend?

"Did you say something?" Sweet eyes took a hold of my own as he held me away so he could look into my eyes.

Heat rushed my cheeks, "No, I don't believe so?" Why were my thoughts coming out of my mouth lately! I needed to get a new brain-mouth filter.

"You did, tell me." Looking worried he gave me a slightly reproachful stare as he loosened his hold on me.

Taming the blood flow to my face, I cocked an eyebrow up at him. "Why do you think I have a boyfriend?" There, I asked it. Happy now, brain?

Hurt emotions crashed over his posture, dropping me entirely, leaving my body cold and wanting, "Stop lying, Katsue. I've seen the flowers, the notes." In a flash, his face was back to apathetic and neutral, "'With all of my love' he writes."

_Hiroto_.

Wait, _what_?

Extending my arms I pushed the middle of his chest, forcing him to step back as I crowded him, "You've been reading my mail!?"

He wrapped his hands over my shoulders and held me at arms length, "Avoidance is the same as lying."

My face dropped. Ouch, that hit a nerve. "So you're calling me a liar _and_ an adulterer. Thanks for that. It's not like you were ever a saint."

Letting go of my shoulders roughly he acquired the crumpled look of someone who ate a lemon whole.

"Sorry." He balked, turning slightly so I couldn't see his expression, "I've missed so much and now..."

Each word was pronounced like that of a sulking teenager, which I guess he was. I rolled my eyes, was he _really_ doing this right now? As if he had the right to be upset about it anyway. Hiroto thought he loved me and I broke his heart, sometimes that happens. But for _that_ particular guy, he liked to try and be romantic in an attempt to win me back. Those stupid letters!

I'm not entirely sure how it happened but I had a handful of his cloak in one hand and his chin pinched between the thumb and forefingers of the other forcing him to look at me directly in the eyes.

"I. _Do. Not_. Have. A. Boyfriend." Enunciating each syllable of each word, I spoke to him like an invalid. "Hiroto is in love with me. We dated for a while but ended when you freaking kidnapped me on that mission not too long ago." His eyes lit up with understanding. "I'm pretty sure I told you that already. And before you say it, no, _did not_ sleep with him, not that it's any of your business _anyway_."

It was pretty funny. Here I am, a five foot nothing, holding onto an alleged Akatsuki member's face as I reprimand him for behaving like a crazy ex boyfriend. With wide ink blot eyes, it seemed that he was put off by the news, or maybe at his silly, jealous reaction. This time it got through to him. Yellows and greens faded into a mist of violet and red. For a guy who was smarter than most doctors, he could be hard to reach him when emotions were involved. Typical man.

The wall's wood grain into my bare scalp as his lips sealed against mine with the force of five year's frustrations and relief. His hands rested against either side of my head, holding me there to accept the physical embodiment of his emotions. The contact was not gentle like it normally was; instead it was demanding and coarse. One warm hand trailed my side, only stopping to pull his fingers against the pockets of my vest.

His forehead pressed against mine and stole my gaze as my heat rate sped up. He was beautiful. All of the time. Even when he was breathing heavily and sweating from an unidentifiable suffering with those hawk-like eyes closed. It made my heart ache and want to fix him.

"Itachi..."

Slowly his breathing grew more controlled as a few seconds passed us by. A hand smoothed the side of my face, gently rubbing my cheekbone with his thumb as he looked down at me, his eyes were so tired.

"The thought of you with someone else..." An abrupt breathy laugh. "It's disgusting."

He thought that the idea of me with another guy was gross, yet he's the one who successfully killed his entire family? Who should be disgusted by who, I wonder?

I let out a small, marginally fearful, giggle. "You're telling me."

A real, broad smile crossed his face.

"Since when does that kind of stuff bother you, hm? You never used to get jealous." I mused aloud.

"Just because you do not understand an emotion, doesn't mean you don't feel it." He answered.

I smirked at him, "Trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about."

Leaning against me, he pressed my back against the wall and leaned his head against his own forearm above me. "Do you own a mirror?"

"Yes…?"

"Try looking in it sometimes, that's their purpose." His eyes were closed, but I would hear the humor in his voice, he was trying to compliment me in a way.

My ears turned red as I thought about my looks, I really was nothing special, in fact my white skin and hair made me unattractive by most people's standards, "I look exactly the same as I did before, like a piece of bleached out paper."

He laid his head against the top of mine and smiled, that was the most I was going to get out of him as far as compliments go.

"Since you won't let me leave, what would you like to do for the next 5 hours and 55 minutes?" I asked, still weary of this position we were in. He must have sensed this because he leaned back to give me some space, but the distance didn't last long as his fingers reached out to my face.

Brushing the long strands of white hair from my face he grumbled passively, "Summarize the past five years."

* * *

_A/N: A late thank you to explorer girl in training for the follow! I wasn't a huge fan of this chapter, the next few are better though. It was never my intention to make this as long as its getting. Sorry!_


	26. Shut Your Eyes

_"Shut Your Eyes"_

* * *

"I'll tell you everything I can remember if you do one thing for me first." I dared, looking up at his lips as they quirked in curiosity.

No answer, just a dull expression that told me he was listening. Reaching out, I took a handful of his cloak and tugged it, "Take this stupid thing off of you. It makes me sick."

Curling his fingers around the latches in front of the cloak, he brushed my hand away. My eyes followed each button as he undid them, realizing that he was watching my eyes, I looked away, back up to the smooth skin of his face. Stepping backwards, he folded the heavy fabric and buried it under a stack of dusty forgotten towels.

When he turned to face me, my heart swelled nervously, he looked good like this. _Too_ good, in a way. Mesh shirt covered by a grey v-neck with a white belt and dark blue pants. Uncontrollable eyes trailed him from head to foot, catching those black toenails. I wondered if he painted them like that…

The flesh my my cheeks burned when I looked up to his face again. He was watching my eyes with an unfathomable small smile. Wow I'm embarrassing. My face deepened in color, I looked away pretending to have something in my eye before daring a look back at him, a smug little smirk played behind his onyx eyes. Cocky arrogant son of a...

Eyes flickering expectantly, he waited for me to uphold my end of the deal. Tense air filled the gap, I wasn't sure where to start.

"Alright, hmm, lets start from the day you left me bleeding on the floor of my apartment." He didn't react, something occurred to me as the words left my mouth, "I have some of my own questions, but those can wait for now." I crossed my legs and drooped to the floor noiselessly, motioning for him to sit as well. My voice took on a storyteller's quality, "It all started when my brother came to reiterate what you warned me about…"

I told him everything that I could think of as I gauged his reactions, most of them were nonreactions, but sometimes he would shift ever so slightly, crushing his well maintained facade of disinterest.

"...All I ever do is train with my new mentors. Anko calls it '_physical therapy_'…" No response.

"...I've gotten to see my brothers a lot more…"

"...Kaz is taking the chunin exams…"

"...I cut all of my hair off…"

"...Hiruko told me to take the jonin exam…"

"...I was hired by the TI Corps…" Itachi's eye twitched at that, but he didn't make a move to interrupt my long explanations.

"...I killed a guy, or two or three…" Another small movement in his face indicated that he was actually listening.

"...My team mates are in love with each other, well, at least Yua loves Senji…"

"...Koroko had a few kids…"

"…My dad retired…"

"…Mizoko took his position…"

"…Mikah entered the academy…"

I recapped the past five years of my life as my favorite mistake gazed at me with keen interest. Including, but not limited to, my missions and Sora's health issues. Senji and Yua's odd relationship. Koroko's babies, and _very_ nondescript explanations for my relationship with Hiroto and how I basically used the poor guy. Then I told him how I got to see Hiruko for the first time in forever, he seemed interested in that. I told him about Mikah's entry to the academy and Kaz trying out the chunin exams. Pride probably shone through my teeth when I spoke of them because it seemed like Itachi was vicariously proud of them. And it all only took 4 hours and 35 minutes to explain in full. Once I got to present day I became conflicted. Did he want to know about Sasuke? How much did he want to know about Hiroto?

"…Do you want to know about…" A soft pause, "...relationships and stuff?"

Itachi sat beside me, he leaned heavily against the wall with an arm resting on a flexed knee while the other leg lay flat, his gaze fell to his now flexing fist as he clenched it over his knee. He didn't look at me or indicate that he was planning on answering my question. No answer meant that he wanted to know, but didn't want to ask.

I looked away and found something interesting across the room, deciding to tell him anyway. "Basically, when you… left, I was pretty much devastated." His eyes moved to my profile, "Hiroto was at my beck and whim at every minute of the day, to the point where I wanted to actually kill him for taking up so much of my personal time. But, I figured out that I'm able to take on other people's emotions if they feel something strongly enough. When I sensed that he really cared about me, I just sapped that feeling away from him in hopes that it would eventually make me forget about you." I smiled up at Itachi's conflicted stare, unintentionally glancing down at the wiry muscles in his flexed forearm as he tightened his fist subtly, "The poor guy had no idea that I was using him."

My former lover's body relaxed as I placed a hand over his hard fist and looked up into his eyes. They seemed to relax under my gaze. I'd leave the Sasuke conversation for another time. He always kept plenty of stuff from me; this could be minor pay back for his sociopathic tendencies.

"And that's really it. I mean nothing horribly important came and went, but you missed a lot of me being completely miserable and training myself into a pulp." He winced minutely a little at my little jab.

Itachi's face was virtually expressionless, but I could feel the turmoil in his soul, he felt guilty. "Don't be miserable, I'm not worth it."

Dust and fading sunlight filtered through the room, giving it a mystical feel. I sank my weight into my core to drop myself into a flat position on the ground where I sprawled out on the cold wooden floor. Observing my shifting position, he followed me down, laying his arm behind the nape of my neck as he tucked the other behind his own head. I stared up at the ceiling as he pretended not to look over at me. I tried not to smile, this was all so childish. It was like we were back to the beginning again. We stared at the ever darkening ceiling as the sun dropped from the sky into an explosion or reds and yellows.

I stretched my arms with a yawn and curled up so I was snuggled into his side, "No, you're not worth it at all. But the guy I met in the cafe under my apartment?" I poked my head up and propped it up on my hand so I could look down at the Uchiha beside me, "He was entirely worth it."

He arched his neck to look up at me, "Now I'm a homicidal sociopath." The heat of his breath heated chin, "It would be pragmatic to move on and find someone who wont end your life without a second thought." His voice was a gentle warning, I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

As much as I wanted to disagree, he was right. I didn't look at him, just closed my eyes and tuned into my surroundings. "You won't hurt me."

The scrape of his shuriken bag against the floor as he adjusted slightly caught my ear. "I broke your arms."

"Don't be dramatic, it was only my wrists." I rolled my eyes and continued staring across the room to one corner, counting the cobwebs.

"Regardless, Katsue." A voice so delicate floated in my direction that I was almost afraid to move and shatter it from the air.

He was right again. It was stupid for me to love him after all of this. But I couldn't help it. I blamed him. If he didn't make me fall in love in the first place then this wouldn't be an issue. Everything was a conflict. Every nerve in my body struggled to drag me out of this place and away from him, while every cardiomyocyte struggled closer wanting to be near the source of my heart's ease.

I took a ragged breath and scowled at the wall. "If I make the smart choice, I'll live to regret my long life." That caught his attention, his whole head swiveled to watch my mouth move, "If I'm stupid I'll die endlessly happy." Finally I looked down at him, he was laying his face against my upper arm, still looking drained, virtually sleeping. Frustrated, I huffed a breath and slanted my lips at him. "Why did you have to go and kill my best friend. Everything else I can make myself forgive, but taking Arashi away…" Dust irritated my eyes, I rubbed one of my fists to them to make the stinging subside. "I can't even put the feeling into words… It hurts every single day just as much, sometimes even worse, than the first."

The look on his face could break my heart, I felt longing, loss and heartbreak rolling off of him in heavy waves. And it gave me a sense of contentedness that he felt similar pain to me.

"Nothing can bring them back." He stated plainly as he turned onto his back again, eyes glued to the ceiling with another unreadable expression. "You have questions, ask them."

Bloody, horrific images broke through my sympathetic thoughts like a bull through the matador's vivacious red capote. Images of her horrified face, that screaming mouth and dull, white, dead eyes. Every inch of her looked as if she had been in horrendous pain when she died. I tried to stop them my biting my lip, but the words came out anyway like they always do.

"Did she suffer?"

The words echoed against my memories, bouncing pictures of our days together before he killed her. When he would ignore me and speak to Arashi like they were equals, like he actually cared for her life and safety. It really made me sick to my stomach to think that only a few months before he sliced her into ribbons, we were all together and Arashi was trying to make him feel better about a fight with his dad. The memory flushed out of me with a sigh as I waited for an answer that only he could give.

He closed his eyes with a creased brow, as if trying to physically push the memory back into his head. "Yes, she was the only one to suffer long. She fought well and died honorably. Her training with you gave her a strong concept of pressure points so she knew how to avoid death as she defended Ryu's body. She was fast, this caused me to strike nonlethal arteries, causing her to bleed out rather than face an instantaneous death with the others."

It was like he could see everything as a projections on his eyelids. My stomach turned. The thought made me want to throw up. When he spoke, it was as if every word broke his lifeless heart even more.

Good.

I hoped he saw it every night before he fell asleep the same way I saw her dead face behind mine.

His head jerked over to me with wide eyes, "What did you just say?"

I didn't remember saying anything aloud so I curled up against him, seeking comfort from the only available person, not looking at him. He let that one go, if I said what was on my mind, then good riddance. In all truthfulness I wanted him to rewatch those deaths every night for the rest of his short life, cancer ridden. The last thing I wanted to know was that she had suffered, but I suppose it was consoling that she fought back so hard. To give someone like Itachi a hard time you have to be pretty talented. My Arashi was one very gifted shinobi.

The pain in my chest was self inflicted, if I didn't want to know I wouldn't have asked.

"I said…" Eyes squeezed tightly to think of something, "Why me?

It was a question I'd been hiding since the first day we met. I wanted to know what made him decide that he was going to make me fall in love with him. What made him think that I was someone he should have been interested in?

I watched emotions pass through his features, every kind of emotion, but his face barely gave a glimmer of what was going on inside of his head. Blues, blacks, grey and red with an overture of green and purple.

He didn't answer, he simply set his jaw and closed his tired eyes. For a moment I thought he fell asleep, but his breathing didn't grow heavy and thick as it did when people fell asleep. Worrying his brow only slightly he parted his lips to speak. Only to snap them shut again.

Now I was curious. "Itachi, really, why did you pick me to treat this way? I saw the way you acted toward other people in Konoha, I was the only person you would completely ignore. Arashi noticed it too." Black irises opened in depressed slits, "You were two different people, then: one for me and one for everyone else. What about now? Is this murderer with ice in his soul the real you? Who is the real Itachi?" An aching pause. "I want to figure this out, once upon a time you helped me rediscover myself, I want to help you do the same. And don't give me any crap about reality, because I don't buy any of that."

Annoyance and hesitancy filled the air around Itachi as he stilled. My questions lingered in the air with acrid accusations.

Thrumming of his heartbeat under my head seemed to pulse harder as his breathing seemed to even out; he was about to lie to me.

Rather than get upset about it, I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable words he would use, he would probably tell me that he didn't have a choice or something like that, that some erroneous measure was to blame for our individual heartaches.

Eyes soft, he tucked a strand of my hair back and seemed very genuine superficially.

"You gave me no other choice."

Bingo.

Heavily lifting myself from the jumbled position we found ourselves tangled in, I shouldered his arm away. He was really quite predictable once you got the hang of his subtle giveaways. The vein in his neck would pulse rhythmically as he feigned control just before he told a lie, this time it didn't even hurt. I was so used to the lies that they didn't seem to affect me anymore.

Crossing my legs into a sitting position, I breathed, "Okay."

There was thick silence. I think he knew that I was apprehensive of his response because he appraised my expression warily as if it read "Liar" in big red letters across my forehead. We sat away from each other, I didn't really want to touch him right now.

It was dark now, but I still didn't want to leave, there were so many questions still left unanswered. Isn't it strange how a few hours can change the entire dynamic of a relationship? Maybe he was playing at something, trying to make me evil like him.

Getting up from our positions on the ground was a trial. Both of our bodies wanted us to stay here and be together while we both knew intellectually that our lives were not meant to be that easy.

"When will you be around again?" I dared to ask, somewhat fearing the answer.

Brushing the bangs from his face, his words were concise. "Tomorrow."

Tomorrow? That was good news, I could barred him with more questions tomorrow morning. Then something occurred to me, what was his excuse for being here? Like, what did Kisame think Itachi was doing that he could just leave for such long periods of time? And how was I supposed to play along?

I stretched, holding my hands together over my head with a hige yawn. "So what's your cover story here? What do you tell the bad guys so they don't find us talking?"

"They do not need to know how I spend my time."

"Yeah, but what if they do? I know you have a contingency plan, so tell me."

His face blanched white as his body leaned away from me. "Why do you want to know that?"

Automatically, my eyebrow tilted in curiosity. "Because if someone's watching us I want to play the part."

Scratching the back if his head he smiled lopsidedly, surprisingly uncontrolled movements like he was actually depicting the right emotions on his face for once. "Really, you shouldn't worry about that."

_Oh boy_, if he was embarrassed by his own story it must be bad. If he wasn't going to tell me the easy way, I'd have to give him the puppy eyes. Knowing exactly how to play him, my blue eyes got big and I took a step closer to him, closing the gap a little. If there was one way I knew always seemed to work, it was saying the magic word. "Please Itachi?"

Dropping his hand back to his side, I watched his heart flip-flop as my words met his ears. Without hesitation he answered, "Kisame is under the impression that I'm sleeping with a commander's wife."

For a moment I believed him, and a cackle rose from my stomach and I threw my head back with laughter then smiled it away and held my stomach to slow the giggles that remained. That _had_ to be some very dry joke. Itachi wouldn't tell someone something so intimate. "No, really, tell me." I giggled.

His face was smooth, without the slightest indication of deception. I even went so far as to feel for his emotions. Nope, he wasn't lying. "He thinks I'm separating you from your lover and finds it very amusing."

Blink. "Really?"

The long ridges under his eyes were precious when paired with the hesitancy in his voice. "It's not too much of a stretch either." He muttered under his breath.

Rolling my eyes, I pretended not to hear that snide little comment. I was not only a leading commander's daughter, but I was also the sister of a wartime counselor. "Do they know who I am?"

Good thing I thought to ask about this, otherwise I could have gotten into some serious trouble in the future.

"No one knows the purpose of our meetings." he resigned, avoiding the question, thinking that I'd give up the interrogation. But I wasn't finished yet.

"Tell me, Itachi. Does anyone know who I am?"

He wanted to lie to me again, I could see it in his eyes, but this time he was honest. "Only Kisame. I needed reasons for my reaction that one time."

'that one time' was referring to the mission when he almost killed Sora and let me and Yua live. Kisame had wanted to kill me when he saw how I jumped up to defend my teammate by yelling at Itachi. That was _so_ stupid of me. My gut squirmed.

"Then why did you decide to make me into an adulterous skank?" I asked, smirking up at him with narrow eyes. This guy always had a plan.

"Don't worry about it," He tried to smile the conversation away as he turned to require his cloak from the other side of the room. I glared at his back. When he turned and realized that I was serious, he sighed with his eyes closed and nonchalantly explained. "You're being used as a pawn to become close to someone in the city and once I'm done collecting information from you I'm going to use you for sex."

Averting his eyes from mine with the slightest tinge of red to his cheeks he continued as if apologizing guiltily. "…I pinned you as a thoughtless fool with a loose tongue."

Looking up past my left eyebrow to the ceiling, I thought to myself about his plan. Hopefully it would work and that spooky shark guy wouldn't kill me. Even if he did, it wouldn't be so bad. A life given for the sake of others is a pretty successful life in my opinion.

I finally smiled up at him, letting him know that I didn't hate his little strategy. "Well, luckily for me I'm not a thoughtless fool in real life. I'm a badass kunoichi with a bad reputation." His face hardened, thinking about something, or seeing something painful behind his eyelids. "Anyway, I have to get out of here. It's late and I have some other stuff to do. I'll see you tomorrow?"

He still hadn't looked at me, I felt for his emotions. I could still feel an overtone of deception, irritation and blue loneliness. Something was up.

"Itachi, what aren't you telling me?"

White and red, his face was like an ANBU mask he was so nervous. White in fear, red in mortification. His mouth opened then closed again, as if he was thinking hard before speaking again. From here I could see those wheels turning. He had the quickest mind of anyone I'd ever met, and that includes Hiruko. Itachi's brain put my older brother's to shame.

Finally he cleared his throat quietly, "Kisame thinks you're pregnant, that's why I let you live."

Mind remaining unchanged, I tilted my head in thought. The plot would work. Then even if they wanted to kill me, Itachi would have some kind of weird bad guy claim on me.

"That's a good idea, even bad guys wont kill each others kids right? How am I supposed to fake something like that though? Transformation jutsu?" I smiled at him to make sure he knew I was totally for it. It was a really good idea, actually. No matter how evil you are, you don't just kill your comrade's kids. That would be messed up, you know, more messed up than they already were.

Still refusing to meet my gaze, his emotions darkened further. "Forgive me Katsue, don't hate me for this."

* * *

_A/N: Oh boy, Kat's going to be piiissed. Thank you for the reviews itunesaddiction, gogirlbubble and neggs! You guys are the best. They keep me going when I feel like giving in to the never ending battle with writer's block.__ I promise, promise, promise that there is an actual plot to this story. There's just some serious build up first *dodges flames* _

___Another thing, there will be some seriously racey stuff in a few chapters. Should I make the rating higher? Or make those chapters __separate and keep the hanky-panky on the down low in the main story? It's up to you guys, so let me know!_


	27. Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

_AN: I wrote this chapter while very intoxicated by a new medication. Please forgive any absurd ranting and raving. This will be the only chapter I post this weekend. Bleh, finals. Anyway, thanks for the reviews and everything!_

_"Slow Dancing In A Burning Room"_

* * *

It was really dark inside of Itachi's room, darker now with his suggestion lingering in the air, teasing my heart like some sick joke. I could barely see him, unless I paid close attention to the sound of his quiet breathing. His emotions didn't feel sarcastic or joking. He was being completely serious. He wanted to actually get me pregnant.

I stood my ground and shook my head violently, "No way, forget it."

None of this jived with my life plan. If I was having kids, it would be for their happiness in a loving home, not to get me out of danger. Kids were a life choice, not a background noise. Didn't he even consider what this would mean for my life or happiness?

There was a rustling sound as he pulled an arm into his cloak lazily hanging it from the front. "It will prevent you from harm in the coming firestorm." He explained with calm certainty.

Scowling, I threw my hands out to the sides. "No! That's completely insane. We aren't _really_ sleeping together, that's just what you're telling them!" Arms waving about like a frantic bird, his hands appeared on my upper arms, pushing them back down to my sides with gentle force. His cloak looked like a deformed sash the way the one sleeve hung off of him.

That damned sweet voice of his always made me turn to jelly. "Would it be so bad if we did?" It was loaded question from him, knowing that he could become very offended if I said 'yes'. Thumbs danced small patterns on my gloved forearms, feeling the rivets of scars underneath.

He had become pretty physical during the years of separation, maybe it was a guy thing. Remembering how my eyes trailed his body the moment he took off that cloak, and the way I reacted to his kiss my heart seized a little. Maybe it was a teenager thing. Then again it could definitely be both. Physicality wasn't something that I disliked; in fact it was pretty tantalizing to know how badly he wanted me. But for him to think that I would be willing to go along with this idea was completely insane.

"No. Just no. N-O." I spelled out bluntly as I shook my head like a worm in the bird's claws.

The back of his hand suddenly smoothed one side of my face, stopping its frantic motion. "Why?"

_Why_? What a ridiculous question! There were a lot if things that popped into my head as to why I couldn't have a kid. So I blurted the first one that came to mind: "We're not married!"

"Situational mindfulness, Katsue." His voice was mindful and gentle yet persuasive as his fingers pressed into the bones of my cheek just below my eyes.

So I pulled out the next complaint on the laundry list: "I'd be a single mom!"

A scoff puffed from his nose sarcastically. "There are worse things in the world, such as dying horribly."

"Maybe for you…" I grumbled into a static pout, he looked at me as if I was behaving like a child, so I covered it up wit my next issue.

"You kill people!"

"What is your point?"

"What would I tell my brothers!"

"That isn't my concern."

"What do I do with the kid!"

"Raise it like a responsible adult."

I was running out of excuses. This guy had an answer for everything. It was beginning to get on my nerves. I was _not_ going to have a kid out of requirement. That was _not_ my goal in life.

His arms enveloped me. "It's all for your safety, I won't be alive long enough to keep you out of harm's way." His fingers tangled through my long bangs, pulling my face closer to him with this unexplainable gravity.

I hate that he's smarter than me. He probably planned all of this out from the beginning.

"I never wanted kids." I lied.

"Katsue, I'm no fool, don't take me for one."

A sigh. "Babies are meant to be loved and cared for by someone who's capable." I looked up at him, "That's all I ever wanted. But if we, erm, do this, then I'll have a child who will always remind me of running away."

"What do you mean?" He asked, his fingers stopping to rest on my wrists.

"I'd be using the baby as means to keep me safe, not the other way around. It's unnatural for a a mother to think of this situation any other way." I explained to his eyes, knowing that they were listening.

Understanding crossed his features, but he didn't relent, "If you can not survive, how would you achieve this lifelong goal? The idealistic fantasy you harbor? This is the only way to ensure that these messages will not be intercepted. That is most important right now, even if it take sacrifice." He pulled my body close to his until his temple leaned into mine, "You must accept that this is beyond our control."

I whimpered into his shoulder. "I'm scared."

He pressed my head between his hands and kissed my forehead lightly, "Return tomorrow around midday, we can talk more then."

A moment later I was clutching the air. Like usual, he just disappeared into the darkness. No 'goodbye', no 'see ya later'.

It was around 1900 at night so there was only the moonlight to guide me out of the place where ghosts of memories lived.

The walk to the Hokage's office was long and arduous; but it gave me plenty of time to think about whatever that absurd encounter was. Okay, think about this. Over the course of one day I went from hating Itachi's guts and hoping to never see him again, or wanting to kill him if I did, to holding him and kissing him and being told that he wants to get me pregnant.

Seriously. What?! How do these things happen to me?

When I got there, the Third was waiting expectantly with a pipe in his mouth. "How did things go?"

I fished through my shuriken bag and handed him the scrolls that Itachi wrote out earlier.

Looking me up and down, he asked me with a look of worry in his dulled eyes, "Is there anything hindering your effectiveness with this arrangement?"

It bothered me to no end that I didn't say 'yes, my ex boyfriend is a mass murderer who is manipulating my emotions and wants to get me pregnant so a bunch of psychotically dangerous missing ninja won't kill me'!

But I didn't.

So here I am… again, sitting on Itachi's childhood bed staring at the wall. Waiting for him, like usual.

It made me furious how easily I fell back into a routine with him, like nothing even happened. The door never opened, so I don't know how he got inside. But now he was sitting in front of me with no cloak. He remembered how much I hated that thing. It made me so angry, a stupid piece of cloth reminded me of how much I should hate him for everything he did. But for whatever stupid reason, I couldn't make myself stay away, I couldn't make myself hate him.

We took care of business first, then we would talk. This was our daily routine; I hadn't let him kiss me since the pregnancy bit. Afraid that he would trap me with this beautiful eyes and make me bend to his will.

"Does the Hokage know about… us?" I asked, not entirely sure how to phrase our strange relationship.

With a glorious smile he touted, "Yes, your ability made for flawless justification when I requested you." Curling his fingers around mine, he pulled me further onto his lap where we sat on his bed.

Almost automatically, my eyebrow popped up with keen interest. "Requested?"

"Yes."

"So you would have had to get some other girl pregnant if I said no?"

His eyes drooped slightly as he entered another violent coughing fit; presumably from the anxiety the question caused, or it was a lucky scapegoat to avoid answering. I jumped up and looked around for some way to help. He thumbed in the direction of the kitchen. Running, I threw open some cabinets and found a pale brown and white towel to catch the blood, it was pretty dusty so I flapped it out.

Throwing the bloody thing aside, he pulled me down on top of him again, more awkwardly this time.

This was his way of avoiding my question. A sudden impulse overcame me; my own, personal Uchiha sat with his ankles crossed and arms propping him up in a lazy manner. He looked so damn good all of the time.

I was sitting above him, maybe I should see what it's like to manipulate _him_ for once. I was going to make him listen to me and do what I want, instead of doing whatever he wanted for once.

Lowering my body into a slight crouch, I straddled his legs. Moving slowly forward, he adjusted by leaning back toward the ground until he was laid out flat. My stomach was flat against his, taking the metal ring of his necklace between my teeth, pulling at it with muted metallic noises as it ran across my teeth. Drawing the tip of my tongue along his collarbone slightly, I pressed my thumbs into his chest massaging the muscles.

Black hair flew about when he tossed his head back. The vein in his neck was pulsing hard and fast, obviously he was not expecting this little turn of events. I smiled into the soft skin of his neck as I kissed up the side to his jaw, running my hands against his chest, clutching the fabric lightly.

Oops. Then I felt it, er, him against my stomach.

He pulled a piece of soft flesh from my neck into his mouth. Strong currents of his lust pooled in my body, he was forcing me to feel exactly what he was feeling. He was flipping the table on me, manipulating me into wanting him. _Bastard_.

With little to no experience with men when it came to situations such as these, I wasn't entirely sure what to do. I mimicked him. Almost to the point of mirroring his movements. If his tongue dragged across my lip, I did the same -a clumsier and probably less sexy version. When he sucked at a spot on my neck, heat rushed to my chest. Knowing it would do the same to him, I nudged his head gently out of the way to repeat his actions.

It wasn't until I pushed through the lusty cloud in my head that I realized how many red and purple marks I'd placed across his neck, chest and shoulders. Nervously flinching, I realized I probably looked the same way. And that he was mostly undressed, save his pants. The moment of clarity gave me a chance to admire his hard, ninja's body. Not as bulky as some were, he was lean and wiry. Trails of veins traveled over his muscles from years of training, they somehow still maintained a level of softness when they weren't entirely clenched from particular motions. He leaned over my body to press his lips to my sternum. My clothes sprinkled the floor, he'd just been tossing each item as he peeled them away, he currently worked at my bandaged chest.

"Itachi?" I breathed into his hair, he only acknowledged me voice by opening one eye. Kissing an intricate pattern into my collarbone then up to my ear, he let out a breath across the shell of my ear, waiting.

I continued, "Please-"

In one swift movement I was on my back. He anticipated that I was going to slow our quickly escalating, and very compromising, situation. Collecting my in his arms, he lifted my shoulders to continue his work on my clothes. I was really pretty surprised he didn't just cut them off of me in his sexually driven haste. Sorely out of breath I groaned into his ear, "Not now," He cut off my voice with another kiss, I allowed his tongue to tease my lower lip as I spoke, "Not like this," Taking my lip between his teeth, he gently pulled at it, weakening my defenses. Closing my eyes, I let his presence overwhelm me, to take me in and let me love him for a moment. But I realized that I needed to end this when his fingers hooked onto my tights, threatening to pull them down sensually as his hazy eyes met mine. My eyes flung open. I reached out with one hand to stop this from going any further and brought his face close to mine with guiding fingertips. Pressing his forehead to mine I felt erotically sensual breaths warm my lips in little gusts. My eyes closed to avoid falling into that trap again. "… please, we need to stop."

The vibrant, violet feeling of sex and lust fell to the floor and shattered. Itachi read my face and had to know that I wasn't just playing around. This would be crazy if I let myself sleep with him after only reconnecting three days ago! Don't you dare try to tell me otherwise!

Disappointment and a little pain seeped through his formerly amorous emotions. Looking around the room at my clothes everywhere he spoke with no trace of remorse, "Sorry, I got a little carried away."

The frustration on his face was plain as day. Probably because I was the one being manipulative for once, "So are you going to answer my question or what?"

Eyes narrow he took on the appearance of one very aggravated Uchiha. "No, I wouldn't."

I was confused, no he wouldn't what? Answer my question?

He must have seen the confusion in my eyes because he just sighed and restated his answer. "No, I would not get someone else pregnant."

My heart fluttered slightly in an odd sense of victory. Did that mean he wanted me specifically? Or was this all just part of some elaborate scheme to keep the Hokage's information safe? I egged him on, hoping for more. "So why am I the special one?"

Ever silent, he glared down at my nearly nude form beneath him. My eyes were glued to his body as he rocked back onto his haunches, not taking the opportunity to flatter me.

He still wasn't going to be the kind of guy to make me feel important. Though, if that's what I wanted, I would have been happy with an idiot like Hiroto.

Taking a heavy breath, I gave up. "You know, I really wish you would stop with these mood swings."

No emotions filtered through the mask of his face. He just stood wordlessly and began reestablishing his attire as he collected my scarf gloves and skirt from their scattered spots on the floor.

Then he glanced at me from the corner of his eye as he pulled an arm through his mesh shirt, "Kat, try and understand."

"Understand what?" I asked, fairly confused.

_Wait_.

He had never called me 'Kat' before. He told me nicknames were for little kids and super villains.

My mind rolled, "Why did you call me that?"

He didn't look at me, tying his hair back with a red elastic from some hidden pocket. "Because I didn't realize that you were a child."

Um, _ouch_? "Why so nasty, sociopath?" I glared at his newly reclothed form from across the room as I folded my arms and legs on top of his bed.

A heavy sigh drooped his shoulders, "I didn't mean that." That a non apology if I ever heard one, "This is greater than just you and I, Katsue. You need to understand that."

He kneeled with my clothes in a terrifyingly neat pile as I carried my glare up to his eyes. A moment passed over him before speaking again. "You're not a child, but you are frustratingly small minded from time to time."

"You say that as if being small minded is any better..." I snorted as I peeled my gloves from the top of the neat pile.

"Fine, is naive a better word?" His words sincere rather than sarcastic this time.

"No, it's not," I pulled on one glove, his eyes devoured my skin as it was overtaken by the gray material, "but I get your point." Those black eyes traveled wherever my skin was exposed, I pulled my brown scarf over my shoulders, eliciting a look of disapproval from my lover, that look both excited and irritated me further, "Yes, you're smarter than me. I get it." Chill Kat, don't let him get to you. "It's just weird having a kid with someone you love to save your life rather than doing it because you're both monetarily stable and happily living with together..."

He seemed to be listening to my objections, but I knew every trick in the book. He was staring directly at my pupils, rather than my expressions as a whole, he was distracted but making a good show of paying close attention. Jerk.

Sometime I really wished that I'd never met him. Life would be so simple, so much easier, so much less dramatic. But then again, without him in my life, it would be like losing the ability to see color. Or, the ability to appreciate music and beauty. Life after Itachi would be unbearable, and I had no idea how much longer I had with him. Judging by that awful, dark look in his eye, it wasn't going to be much longer.

* * *

Her delicate head lifted as she spoke, giving me the chance to take her in. The light filtered across through her pearlescent hair, accentuating those striking blue eyes.

Maybe it was that she inadvertently dropped the word 'love' into her explanation. Maybe it was because she was talking about listening to me, for once. Maybe it was because she made me want her body to the point of pain. Most likely, it was because she was talking about carrying my child. Perhaps this would work after all.

Regardless of the reasons, she looked perfect. If only she'd left her hair alone, then she would look the same as before. From before all of the tragedy. It was virtually gone in the back but as longer than ever in the front, falling to her bandaged ribcage.

Then I realized her mouth, it was moving but I couldn't hear the words.

Like bells chiming her voice finally reached me, something about her view of the future. What she wanted out of life.

It was entirely illogical. In her mind, we were going to live as if nothing happened. As if I hadn't broken her trust, not to mention her steadfast resolve. As if she could ever forgive me. She was so innocent, and so naive. If only she knew how much I wanted that life, but it could never be. It was a fantasy, not reality. But if she could live in that fantasy world happily, why not let her?

Reality was so complex. Two could attain equally valid observations from differing perspectives; yet appear completely to the contrary.

Like Katsue's view of reality versus my own. I knew the truth while she knew only what I'd been feeding her for the past five years. In her reality, I was a murderer who deserved nothing but death. She saw my illness as atonement for killing my clan.

If only she knew how much I'd already suffered.

Whenever she started talking too much, I'd quiet her with my mouth. It was easy, she was simple to understand. Not a complicated creature who needed extended explanations for simple actions, externally that is.

Internally, she was enigmatic. A puzzle for me to solve. No two responses were ever the same. She a snow storm, each flake represented her vastly differing opinions on the same subjects. Unable to make up her mind about simple decisions.

She couldn't understand how much this would affect me as well. I would be forced to watch my child grow up from a distance without a father to love them the way I undoubtedly would. I'd never be able to teach him how to be strong without hate, or how to be happy with himself regardless of other's opinions, or love Konoha and her people more than himself. The only logical option was for Katsue to find someone to take my place. The thought stung.

Family was important; she would be shunned as a single mother in our society. People would question her, go after her and our baby. It would be hard, but this had to happen. She's the only one I would accept.

No matter what I told her, this had been my choice entirely. If any other person had been chosen for this job, I would not have lifted a finger to protect them, it would have looked bad for my cover. Most jonin could defend themselves well without protection. Katsue's position as a jonin was expedited only because she was the keystone to this mission.

Sarutobi asked me numerous times over the past year, sent hidden messages with different names and kekkei genkai abilities. I wouldn't settle for anyone else.

Perhaps it was manipulative, but I knew how much she cared about me. More than nearly anything, only rivaled by her love for my cousin and her brother, Hiruko. Her heart was entwined with the Uchiha clan, which made her perfect for this.

There was much more to this than knocking up some girl who happened to love me. She would eventually see the monstrous truth of these actions and hate me all over again. It was life for me, living with the hate when all I've ever wanted was peace.

Not even a moment went by, thoughts flew through my head, falling into place as I considered the next course of action. I looked up at her; she cocked an eyebrow at me with a dull expression in her eyes. Trying to sense my emotions, her one major talent. She had become rather talented in our separation. She'd come a long way since I left her broken in her apartment. It wasn't her fault, she couldn't protect herself from this world the way I could. Akatsuki would not harm her so long as I was the father of her child. Relinquishing her fate to herself would be difficult, once I died there would be few ways to protect her and our child.

A sharp sound rumbled from her throat with raised brows, she always knew when I wasn't paying attention. It caused those little lines of frustration under her eye, a look of sarcasm. A look our baby would one day grow to fear.

She reached out and poked my shoulder, forcing me to pay attention.

"You're not even listening to me," her eyebrows dropped slightly, "You never do." She was unhappy Time to make her love me again.

Reaching out to ensure that she knew that I had been listening, I picked up a small section of her long hair from the front of her face between my fingers then ran my thumb along the wispy strands. They felt exactly as I imagined it did, like the surface of a pearl. "It will be hard, and no one will ever know your part in the Akatsuki's downfall. But you are the one who has to live with yourself if you decide any other way."

Her pale lip became a line of frustration, "What do I tell the kid? His father is a murdering bastard who worked for the Akatsuki?" her eyes darkened to stormy shores, "They'll think I'm an idiot my whole life." She explained this with her hands, a nervous habit.

No reason to break this to her smoothly, "Then, leave me out of it."

She cocked an eyebrow and squinted at me, another habit, "How is that possible? You _are_ kind of important."

The words hurt to say, but she needed to hear them, "Find someone to take my place."

One of the nightmares that would creep into my thoughts at night was imagining my Katsue with another man. Someone who would pervert her innocent mine, thus far I'd been able to save her from the darkness that our world held. It wouldn't be long until her fantasy came crashing down, dragging her pure blue eyes to shatter with it. Tightness in my heart held me still as I waited for her response, it was bound to fill me with rage and jealousy. She had the tendency of saying the wrong things, just to see me react poorly.

"No, Itachi."

She only used my name when she was being disagreeable. Her 'serious' face was when her skin smoothed and she opened her eyes slightly wider. Typical Katsue, she doesn't want to do something that will change her simplistic, messy life. Why am I not surprised?

That's right, because I knew she was going to do this.

It hurt to break her heart so many times, she never deserved to suffer this pain with me. "Let our child grow up with out a father, only to become a pariah in the community, giving him the worst possible chance of success in the Village."

Reluctantly, I looked into her eyes, somewhat afraid of what I would find. There it was, she recoiled and sat back on her haunches, a sign of defeat. Now, I only had to wait for her inevitably vindictive comment to complete our endless cycle.

Moments passed. Just silence, for once, she just sat there looking past me with a vacuous glare. I could watch the wheels turning; her brain was reeling. Trying to think of how to argue my valid point.

Most of the time I thought about the way I phrased things very carefully leaving no room for misinterpretation, but with Katsue I found myself foundering. A drowning man reaching for the proper terminology to keep from sinking further into the depths of an absurdly unnecessary argument. I was never sure how she would interpret my words, it left me walking on eggshells, unsure how she would see me this moment as compared to the last. That mind of hers was an unsolvable riddle. Because of this, she was the only one who could drive me into uncontrollable fits.

But still, I cared about her. And still, she remained silent.

This silence bordering acceptance was not what I had been expecting, well played Katsue. She was more uncomfortable with silence than I. She would speak before me if I waited long enough.

Finally, her body language changed, growing irritated as her skin smoothed, leaving only small lines under her eyes.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" she blurted angrily into the empty space behind me, her eyes were bluer than a robin's egg, more dangerous than the hottest flame. She was going into one of those moods. The ones where she made little to no sense. It's best to keep my phrases short and concise when she's like this.

Half closing my eyes I stared down at the top of her white head. "No."

Kneeling closer to my face she gave me an accusing eye, "Then what are you doing? You treat me like a child, but then expect me to make adult decisions. It's not fair." She combed her fingers through her hair, pulling the strands from my slight grip, "How would you feel if I'd just told you what to do without giving you the chance to make your own decision based on your opinion?"

That was well thought out, I was impressed by her attempt to turn the conversation to her benefit. Unfortunately for her, that one phrase summed up my entire life. One without my own decisions. Decisions were only made for the greater good, not for personal gain or happiness.

"Tell me what you would want, if given the option." I asked her, reaching out to touch her face. She leaned into my palm, she liked when I did that, even when she was angry enough to walk away.

"The facts are: you are a mass murderer and hated by our society. You are a member of the Akatsuki, as an informant, but still nonetheless a member. I am your liaison, the only lifeline between the Hokage and the information you carry. I am expected to give my body and life to you so that I can remain 'safe'-"

The light was fading on her face, darkness would shortly engulf the room, indicating my time to leave. Which meant this conversation needed to come to a swift end. I heard her voice chiding on in the background of my mind. There were more important things for me to ponder than her absurd excuses.

She continued, "-which is bull, by the way, I know that is not the only reason and I _will_ get to the bottom of it."

Observant.

Making exasperated hand gestures she leaned away from me, pulling her lower eyelid down, "And then, as if fate wanted to poke me in the eye just one more time: you have cancer!" She released the bit of skin, letting it snap back against her eye, "The kid that will supposedly come from this will grow up almost entirely alone. All I've ever wanted was to have a happy, normal family and if we do this, my dream will never come true." Tears welled in her eyes like tiny drops of light the way the sun caught them. I'd only seen her cry three times, each time was more difficult than the last.

So I tried to make her stop. "Why would they be alone? They would have you." I asked, taking a piece of her hair between my fingers again, trying to be comforting. It was so thin and light that it almost felt like holding air in your hand.

She glared up at me with those painfully accusing eyes. "Do you think I would stop being a shinobi? Who will raise him if I died?"

My hand twitched, her mind was so far behind my own. That scroll in my pocket took care of that, but she couldn't know that, not yet.

How could I convince her that things would go according to plan?

Something generic should do the trick for someone as simplistic as Katsue: "Don't worry. Everything will be okay."

Silence and anger fell over her, her forehead creased in frustration. "Are you kidding me? Everything will _not_ be okay. Nothing will _ever_ be okay." She snapped with a look to kill. Electric blue had never been a better description of her eyes.

Standing abruptly, she strutted through the room to the door. Maybe that was the wrong choice of words.

Her feet left little fogged prints across the floor. Without another word I heard her walk down the hall, collect her tiny shoes, hearing the door slide open then bounce back into place with a hollow wooden _clack_. Normally I would go after her, but she would realize once she entered her apartment that she had overreacted.

I needed to leave anyway. Tomorrow I'd try again.

But she didn't show up the next day.

Or the next.

Now I was growing anxious, what would I do if she didn't come back at all? When night fell, I went to her dinky apartment on the other side of Konoha. It was around 0300, no one should be awake. Breaking into her apartment was easy; my sweet apparition never locked the door.

Everything was in disarray. Clothes were scattered across the floor. Drops of blood scattered the linoleum, my heart seized to a halt in my chest. The sharingan sharpened the world around me. Her bed was in the other room; a television buzzed absently, giving the the white walls the feel of an old asylum. I didn't see anyone here, not a trace of life. Then, noticing the slightest huff from her bed, I stepped over some fallen teacups and pulled a fluffy blanket off of her bed, hoping that she was just hiding from me.

A squeak popped the moment into motion.

Katsue threw a pillow as if that might scare me away, I dodged it easily of course. Her fingers clutched a picture frame; glass was shattered on the floor. Her team photo. Tears had warped the wood near the foot of her bed from years of sorrow and mourning, the sight a guilty blade through my chest.

There was only a little blood pulsing from her fingertips; she must have broken it accidentally.

Bloody glass sprayed in my direction, I stepped out of the line of fire.

"Get. Out." She accused through gritted teeth, standing on her knees before me.

I sighed, allowing my eyes to resort back to normal, blurring the scene before me, "I can't do that."

She muttered to herself furiously, I could only pick out a few words. Sociopath, Arashi and...

Another object whirred past my ear. "GET OUT!" She stood, hunched in a long black t-shirt and nothing else. Attempts not to look at her exposed legs were futile.

I had to keep myself calm as she lost her mine, "Why?" I took a tentative step forward, she was behaving like a psychopath. For a moment I considered that she may have developed multiple personalities from the damage I'd inflicted on her life.

She sobbed, sinking to her knees then stomach as she cried into her bloodstained mattress. "Please, just go away." her face was pathetic as she clutched one of the five blankets to her chest, rolling her knees to her chest. Tears rolled freely down her face, dripping from her chin continually creating a dark river along the white sheets as they dripped form her face.

Perhaps this was the side of Katsue my unforgivable missions had created.


	28. Speeding Cars

_Speeding Cars_

* * *

The moon was full, it was pretty and bright. Blue light ignited the quiet streets as I wandered to the Hokage's tower. I just stared up at the sky, thinking to myself. What did he mean '_everything will be okay_'? Couldn't he see that _nothing_ was okay?

Dropping my head, I breathed out with a growl. Not at Itachi's strange and uncomfortable request, but at my reaction.

Okay, fine. I overreacted a little by leaving. Hanging my head into a heavy slouch I frowned at the moonlit dirt.

_Fine_, I _definitely_ overreacted. Plenty of forethought backed his plan, but I was so unwilling to let my life change so rapidly that I literally ran away from my future. Life was quickly becoming a black hole that just sucked me in with no chance of escape. Itachi was the epicenter of that spiraling gravity. For now, I needed to really think about my options.

Alright. Time to think this through instead of acting like a a spoiled brat.

Option 1: Apologize for being an idiot first thing tomorrow morning, which I'd probably do anyway. It wasn't like me to be so rude, even if the object of my ill behavior was the Leaf's fallen angel. In this option I couldn't say 'no'. I'd have to go along with it, which would also mean…

Blood rushed to my ears, thinking about it made my face pucker nervously as a cold thrill twisted my stomach. It wasn't like I'd been waiting for marriage or something like that, this was just a little sudden. Hiroto always wanted to become physically involved with me, but the furthest I ever got with him was a make out session a few years ago when I got really drunk to drown away my sorrows with him and Mizoko at some sleazy bar. Since then I'd been steadily pushing my rusty haired ex boyfriend away. It was pretty apparent that what I felt for Itachi would never come again, especially not with a flower obsessed prat like him.

Virginity was another one of those things that once lost you could never get it back. I'd always been averse to making irreversible decisions so this kind of hung me up, making me store this option away for further deliberation at another time.

Option 2: Harden my heart against any more damage by Itachi. Make it clear that my personal feelings would not mix with the mission at hand. By physically involving ourselves with one another we _were_ compromising the mission. In his mind, being physically involved with me was required. For me, it was an option. I'd just flat out tell him that I could take care of myself and that he shouldn't bother trying to save me even if something were to go wrong.

As much as he seemed to care about my wellbeing and survival in this whole thing, I was still left with a lot of questions regarding his motives. Was he just playing with me? I mean the guy could decide to be heartless at the bat of an eyelash, he could very well just be in an emotional phase where he really believes that he feels a certain way about me.

Another heavy sigh. No, his feelings were genuine. I felt them myself.

Were we to do this, I had some other important things to worry about. Did he plan on being there at all after conception? If so, how would he work that into his ploy? It's not like I lived in the kind of apartment that someone could misconstrue as a commander's home, nor was I really old enough to look the part. It's not like I could pretend to be _Mizoko's_ wife, that would just be weird and uncalled for. Not to mention than not _one_ person in Konoha would _ever_ believe that my philandering older brother would settle down.

Acid burned the lining of my stomach at the thought. Yeah, forget that.

Looked like my decision was made. First thing tomorrow morning I'd just apologize for being so immature and make myself handle whatever I had to do next.

Maybe I would still need a little time though, before just diving into the whole physical aspect of it all. I wasn't happy, but I'd do it.

I really had always wanted kids, maybe this could be my way out of this shinobi life after all.

I thought hard to weed out all of the important details from today's conversation. The past few days had been emotionally exhausting. Itachi would move so easily between emotions that it was hard to keep up sometimes, it was like watching a game of table tennis and his eyes were the ball. He tried so hard to hide those flickering emotions, but since I could _feel_ them he had nowhere to run.

So basically what I surmised from our wacky arguments over the past few days was that Itachi loved me and wanted us to have a life together. Since that pretty dream world was about as plausible as biting your own ear, he was looking for the next best thing. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing for good genes like his to be passed along, I'd just have to curb any sociopathic tendencies early on.

My shoulders were slouched as I walked along, this was all far more stress than I'd bargained for. At first I was going to run away from that complex as fast as I could. But it was a clear, serene kind of night night, so I decided to take a slow, relaxing walk.

This was a pivotal decision. The man I was unreasonably in love with wanted to sleep with me and have the closest thing to a normal relationship we would ever have. Not an unreasonable thing to want after five years of separation when we both, obviously, still wanted each other the entire time.

If I turned him down now, our relationship, both personal and professional, would suffer. Especially after the rather heated experience we shared back in the room, I didn't think it would be possible to simply ignore the elephant in the room anymore.

Tossing my head back, I looked to the stars. My neck was being propped up with either hand folded against my chilly scalp. Huffing a little, I pouted at the sky. After all of this time, after fermenting years of anger, I still couldn't hate him. In fact, I loved him and wanted to forgive his faults. Hell, I actually _wanted_ to sleep with him!

It was unacceptable.

I couldn't just forgive what he did all willy-nilly just because some deep seated emotions decided to pop back up. Killing my best friend, _his own family,_ that was unforgivable.

I mean, really, think about it. What if he decided to kill my baby? Then I'd have to end him, or myself, maybe both of us, and I really did not want to do that. Not after all of this. There was nothing I loved more than children. They were the future. They held all of that wonder and strength of will that adults seemed to forget. When I looked into the eyes of a child, one who was young enough that they lacked comprehension of the world's darkness, their eyes shone with this unsinkable confidence and purity. All they wanted was for everyone to love one another and forgive each other's grievances.

Growing up the way I had, looking so different from others with such high expectations, I learned to maintain some small shred of hope from Arashi's openness that the world was not completely dead, that there were good people out there. She never lost that spark, ever. For the most part, she remained as open and bright as she had been the day we met, up until her death.

By becoming so interwoven with her life, I began losing my identity. I became a smaller, paler version of Arashi rather than allowing myself to express my own opinions and feelings, fearing rejections from the people who began accepting me. People seemed to care more when Arashi was involved. Secretly, I almost wanted to _be_ her. Then I met Itachi. When he seemed to like me better than Arashi, I realized that I was quickly losing my personality. Instead of letting myself grow into my own person, I'd started behaving like Arashi. Itachi was uninterested in Arashi's personality. Apparently, he wasn't interested in dating a smaller version of his vivacious cousin. After days of going on about stupid, mindless stuff, I noticed how his eyes would just glaze over and he'd ignore me with this enduring annoyance behind them. Maybe that was why Arashi's relationships always failed, she only wanted the superficial kinds. One day I decided to start up a conversation about something that interested me immensely, human physiology.

The deadened look in his eye vanished and something akin to interest appeared to radiate from him, the change was because I wasn't just talking for the sake of noise, I was teaching him something new. That was when I started being more of myself again, Arashi didn't seem to like it too much though. Though my innocent, childlike view of the world shifted slightly, I still had daydreams and fantasies about stupid, impossible things that made my heart burst with excitement for the world.

That bubble of protection shattered the day Itachi broke my heart. From that point on I relied on my family to help me regain some of that wide-eyed wonder.

My baby brothers were the idols of my life, they were what brightened my days when they seemed inescapably gloomy once Arashi was gone. Kaz had darkened somewhat over the years, but he still had a light spirit. He never wanted to hurt anyone, only if they threatened his dream of joining Hiruko's organization or baby Mikah. He never worried about his older siblings, we could all take care of ourselves, but when people tried to give Mikah a hard time about his appearance, he made sure that our youngest brother was well taken care of.

After Itachi ruined my hands, it took a long time to function again, both physically and mentally. Kaz helped me with everything. Stupid everyday activities that would normally take no effort became an hour long hassle. Turning the doorknob or opening shampoo bottles became the bane of my existence. He developed a system for everything. Everything in my apartment was retrofitted for a person without hands.

For example, he spent much of that first day with a ring of wires and a sliding clamp for my front door.

Since I could not open and close my hands, the round doorknob would glisten up at me mockingly until I managed to break it off with an annoyed kick. Mocking me still, the damn thing just clattered to the ground, leaving my door still closed and locked. Kaz took the wire and strung it through the mechanism in such a way that all it took was a push and it would open then spring back closed. He fastened it to the bottom of the door so I could just nudge it with my foot and it would open. He repeated this on both sides so I could go in and out of my own house more easily.

I sighed.

My 'baby' brothers were getting so big. They both grew up far too quickly. It felt like they were only born a few years ago, but now Kaz was in the midst of taking the chunin exam and Mikah was in the academy. Following in their big brothers' and sister's footsteps to become strong shinobi.

Shaking my head slowly, I looked up to the sky with a goofy smile. No wonder I was such a 'mommy-person'. Our mother took great care of us; she wasn't a ninja, so she was always around. But with five kids, things got complicated as soon as Kaz and Mikah came along.

Hiruko was gone by the time Mikah was born, so he was no help at all and Mizoko was always working. So, I was blessed with becoming Mom's little helper for the little boys. No matter what they needed, I was always expected to be available for them. Unlike most people who work with kids, I became enthralled with them and their little noses and little voices. Even after I moved out I made a point of visiting when I could, making dates with Mikah so we could spend time together. Kaz and I didn't spend as much time together, he tried to be more of a loner. We did bond a bit when he helped me around the house, though, which was nice.

Kids and a family became my life's goal very early on. But then I fell in love with the wrong guy and my dreams were crushed. I really did try to like other people, but it just never worked. Itachi had me by the heart, and was _not_ letting go without a fight.

The Hokage let my trip to his office remain brief. No chit-chat. I placed the burning scrolls in his hands directly, felt about the place for any intruders. There were never any intruders because no one had any idea what these conversations were about, but I always liked to check, just in case.

My walk home was quiet; I spent the time wondering if it was possible to escape black holes and how long it would take to count to infinity.

A cat's landing footsteps woke me from my daydream. I was suddenly standing in front of the apartment stairs. The sight before me almost made me fall over. My front stair were decorated with flowers of every kind with notes attached to each set. They extended from ground to railing with different colors and styles, creating a gazebo of sorts, veiling my ugly stairs in an oddly beautiful arrangement. Reaching to read one of the flowers notes, a gloved hand gabbed my wrist and twisted me around into a tight embrace, pressing my face against their shoulder in a rough motion with their hand.

Hot tears pattered onto the top of my head, they slid down the back of my neck in cold, terrifying streams. I hugged him back, running my hands through his long sandy-blonde hair. Strong fingers grappled my back, probably causing bruises to form instantly. We just stood there; my brother's heart ripping aura almost drew me to tears. This moment was not connecting in my brain. It made zero sense. Not only was my long lost older brother here hugging me, but _nothing_ made Hiruko cry. _N__othing_.

His sobs slowed and he shouldered my interlocked arms away so he could take my face between two palms, burning his bloodshot mint green eyes at mine with a unrelenting force. His voice tried to escape his trembling, tearful lips, but more sobs prevented him from forming coherent words.

He then uttered one word once. No explanation, just a word.

"Kaz."

Cold shock of lightning pierced my chest with more pain than I'd felt in my life.

No.

Reality was lost in some abysmal pit of sorrow and mourning. The earth cracked and shattered beneath my feet. The world just dropped away, nothing mattered. My sweet baby brother was dead.

Father decided to hasten the process, he didn't want the proceedings to wait. The wake and funeral passed in a haze over the next two days. Like a dream. A terrible, awful, sickening dream.

A good number of people came, he has a lot of friends his own age.

Correction: _had_ lots of friends.

At my baby brother's wake, the casket was closed. I was kind of grateful for that. Kas's face couldn't be replicated by a mortician, not perfectly enough at least. I would have held distain for the person who made my baby brother look imperfect. This way I'd have memories of his smiling, happy face to make my heart suffer each day. Such a good kid, such a soft heart, he was so young. Far too young to die. No one told me how he died or who killed him. Only that he was dead, his body was found in the Forest of Death during the second segment of the chunin exams where I watched him walk in with his teammates.

There were three bodies found together; his whole team had been decimated. The little blonde girl's body was so terribly mangled that she was incinerated before the memorial services even took place, the only picture of her in the funeral hall was her team photo. I stood in front of that picture for a long time. She was giving the Inuzuka boy a harsh glare as my brother worried his eyes at the back of her head with their sensei behind them smiling like a proud father.

Time was irrelevant. Lord Hokage gave a small speech in an attempt to conjure hope that kids won't kill kids in the future, giving me a look of abject sadness as he spoke these words almost directly to me. No matter what he said, kids would always kill kids. Even when I was little, during the war, kids fought and died for their people. And for what? A war that they didn't understand?

Hiruko and I spent a lot of time together over the two days. It was the most time we'd spent together in a very long time. We sat at the funeral together, he held my hand on his knee without daring to look at me. I stared blankly ahead, crying endlessly. Tears were the only constant that I could identify over the course of those two days. During the two days of proceedings, Hiruko stayed at my apartment on a roll up mattress next to mine so when I woke at night I could cry on him some more. Since the first night, he hadn't allowed himself to shed any more tears. We went for long stretches of time not talking at all, but it was comfortable silence, the kind that gave you space to think.

Just before he left, we had a strange conversation.

Mid-toast bite, Hiruko looked over at me with a sense of importance, "If you could live in a world where people no longer held animosity toward one another, but at great personal accountability for a few, would you take it?" He was glaring at the floor, tracing the boards with his eyes.

The question took me aback, I wasn't entirely sure what he meant at all, "Explain what you mean by 'personal accountability' and I'll let you know."

We sat across from eachother at my parents' kitchen table where we once had birthday parties and family arguments. All involving the one person who was now missing form the picture. Hiruko moved his visual field to the empty chair next to him, Kaz's old seat.

"What I mean is, if you could take all of the evil in the world and absorb it so no one would have to deal with it, what would you do? Let innocents take over and take away every memory of animosity from the world, would you do it? Would you sacrifice your own sanity and purity for the good of everyone?"

His eyes never left Kaz's empty spot across from me. Our eyes met somewhere in between. I was unsure how to answer. On one hand, a world without war and animosity would mean everyone was safe. But on the other, it meant that people would lose much of their free will, and I couldn't live with that.

I folded my hands together and leaned on my arms, "No animosity at all could never be a good thing, people have to keep their will power. It would be wrong to strip everyone of that. Everything is about balance. Both good and bad are important."

Screwing up his face a little, he nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I just can't believe this is real, the last time I saw Kaz he was so little…"

Regret bubbled his voice, hollowing it so it sounded as he were on the verge of tears, "Fuck, man, I didn't even see him graduate…" some unfathomable emotion crossed his eye, "Kat, am I a bad person?"

Creasing my brow I scowled at him, "Why would you think that?"

"I just don't know where I went wrong with everything."

He stood abruptly and walked around the table, my eyes followed him cautiously. Hiruko seemed like he was on the brink of his sanity, I couldn't afford to lose another sibling right now, "Nothing went wrong, bro. Your life just brought you to a higher echelon than any of us could ever achieve. Don't hold your brilliance against yourself." I smirked at his trajectory, "Kaz admired you so much, you're all he ever spoke about."

Feeling his presence behind me, I waited for the inevitable nuggie to the top of my head with a preemptive wince.

He pressed his knuckle into my head, "Don't pretend like I'm so innocent, I was born with a sickness, that's all this 'special' ability of mine really is. An illness." He bent, hugged me around the shoulders, "By the way, just so you're aware, I'll fucking _kill_ you if you ever try and die on me." his voice was a real threat, "The others, they're just people. You're my sister, you're supposed to be there for me until after I die. Promise me."

Eyes wide, I turned my head as he released me from his arms. There was pain and some other enigmatic emotion glinting from his eyes. Whenever I felt for his emotions, I got dizzy. They were much more complex than anyone I'd ever met before. I couldn't promise something like that, not when I was part of this flawed world we lived in. It would be like promising sunshine when the clouds only wanted rain, death was not something we could control.

Hiruko seemed to differentiate between me and the rest of the family, like we were part of some highly selective club. He had always been that way about the two of us. Fleetingly, I wondered if he knew about my meetings with Itachi, but the thought jumped ship when Hiruko aimed his fingers at my face, pretending to shoot, "Fret not fair maiden, promises like that aren't meant to be kept lightly."

He walked back around the table with a curt wave as he disappeared into blue sparks, "Remember: I love you."

Calming my aching heart, I leaned back in my chair. My kids would live to revere life. They wouldn't grow up in a world full of so much death that it becomes a normal part of life like it had for kids like Hiruko and Itachi. Rather than face harsh reality at such a young age, why not let them have childhoods? Liberation in the place of constraint. In my perfect fantasy world, they could live in a world without war and suffering. People like Itachi and the Akatsuki wouldn't exist in their future.

Speaking of whom, here in the present, my favorite murdering bastard stood in my room back at the apartment, shrouded in flickering darkness. His presence took up more space than his actual physical mass, filling the room, making me claustrophobic. I tried curling up into the blankets, hoping that he would just go away and leave me to suffer alone.

Of course he didn't know about Kaz. Not that he would care anyway. He spoke about Sasuke like he was amazing when we were young, then what happened? He threw away a perfectly wonderful younger brother for nothing. He threw away the lives of the people he cared most about for nothing. Wracked with anguish I pressed the glass of Arashi's picture too hard and it shattered, cutting up my fingers. The pain didn't even shake me out of the misery I felt, like I'd almost hoped it would.

Blurred with tears, I let my eyes glance up from the security of my blanket burrito to his plain expression. Itachi stood there confused as all hell in the white light of my static television. He wouldn't leave. Obviously.

"What's wrong?" He asked, sincerely concerned in a slight crouch in front of my face. He had dodged the glass I threw at him earlier. For whatever reason I thought that I could make him leave, but in reality, making him do something against his wishes was impossible. Actually, doing so probably just piqued his interest even more.

He was not leaving until I told him what happened, or why I hadn't been going to our little secret meetings. So I kept it succinct, hoping that he would just leave if I told him.

I finally made myself look at him and his stupid red eyes. My voice came out like I'd aged hundreds of miserable years. Gravelly and hard with mourning.

"Kaz died."

The whites of his eyes seemed to expand a little as the meaning quickly took hold in his mind. That was all I needed to say. Placing two scrolls in front of my face on the bed, his hand hesitated minutely, as if he wanted to say or do one more thing. But he didn't. He left in a flurry of black feathers.

_Hopefully he'd stay that way_, thought my brain.

…_But he won't, _my heart thrummed wistfully.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the wait, I decided to go back and touch up some major character flaws. Anyway, thanks for reading and to Lynchantrope for sticking to my story! To answer your questions would kind of kill some of the excitement, worry not! Your questions will be answered pretty soon._


	29. Schism

_A/N: If you're offended by reading about sex then stop where it says "It just kind of… happened." and scroll down until you see "Moving was a problem…" then you'll be able to skip all the sexy time. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!  
_

_"Schism"_

* * *

Sleep evaded me. Night faded into the light of early morning without the restoring calm of temporary oblivion. Staring at the darkened ceiling I almost wished that Itachi had stayed, being near him would have eased some of my misery. _Some_, being the key word. Leaning on him now would only cause me pain in the future as I tried moving past my little brother's death.

The Third came to my apartment at first light, opening the door without even a knock. Scrambling into the bathroom to hide away and change into normal clothes, I slipped on a sock and face planted. There was a beat of immobile time that that seemed to freeze both of us in place. Horrified that I was giving poor old guy a heart attack, I clambered away, slamming the door behind me, breathing heavily against it. Hesitant footfalls followed to the door, I could feel him come to a halt on the other side with an abashed cough.

A light knock to the door, "You haven't been going to your meetings, Katsue." His already gravelly voice muffled through the thin door.

First of all, how did he know that I wasn't going? Secondly, where the _hell_ did I put that stupid scroll! I pulled some t-shirt and a pair of tights on before fastening my vest in a frantic rush, patting each article of clothing, finally materializing Itachi's scroll from a hidden pocket. After a few calming breaths, I looked myself over in the mirror. Look like total crap? Check. Enough bags under my eyes to scare small children? Check. Let the Hokage see you run around half naked? Also check. Eat dirt when you try to run for cover in the bathroom? Check, check, check.

I hate my life…

Sliding the door open slowly, I found myself face to face with the Village's most respected individual. Turning his shoulders with a a silently understood command, he allowed me to pass by into the kitchen without another word. I wasn't really sure what to do, so I offered him a seat and tea, both of which he declined. Holding out the scroll, the older man's lip quirked with blasé perception. I watched the obvious question pass through his amused mind, '_why was Itachi in your apartment?'_

With downcast eyes I felt myself blush, putting the little red teapot on the stove without a word. "I'm sorry Lord Hokage," Avoiding the the silent question, I leaned against my counter and watched the Third tuck the note into his sleeve for safekeeping. I started when the hot water whistled impatiently.

"I intended to go back, but Kaz, he…" Moist air stung my eyes, I wouldn't cry, not in front of the Hokage. I turned off the burner and collected myself for a moment by bracing myself on my hands, "it's been difficult to keep my mind straight."

The old man stood on the other side of the room, I heard him shift, Kage robes rustled. He looked at me as he tracked around the small room, feeling his eyes on my back, I turned. He seemed unnerved almost, with a touch of some emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Pity maybe?

A hand ran across the back of one wooden chair. "He will not accept anyone else, Katsue. It's you or no one." He was very direct, carrying some of that pity though into his voice.

"This mission is essential for the safety of Konoha and her residents. I've been lenient considering the loss of your brother," the low tone of his voice revealed this as truth, "but your assignment remains the same."

Grasping for the sugar pot, my hand stopped in the air. My eyes rose to meet his, pleadingly so. "But Sir, he only died two days ago-"

"-And that has nothing to do with your mission." His words were harsh, but accurate. He was my superior, I shouldn't be trying to make excuses anyway. It wasn't my place to argue with the Hokage.

Damn it.

My eyes dropped to the floor, I wasn't ready to go back to reality. Actually, maybe I was. Perhaps I was just using this as an excuse to avoid Itach some more. He was right, this had nothing to do with my mission. Like always, I was making excuses to avoid accepting the changes in my life.

Bowing my head in reverence and comprehension, "Yes, Lord Hokage."

"Tomorrow morning." a wily smirk tugged the corner of his wrinkled eye, "He will not be flexible."

I smiled into my teacup.

Nope, Itachi was not someone I'd _ever_ accuse of being flexible.

* * *

So I did as I was commanded.

I went into that compound again, disregarding how every nerve of my body wanted to turn around and run.

I went to that house, again.

I walked through the empty halls filled with ghosts and came to that door with a hesitance in my heart, again.

I came this far. Now just to push open the door.

The flat of my hand pressed against the wooden door. I was being a child about this whole thing. This is not about just me; it's about the village. It's about keeping kids like Kaz and Mikah safe. I was being selfish about all of this.

So I slid the light wooden door open and peeked inside apprehensively with hooded, suspicious eyes, half expecting every person I'd lost over the years to jump out and yell "_surprise_!"

But they didn't.

Instead there was Itachi with his cloak opened, draped over his shoulders, playing shogi against himself sprawled out in the middle of the floor, resting his face against a hand to the point where his cheek smooshed his eye closed, obviously thinking really hard about his next move to defeat his own genius brain.

"_Really_?" I thought with biting sarcasm. He was _really_ just sitting here playing a game waiting for me to show up. It was just so… typically Itachi. A laugh breathed from my nose, shaking my head to keep audible giggles from breaking the quiet.

He didn't look up at me, just absently thumbed at a neat pile of differently colored scrolls from his left, maintaining his pensive stare at the board in front of him. Lifting one scroll up toward me, I slunk over and snatched it, his fingers moved to avoid touching mine but his arm floated until he brought it down to move the knight with a soft _click_.

Quietly, as not to disturb his rather intense game, I sauntered out of the room backwards with wide, careful steps, closing the door in front of me.

Not a word was said, it was the perfect arrangement. Somehow without even trying, "option 2" worked out.

Turning to run, I thought how well that went. If it could be like this every time, my job would be easy. No more emotions, no more weird talk about uncomfortable topics, no more impassioned touches. At the same time, seeing him like that and saying nothing left me empty inside.

Slowing to a lope, then a disheartened walk, I finally stopped at the end of he hall where I could see through the kitchen to the exit. Breathing deeply, I dropped my gaze to the surprisingly shiny wood floor. Maybe I should go back, I never did apologize for, well, everything. I threw glass at the guy, he just wanted to help.

Hands dropped lightly onto my waist and smoothed low onto my hips, holding me back with fingertips pressed into my skin. Sharp intake of breath, I started turning my head, but he moved it aside with a kiss to the hollow between my neck and ear sending shivers down my spine. Hot breath tickled the side of my bare neck before his lips closed the gap once more, placing a solid kiss lower near the back of my neck convincing me to curve away from him, exposing more of my sensitive, white skin.

Why couldn't things _ever_ go as planned?

Everything about him invited you to love him. From his eyes to his voice to the words that he spoke, he drew me in like his prey. Ever so avian in his hunting style, he mesmerized me in some inexplicable way. He was the bird and I was always the mouse.

In my head I thought how I'm so much like Alice. Always giving excellent advice to everyone around me, but never taking it myself. Like staying away from the man who murdered his entire family and maintaining my virtue until I was ready.

It just kind of… happened.

Slowly, step by step, he directed me back to our little oasis, pulling me backwards. At first I attempted to fight. Fighting for the sake of a fight, there was no more lying to myself about this. I wanted him. _Bad_. But that didn't mean that I should bend to his will so easily. Like a ballet dancer, I lifted my arms to spin. Arching my neck up to look at him, I saw what was waiting for me. Though he was trying to hide his rather poignant expression, it was impossible for him to hide everything. Not from me. His eyes were ravenous with deep, immeasurable desire. My cheeks and ears flashed red. Deciding that now was not the time, I pressed backwards against his manacle arms. He was _not_ letting go this time. Instead of releasing me, he clutched my scarf behind my back and pinned me closer. Digging my nails into his shoulder, he reacted by leaning in and taking a piece of soft flesh from the crook of my neck, running his teeth into it, procuring the sweetest pain I'd ever felt. A small sound breathed from my lips before he could silence it with another forceful kiss. This was a tug of war that I would never win. Taking his face in my hands, I traced his jaw, running my fingers through his bangs to get them out of the way as our motions grew more fluid, less aggressive, more inescapable. I was losing the battle, his tactics were more than I could match.

I took hold of his strong arms, pressing my fingertips along his triceps as he cupped the nape of my neck and gazed down at me with an aching calm. It was aggravating. I wanted him to melt the way I was, but he was hard and unreachable as ever. Tilting my head up to meet his eyes, I watched the villainous look in his intense gaze disappear into a fog then harden once more. Closing those beautiful black orbs, he pressed my back against the wall just next to the bed. The implication was clear as day. Tender kisses melted into that endless gravity that pulled me into him. I felt his fingers drag along the fabric of my leggings, releasing the ties to my short skirt. I heard it plop to the ground absently as his fingers curled over the back of my tights, threatening to pull them down as they sunk over the waistband with tempting warmth.

That's where I took his hand. Gently guiding it away and pulling us from this heated embrace to look at him uncertainty, my eyes widened in fear and uncertainty. He took my hands together in his own and smiled down at me, but the expression didn't reach his eyes. They reflected cautious warning. Rather than take my pleading look into consideration, he reached down to the back side of my thigh, lowered slightly and curved his elbow around one knee, then the other, lifting me off of the ground with ease then shoved me back against the shockingly cool surface with enough force to tell me who was in control here.

_'Abandon hope all ye who enter here'_ scrolled across my thoughts as I fell victim to Itachi's unwavering pressure.

Gripping my legs around his waist, I twisted my fingers into his long hair, pulling from its neatly contained elastic, flicking the useless thing to the ground. The dark curtain fell over his shoulders and around my face as he kissed my forehead with a muted smirk. In one swift motion, he snaked one arm around my shoulders, the other around my hips, hinting for me to hold on tight. He lifted me as if I weighed nothing, I clung to him like I might fall at any moment.

His one knee pressed into the mattress, leading my body into the soft sheets. He pressed me into the bed with fervent, scorching kisses to my face and neck, trailing to my bandaged stomach then pulled at my tights again to expose a hipbone. This time I didn't try to stop him. His presence just felt so _good_. Ticklish heat rushed to my center with each perfectly placed kiss along the waistband, my body arched, driving my rear into the soft sheets, willing him to remove them. As his mouth reconnected with mine, the tip of his tongue teased my lower lip, carefully easing through the willing barrier. Tenderly running his burning tongue lightly along the inside of my upper lip, electricity seemed to shoot through my stomach, gasping small pleasurable noises into his mouth. He wasn't nearly expressively, as a general rule, but I could tell that my feeble attempts at keeping up were enough as I felt his arousal press through the thin separation of our clothes. Suddenly I was very aware of how close our bodies were. Not to mention that I was now exceedingly curious about the hard response my lover now donned. One arm pulled my lower body up toward him as his hand pulled hard at my leggings, exposing one half of my butt at a time. As each was released, a well calloused hand covered every inch of newly exposed skin.

He had complete control of where we went from here since I was, obviously, the inexperienced one. I let him make all of the moves, I simply followed by example, hoping that my reactions were the correct ones.

Nervous and hesitant, I tugged at his shirt, trying to remove it. Were I in a sober situation, I could have ripped his clothes off faster than you could say 'oh gods he's gorgeous'. But in this current state, I was intoxicated with a physical need more necessary than air. Shaking uncontrollably, adrenaline made my fingers feel like sticks, uselessly immobile, as I ran my fingers along the netted mesh under his shirt while he unzipped my vest, tossing it aside along with the scarf that hid most of my body.

Breath caught in his throat as he felt my fingers suggesting he remove that damned shirt. He stiffened under my touch. Everything stopped, along with my heart. Was _he_ going to be the one to stop us this time?

Soft onyx eyes met mine in warning once more, what was probably the last time he would stop and let me make a decision.

Right now, he was _my_ Itachi. Not the hateful one he became, but the one I fell in love with so long ago.

Those eyes were a warning that we were about to break something, something that could never be rebuilt or mended. His expression told me that from this point there would be no turning back. Something in my timid, low smile must have given him the answer he sought because he pulled the bottom of both his shirt and mesh over his head in one smooth motion, throwing them into a pile across the floor, returning his solid gaze to my clothes. I saw the wheels turning, wondering how and when to remove each article from my body, probably taking all kinds of things into consideration faster than I could recollect my own name. The way his eyes raked my body so thoroughly was sexual contact in itself.

He was glorious. Itachi looked down at me through lashed eyes with this quiet reverence that heated my stomach and seemed to evaporate the blood from my head, leaving me dizzy and highly intoxicated. Coming back down on me, he took the bandages wrapping my chest between his teeth and tore a small section, keeping eye contact as the fabric ripped quietly. The hunger in that motion was sex for the eyes.

Nimble fingers unbound my chest the rest of the way, a roll of white fabric appearing in hand as he spun it around to expose me. I watched his eyes as they focused on each action, not even glancing to my embarrassingly small chest until he was finished unwinding. For a brief moment, he sat back to appraise me with a satisfied smirk behind his artificially structured expression. Heat rushed to my cheeks as I grew very aware of what was happening, I wrapped my arms around myself nervously hiding my unimpressive breasts. Apparently my embarrassment excited something in his mind, his stoic facade cracked. Something seemed to click in his brain when he looked down at me. I watched acknowledgement flicker over his features as he pressed me back to the soft bed. I melted into each touch, there was something far more passionate and unmeasured in his movements now. His lips trailed up my neck until they pressed to my ear, fingers trailing up my sides, tickling my skin lightly. One hand encircled my breast, running a rough thumb against my taut nipple. Nerves fired frantically, sending every kind of message to my brain. I never experienced anything like this before. I'd have to ensure that it was not the last.

Unsure of what to do next, I just allowed my fingers to dance mindless patterns onto the soft skin of his obliques. _Soft_ was the wrong word. Beneath my fingers, his musculature was the same feeling as skin over bone. Soft on the very exterior, but very hard and immobile beneath. His muscles weren't built up, but were hard and strong like many other shinobi, both male and female. I reached up to touch his face as he broke our kiss and reached his long fingers over a gloved hand, pulling it off smoothly. I did the same with the other. Our eyes flickered down at the same time then met in momentary disquiet. My heart fluttered like a jarred firefly, waiting for his reaction to my ugly scars, compounded by the dark red scars left by the glass I broke the night of Kaz's funeral. My marred hands were a scourge on this beautiful scene, even he could see that. His emotions felt guilty under the reddish-purple haze of lust. We were both now horribly aware of our places on each other's world. Yes, he was the bad guy. Yes, he'd done irreparable damage. But yet here I was, completely bare to him, still open and wanting without any real explanation. Still a complete fool.

To deflect the unnerving moment, I shot him a mockingly modest look as I covered my chest again with sarcastic eyes, hoping he would play along. Smiling back at me perceptively, he gently took my hands in his and held them next to my ears. He then bent over and kissed my lips lovingly, then did the same to the center of either wrist as if to say '_Please forgive me_'. Memories of that one fateful mission flickered across my mind then disappeared.

Dipping his head slowly he pressed another long kiss to the center of my chest, feeling my heart pulse against him. Turning my wrists a little, I escaped his grip enough to reach up and undo his belt and start pulling at his pants while he cupped my cheek, manipulating my head to leave more dark purple marks across my neck. My face flushed red as my hands shook nervously, preventing me from completing the task once more. With another gentle smile that told me to _relax._ Itachi pressed my hands back to my sides and finished the job, hesitating slightly as I watched him pull the obstructing garments away, giving me a full view of his sinewy body.

Bands of wiry muscle wound through his pelvis, creating a v-shaped area that flowed to a hard, and surprisingly unscarred, abdomen. I'd never seen male anatomy up close before, I was oddly curious at the projecting muscle that stood erect over my slightly parted thighs. He looked somewhat nervous as my eyes wandered his body where he crouched over my white legs, crawling foreword until his face only inches away from mine, he stared directly at me with those unreadable eyes. Wanting to get a closer look, I eased myself up with an elbow and placed a hand on his clavicle to push him upright. He looked confused, so I glanced up at him to reassure that I was not stopping, merely curious.

Hissing, he tensed as I glanced my fingertips against his erection, wanting to understand its texture and consistency. It was much larger than I imagined it would look from my anatomy texts. My stomach dropped, how was this going to fit inside of me! From the times that I'd touched myself privately, I knew that I was _not_ wide enough to fit something like _that_ inside. Tilting my head back to look up at him now a little fearful, I gripped my fingers around him, causing him to take in a breath and lean against me, pushing me back down with one hand, not wanting to wait anymore. My heart sped up and the shaking came back.

I was shaking like a leaf, adrenaline pumping ferociously as I reached out to stroke his face gently to distract from my shaking when he saw the light divots in my wrists in the sunlight and paused. I was nervous about that. Every time he saw my lower arms he seemed to freeze momentarily. Each time he saw my scars he was surprised, or maybe ashamed that they existed. He pressed his mouth to mine, rocking against me as he took my face between his hands, crowding me, maybe trying to protect me from himself. I felt his sorrow and self loathing soak through like a sponge. As I kissed him back as if to say '_I forgive you_'. Some of that sorrow disappeared. I was the medium he'd chosen to absorb his demons.

Splayed out on his bed with his presence overwhelming me, preventing my mind from functioning properly, Itachi held himself parallel to me, crowding my head between his forearms, gently weaving his fingers through my hair with one hand, allowing the other to stroke my jaw as his eyes bore into mine. Our clothes formed a trail from the door to the bed. All that remained between us was a thin separation of cloth that seemed to cling to me desperately. In his eyes were a question, his fingers were dancing small circles over my nearly bare hip, toying with the white band that ultimately separated him from me. It made no sense how much I wanted this. His dark hair fell to the center of my chest as he planted kisses from my breastbone up to my jaw in deliberate placements to my clavicle, hollow of my throat and side of my neck, to the small, sensitive area just under my ear. A small sound groaned from my chest from the intimate motions. Vibrations from a responding, half-growl echoed into the hollow of my throat as his delicate face sunk perfectly under my chin.

Nimble fingers rimmed my panties, pulling them away from the moist heat between my legs. Warm uncertainty burned my cheeks, heating my entire body as I helped him pull them away with pointed toes. His length pressed against the inside of my thigh, right next to my opening. Something primal had taken over long before I acknowledged it, my hips shifted, opening my legs just little more. Itachi's one finger slid along the sensitive flesh as he dipped down into another kiss. The one finger slid into me achingly, but not in a painful way. It felt amazing to feel some part of him inside of me.

Wanting to reciprocate in some way I reached my arm down until I bumped him with my hand, judging by his small jump and gasp, he didn't mind the distraction. My fingertips brushed him again as he throbbed, closing his eyes and pulling away slightly, savoring the sensation. A smile played my lips, I encircled him into my hand and stroked gently, his hips eased forward into my light grip, moving in a gentle rhythm. Another finger pressed into me, somewhat painfully, stretching me wider to accommodate something much more substantial in the coming moments. He had me panting and purring as he curled his fingers in a 'come-hither' motion. Heat curled in my core, pulling, coiling like a spring loaded knife. The feeling caused me to clench my hand around him then release, I heard him let out a small gasp then stop himself, letting the sound fade into a release of breath against my shoulder as his eyes tightened together with pleasure.

I wanted him.

_Right. Now_.

Knowing just the right words to make him bend to my will, I pushed myself up onto my elbows, releasing him from my grip. His head lifted from its position to look at me, seemingly hesitant before leaning in to place his quiet lips to mine, trying to silence any protest.

"Itachi, please…" I mumbled through our joined lips, running my tongue along the inside of his lip before looking up, fearing rejection after all of this buildup, "P-please don't stop." I stuttered nervously.

Midnight black eyes met innocent sky blues as he placed a light hand onto the middle of my chest, easing me back onto the bed until I was flat, looking up at him. He observed me momentarily, waiting for me to suddenly change my mind. A small allowing smile crossed my lips.

Whether he liked it or not; I was his, _entirely, _forever.

He pressed his head next to mine as he adjusted his weight, easing my knees reluctantly apart taking the head gently in his hand, I could feel the head hovering with exciting heat over me.

"Breathe…" he whispered into my ear, hot breath sending shivers down my arms as I wrapped them around his back. Our body temperatures elevated as our bodies grew tacky from the heightened desire. The hot tip of him pressured into me slowly, it wasn't painful at this easing speed, but it wasn't pleasant either. The head was the worst part. Rocking his hips in small bouncing motions, he pressed himself about an inch into me easily until he was met by a thin resistance. His head shot up, eyes wide, waiting for something, again. He looked _almost_ scared as he looked deeply into my expression for any trace of reluctance.

Not wanting to seem afraid, I became self aware and moved my own hips up toward him, increasing the strained pain where our bodies met, it hurt. I winced a little at the increased pressure. With eyes that screamed some unreadable emotion, he thrust his hips foreword in a smooth motion, severing my virgin veil. The pain was bad. Seeing stars, I dug my nails into his back to grip him closer, unable to unclench my muscles. Petting the back of my head softly, he whispered sweet nothings in my ear, not moving a muscle as I adjusted to this feeling of overstuffed pain. Slowly, my claws retracted and I eased back a little. This must have been what he'd been waiting for. Itachi began sliding himself out of me. As soon as he began pulling out, my body felt empty again. Though it was sorely painful, my heart cried to move him back inside of me. As if by some other driving force, my hips pressed up, burying his length inside of me once more. Quiet nose escaped his lips, a sound of apology and enraptured pleasure. Pressing his forehead to mine, he placed one arm above my head to brace his weight as he slid the other to my hip to hold me in place. He wanted to control my movements.

Placing my hand over his, I wove our fingers together and pressed them firmly to the bed next to us. Surprise passed through his closed eyed features as I rolled my hips instinctually.

Desperately clinging onto each other's bodies, or maybe something more, we sought primal release from the tormented hand we'd each been dealt. His hand reappeared on my lower abdomen, pressing me down. The shift made his movement significantly less painful, but the pain did not diminish. The way he moved now, his erection filled my every crevasse, taking his whole length inside of me. This was another level of pleasure, an emotional kind of release that I knew not how to describe. My eyes never opened, I allowed his overwhelming presence take me over as we fell into a rhythm older than time and as natural as breathing.

Fingers gently pressed into my hip and hair as small, gasping breaths blew through his lips over my ear. The tempo was beginning to pick up as his rhythmic motions grew more forceful. A painful noise hummed from my shuttering lips, Itachi kissed my ear murmuring in an unintelligible apology. But he didn't slow, in fact the pace quickened and with a small open mouthed breath of pleasure, he took hold of my sweat dampened hair and twisted it through his fingers. In hard, uncontrolled thrusts I heard him gasp in release as wet heat filled me, his semen stung the inside of me.

Heaving little breaths from each of our sweating bodies filled the room. Glistening with exhausted pleasure against the early morning light, he slid from my body, allowing the sticky fluid to follow him in a thin wet line over my thigh. A sweet, boyish grin brightened his dark features as he let out the smallest, almost releived, laugh. This chuckle continued as he shook his head in wonder just before hunkering over me to place a his brow next to my eye, the smile unmoved from his pleased lips. Moving away to clean up, he kissed me chiefly on the forehead.

Using my elbow as a lever I tried to sit up, but moving my legs was completely out of the question. Moving was a problem as a whole, it was painful to even flex my abdomen, so I curled up a little and waited for Itachi to return to bed from his slightly obsessive cleaning ritual. He lifted me slightly so he could remove the sheets, the dark red stain darted my eyes away. It was not what I'd been expecting in the least as the light seemed to tease through the room, directing all attention to the remnants of my young life.

With a smile and three new blankets in hand, he laid them on top before climbing in next to me. I was impressed that he remembered my fetish for multiple blankets. I thanked him by snuggling closer, ruffling the sheets, he kissed me again and again like he couldn't get enough. There were no words.

Now was laying here on my back, staring at the beautiful man next to me, wondering what the hell to do next. His one hand tangled with mine as the other pulled the small of my back, I felt the tingle of his stare even as I closed my eyes to think. I couldn't even be mad at him, I could have left and pretended everything was fine, gone home and drank myself into a coma and woken up the next day to do the same thing. Or, I could have stayed here and slept with the man I love and break the cycle. The man I stupidly, _stupidly_, love.

I felt his adoration and total contentment press through my skull. The adrenaline high was beginning to come down and now all I felt was dazed and confused and really, really sore. The whole experience had been pretty painful for me.

I watched as his eyes clouded exhaustion. He lay next to me, watching my face for something. He did this a lot, like he was looking for a specific reaction or facial expression, mostly, people told me that I had a very expressive face, but for whatever reason, Itachi would sit there and watch my expressions change for seconds or even minutes. He thought that I didn't notice, that I was was lacking in perception, or that he was the only one who saw things a certain way, but he was wrong. His bent elbow hooked under his head, squishing his head into the pillow, giving him an almost child-like quality. He looked happy. A small smile played the corners of his lips as I watched his eyes blink, opening less and less each time as he slid from reality into a world of dreams beneath my observing gaze.

It spoke for something to fall asleep as someone watches you. Silly as it may seem, I couldn't fall asleep as he watched unless he drugged me or something. It was a trust thing. He knew that I wouldn't hurt him, or try to abandon him during the day.

I didn't leave for the entire day, even into the night. Itachi's sleeping form was perfect. The white sheet covered much of his lower half, but I could see his legs and hips in the hills and valleys of the light blankets. Scanning my eyes over his chest and arms I could see the ripples of his muscles. Moving in, I pressed my face into the curve of his neck, placing a light kiss there as I fiddled the necklace he always wore between my two pale fingers. I wasn't sure if it held real significance, but I don't have memories where he wasn't wearing it. There were so many mysteries when it came to Itachi Uchiha. So many things were missing from this puzzle that I just had to live with. The soreness faded to a dry pain as I lay there observing my sleeping lover. I wondered why it had to hurt for girls. Everything was easier for boys. Sleep eventually took me as well, leaving us two lonely dreamers in a harsh, unforgiving world.

* * *

Light filtered through my eyelids causing them to flicker slightly. I gripped for Itachi's body with my eyes closed, but instead found my hand full of blankets. It was cold. The radiant heat from his side of the bed was gone, he must have left a long time. Before I woke up…

A creaking noise met my ears softly announcing his presence down the hall. A shit-eating grin took my face. I could hear him walking down the hallway. I smiled at the sound of feet tapping across the floor; at least now I could talk to him about last night, maybe see what it meant for us.

It was… different. There were no other words I'd use to describe my first sexual experience. He had been so gentle, caressing each motion, filling my body with himself entirely. Each touch was his love, the words he spoke heatedly into my ear were beautiful. My heart cried, imagining him saying them to anyone else.

It was none of my business though, I was jealous by nature, but that didn't mean that I could justify giving him a hard time about any thing he had with someone else in the past. I mean, Hell, I dated another guy for three years and there was no way Itachi wasn't at least a little irked by that little fact. My eyes fluttered closed, allowing the bright morning light to soften. Hearing more motions outside, I considered trying to be sexy and getting him back in bed with me. Then I changed my mind, realizing that I didn't really know how to be sexy. I pouted slightly. Seeing him would make me feel much better, maybe chase away some of these jealous thoughts, too. I would have felt completely used if he'd just up and left without a word after I stayed here for him all day yesterday. He wouldn't do something like that. Bracing against my elbows I tried to sit up, wincing. My lower body was still cuttingly raw.

Ugh. Why was everything easier for boys?


	30. Calling All Angels

_"Calling All Angels"_

* * *

Pushing through the dry, aching pain, I found my clothes in an intimidatingly neat pile at the foot of the bed. Blinking I thought how bizarrely Obsessive Compulsive Itachi was. It never really occurred to me, he had many of the typical symptoms, but maybe it was only because I spent very short periods of time with him. There were plenty of explanations for becoming a total control freak, maybe he was just trying to have strict power over the things he _could_ control because there were so many things that he _couldn't_. My bandages were rewrapped over my chest when I woke up, the thought of Itachi touching me in my sleep was a little unnerving, yet exciting simultaneously, making my white skin look as if I had sunburn on my chest and arms. With a broad smile, I put my scarf, gloves, tights and skirt back on and went to the door to poke my head out. I saw another door wide open down the hall, light was spilling out onto the dark wood floor.

Walking was unpleasant after the events that took place yesterday.

Sneaking as I went I slunk over to the open door. With a small shift in weight I saw him, he was wearing something else though, it had the Uchiha crest, which kind of bothered me. I watched him move about the room for a little while, realizing that something was not right. Measuring the distance with my eyes, something awful occurred to me. The smile dropped from my face to the floor.

That was _not_ Itachi.

To my horror, _Sasuke_ was walking around the room, touching his old things, connecting with them. Hating them. His eyes turned in my direction.

Silently, I bolted back to Itachi's room and tried to make it look perfect, which was a task for someone who has no idea how to make things look clean and orderly. Especially not to the standard that someone with OCD, like Itachi, would. Ugh, this was _so_ bad.

_Wait_! Weren't my shoes by the door? Oh _crap_.

My brain whirled trying to decide what to do next. If he saw my scandals then he would know I was here and maybe even saw me sleeping. Why didn't Itachi wake me up! AHH!

I heard Sasuke's footsteps coming closer ominously. My brain was screaming until I saw my exit, my shoes were sitting on a towel on the windowsill, the idea was plain as day.

So, taking Itachi's hint, out the window I went.

'_That was close, you idiot!'_ I yelled at Itachi in my head, slowing my ragged breathing, slamming my apartment door shut. Good thing he didn't go into Itachi's room first, that could have been _really_ bad.

I wondered what Sasuke would have thought. In my head I imagined him finding me there and just dying of awkward tension. What would he think? What could he possibly think? I would have had to think of some lie, but I had no real reason to be in _his_ house. If I wanted to make excuses, I'd have sleep in _Arashi's _because he knew that she and I had been close. Even at that, why would I be sleeping in my dead best friend's bed? That would be pretty freaking weird.

Sasuke would figure out the arrangement pretty quickly, the kid was no bonehead. Though, he'd probably think I was fraternizing with the enemy, which I guess I kind of was. I sank to the ground and rested my sweating brow on my forearms, hearing my stomach grumble angrily for forgetting to eat yesterday. Lifting my sore body from its slump, I opened a cabinet and made some instant ramen. Cheesy pork, mmmm.

Next stop was the Hokage. I dropped the scrolls with him directly. I think he noticed my slight limping walk, but didn't say anything about it, just giving me a patronizing look that I reacted to with no expression, hoping he wouldn't even think about that. There was no way I was letting the freaking _Hokage_ know about yesterday.

As I was leaving the office, I reached the inner stairs. Concrete surrounded me on all sides as each step took real effort. A hand slammed to the wall behind me, cornering me with deadly green eyes. Mizoko had been looking for me.

Glowering down at me, he spoke in a harsh, worried tone. "Where were _you_ last night?"

Now my _own_ brother was going to give me a hard time? Really? Why couldn't I catch a break today? It was just sex! How could he have found out? Oh gods this was bad. Play it cool, play it cool, he there's no way he could know. …Right? "I was at home? Why?"

"Don't you lie, Kat. Tell me. Now." His huge body blocked my way, he wasn't going to let this fly.

This was odd for him. No, he normally didn't let these kinds of things go, but for him to become so aggressive about it told me that he must have learned something specific. Maybe he and Hiruko knew something?

"Why do you think I'm lying?" I tried to coax more information out of him before trying to weasel out of this awkward situation. There is nothing more unnerving on this planet than talking to your sibling when you have pain coursing through your lower body, reminding you that yes, yes you _did_ sleep with someone last night. And no, no, you are _not_ going to talk to crazy protective brother about it! Certainly not. But who knows? Maybe this little had nothing to do with Itachi…

"I didn't knock, you brat. Your door is _never_ locked." My biggest and oldest brother stood with his arms crossed. "Now tell me the truth."

My face drained of blood, maybe he _did_ know. "Mizoko, it's none of your business." I threatened through narrowed eyes, pushing him aside to continue my walk down the stairs, mindful of my small limp, trying to keep it to a minimum.

"When I see you coming out of a restricted area it is." He accused with quiet intensity.

My brow twitched and I turned around to face him. There was concern and something akin to anger there.

"What?"

His massive arms were folded over his barrel chest. My already rather imposing brother was even taller as he stood several stairs above me and glared down. "You were in the Uchiha compound." his voice lost some of its edge, asking me be reasonable. "You're caught so stop covering your ass. You know I can't just let thing go without a report, but I can easily pretend it didn't happen if you just tell me."

"Now, what were you doing there?" he commanded.

So, to avoid being arrested or something, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"I was visiting Arashi."

Green eyes dropped to the side with a dark sadness then reconnected with mine. That ended his interrogation like a hangman's noose. He looked around, embarrassed and somewhat heartbroken. "Yeah, I sometimes do that too…" His hard, interrogation face loosened up with a sheepish smile, "Well... I was going to ask you out for drinks last night but you weren't home so I got worried and-"

"-When!" I shouted, jumping up two stairs out of excitement.

Alcohol. Sweet, sweet alcohol. That's exactly what I needed today.

Mizoko walked down the rest of the stairs saying something about a quick mission and that he would be right back, but my mind was already elsewhere. Excited to go out and have some fun_, real_ fun, for the first time in a while. Probably since my training began with Ayumi and Anko.

I'd go back to the compound in a few hours to see if Itachi had anything for me, maybe chat for a bit about.. well everything and then go get hammered with my brother to make up for my very stressful morning. Excellent plan. This day was already looking up.

Until then, a hot shower and a cup of tea would do the trick.

One of the reasons I picked out this particular apartment, other than for pure convenience, was for its shower. It was glorious.

Kicking my door closed behind me, I started tearing off my clothes, leaving a path of utter destruction in my wake as I tore through my messy apartment to the bathroom. While the water heat up I unbound my chest, it felt so liberating, apparently Itachi didn't realize that a woman's chest was pretty sensitive, he wrapped those babies up like it was no ones business. As my fingers ran across the fabric, I noticed a tear in the bandage from where Itachi… my face reddened at the memory. Rolling the excess in one hand, I looked in the mirror as dark purple marks appeared on my skin. My face burned hotter. I wondered if he had the same little remnants of me on his skin. I hoped so.

Then I noticed the handwriting. Fucking Itachi.

_'52 days_' Was written on the side of my bandage that faced my skin so no one else could have seen it. Typical Itachi.

I pouted, well that explains why he wasn't there when I woke up, but it didn't make me feel any better, not even a little. In fact, I think it made me feel worse. Like usual, I was less important than something else. My heart felt as if it had been completely crushed.

Whatever, a longer shower it is.

"It was necessary." I told myself with a horrible, hollow pit in my stomach as I washed blood flecks off my upper thigh unconvincingly. I was trying to tell myself that I slept with him for the sake of the mission just like him. That I felt the same apathy toward it as he did. But that was a bold faced lie that even I couldn't take seriously.

"Okay, maybe I wanted it…" Drops of water fell into my eye, making my rub my fist against it. "Okay, fine, whatever, I wanted it _really_ bad." I ran my fingers through my water-darkened hair. "But not _yet_! I wanted it in like, a few months or a year, or something." I chided to myself in the bathroom.

A chunk of hair tore from my head as I pulled the tangles from my sweat crusted bangs, _ouch_. "_Fine_, maybe yesterday was completely perfect and I just need to stop being a big baby about everything."

As Anko would say, 'g_row some tits, Kat!_'

I missed my long hair; maybe I would grow it out again. The reason I sliced it off in the fist place was in order to feel better and change into a new person. But it was obvious to me, now, that I was always going to be that silly fool who fell in love with a criminal.

Out of joking frustration, I pulled my long bangs into a low ponytail with one hand and mocked my absentee lover. "_Blah, blah, blah_. My name's Itachi. I'm just going to dance around and be a bad guy and make Kat want to throttle me."

What would I say to him when he got back? Would I still be this mad? No, I'd probably fall into the same trap I always did. And he would exploit my emotions to their fullest, like he always did. And then I'd go through this spiraling, alcohol infused depression, like I always did. Then he'd just leave again, like he always did.

For now I was trying to humor myself out of the inevitable depression I was about to face over the coming months. The loneliness would set in later, for now I was just irritated. At my life, at my brother, at the world at large. At the turns my life had taken and at Itachi. Though, he would be gone for a while with no contact, my heart sank heavily at the thought. Back to being alone, and back to getting beaten up every day by Ayumi. Maybe they could throw me on some missions, have command for the first time. It would be nerve wracking having people listening to me to accomplish missions, but it never stopped my brothers or Arashi, so I guess that meant I could see where it took me.

Turning the shower handle, the streams faded into a light mist then dripped slowly until the water was completely stopped and drained, disappearing forever.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, I didn't like this one very much either. But the next one is fun and full of plotty-goodness_


	31. Come Home

_"Come Home"_

* * *

The way she looked at him nearly broke his resolve. She was that little whisper in the back of his head that drove him to work harder than everyone else. Ever since the day she was born his little sister's naivety always had that effect on people. It made you want to protect her from the evil in this world, though it was a losing game. It was her way of life to treat everyone as if they were the most important person to ever live while forgetting about herself in the process, losing her own identity much of the time. That sweet disposition of her's was what got Hiruko in this situation in the first place. Choosing between what was right and what was easy.

Easy would be to tell her that Itachi Uchiha was nothing but scum who broke her only means of self-defense to keep her from and to stay far away from him. Then her heart would just stay broken, but eventually move on. Move her away from the danger this little glimmer of information would bring.

Right was to tell her that she needed to forgive his crimes. She would think he was a lunatic, but knowing her, she would listen. Because, as Hiruko knew more than anyone, emotions were a powerful thing.

With effort, he accepted her choices for relationships, platonic or otherwise, for _her_ sake. No one was ever good enough for his Kat. Leers and stares followed her through the streets, they promised filthy deeds in exchange for her innocence from the time she turned sixteen. Luckily for Hiruko, her bizarre coloring made her more of a marvel than a sex object to most, especially once they realized her relation to him.

No longer the little girl she once was, she sat before her brother wondering what was on his mind, what he planned on telling her before cutting off his speech with that downcast stare. The grimy floor of her ramshackle apartment became far more interesting than whatever was going on behind those azure eyes, if he looked into them any longer he may end up choosing the wrong words, make the easy choice rather than the right one. That would ruin the mission he was given by his one remaining superior. Clearly, Hiruko hadn't thought this through enough, even though it had taken him years to put everything into place.

'Superior' was a loose term for the partnership he and X shared, they were viewed as equals with similar beliefs and values, it was a good mix that kept their missions homologous and secure. There were few that made it through the ranks as he did, he was by far the youngest person ever to enter ASEB, formerly known as KIS.

Thus far he had managed to use the right wording to keep her apprised of what was going on in the reality her little lover boy tried to twist and mangle. Konoha was a safe little bubble to help her learn about the world carefully, instead of being thrust into a world of suffering and god-complex as they had been, it was dangerous to have such expectations of any child. Potentially even more dangerous to give a child, at the tender age of nine, control over a major wing of a worldwide service that controlled nearly every aspect of life. Even now he was finding it hard not to use his ability on her just to make this easier, but she would resent him forever if he had. And he couldn't live with that.

Feeling the heat of her expectant stare, he glared hard into the wood, hoping it would catch fire to avoid the words that needed to come out of his mouth. They tasted of poison; putrid and deadly.

That manipulative little fuck's name tasted like blood and vomit on his tongue.

The night that kid was ordered to kill the Uchiha clan, Hiruko had been watching, _observing_ if you will. He was Hiruko's assignment.

Most of this makes very little sense, but his task was to ensure that Itachi didn't reach the end of his rope, which he was nearing like a freight train to the edge of a cliff. Hiruko would prefer Itachi at the end of a hangman's noose over what he subjected his baby sister to.

Eyes closed, he thought back to his observation quickly, the harrowing moment that he realized how badly his sister sought the Uchiha's good graces. As brothers, Hiruko went out for a 'brews and broads' night with Mizoko once a week, this was a mere month before the infamous massacre. Mizoko had no idea.

"Yo, so Arashi tolds… told me that Kat'sgot th's guy…" the large, very intoxicated man twisted his face in frustration as he glared at his malt beverage, obviously thinking the same thing Hiruko was, "You gotta check'm out."

The bitter liquid went down much smoother when he imagined his sister with some punk that even their idiot brother didn't approve of. The dickless little brat was probably some moron from her class who knew nothing of honor or grace; thirteen-year-old boys were the epitome of base assholes. All they wanted was a bit of skin and to wreak havoc on some poor girl's heart so they could be remembered. Hiruko didn't have those memories. His life was too important at too young of an age to waste time on some useless female.

A growl rumbled low in his chest protectively, "Yeah, I'll do that." Hiruko glanced around the room and lowered his voice, "Do you have any information on the little fuck?"

Mizoko thumbed the round opening at the top of his bottle to create hollow whirr, "Nah, nothin' yet. Gotta talk to Arashi 'bout it. She'm…" Hiccup, "-She knows more'n me."

Blankly staring at his drunken older brother, he wondered how someone could actually exist when they were this drunk. Alcohol barely had an effect on Hiruko's six foot, narrow stature, while it demolished his seven foot, oxen sized older brother. Letting out a frustrated groan, Hiruko folded his arms with a soft scowl. Arashi was another problem. A blight, if you will. Waltzing around pretending to adore Kat when all she really wanted was to use her for information about her family like the others, even going so far as to drag their older brother into the mix. The fool thought that no one saw through her facade, but she couldn't be more wrong. She was one of those 'useless females' Hiruko so carefully avoided. With brows lifted he tried to get more from his brother's drunken mind without the use of his ability, maybe later he'd see what he could get out of him with a little ..._coercion._

"An _Uchiha_ you say?" His voice queried lightly with uplifted brows.

If the kid was Uchiha, there would be some serious inspection to be done in the coming weeks. They were all about to die. If Kat was involved with someone like Shisui or Naoki, Hiruko wouldn't be too pissed off, but it would still have to end before his project had to kill them all. They were the good kinds of Uchiha, but since they were friends of Hiruko's he would have to give them a typical big brother 'you break her heart I'll break your face' speech just to make sure there was no leeway if Kat ignored his advice.

Protective older brothers are scary people; especially when they have an entire lab dedicated to their personal study and research to develop new interrogation tools and techniques.

"Yeh, some guy their age." Mizoko started a little, throwing his hand to his mouth, lurching. Hiruko rolled his eyes, the idiot was going to puke if they stayed here any longer. Hiruko's mind filed through the different Uchiha around Kat's age, she was thirteen right? That really narrowed it down.

"Little -hic- puke wont even come out n'meet us." The enormous blonde spat in the dirt as if the thought made him wretch rather than the alcohol, "Kat won' talk t'me 'bout that stuff, y'know? They always liked you better." Mizoko formed an exaggerated pout. "S'pposedly she's all gaga over him though, meeting all secret n'stuff." Quieting his voice, the older shinobi hung his head miserably, secretly wishing he was admired the same way his younger brother was. He _was_ the older one, but Kaz and Kat both liked Hiruko better, no matter how much time passed without the boy-genius around. Hiruko was _always_ the best. Hunched over his drink, Mizuko glared at his well dressed, highly professional _younger_ brother.

Another painful subject pierced Mizoko's densely inebriated mind, "s_he_ should be all ga-ga with _me_."

By '_she_' he meant Arashi. Hiruko knew where this conversation was going, and fast. The alcohol was taking a sharp left turn toward the dangerously depressing like it inevitably did whenever they went out. Rolling his shoulders to alleviate the tense frustration building there, Hiruko smirked at his slowly sinking brother. It was time to get him home before he started crying in public about his barely pubescent crush …again.

"Forget about that little bitch, Miz, let's get you back so you can puke or whatever you want to do. I'll keep you in the loop with the 'new boyfriend' situation with Kat, 'cause I know she won't talk to you about it." Hiruko started to stand with a joking smile as he pushed money across the bar for the bartender, who intentionally ignored the pair to pick up a couple's glasses and begin cleaning their spot, implying with his eyes to the clock that it was soon time to close.

Those sad green eyes looked miserable as Hiruko frowned down at his brother's slowly collapsing form, dopey green eyes yearning for a shoulder to lean on. Brotherly instincts kicked in, forcing the useless banter out of him as he dropped back onto the stool with reluctance, "Okay, okay, buck up champ." Hiruko held up a finger to the bartender, suggesting a hard cup of something, it didn't matter what kind so long as it made his older brother's lame cries easier to deal with.

"How _are_ things with that little slu- ...Uchiha?" He corrected, throwing back the hard shot with a pleasant wince.

Round and round he went about that stupid girl, she was alright as far as looks went, but Hiruko wasn't impressed. She had his big goofy brother spun around in so many directions that he was completely lost, twisted in this fishing line of emotion that she was obviously using to manipulate him with. Even for an Uchiha she was talented, already a jonin, but that only made the ASEB agent wonder what she knew and how she was using Mizoko for the clan's civil unrest. Later, he would have to do some digging into her file and see what made her _oh_ _so_ special.

"…'Rashi was s'posta meet me here b'for, buh she got held up tryna get Kat to come talk t'me." His slurs were becoming incomprehensible as the dark alcohol in their glasses drained away, leaving only slightly melted ice and horrible thoughts.

"But _nooo_! That Uchiha boy's got'r wrapped 'round 'is pinky." The huge man's arm shot out across the bar, talking to the tender as if he had any idea, with his pinky extended. The barkeep stopped wiping a white dish to shoot my drunken brother a weary glance before returning to his tedious work, now more aware of the large drunk ninja sitting at his bar.

"_Oi_!" The large shinobi leapt out of his seat with his arm hung over the wide bar top. "You know it's true!" Mizoko tried to stand but fell back onto the stool, nearly tripping it.

The bartender threw the filthy towel over his shoulder with a frown, "Sir, I'm going to ask you to leave if you don't settle down."

Mumbling profanities, he sat back with weight, nearly tipping the stool again. Like a whip, Hiruko's hand shot out to catch the back and shove it upright with an aggravated look to his nearly unconscious brother.

"We're leaving." The smaller man commanded of his elder with stern authority and a goofy smile, his words intended it for the bartender, to calm the poor old man's nerves. Eyeing the pair warily, the old man swiped the waterlogged glasses from them and retreated to the back of the establishment, canvas flapping in his wake. Two of them would remember this, and it sure as hell wouldn't be Mizoko.

Hiruko hooked Mizoko's heavy arm over his shoulderas he pushed his own around the massive jonin's back for support, he was still mumbling mindlessly. Something about Arashi and mochi.

As he dragged his, now unconscious, older brother down the deserted road to out little house, he heard a quiet noise. The kind intended for no one to hear. A sigh. Not just any sigh, but his young sister's sigh.

Under the night sky he found himself using camouflage jutsu to blend he and his brother into the surrounding buildings, the low light of near midnight aided him. If Hiruko wanted to figure out this new little situation with his baby sister, he would have to do some recon. Kat wandered the streets with the dogged appearance of a broken heart. Why were his siblings such lovesick puppies? It was like they couldn't control themselves. Shadows seemed to condense around her, movement announced itself from the top of a building then disappeared. Unsure whether this was alcohol induced imaginings or a threat to his Kat, he decided to trail her until she reached her destination. She was wandering, pacing, just outside of the bar. A pout formed on Hiruko's face, she was too young to drink!

Glancing about, measuring distances with his eyes. The bar was only a few blocks from their parent's home, so he flickered home to deposit Mizoko with a glass of water and two aspirin next to his bed, like a good younger brother. But there was no way in hell he was helping him out of his clothes, he could do that shit on his own. Plus, Hiruko had something else to worry about. Like a potentially dangerous situation for his defenseless little sister.

When he returned to the bar, he stood outside for a moment, deciding to take on the form of a former team member as not to distract Kat from her conversation. He heard her soft footfalls coming back around the block, he needed to do this quickly. Neither Kat nor Arashi would recognize him unless the Uchiha felt the need to use her sharingan. Deciding the risk outweighed the benefit, he transformed into a slightly shorter, black haired man who held zero resemblance to himself then sat at the bar ordering another hard drink, watching… waiting.

At first it was only the dark haired girl that spun that intricate web of deception around Hiruko's siblings. She must have been using his emotions against him to get more information to aid the insurrection.

The girl was tall with pretty features was bursting full of chakra. Between sips of sake, she would ruffle her hair nervously, looking to the door then back to the cup sharing small words with her young cousin who Arashi must have allowed to drink as well. What unprincipled little...

There was nothing to learn from them, they merely spoke of mundane things such as the weather and latest training methods. The little boy brought up Kat at some point saying that he would never blame her for his bad habits. Arashi grinned and patted his head like a dog, patronizing him.

Katsue's aura entered the room, the spy went on drinking casually as if nothing was weird about the situation at all. There was nothing weird about stalking your little sister, not at all. Especially not if it meant that he could save her from some serious heartache and loss.

The three conversed together, Kat was on the verge of tears as she retold the whole saga of her night to her friends, seeking advice from the least qualified kunoichi Hiruko had ever ever seen. Arashi told her to forgive him, that he _'had a lot going on in his life'_, not erbium, but you get the jist.

Young Ryu's jealous features grouched before standing to give his own piece of advice: _dump the jerk_. For once, I agreed with one of the little Uchihas.

A raucous outburst by the Uchiha girl is what gave Itachi's identity away.

"Don't say that about your cous-"

"-Who wants more sake?" Kat cut her off, trying to hide the plain and obvious.

This was much, much worse than I thought.

Katsue was in love with my little project child. Though, he wasn't much of a child anymore. Wise beyond his years, he would do anything for Konoha, to a fault almost. No, not almost. Definitely.

Questions opened up, branching out into a myriad of complications. It would be my baby sister's ruin if she tried keeping up with that kid.

If nothing else, the relationship Hiruko had with his sister had always been just that. A complication. Separating himself from her was meant to keep her out of the TI Corps, Mizoko and Father had been heavy handed in forcing her into that area of study once she fell into the pit of despair caused by that little bastard's top secret mission.

"My floors are spotless, don't you dirty them up with that nasty look, bro."

Her fist still touched his shoulder, Hiraku hadn't even felt the pathetic attempts for his attention. Still deciding whether or no to defect from his mission, Hiraku thought through all of the possible outcomes.

Based on intelligence from ASEB, Itachi was working with Akatsuki to collect the nine jinchuriki for extraction. Due to this, he would probably end up coming back into Kat's life fairly soon. Hiruzen, and the child prodigy, had plans to get her involved. It was Hiruko's mission to make sure that went smoothly, but for reasons that he could not describe, he was having a hard time finding the necessary words though they nibbled at the tip of his tongue.

By telling her to forgive the Uchiha's murders, he was basically telling her to be a total idiot. That went against everything that Hiruko stood for. He felt that people should be well informed to make the right choice on their own. He was ridding his sister of that choice, forcing her to become a tool for this corrupt Village. Bureaucrats never did anything for Hiruko, they were all slime who wanted nothing more than to use and abuse to get their way.

Which was exactly why Itachi fell into his lap in the first place. ASEB was widespread, not taking village or association into consideration. Only the overall peace of the land to prevent further bloodshed and manipulation controlled their missions and assets. Itachi was a thought to be major asset once, but as soon as he took that covert mission, he became useless for ASEB. By committing those acts, he was _seen_, he became _known_. Not only by Konoha, but by all nations. Seen as a warning to other countries not to trust their wards. Walls went up all around, Kages began seeing their ninja more as weapons again rather than people who needed simple jobs to pay the bills, even more than they had before.

Quite sad, really. That everything only came down to money. Fortunately, that wouldn't be an issue for much longer. None of this would really matter in the end anyway.

Of course, Hiruko had to allow the little bastard to kill his family. It was a happy accident that he found out about the mission at all. After he learned of the Uchiha's planned coup d'etat, Hiruko fought for their lives. Argued that if they sat Fugaku down with an agreement then peace could be maintained. But for whatever reason, Danzo and the council disagreed. Including Mizoko and Gouken Kyusho. His own family fought Hiruko's appeals, even though his arguments were flawless. Realizing that they were beyond help, he turned to Hiruzen, who fully understood what he was saying, even going so far as to try writing peace agreements for the Uchiha clan to avoid civil unrest. But none of it mattered. The leaf no longer mattered as far as Hiruko was concerned. There was only one organization that had any real power anymore, Kages and Feudal Lords were mere figureheads compared to the control ASEB had.

Shisui had been one of Hiruko's closest friends for a long time, until he was swept away into this world of torture and death. The young man always had good advice, he had this innocence about him no matter what he was commanded to do. To know him was to love him, just like Itachi.

Heat flooded Hiruko's veins at the thought of that… that… killer. How could he flicker from personality to personality with such ease? It was plain to Hiruko that this ability was only for show, he witnessed the darkness and pain the teen suffered each day even when he didn't realize there was someone watching. Reality was that someone was always watching. There were agents paired with every highly trained, dangerous ninja in the known world. Agents were tasked with the analysis and maintenance of these fine shinobi. They were asked to make daily reports on their activities, good and bad. The idea was to keep the population from total annihilation. When one slipped up, a report was written and sent up the ranks, ultimately onto Hiruko's lap. Itachi was one of those cases where his crimes were almost enough to eliminate him, but since Hiruko knew the truth behind his crimes, the ASEB agent decided to let him live.

Now, breathing heavily to calm his erratic thoughts, he regretted that choice. If the boy died after the massacre, his involvement in the Akatsuki would be null. Hiruko wouldn't be having this conversation with Katsue. Who knows? Perhaps if he had died, Kat would have been able to lead her life normally rather than fight each day for her sanity. It was a battle she rarely won, the battle scars on her arms made his blood boil. Not only had the little shit broken her heart, he also broke her fucking arms.

Abuse would never be tolerated in one of his sister's relationships. The conman was probably using her to get closer to Hiruko, to try and kill him. Truth was that people feared what they could not understand and the Third hokage very much feared Hiruko's freak ability, driving him to press Itachi into this situation.

Anger shone through that fake smile of Katsue's as she grew impatient with the silence.

To lighten her up a little, he started with a snide remark. "First of all: spotless is not the word I would use. You live like a cave creature. Seriously." Then he would finally get the damaging words out, "Secondly:…Don't… Aw fuck it, don't hold everything Itachi does… against him."

Hiruko held his militarized, professional stare, trying not to let out the hysterical laughter in his chest as Kat's face fell to the floor. She didn't believe a word of it, atta girl! Too bad he had to make her believe it, although it went against his better judgment.

Near the end of their short conversation, her eyes lightened with that guarded hope that he was waiting for. She would do it, she would become Itachi's liaison. It bothered Hiruko that he couldn't use his technique against the kid without him realizing who he was. At least then he could understand the spy's motive, why he wanted Kat so specifically, why he would not accept any other shinobi for the task. Of course the _obvious_ came to mind, but he did not want to imagine that little creep still using his sweet sister to spy on him, it would crush her to find out that he was using her like that.

Perhaps in the future he could finally reveal himself to that manipulative bastard and kill him for breaking his sister's little hands. But that wouldn't be for a long time, not until all of the pieces fell into place.

* * *

_A/N: So what do we think of Hiruko? Thank you to 3 for the fav/follow! You rock! __Reviews are greatly appreciated! _


	32. Lights Out

"Lights Out"

* * *

Disturbing reports reached Mizoko's ever vigilant ears. Rumors were the potential for an attack on the chunin exams during the third portion, that someone had infiltrated the system posing as genin. The third section of the exam was of greater significance this year than it had in the past because both the Hokage and Kazekage would be present to watch the fights. Jonin of higher rank such as Mizoko and Genma were posted as personal guards to the Third along with their well-trained teams. Though it was a safety precaution, Mizoko took his post very seriously. Information had been leaked to the Kyusho interrogator that needed immediate attention. Normally, Hiruko and Mizoko were unable to meet during the day, but for something of this gravity required someone of Hiruko's endless insight. The Sound Village had some unsavory shinobi who were presumably planning an attack on the Third, it was Mizoko's duty and pleasure to seek out all of whom planned on harming Konoha's most respected man. For years Mizoko had worked with Hiruzen, piecing together strategy for battle squads. Close combat was Mizoko's specialty. Since the last war, Mizoko aided the Hokage in any war-time strategy in an attempt to retain some illusion of peace to the civilians of Konoha. Shikaku was far more conservative than his younger counterpart. Where the more experienced shinobi was more willing to wait and make well educated guesses, Mizoko was liberal in his attack plans. He believed in peace through superior firepower. Although he understood that every shinobi was a human, he also knew that that would not have gone through the training if they were unwilling to die for their village in times of need.

Glancing at the door from his relaxed position, Mizoko felt the backs of his knees begin to ache as they had for years. The bed was uncomfortably small. His knees hung over the edge leaving a painful ridge across the backs of his thighs. But he was too lazy to move, knowing his legs would shortly go numb from lack of circulation. The bed had been built to suit the height of a tall thirteen year old, not a mentally immature, seven foot tall twenty-something. As if by its own accord, his hand slipped into the disfigured sheepskin bag on his leg to pull out a shuriken. Metal glistened as he turned it in his hand, refracting red stars against the walls from the blinking red light from his alarm clock. Normally Mizoko would turn on the lights so he could glare at the room around him, but tonight he was waiting for his brother. Hiruko could not be seen by the general public, so he kept the lights out and heavy canvas shades down. Should an agent of Hiruko's caliber be discovered exchanging information with a shinobi they would be terminated. Not fired, the way most companies would terminate a worker, but in the way that termites are removed from the floorboards of a house. Hiruko would be killed. No. He would be _eradicated_. The shuriken's smoothed edge sparkled as he whirled it between two fingers, watching his open doorway out of the corner of his eye expectantly. Somewhat irked.

Blue light flashed from the living room, shining around the corner into Mizoko's bedroom. Electricity sparked into view causing the hairs on Mizoko's cropped head to stand on end.

A man with long, hip length blonde hair peeked around the corner with a smirk directed at his older brother, "'Sup Miz?" He slunk further into view, "glad to see you survived." Mint green eyes looked to the ceiling in joking remembrance to only a few days prior, "Yeah, that 'lady of the night' was all over you, I thought she was going to fuck you to death or something." Hiruko teased as he leaned against the doorframe, that lopsided smirk still firmly planted on his face.

The woman that Mizoko took home with him was a Konoha kunoichi with a real mouth on her, saying things in public that made even a worldly ASEB agent blush. At some point in the night she made a comment that demanded Hiruko's attention, his face blanched out of mortification at the woman's words. Finally losing his short temper he gave her a a grimace masked as a smile telling her to take it down a notch in the delicate way he had with words. To which, of course, she told him to "go to the store and get some ginkgo belba bark" with a dull expression before returning her attention to Hiruko's tall brother. Confused, Hiruko asked why he would do something so random. Laughing heartily as she knocked back the last of several quick shots she ran a finger up the hard, wet glass suggestively and smiled in the obscene way that few woman could give without a shred of modesty and explained, "maybe than you can finally go fuck yourself'. With that, the two were at an understanding. Ginko belba is a natural aphrodisiac used by old men to help save their sexual relationships. Hiruko then stood on the other side of his brother's newly acquired sex partner to avoid her snide side glances at the small victory. Several over woman tried to get Mizoko's attention during their time there but the rough kunoichi wouldn't let anyone else near him. Women didn't ignore the younger brother, but he was so obviously uninterested in their advances that they tended to flock to Mizoko instead.

Hiruko watched as the excitement to see his brother faded a bit as Mizoko leaned back against the headboard of his bed and argued, "Hey, she _wasn't_ a whore, just lonely I guess."

Mizoko didn't like to think of his sex partners as 'whores'. He preferred to call them equal opportunity pleasure seekers. As long as they were cool with the knowledge that they had a strictly sexual relationship, they were fine for a night or two. Emotional bonds were too much to deal with. Because of this theory, someday he would have plenty of bastard children all over the world and that was good enough for him.

Hiruko gave him an exhausted shake of the head, disapproving of his older brother's womanizing tendencies. Rolling his eyes, he folded his arms and gave his philandering brother another toothy, condescending grin, "Correction: she wasn't a whore _this time_." A kunai whistled past his ear and stuck into the doorframe beside his head. Hiruko didn't react aside from a that semi-permanent lopsided smirk at his brother's extended hand from the weapon's release. Mizoko's glare had the undercurrent of a childish pout.

Hiruko ignored the attempt at intimidation and lifted the end of a long handful of hair then rubbed it between two fingers, fanning it out to look for split ends, continuing his dangerous taunts, "How much did she cost?"

Tense and now aggravated, the older shinobi grunted disapprovingly, folding an arm behind his head to change positions. He narrowed his small green eyes at the nineteen year old across the small room. Mizoko never paid for women because he didn't _need_ to. Some men had a hard time getting a little action, but not Mizoko. "Nothing you little son of a-" With a small cough to hide his rapidly rising blood pressure, the older brother stopped himself from arguing back, knowing his younger brother's games. Hiruko liked getting on peoples' nerves, he found it amusing to watch them react violently to words.

"She wanted it as much as me so drop it." Mizoko's comically deep voice took on a sharp tone as he threw another metal weapon passed his more successful sibling's ear, cutting off a few dirty golden strands. This one was slightly closer to the teen's face, still not receiving a reaction,. "_You're_ no saint either, _little_ brother." Mizoko accused bitingly.

Mizoko liked to point out that he was the older of the pair in an attempt at demanding respect from his more well-connected, genius sibling. It aggravated him that his brother was better respected than him in every aspect. If one of his younger siblings mentioned his name to a sensei, they would speak of Mizoko's many achievements. But if them spoke of Hiruko, all other conversation would stop. People in the room would stop what they were doing to hear about Hiruko's latest achievements. They were interested in Hiruko for his odd abilities, where Mizoko was born with no special talents. Only strong will and brawn. He scowled at his baby brother's non-reaction to the encroaching shuriken and kunai shots. Mizoko also liked to point out their _significant_ size difference. Hiruko was a solid foot shorter than him. Though, size would not matter if Hiruko ever decided to fight him. The smaller man had the unfair advantage of being born with a _new_ kekkei genkai. One that had never been seen before, not even in the family bloodlines.

With a heavy breath and a broad grin that stretched across his face, Hiruko shrugged up against the doorframe and blinked his eyes closed briefly as if conceding a loss. Hiruko glanced around without moving his head so Mizoko wouldn't ask him what he was looking. Still decorated as it was when they were children, Hiruko studied every detail of the four walls surrounding them. The two brothers once shared this room, before their sister was born. Faded blue wallpaper which framed the room was bleached from 25 years of mistreatment. Dog ear tears seemed to trickle down the seams. A massive tapestry hung over the large man's disproportionately small bed depicting some ancient patterns that had been passed down the family tree. Hiruko was almost embarrassed. Not only for his brother but for the family as a whole. Even their younger sister lived on her own. Hiruko couldn't help wondering what he wanted from this immature life. The man seemed to have no goals, no future, only to wake up each day breathing to go drink his memory away and bury his sorrows in some nameless woman each night. To live without a goal was to live as if you were already dead. Yet here he was, with their family crest hanging proudly above his undersized bed.

_Thuck_.

_Thuck_.

**_Thuck_**.

Kunai jutted out of the wall next to Hiruko's leaning stance as Mizoko tossed them toward a hand drawn target next to the door that had been scribbled there when Hiruko was four. Hiruko knew what the large man saw when he looked at that irregularly shaped bull's-eye. Everyone from his squad during the war saw the same face when they trained. When Mizoko developed new kyusho manipulation to inflict more pain or perfected his latest lightning release jutsu, he was envisioning the death of one man from Iwagakure, the Hidden Stone. The enormous man's first sensei was killed before his eyes at a young age, so young that he was unable to help. That was the day that Mizoko was honorably promoted to the rank of jonin for his excellence in the face of war. He managed to dispatch his sensei's killer while managing to remove twenty other Konoha ninja from a miserable death at the hands of a Stone shinobi's earth release technique. Lightning styles came more easily to the Kyusho family line which put him at an advantage toward earth style chakra manipulation. Mizoko worked hard to master both lightning and earth elements just to spite the man who killed his beloved mentor. The family's main fighting style required an intense electrical connection within the enemy's body along with their own. One must be able to control and manipulate the electric currents in another's body, which is what made the fingertips so important to the style's success. Glancing down at his own hands as they balled up his knotted hair. Hiruko clenched them, dropping strands of gold. He was not the same as everyone else. The hands attached to his forearms were used for very different purposes. Purposes that were unforgivable, purposes that Mizoko needed to exploit for the Hokage's safety. Hiruko was endlessly envious of his older brother's normal life.

"Alright whatever you say, Miz." Hiruko allowed with another toothy smirk that just barely masked a jealous scowl. "Let's get down to business." He added in a deeper tenor.

That terrifyingly stern look reappeared in the place of Hiruko's normally playful smile, seemly transformed into a different person as he looked to his watch angrily. "I only have another twenty minutes, so spit it out."

Mizoko flicked the eyelet of his kunai around one finger and swung it in circles, seeming to think through the whirling weapon's whistling chorus. The lounging shinobi tilted his huge head so it leaned against the wall next to him gazing up at the water stained ceiling, "You need to let me know if anything crazy starts going down before the fights." The '_fights_' were the third round of the chunin exams. He continued as his eyes connected with his younger brother's. "There are going to be a lot of influential people there. I'm in charge of the north wing of the stadium." That scowl-pout returned as his dejected stare turned to the target next to Hiruko's head, "Gamblers put a lot of money on these fights, I can't have kids dying just because of some under the table bets."

Without waiting for a response he continued, "What do you know about the Hidden Sound?" Mizoko didn't look back to the doorway as he mused aloud, "There have been rumors…"

There was a hurried sense about Mizoko's explanation. He was trying to hide something. "I'll see what I can find out for you." Hiruko answered to the first request and allowed for a small smirk, knowing it would open his brother up. "There's something else," a more serious rhythm took to his voice. "Let's hear it."

Mizoko's eyes dropped to the twirling knife in his lap and stopped its movement with a thick, leathery finger, "You know better about this stuff than me."

The small distance between them seemed even smaller as an uneasy topic appeared seemingly out of thin air. Both of them sensed the heavy pressure of nerves. Hiruko's professional stance was intimidating, even for a shinobi like Mizoko. The man was born into a child's body. When they were kids Mizoko would call his baby brother a midget, saying that he wasn't a kid, but an adult in a small body. Ever since they were children, Hiruko's appearance seemed to belie his years. There was something in his movement that alluded to worldly knowledge, dangerous knowledge.

A meaningful exchange appeared to occur between the brothers as Mizoko's thick brows knitted together agitatedly, "I need to know what Kat's been doing lately,"

Hiruko's eyes dimmed blue before he blinked hard.

"She ran out of the Uchiha compound this morning, limping pretty badly. She lied that she was visiting some old ghosts." His brow wrinkled heavily at the memory, turning the kunai in hand before tucking it behind his pillow, leaving his arms to prop his head to better view the ASEB agent. "Lying and interrogation are my specialty like Dad. I know she's keeping something from us, Hiruko, but I don't know what."

By '_us_' Mizoko meant both he and Hiruko. But what Mizoko _didn't_ know was that his younger brother was only one who was completely and fully aware of the _real_ situation. The only thing that concerned Hiruko about Mizoko's explanation of Kat's activity was the limping part. Did Itachi hurt her? If so, the plan he set up may have to take a back seat to killing the little Uchiha. If not, Hiruko may be driven to finally using his ability on the little girl. As much as Hiruko _hated_ lying to his own blood, he needed to maintain Kat's cover story for her own safety. For now, at least. Not even Hiruko should know about Kat's mission.

Pulling a kunai out of the wall in a smooth motion, he flung it hard at Mizoko only narrowly avoiding his brother's head when the point connected with the headboard as if to punctuate the importance of his words. "She's being utilized as an assassin, the compound is the ideal place for her to get her head together after each mission." The end of his sentence trailed darkly, alluding to the nasty work of paid killings. "You know as well as I what kyusho killings can do to a person."

Mizoko looked away from him, hating the truth in his brother's words.

"Yeah, I heard something about that..." Mizoko muttered as he hooked a sausage sized finger through the kunai's looped grip and jerked it out of the wood. "You'll let me know if you hear something, right?" he looked up at his mature younger brother, referring to everything they spoke about during this short meeting. "I don't want to lose anymore sleep over this."

The trusting glint in the blonde's eye nearly made Hiruko laugh. The poor guy had no idea how few truths he knew. If only he knew how dark the village he would so willingly give his life for truly was, using children like chattel. Leaning back against the doorway, the slightly smaller lab coat adorned agent answered with darkness in his voice, "Yeah, I've got it covered."

The shock of electricity blossomed in Hiruko's chest, informing him that he would be moved shortly. Probably to Itachi's latest location for further observation. Hot anger boiled in his stomach at the thought of watching Kat's abusive lover boy. Itachi had always been a passive kid, it made Hiruko wonder if the pressure of his deep cover mission was finally beginning to break the Uchiha apart at the seams. It was going to be a long few months of endless paperwork if the little fuck decided to go berserk. Hiruko audibly sighed and looked over his brother's trusting expression with mild irritation that he would now have to erase Mizoko's memory.

In an effort to prevent any real collateral damage to Kat's mission, Hiruko closed his eyes to start the process. Familiar bubbling sensations fizzed the area behind his eyes, electrifying the air around him until he was entirely aware of every nervous impulse in the room. Every breath, every cardiomyocyte's reverberation, every small neurotransmission. Each crossed his mind at blinding speeds. Pulsing a small wave of electricity through the air from the very surface of his skin, he sensed Mizoko begin to fall victim to the lightest version of his kurage jutsu, affectionately known as 'the jellyfish jutsu'. Aptly named for its ability to incapacitate anyone without their knowledge, like a jellyfish's invisible tentacles used paralyze victims. Though rather than poisonous barbs, Hiruko used pulses of a certain wavelength of electricity. Unless Hiruko specifically wanted his victim to remember him, they would become numb then lose all memory of the confrontation. Or realistically, whatever memory Hiruko wanted to make them forget.

When he opened his eyes, they were an effervescent sapphire color in the place of his typically matte light mint irises. Mizoko looked to have fallen asleep with his eyes wide open, his pupils slightly blurred. They were glazed over as he seemed to deflate into the pillows, sinking into the bed comfortably. Hiruko knew that he was completely unable to see or feel, he didn't hate using his ability, it fed his god-complex and let him continue believing that he should be permitted to use the full extent of his kekkei genkai.

Hiruko bent over his brother and looked into those vacuous eyes and commanded plainly, "explain _everything_."

Droning like a zombie, even going so far as drooling, the enormous man described the scenes involving Katsue in a monotonous voice. Hiruko felt the memories reflect across his mind as if he were seeing them first hand, even feeling the emotions that his older brother had felt at that exact moment. He saw Katsue leaving the Uchiha compound. It was early morning. White light was barely creeping over the horizon. The air smelled bright and clean with hints of grass and dew. It was clear to Hiruko that his brother intended to go there to mourn his fallen brethren, and dead lover, but found their sister instead. He could feel the shock and confusion, even small traces of betrayal. Every detail was specific and clear. Her hair was matted and grey instead of its typically pure white, skin flushed from exertion. Something happened to their sister. The smell of blood and painfully wincing eyes with every quick step with every step made Hiruko's blood burn in his veins.

Something had to be done to ensure that Itachi wouldn't hurt her again. Hiruko drew a small band of metal from his lab coat. It was a light silver halo with two probes tipped with conductive blue gel pads. He stepped toward his zombified brother and placed the device over Mizoko's dull green eyes that stared into nothingness. Pressing two clamps down so the probes pressed to his temples. The placement ensures that the hippocampus would be directly affected. He forced held two fingers parallel to the band. Electricity pulsed through the gap of his fingertips and into his brother's brain. Still feeling the impulses begin to alter the memory, he worked this part like a well rehearsed ventriloquist. He watched behind his eyelids as his brother's memory faded until he could no longer see the images or hear Kat's simple lie ache his ears. The memory of Kat's misstep would be gone forever, the memory had been ablated. It would be as if he never saw her running and never experienced that brief conversation with her at the Hokage's tower. Hiruko removed the device from his brother's ham sized head after feeling that pulling, tugging, painful energy pull at his existence. Moments later blue electricity ripped his physical body from Mizoko's room, leaving the big lug dazed and sleeping uncomfortably.

* * *

There comes a time in every man's life when he is faced with the dilemma of providing a shoulder for a woman's tears and hiding his heart away to avoid the suffering she would ultimately cause. Sora had already done that with Anko when the pretty woman had sobbed loudly that she was going to die single and alone in the middle of a restaurant. Having accompanied her to help with her relationship problems, Sora was blushing at all the attention from the surrounding restaurateurs. He pulled through bravely and managed to get her home with his hoodie drenched in lonely tears.

If only he had the ability to turn her away, to shake her by the shoulders because the man who loved her from the time they were children sat across the table, slowly dying at her careless words. Anko would never love him in return, he lacked the personality to interest a woman of her ferocity. It was only two days since he was released from the hospital. When he arrived at home there was his beloved kunoichi, lounging in a revealing mesh shirt with her tan jacket hanging open suggestively across his low couch. She helped him get through the door, calling him a pansy for letting some shuriken almost kill him. He smiled into the high collared hood that cocooned his face, knowing that was the closest thing he'd ever hear to 'I'm glad you're alright' from her volatile mouth. His best friend took him out to a seedy bar to celebrate his survival. She latched onto a boisterous man after a few shots kamikaze shots. Sora went home alone.

He was surprised when Kat showed up on his doorstep later that night. She hadn't visited him in a while and lately she was spending more time on assassination missions than with her team. Sora thought Kat looked rather pretty dressed in a baggy t-shirt and pants with her iconic scarf wrapped around her shoulders, but there was a darkness in her normally bright, cheery eyes. Instinctively, Sora knew his comrade was hurting so he led her inside with a comforting smile.

She didn't say anything, but remained sitting silently at his kitchen table, staring at her ungloved hands. Without words, he understood that those scars were a harrowing memory of some terrible trauma she'd faced in the past, like everyone else he knew better than to ask about them. Sora casually ordered tempura from a delivery restaurant he had found months ago and sat with his friend quietly, not wanting to infringe on her personal space. The food arrived. He tipped the boy. He fixed both of them plates. She took one bite, chewed, and began crying.

Sora held his friend tightly as she shook, becoming once again, that guy to brave the tears of a beautiful, neglected female.

* * *

It was strange. I wasn't entirely sure, but I think it was that connection with Itachi that drove me to seek Sora's company that night. Mizoko forgot about our plans to go out, leaving me to suffer alone in my ever darkening apartment. For a few lingering moments I considered going to the bar alone, but decided against it. That could only lead to a bad trend in behavior known as alcoholism. If this loneliness was something I'd have to endure for the rest of Itachi's life, then I couldn't start drinking this early in the game. That could only end badly.

I took a bite of shrimp tempura. The tension in my jaw made my abdomen clench, which ignited that forlorn pain between my thighs, reminding me how insignificant I was to the one I loved. Sora held me securely, even going so far as letting me crash on his couch. I couldn't be alone. Not tonight. Not with this feeling of emptiness and aching pain. Not just between my legs, but also in my hollowed heart. The man I loved was somewhere in the world committing some unforgivable crime while I sat here wishing I could have gone with him. For what reason? It felt like dying. I felt used, even though I knew it was illogical. He probably _wanted_ to stay, but couldn't because of some higher power's command. At least that's what I told myself.

Time flew by; I went on a few missions with genin and chunin to keep them safe and teach them a thing or two. My team basically dissected itself once Sora got out of the hospital. Senji and Yua were working with two new teammates. Lately I hadn't had much time, so the three of us lost touch. I was being placed from group to group as a mentor, mostly with genins, which was nice. They were easy to handle. It was only annoying when they decided to mess up badly, then I got chewed out and that was not particularly enjoyable.

I went out with my older brothers at night. Mizoko met me almost every day for dinner and Hiraku popped in every few weeks for a drink. He seemed to be making more of an effort lately when it came to visiting the family. No one mentioned my trips to the Uchiha compound, I assumed Mizoko was just letting it go. Mizoko would try arguing me into dating Hiroto again. Hiruko would scowl at him and tell him to "fuck off with that idea". I tended to agree, after all, I was kind of in love with someone who wasn't a complete moron.

It grew more and more apparent that Hiruko knew something about my mission. He would hint at things that only Itachi or Arashi should know about me.

We were in randomly comfortable positions strewn across my apartment. Mizoko yawned with a huge stretch, "Hiroto is a great guy," he directed an unconvincing smile toward me, "c'mon Kat, give the guy a chance."

My textbook was huge in my hands, covering my face as I sat in the windowsill. Dropping one corner, I ran a hand through my bone colored hair, thinking of how I wanted to answer. I caught a snag and winced. Both of my brothers looked me over to see what was wrong. They were insane if they thought they could worry over a knot. "I already gave him a chance, we aren't a good couple, trust me." I argued back at my oldest brother as he lay out over the couch, leaving Hiruko to sit on the armrest between us. Over the course of three weeks, this had become a tradition. I glared at my oldest brother over the top go my _'Theories and Principles of Dim Mak Anatomy'_ text. "You don't even know what a jerk that guy is, trust me if you knew you wouldn't be pressing the issue."

Hiruko pouted angrily at Mizoko's foot, which was sticking up at an odd angle, nearly touching his face. He glared from Mizoko to the foot, hoping that the big lug would get the hint. But instead the bolderesque man pretended not to notice. The slapping sound of skin on skin met my ears along with a slight yelp. I looked up only in time to catch Hiruko's arm retracting from a hard punch to Mizoko's now green foot, "Get your disgusting fucking foot out of my face." The two grimaced at each other as Mizoko curled his foot under his lounging body. "And leave her alone about that lame-ass flower boy." He smiled toothily, "Just 'cause some guy gives you flowers doesn't mean he can hook up with whoever he wants." His eyes flashed over to mine with sharp perception glinting from their light green depths, "Sometimes, the second time is better than the first anyway."

Did he know about Itachi and my relationship? I _definitely_ wanted to know how he found out about my fist kiss with Hiroto. Only Arashi, Hiroto and I knew about that little blight on my relationship history.

* * *

Only 39 days until Itachi came back. Kakashi was training with Sasuke for his fight with Gaara. I was pretty worried there. That guy was a menace. He had one-tailed demon sealed within him which made him not only a menace but also impossibly dangerous to have wandering around Konoha. It really made me nervous. I shouldn't be too worried though. Sasuke was a tough cookie, he'd be okay. If not, someone would intervene to keep anyone from dying. Mizoko was charged with the north end of the arena in case anything got out of control, he would jump in if one of the kids were to go crazy. It would be stressful, but I would watch the fights. See who would make a good chunin, maybe place a few bets. My money was on Sasuke, but maybe I was just being a _little_ _bit_ partial.

The hourglass remained glued to the table as weeks faded into a month. Lord Hokage wouldn't give me my very own genin team. No matter how many times I requested it, he would turn me down flat. "You have more than enough to consume your time without _that_ burden." He'd spout, leaving me entirely disappointed before turning back to his endless mountains of paper.

Hiroto got me tickets to the chunin fights. It was creepy. He showed up at my door with one of his little flowers and a letter. I rolled my eyes, remembering a clip from the past. These must be the letters Itachi stole from me a few months ago. I declined Hiroto's offer and bought my own tickets. They were worse seats, but I would be next to a few friends that I grew up with. Since Arashi's death, my core group of friends changed dramatically. I had 3 best friends while going through the academy: Arashi, Aoi and Kokoro. Aoi remained a chunin, while Kokoro only ever became a genin. After graduation she fell in love and got married. She has a kid now, and I heard that she was pregnant with a second one. The two said they were coming with me to the fights to catch up on lost time. It had been months since I last saw them. And years since we were close.

Assassinations and babysitting took up much of my time. Anko trained with me every morning, going on about her (now ex) boyfriend was trying to make her into some damsel in distress kind of thing. If there was one thing I'd _never_ accuse Anko of, it was being a damsel in distress. Yes, she was female. But no, she was _not_ a girl. The aggressive passion she embodied made her more attractive in a terrifying 'please don't hurt me' kind of way. Just by spending a day with them, it was fairly obvious how Sora felt about her. He never said a word, only admired her as he limped along with his one remaining lung wheezing from the effort. He was doing well since his near death experience, going for long walks each day to increase his lung capacity. He never did tell me what Itachi did to his brain, but Anko told me to let it go. Apparently it was not something he wanted to discuss with anyone.

Ayumi had me going on assassinations again as back up when she needed me to restrain a body until TI could whisk them away. There were times when I had to watch her kill someone, then there were times when I'd have to slow the target's heart rate to such low pulses that they were virtually brain dead. I found myself asking those same philosophical questions as I always did. They always popped into mind when felt someone's heart sputter to a halt under my fingertips.

Why do good people do bad things? I was killing someone to hopefully keep them from killing someone else. Someone who Konoha decided was more important. But who were we to decide who should live and who should die? Ayumi would feed me excuses and reasons. Sometimes the reasons were not good enough. Not for me. Those were the times when Ayumi would take over. She was more hardened to this lifestyle. She didn't have emotions toward her victims, she never did. To her, they were just pieces of meat with no past or future. I couldn't make myself feel that way. In my opinion, to lose your empathy was to lose your humanity.

My eyes wouldn't close as I buried myself under a thick down blanket. I was too excited to sleep. One more day until Itachi would be back and that stupid one day in between just so happened to be my one stupid day off. Ayumi asked me in to practice a few katas with her. I left shortly after 1300 to visit Sora at home. He was back to normal, maybe a little slower, but certainly more normal. His movements were careful, as not to aggravate the huge pink scar that seemed to sew him together. I'd only seen the scars once when the nurses helped him change the bandages around his deeply bruised abdomen. One scar was white, thick and banded, you could see lines where each stitch cinched him closed from the middle of his chest. It circled around hid chest just before hitting his spine. The other scar spanned his stomach and waist, this one had a more pinkish color with striations where the muscle had been torn open. It was uneven and ragged from the tearing motion of the shuriken. It was wider than the nurse's hand and about as deep as my pinky nail. Due to his clan's abnormal biology, the healing process was taking longer than usual. I liked hanging out with Sora and Anko. The two had this strange relationship that I couldn't even begin to understand. Anko would slap his back hard to get a yelp out of him. Then, instead of saying sorry like a normal person, she would holler that he was a pushover. He would hide the miserable corresponding frown under his collar.

He obviously cared for her. It couldn't be more obvious if he had it tattooed on his face. His eyes followed the tall kunoichi around the room with interest in whatever she was doing, adjusting ever so slightly whenever she changed sitting positions or decided to stand. It was like watching the moon and sun shift over the sky. He was the moon. Quiet and innocuous. She was the sun. Bright and violent. I hoped that she realized it. But Anko was a vicious character who desired someone with the same spark of enthusiasm. She could either be perfect for Sora, or the worst possible candidate for a significant other. We spent the day together until Anko had to leave for a meeting. After that I could feel the heat leave Sora's house, leaving him more quiet and subdued than before. I looked out of a window. As my eyes traveled the wall, I accidentally caught his eye. You know that awkward moment when you're trying to avoid talking to someone and you look at them? Yeah, it was one of _those_. Both of us felt compelled to say something. But he was too shy and I was too caught up in my own thoughts.

Before I could stop them, the awkward question blurted from my mouth, "are you and Anko dating?" I slapped my hand to my face, actively hiding my embarrassment. Somehow I always knew just the wrong things to say. I'm so embarrassing.

Luckily, he didn't react badly to the way I pointed out his unrequited love. He simply regarded me with caution. My pulse quickened. "Sorry, it's none of my business." A nervous giggle rumbled my chest as I tried looking away, unsucessfully.

Silence dropped over the two of us like an uncomfortable blanket. He didn't seem to mind, but the quiet was beginning to get to me. We didn't talk about my mental breakdown from the month prior. He seemed to understand that some things were better left unspoken. It was better that way. He acknowledged that I didn't have to tell him anything and I wouldn't push him for details about his injuries. The reason I wanted to be around people today was to keep me from thinking about Itachi or how slowly the day was going by. I felt bad for breaking our unspoken rule of not talking about personal issues.

"No, we're not dating." He answered in his quiet, sickly sounding voice. Somehow he sounded more out of breath than usual. This was one of the first times I'd heard him actually speak since he was released. His small eyes were pained. "Why are woman attracted to terrible men?"

The question felt directed at me even though I knew better. He was referring to Anko's new boyfriend. He was a jonin with that same grating personality that Senji shared. He was loud and obnoxious with womanizing tendencies. Looking internally, I was unsure why I felt attracted to someone as dangerous and uncaring as Itachi. It made very little sense. Sora didn't seem like he was waiting with baited breath for my answer so I sat on his rhetorical question for a while. Was it because of some weird biological thing maybe? That aggression and philandering meant more testosterone? Perhaps women internally convinced themselves that someone who treated them badly could change. Unfortunately, people don't really change. I learned that myself when I tried turning into Arashi. My personality exposed itself anyway, no matter how long I tried concealing it. Time passed and the silence became more bearable. Eventually I left with a smile on my face. Hanging out with Sora was like meditation, I felt almost good about tomorrow. A hot shower and some low quality food would put me right to sleep.

* * *

Sleep evaded me throughout the night. I was too nervously excited both to see Itachi again and to watch the final section of the chunin exams. It was only 0200. I just sprawled out and covered my face with a pillow. Normally I'd go for a run or do something productive, but right now I just wanted to curl up and forget the world for a little. There was so much I needed to talk to him about. I wanted to ask him if he was a good person who did bad things, or a bad guy who found it in his heart to love me. For some reason I doubted I'd like the answer.

I must have slid to sleep because the next thing I knew I was walking along a road. It was vast and empty with nothing but flat red earth. The sky was open and silvery gray, every color seemed in contrast with reality. The road came to an endless cement wall that reached to the sky. Shadows of familiar bodies made up the structure: Arashi, Ryu,, Hiruko, Sarutobi, Father. Their bodies seemed painted against the wall. Outlines of people scattered the surface. There was a small window through the grey scale wall, about the size of an egg, just large enough to look inside and only tall enough for me to look through. I stood on my tiptoes to peek through only to see Itachi's red eye staring back at me.

I shot out of bed throwing sheets in every direction. My body was blanketed in a sheen of cold sweat. It was only 0230. With a calming sigh I got myself into the shower. Maybe I'd play with my attire today. Wear something else maybe. I came out of the hot shower steaming. There weren't many options in my closet. I hadn't gone without my scarves in a long time. So I gave it a shot. I took my dear sweet time getting ready, even doing a quick French braid through my bangs so it wrapped around to keep it out of my face. It felt messy and lopsided but whatever, it would do.

When I first arrived, I pushed through the door to find my Uchiha sleeping hunched up against the wall like he was folded into his cloak. His eyes had black shadows underneath, making him look ill. More so than he normally did. I let him sleep, no matter how badly I wanted to jump on him and watch him freak out. Then again, he'd probably just nonchalantly knock me out of the air mid jump and leave my dissatisfied ass on the floor. So instead, I decided to lay out on his bed and relax, feeling his presence in the room was comforting in itself.

The sun's pink lemonade face peeked over the horizon, filling the room with a pale white light that crept across the floor, slowly easing across Itachi's sleeping face. The room was bright with morning light when he finally stirred awake. One eye at a time I felt his stare intensify. Feeling the tingle of his stare on me, I curled up on my elbows to get a better look at him. He looked like death. The ridges under his eyes were pronounced and dark. Lips were wan and thin. It was scary how sick he was. Of course, in typical Itachi style, as soon as he noticed my appraising wanderings, he set his emotionless mask, covering most of his face with that collar so I couldn't see those pale lips anymore.

If I didn't know him so well, I'd be terrified. People shouldn't be able to mute their faces like that. Humans are emotional, erratic creatures. Not stoic, cold lizards.

Itachi _was_ a cold lizard.

As he looked over at me with a blank expression I became sort of embarrassed. When I passed out on my first day as his liaison, he set me up with a glass of water and aspirin to make me feel better. Me? I didn't do anything for him as he lay there looking like he was at death's door. I didn't even consider it. Dropping back onto the bed heavily, I avoided his eyes covering my face with a forearm. Feeling his eyes follow me down made it even worse. I flipped onto my side to hide.

A soft chuckle breathed from him as I heard him shift back against the wall. I sent my feelers out to gauge him. I opened one eye to watch his face. He was definitely _not_ okay. Though it was hard to tell what was specifically wrong. There was a mist of pink happiness with big splotches of black anguish peppered with yellow contentment. Like some kind of emotional bowl of soup. He shifted slowly as if in pain. His face never gave away injuries, physical or otherwise. I watched him reach into his cloak. A stack of about seven tightly wound sealed scrolls manifested in his hand. He thought ahead and wrote everything before I even got there. Not standing or trying to get up, he crossed his ankles and leaned back against the wall. He placed the scrolls in a pile next to him. His eyes found me, waiting expectantly. They wandered my face lazily, as if I was holding him up from some important task.

That expectant gaze bothered me. The silence was killing me. No, really another minute of this and my head might explode. "So... What's up?" I said in a clipped tone.

He blinked at me innocently as if taken aback. Not saying anything for a long time, I cocked an eyebrow sarcastically. Finally he answered, "Nothing, and yourself?"

I smiled, giving up all feelings of aggravation, relishing the start of a _normal_ conversation. "Nothing you would ever care about. Just read some boring books and bonded with my brothers."

His eyes closed from exhaustion as if my words personally offended him. "Why wouldn't I care about those things?" He propped his head against the wall behind him, crossing his ankles further while straightening out. His arms were crossed within the black cloak he wore leaving the sleeves slack at his sides. He looked like a broken Akatsuki lollipop.

One brow lifted with an inquisitive smirk He never seemed to care about the little things that went on in my life before. Why the sudden interest? "Because they don't really matter to you in the grand scheme of things."

He spoke quietly, not opening his eyes. "Your life matters to me as a whole, Katsue." A beat of silence, "Not only the important things."

My mouth dropped open stupidly. Well, now I felt really stupid. "Oh." All this time he _wanted_ me to prattle on about useless stuff? I've been living my life all wrong. My whole life was a lie! "Well, uh, my life isn't as interesting as yours. I'd hate to bore you."

There was something vulnerable in his voice. He seemed interested in… _something_. Maybe he was being manipulative again and I was just losing my touch.

"It's not boring," his long lashes fluttered a little to reveal soft black eyes, "it's normal." My mouth opened to speak but without skipping a beat he segued into a new, more important topic. "Tell me about Kaz." He worded gently, knowing the damage my brother's name would cause.

My heart clenched tightly. For the past few months I'd been trying to avoid the mention of my baby brother's name so I wouldn't need to deal with the pain. The words came out a choked whisper as moisture formed, glazing my eyes. "He's a great kid... So quiet though," I smiled my eyes closed, picturing a memory, "like he's always thinking."

I noticed that I was speaking of him in the present tense. My face drooped. He was now in the past tense, because he was dead. I tilted my head toward the window above Itachi's shoulder so he wouldn't see the tears form in my seemed to notice anyway but didn't react. A bird flew gracefully through the picture window. "He _was_ always distant from us. For a long time I blamed _you_ for it." I glanced over to him from the corner of my eye, "When he was a kid, he was so gentle and loving toward us… after you did… what you did, he just kind of shriveled into a shell."

Now he was looking at me, awaiting further explanation that I wouldn't give him. I didn't want to delve into my depressed mind. Right now I was relatively happy and wanted to keep things that way. No more talk of death on a day like this. The main reason I was looking out of the window was to keep tabs on the time. At least that's what I told myself as the tears in my eyes evaporated.

I'd need to leave here around 0900 to her to the stadium for 1000.

Seeing the distraction cross my face, Itachi shifted slightly to get a better view of me. "What're you doing today." He asked on his non-asking way. His eyes were watching my expression to see if I would lie, a common practice of his.

A smile crossed my face. I was pretty excited to go, even if Itachi couldn't know _who_ I planning to watch. "I'm going to see the fights for the chunin exa-"

"-no you are not." He cut me off. Now he was kneeling straight up facing me with sharingan activated only inches from me, shoulders out as if ready to spring out and grab me if I attempted an escapre. The sudden movement made me flinch away from his face. At least that's what I told myself. What really scared me were those eyes. They were what really cooled my blood. Whenever his eyes turned red, I was reminded of his awful crimes he'd committed when all I wanted was to think of him as my sweet, passive Itachi.

"And why not?" I probed.

As if he had been bothered by my flinching, his eyes closed. When they reopened, they had faded to black. His coal eyes bore into me with meaningful implication. "Just stay away from there today." That small change in his eyes made me relax a little. He rocked back into a crouch, thinking he'd won the battle.

No _way_ was he winning _this_ fight. "Why though? I wanted to see- uh," I stumbled my words, sharp perception crossed his eyes. He knew who I was really going to see. Luckily for me, he didn't call me out on it. "t-that sand kid. I wanted to see him fight." Itachi's dull expression did not paint the same picture as his emotions. "You know, the one with Shukaku in him?" I continued with my lie, trying to avoid mentioning Sasuke outright even though I'd pretty much shouted it at him.

Without mentioning my blunder his eyes flickered with success and a quiet smile. "All the more reason to do something else."

I made a face at him. Bossing _me_ around? Yeah right. "And what _should_ I do, your majesty?" I pouted my lip with narrow eyes, waiting for an answer.

Realizing that he still had a battle to fight, his body stiffened. Eyes wide with a little in something akin to fear. "Anything." His eyes dropped across the room, avoiding my curious gaze. "_Anything_ else, just listen to me." His already dark eyes seemed to deepen in color, shadowed over with misery and anxiety. "Not everything needs to be an argument." This pushed a pin into my defensive heart. His posture became slack and I looked him over warily. He looked utterly defeated: emotionally, mentally and physically.

I started to say something but as my voice began to vibrate into the air, he crumpled into a violent coughing fit. One hand clutched his chest the other went to his mouth to catch the blood that pooled there, creating a macabre river down his forearm, dripping to the floor into a small ruby pond. The wracking coughs looked painful and he sunk closer to the ground, his nose nearly dipping into his own blood. Panic froze my muscles. I didn't know what to do.

Clambering over to crowd him, I held my hands to either side of him, unsure whether to hug him or run away. "I know you can't talk with the coughing and the bleeding and the everything but is there anything I can get you? Or do? at all?" The tone of my voice crescendoed a shriek of uncertainty. I was frozen. His breaths between each set of coughs were hard and obviously causing him pain. I could _not_ handle it if Itachi died in front of me right now.

Being stubborn, he shook his head. Dangerously red blood dripped down his chin as his hand moved away to rub his clavicle. Heart break is a tame term for what I felt in that moment. Seeing him in so much pain and suffering physically burned my heart. All I wanted to do was take it all for him. Whatever he was dealing with, I wanted to take it all and make it go away.

The hacking slowed to a stop and he grimaced at the floor to the bloody floor beneath him. Disappointment shrouded his features as he scowled at the blood. I was unsure if he was angry that he got blood on the floor, or if he was angry to have survived another coughing fit. I ran to his old kitchen and found a rag. The same one I'd used last time, in fact. Fleetingly I wondered how the heck it got there. When I got back, I kneeled in front of him. I spit into the rag to wet it up and wiped away the black lines of blood that fell from the corners of his mouth. There was that question lingering over my head. I didn't want to ask but it was one of those necessary evil things. I needed to know how much longer he'd live like this.

He must have seen the question scroll across my overly expressive face. "Medicine is the only thing keeping me alive now." Disappointment rearranged his features again, "I should be dead right now." His eyes then drooped from exhaustion, rather than sadness.

Cool terror pooled in my chest. I thought I had more time than… than… none! "How long has this been going on?" Now panicking more than slightly.

"Since before we met." He explained as if it was no big deal.

I grabbed him desperately around the shoulders, pinning his arms to his sides. He flinched at the sudden embrace but didn't fight it. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" Fat tears threatened to overflow my eyes, but I managed to hold them back. "Maybe I could have helped somehow!" I smoothed his hair back with my hand and whispered into his ear. "You can't die, please don't die." A sob. "I'll do anything."

Just letting me hold him tightly to let out my emotions was as much comfort as he could manage with his arms stuck. Eventually he untangled me from him delicately. Areal, honest to goodness happiness overtook his expression as he spoke. "It has to happen," he smiled, _happily._ "Think of this is penitence for what I've done." He tucked a loose strand from my braid behind my ear. Our eyes met for a tense moment before my eyes darted away to the window again. He slid an arm under mine and pulled me closer into a very loose hug, forcing me to look at him. He wasn't a big hugger, so I enjoyed the feeling while it lasted.

Those well controlled tears were beginning to cool the rims of my eyes again. As much as I wanted to argue, he was right. He _should_ be dead right now for killing all of those innocent people. But as much as I should have, I didn't want him to die. A cold pit hollowed my stomach. Did that mean I was a bad person too? Because I wanted an S-class missing nin, a murderer, to live? No, I wasn't. I wasn't the one who committed murder like that, yes I'd killed people, but the people I killed were for missions. For the good of Konoha. No, I wasn't a bad person, I was just an idiot in love with the bad guy. "You do deserve it." My nails dug into my palms as my fists clenched on my lap, "How can you be so easy about this?" My stare downcast, allowing those huge tears to fall onto his darkly clad lap, forming a pool in the wrinkle of his cloak. I cried. Another sob shuddered my shoulders. "Why does it have to hurt so much…"

His lips gently crushed to mine and all logical thought drifted out of sight. Those lips tasted of blood and starlight.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for the delay! Thank you so much for the lovely reviews from and itachiluv18 along with my newest followers: GlidingOne, skipbeataddict, itachiluv18, Umir-Heim, and . You're all the best. I'm trying to get through and re-edit everything. I know there's a _ton_ of spelling/logic errors and stuff, many apologies! It'll take some time- but I'll get there eventually! Once more, thank you so much for reading this._


	33. Strip

_"Strip"_

* * *

Enigmatic as always, Katsue clung to me desperately, sobbing. Angry accusations dampened my cloak as her tears fell. She was ridiculously claiming that she could have helped in some way. That she could have miraculously cured the cancer that wrought havoc on my body had I informed her sooner. It was a fantasy, one that could never realistically materialize. There were things one could control in life, this was not one of them. Obsessively working toward something unchanging was hopeless. Several things caused me trouble in this particular aspect of life, nearly driving me mad at times. These were things that I always tried to control but failed much of the time since they were nearly impossible to bend. Unbendable constituents that constantly challenged my constant drive for mastery included: the weather, lung cancer and Katsue. Cancer was more manageable than Katsue.

Had I told the porcelain girl in my arms about the pain in my lungs while we were still children she would have become depressed -or worse- sympathized with my harrowing mission. That sympathy, and _empathy _in Katsue's case, would have compelled her speak out against the public's dark view of my actions. She would have grown up during our five years of separation believing that I should not be condemned due to the extraneous circumstances of my ailment.

Were I an honest man, I would admit that the decision not to tell her was for personal gain. Personal in that she would not find someone to fill the void of my absence. In a cruel, unforgiving world she would have forgotten me and the small impact I made on her life. Imagining me as dead somewhere due to an illness, she would have found someone else. Knowing her personality, she would perhaps be married with a child at this point. The architect of my ever-weakening sanity would be lost to another life, one without me and the dangerous responsibility I commanded of her.

Since I am not an honest man, I convinced not only Katsue but also myself that I had concealed the information for her own good.

In reality, I needed to have someone who would know me. Who would know the most realistic version of Itachi Uchiha that I could conjure. I needed someone who could still love me, until I died by Sasuke's hands, and if I was lucky, someone who could love me after death.

Katsue was my personal saint. Redemption incarnate. No living person could comprehend the sense of calm that her presence radiated. A calm that sunk into your skin, into your heart, cleansing the black tar that resided there leaving a cool and refreshing calm. Cold water on a searing burn. But similar to water on a burn, the effect was temporary. Small moments of serenity were more than enough to save my clarity of mind, by ways saving me from my own blade each time the look in Sasuke's once innocently adoring eyes flickered through my mind. Remembering how damaged I left the ones I loved took a toll on my stability which I covered with a well maintained visage of stoic disinterest. Hiding my reactions always frustrated Katsue until she would lash out, somehow increasing the calm she emitted. Her expressive face brought me back to the first time we met, when I realized that the mission to kill Hiruko was not going to be as simple as it seemed in theory.

If only I had turned down that mission. Not only would Katsue be leading a normal life, but the other complications would have faded into obscurity leaving me with no regrets from this life. My little brother had to visually witness the carnage. He had to fear and hate me for this all to be successful. It was the awful truth that weighted my every action, pushing me to be thorough in my despicable actions. Though leaving my young brother to grow into a hateful avenger left me with feelings of suffering, I did not regret my decision to save his life. Regrets were few and far between from the time I was born. Almost all of my regrets were accredited to Katsue. One was my inability to find her brother to complete that mission. I was unsure why Hiruzen wanted him dead so badly, but it was my mission to kill him and I had been unable to find the man regardless of the underworld dealings I'd become involved in. No one seemed to know anything about him. Not even his adored sister. That was the only thing anyone knew, that Hiruko loved his little sister and wanted to keep her from joining the TI Corps. An emotion that I could sympathize with.

Other regrets were the way I treated her on several occasions. The first being the night I crushed her hands.

The full moon lit up her window, a chipped white beacon that called to me as it had hundreds of times in the past eight months. She was curled up with a deadened sadness in her blue eyes as she glared at the television in an attempt to sleep. Seconds later I stood before the cracked and chipping white door of her apartment. I told myself to leave, to just leave forever without an explanation. It would have been easy for her to move on from my memory once she realized what I'd done if I had gone without seeing her first. Heart scored and raw, I lifted my mask to rub my sore eyes. Tears still chilled my face though I tried hard to conceal them behind my collar. I didn't wipe them away. Once I turned the door handle, loud warnings bellowed from deep within my ears, screaming for me to turn around, to let her live the easy, simple life she yearned for. A life where I'd been removed. A life where she would leave the shinobi world and replace me with unworthy loser who would mistreat her unsolvable mind. I gripped the handle hard, still shaking slightly, not quite believing what I'd just done. I knew it was the wrong decision, but I needed my dose; I needed my white demon one more time. The door flew harder than I'd expected causing it to slam hard. She jumped out of bed and ducked away with kunai between each of her knuckles. She recognized me immediately though my face was obscured. Donning a ratty three-quarter sleeved shirt and leggings, she took tentative steps closer. I blinked the tears from my eyes, failing heartily once Katsue was within range.

Almost spectral, blue sapphire eyes ignited against the monochromatic night. Contrasting with the white of her skin, I felt like I'd been tricked into some beautifully crafted genjutsu. Her esoterically blue eyes met my black and real eyes in an aching moment. They were bewitching, instilling that perfect redemption she commanded in my rapidly decaying soul. I pushed her inside with an uncontrollable kiss and kicked the door closed behind me with force. No one could witness this if the new plan formulating in my mind was to come to fruition.

Through my broken mind, it didn't occur to me that she was far more delicate than myself. I crushed her small hands in mine, removing her ability to use that pressure point technique. Walking in I didn't want it to end up this way. But it had to. She needed to fear me in some way so she would not turn to Hiruko in search of answers. Desperately, I clutched only one who would love me until the day I died. Bones snapped and broke beneath my strained fingertips as she seemed to crumple in complete suffering. It was like breaking an egg in your hand, the blood was much like whites and yolk as they dripped from the gaping wounds, further tarnishing her already shotty apartment floor. Warm blood pressed between our fingers as she dropped to her knees into the mess I made. I'd intended to hurt her, but not so badly. Fractured sapphire eyes screamed with heartbreak when she finally gained the courage to looked up to her ruiner.

Disgusted by my own lack of self control, I shoved away from her, stumbling back a step before I could regain my mask of uncaring, virtually throwing her bleeding hands at her, leaving macabre finger smears across her face from the deep punctures in her hands. Once again, I was foundering at the sight of her perfect eyes. Lost, eating my own shoe, trying to decide how to fix the broken look in her eyes. I needed to give her an excuse. A reason for her to fall back on, a reason to become cautious. She was too reticent to tell anyone about this night. Nothing could fix the pain I caused by hurting her. I couldn't believe myself, I'd never wanted to become the kind of person who was capable of damaging someone so needlessly.

Telling her about what I had done eased the suffering in my heart, this was the only upside to our conversation. It was not enough to ease the burning regret I felt from the pain I caused. Katsue was just a girl who loved me more than herself. This was the first time I felt regret in such a way, nearly crippling in its intensity.

I'd always suspected that Katsue was my life's test. That she had been created as my antithesis to simply scramble my every intention, leaving me with haphazard plans that she could ruin with one facial expression or sleight of hand. I was right about one thing. The moment she looked into my eyes that one cataclysmically banal day in the cafe beneath her apartment, her fate was sealed with mine.

Exceeding all expectations, she was trained extensively and was accepted into TI to undertake more unsavory missions under Ibiki and Ayumi. Due to her training under the master kunoichi, I'd expected some improvement, but not nearly the amount of growth I found her again. Breaking her heart had hardened her sweet view of the world, she had become dedicated to this secretive world in Konoha's underground.

During the time spent away from Konoha I had been unable to keep up with her life and quickly ascending rank as a coveted assassin under Ayumi's training. Once during an interlude between missions, I found myself listening to the drunken ramblings of the Akatsuki's youngest member as he recited the facts of his night to Kisame. Deidara went out to a strip club with my partner during our time off. He stumbled into the Akatsuki hideout's library, loudly claiming that he saw a ghost. A girl with white skin and hair. The young blond man slurred each syllable as he glared over at me from his position against the wall. Kisame was not as heavily intoxicated; he recollected a similar sight, glancing over to me suggestively. I ignored the pair and continued reading with my ears perked to listen for something more specific to Katsue's description. Deidara was weary of me, a bubble of energy seemed to keep him fifteen feet away from me at all times, I couldn't say I minded. My partner left to go to bed while the artist stayed to continue his ramblings to the wall. The boy liked to hear his own voice. Knowing that he couldn't have seen Katsue at a strip club, I relaxed and tried pushing the suggestion from my mind.

"I'da fucked'r good'n hard." A broad smile spread his face then dropped into a childish pout, "Nah, she lef' with some rich guy." he slurred tilting his head back against the wall, speaking to the ceiling, "They always do don't they... mmyeah."

My blood curdled, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I found myself growing protective over this white skinned girl when Deidara's infamously expressive face smiled dangerously as he explained explicitly what he would do to one of those women. He found strippers 'artless', feeling that their innards would be more beautiful when he blew the place sky high. Realizing that I would not be the person to feed his artistic view, Deidara stumbled away, sliding against the walls as the alcohol seemed to cause gravity to shift on him.

At the time I forced their conversation out of mind for the sake of my sanity, and to avoid killing the young artist who vividly threatened to obliterate Katsue's vulgar doppelganger. When Katsue affirmed the mad bomber's reports so offhandedly... I thought for a moment that I would kill her, or Ayumi, or even Deidara for seeing my sweet apparition in such a situation. When she told me about the assassinations I hoped that she was lying. I did not want to believe that my modest Katsue would become one of _those_ kinds of kunoichi. I always had high expectations for the ones I left behind. Higher still for Katsue since her brothers were so protective. The news mostly disturbed me because I'd always felt confident that she was incapable of taking a life. Senseless murder and a disjointed moral compass did explain the loss of innocence in her eyes. To my great displeasure, her pure sapphire eyes seemed almost dull and flat. This disappointment festered as an untreated infection, sickening me more with each new piece of information I uncovered. Compounded when I saw her with the Aburame during her nights on protection details.

Then I discovered that she was almost completely unchanged aside from a few fearful flinches from my touch. Fear would race across her formerly trusting blue eyes when I kissed her or tried to show any form of affection. Her reactions worried me; I wanted to fix them but knew that they were warranted. Regret pressed into my chest once more when we were together for the first time. The shy and shaking motions of her body told me that she had never been in a situation remotely similar before. The vile accusations I'd charged her with that night in the woods in Rice Country couldn't have been further from the truth. She was truly mine and only mine.

Currently, according to her slight of tongue Katsue wanted to watch my brother's fight against Shukaku's human vessel. Since I had prior knowledge of what was to occur at the arena this afternoon, I decided to keep her away. This was a multipurpose restriction. Others under Orochimaru's command knew her face. She was the daughter of a retired commander, better recognized as Hiruko's adored younger sister. Plenty of immoral creatures would love to use her against her brother. If they, or Orochimaru himself, saw her there they may do some… _unkind_ things.

Thus, I was seducing the one I love to prevent her from leaving. Manipulation and lies were all I understood anymore. It was unusually easy for me to turn a phrase or make something into something it's not. To save her from the violence that was to take place over the coming hours, I'd lay her down and give her my soul once more.

Then again, she already had that.

Leaning her onto that bed, I ran my hands along her bandaged sides. Her body was hard, a physique developed from years of training in my absence. Her face still sweet and soft like I remembered. Scars blended into her white skin, leaving them nearly camouflaged as white spider webs that stretched over the surface of her unbound abdomen. Running my fingers along that skin, I could feel the small tears and lines from missions gone wrong and damage I'd done in the form of divots in her hands. Reacting to my touch, she bent and squirmed, encouraging my exploration as she mirrored my actions. Her movements were more natural than they had been the last time. Kissing and touching without words we learned each other's movements. Which hand placements would conjure the most passionate reactions and the amount of pressure to use to illicit louder gasps of pleasure. The way she moved against my lips when I kissed her scarred stomach sent a thrill through me, hardening me before she could remove my clothing. I helped her with that task, she was still too nervous to undo buttons and zippers.

Taking my lip between her teeth she pulled me foreword until I was braced on my forearms over her unclothed form. Confident hands gripped my ever hardening length between our legs and brushed the sensitive tip across her inner thigh. The implication clear. Looking to her eyes, I saw it. If only for the most fleeting moment I watched a devious thought shift her features. It took effort not to react with narrowed eyes. She knew I was manipulating her and planned to use it against me. Instead I smiled a little. Pressing my lips to hers was like kissing clovers. I couldn't let her leave, she would be in danger if I let her go. Aligning the head to the wet heat of her opening, I shifted foreword, entering her, stretching her slowly. She tensed, expecting the same pain as before. After a moment of her uncomfortable shifting, I felt her press her hips up to meet me. Still a tight fit, but not nearly as painful as the first time.

More than two months ago, her winces of pain were enough to make me want to stop midway. Time and time again I gave her openings for escape, stopping to search her expression for any sign of reluctance. After forcing myself into her slowly, I felt that thin resistance that signified an unbreakable bond. Forever, no matter where we went from this point on, I would be part of her life. It was unnerving to be permanently significant in such a way. I watched her face to measure her reaction to the situation. Though I'd never taken someone's virginity, I'd been with other women. The very afternoon that I nearly killed that Aburame jonin I found one of the endless willing women to spite the version of Katsue I'd created in my own mind.

It was spiteful, yes; but did I regret it? Not at all. I felt it was practice. If I had not known what to expect, I may have hurt Katsue beyond the general expectation that every woman had when I broke her.

She looked up at me with those eyes, those innocently tentative eyes. Lips parted slightly with the slightest rush of red to her cheeks, she looked like a porcelain doll painted to my exact preference. White skin and hair contrasted with her eyes, causing them to stand out in that haunting way they always did. It was as if she was a drawing brought to life. Those blue eyes filled with determination when I didn't move any further, I was temporarily stunned. I couldn't believe that she had actually waited for me, that she hadn't moved on and found someone else. My heart filled with love and pride as her body shook from fear and adrenaline. Then her stubbornness kicked in as her hips adjusted to force me further inside, nearly piercing the sensitive skin. The motion stopped with an immeasurable wince that she tried to hide by smiling into my eyes. In a slow and even motion, I thrusted into her fully for the first time. Bleeding crescents carved into my back where her nails cut into my skin, clutching me close, trying to escape the pain I'd caused. I kissed and held her, reminding her that I loved her, apologizing for the pain I caused. All of it. She couldn't hear through the ringing in her ears, but it felt good to say anyway.

This time it would not be as painful, she would not clench and close her eyes to avoid showing the pain she felt.

A small noise grunted from her throat as she wrapped a smooth leg around my hip driving me further, deeper. One hand held her porcelain thigh in place as the other gripped around her back, hoisting her closer into our unbroken kiss. Thrusting in slow, even strokes a low throaty sigh mumbled into my shoulder as she wrapped the other leg around to meet the other behind my back. The small shift in position allowed me to enter her more smoothly. Small noises emitted from her chest, sounds of pleasure and impatience that begged me to thrust with more force. She held me around the neck to hide the shameless expressions of satisfaction my body caused. She could not hide this time, I wanted to watch her beautifully expressive reactions. I unfurled her fingers from my neck and pressed her to the bed with one hand to the middle of her chest, kissing her delicate head into the soft blankets.

My eyes wandered her wide-eyed mortification with a hidden smile. I nearly laughed at her look of utter horror, but I knew she would think that I was laughing at her appearance rather than the implication of her fear. She was afraid that I didn't find her attractive, her arms moved to wrap around her bouncing chest, my hand met them to make it clear. It was an absurd claim. She was not classically beautiful, but she was everything I could possibly want. To alleviate this illogical fear, I pressed a kiss to her forehead and increased the pace of our motions.

Her hips moved against mine, easily meeting then exceeding my pace, her hips opened naturally to relieve any remaining resistance between us. Our bodies grew slick and hot as I felt her nearing climax, tightening and clenching around my length as I pushed through. Pearls of sweat beaded her forehead, as her flushed face tilted to kiss me again to hide the erotic eye rolls she tried so hard to conceal. Buzzing lips moaned into mine. Her motions fell out of sync with mine as I felt her toes curl against my back. Anticipating the tightening effect she would feel in mere moments, I thrust hard to increase the pleasure as her stomach clenched tightly, showing each muscle in her abdomen. Twitching and tossing her head back in ecstasy, her tightened body nearly caused my own release.

Sweat and sunlight gave her body a heavenly effect; her eyes were still closed as her hips jerked wildly and sporadically, still in the throws of an orgasm. I thrusted hard and fast to elongate her climax. I was on the edge when she reached between our legs and touched my shaft where our bodies connected. Something in her curious expression sent me over. Tense energy flowed through me with each uncontrolled thrust leaving me more relaxed and soft with each. Her muscles were still clenched around me, draining every bit of energy remaining in my body.

Collapsing gently over her, into the crook of her glistening neck, I kissed her cheek and soft jaw gently before beginning to pull out. Before I could leave her body, she wrapped her legs around my middle, demanding my attention with sharp blue eyes. Her lips started to move, but before I could hear her words I was struck. There was a white braid intricately woven around her head, beading sweat along her brow gave her the look of a deity in this white light. Everything about her appearance drew attention to the centerpiece of her face. Those electrically charged blue eyes. They were bluer than endless oceans and more dangerous than lightning. I found myself wondering if I'd fallen into the trap of some demon intending to kill me before my life's work could be completed. For a moment I lost myself in her glowing appearance.

Enchanted words chimed in my ears; echoing for hours, if not years after. Paired with the adoring smile that turned the corner of her pale lips, I fell into the trap she set. How easily I fell for it.

Brushing my dampened hair from my eyes. Her fantastic blue eyes met my black and real eyes. She whispered as if I was the only thing she could see.

"I love you."

* * *

_A/N: Thank you so much to for the extensive reviews, I rewrote the beginning of the last chapter. I think it makes a little more sense now! The chapter made me really angry, I wrote the whole thing and as I pressed 'submit' it all got deleted. So with a stiff upper lip and a few angry pillow screams, I finally made myself post a new (not-as-good) version of the first write-up. Another thank you to Vanadium Pentoxide for the fav/follow! You guys are my fuel. I may or may not go back and condense some chapters so there aren't so many, but we shall see. I just don't want to end up with 80 chapters or something ridiculous like that._

_Let me know what you think of this one! Tootles!_


	34. Drops Of Jupiter

_"Drops Of Jupiter"_

* * *

Obviously I saw through _that_ one you _sneaky, sexy, weasel._

A satisfied smirk quirked the corners of my lips as wind skidded over my ears with the sound of crashing waves. The world seemed to blur around me at this speed, greens of passing flora and reds of brick blended into this beautiful spin art that blistered past my eyes. For once, I really appreciated the endless training I'd received over the years. Each step reverberated through my swelling heart.

I imagined the look on Itachi's face when he realized that I'd duped him. Old Itachi would have laughed and shook his head with a smile, appreciating that I'd been able to bait and switch him. New Itachi was probably pissed. Angry that I'd learned how to avoid his overt attempts at control.

It probably hurt when I electrocuted his Vagus nerve. This nerve ran up the side of the neck, it controlled much of the information that passed from the body to the brain. But the shock was probably nothing compared to the damage I'd caused to his pride.

My smile grew triumphantly. My big, bad missing nin. Perceptive and intelligent. It was difficult to visualize a plan that would work against a ninja of his skill. It only clicked when I realized that he was just trying to play me again. Like the simplest instrument, he worked me as if it was second nature. This made me angry. I fought back in a different way. Instead of letting myself fall for it all over again, I took on the shinobi qualities Ayumi had forced upon me during my time as an assassin. A sultry, sexy kunoichi who would distract attention away from the real killer.

With a current strong enough to cause serious neurological damage, I got out of there. Since was Itachi my victim, the paralytic effects probably wore off after only a few minutes, leaving no _permanent_ side effects. Maybe just a little twitching for a few hours, he could live with that.

A few minutes were more than enough, not that I stuck around to find out. It felt cruel, but I _had_ to get out of there. This was the time I could finally prove that he couldn't manipulate me. He couldn't control what I did on a daily basis just because he felt like it like he could when I was younger. Even if _he_ didn't want to see Sasuke become a chunin, I wanted to be there to cheer for the young Uchiha. Since he was set to fight that murderous sand shinobi I decided it was necessary for me to be there in case the worst happened.

Sending my feelers out like emotionally sensitive tongues, I sensed no one in my vicinity. Pretty much every civilian attended these kinds of events so everyone was probably already at the stadium aside from a few guards and patrols. I knew Itachi wouldn't follow me this far into Konoha, he knew better.

Fluttering leaves sent electrifying awareness through my body, sending me into a deep-seated stance with my fingertips spread out like claws on a tiger on one hand, the other grasped a freshly sharpened kunai. My heels dug little tracks in the gravel road.

Birds shuffled from the short bush to my left. I jumped, afraid. Flying out, the birds flapped wildly down the desolate road, leaving only little black feathers behind. No one else was here. Only me and a few woodland creatures to scare me out of my wits. Placing the kunai back in my bag, I continued my pace toward the stadium.

If he _really_ wanted to, Itachi could have caught me with ease. He was faster, stronger, and much better equipped hunt a runaway kunoichi.

Thankfully, he didn't feel compelled to physically force me to stay. Guilty ripples pulsed through my chest and heated my ears. This was not the first time I was leaving him behind with no explanation or apology.

I hated leaving him like that. I was always leaving him behind. The horrid thought of him coughing the way he did, slowly dying of that awful disease without hearing my apology squeezed at my stomach, aching my cold heart. Hopefully he would forgive me again. Hopefully this time I wouldn't have to go to another heartbreaking funeral.

_Kaz_...

Guilt faded into heartbroken worry. I picked up speed.

Sunshine lit up the surrounding streets warming and burning my lightly colored skin through the cropped hair on the back of my head. My poorly hung braid was falling apart with each step, one or two strands of hair looped out and hung over one of my eyes. The burns on my skin started to spread. It hurt pretty badly, actually. Pushing the pain away, I heard my rhythmic footfalls launch my weight foreword with increasing speed.

All I could think about as air flushed passed my ears was how incredibly late I was going to be. It was doubtful that I would even make it to see the last fight. Normal conversation would have been nearly as effective as sex as a deterrent, and far less emotionally wracking.

I snorted into the heavy breeze._ Men_.

Memory of the incident spread a wide grin across my lips.

Back in the room I snaked my fingers along the ridges of muscles lining his upper arm. Hard and heated from exhaustive effort. I held my white fingertips against a pressure point in the hollow of his clavicle in preparation for takeoff. He still had no idea. Though I considered just leaving as soon as the intimate contact began, I stayed simply because I wanted him, and _gods_ he knew just how to make me melt into a little pile of submissive clay.

Making Itachi, of all people, let his guard down was much easier said than done.

Itachi had this bizarre assumption that I lacked any sense of perception. From the moment he kissed me I knew that he was going to try and pull that little stunt. To try and distract me from seeing his brother's fight.

Internally rolling my eyes, I smiled up at him as he looked down with this passive gaze. Behind his black eyes was a certain level of determination.

He _really_ needed to remember that I could physically feel his emotions. His game ended the second he decided to play. When he kissed me I felt that little inkling of deception creep across my mind in little green flickers. So, to knock him off guard, I took his king and left him in checkmate. I blamed the 'perfect empathy' thing.

I told him that I loved him.

It wasn't a lie, I really did love him, but I had never said it so explicitly, nor had he. It was one of those assumed things that didn't need to be said aloud, so I knew it would freak him out.

Blank as ever, his face was not what gave away his hesitant fear. It was something else. This sense of heat billowed from him in little self-conscious waves. Frozen in conflicting emotions, he just stared into my eyes as if searching for reasons to argue my declaration. This was his thinking face.

The long black hair that typically framed his face fell onto my cheeks, tickling the white skin. I reached up to move some from his eyes, but he jerked away as if I'd already shocked him. Distracted and unsure.

This was the perfect opportunity.

At first I thought he was going to run away or something. There was this odd expression on his expressionless face, if you know what I mean. Only a well-trained eye could pick up on the subtleties of Itachi's external emotions. He was fantastic at schooling his features so the average human could not know what he was thinking at any given time. But I could.

It was discontent with a hint of relief. Rather contrasting emotions. Usually this would mean that a person was completely conflicted or trying to hide some piece of information. But in this case, I knew that my little tactic worked. This time I was the snake and he was the mouse. He was totally hypnotized and frozen, waiting for me to say something else, to take the words back and apologize for speaking my mind so expressively.

This time I spun him in a web of lust and happiness that even _he_ couldn't escape. It worked perfectly. I was more than happy with the results.

There was a moment of tense silence before the muscles in his faces unclenched in preparation for a response. Creating a I shocked the side of his neck with my index, middle and ring fingers with precise jolts. Before I could check his vitals, I ran out of there like a bat out of hell. He couldn't follow me because I explicitly set the pulse of electricity to cut off his peripheral nervous system. He wouldn't be able to move his body for at least a few minutes, even if he had trained to counteract the effects. Which, knowing him, was something he had studied extensively for these exact kinds of situations.

Sprinting with some bounce in my step, proud of my achievement, I pulled on my gloves. Putting on your clothes while running: not an easy task. Luckily I only had to throw on my leggings and bandages before running out beyond the compound's walls. Once out, I hid in a bush to tie my skirt up and lace up my scandals.

The run to the stadium was nerve wracking. At every turn I assumed that a newly mobile Itachi would be there waiting to drag me away to keep me from his brother and potentially from helping with whatever horrible event he was quite obviously hiding. He worried for my safety over that of his baby brother. My stomach roiled with acidic anger.

If there was one place I'd surely try to avoid, it was the inside of Itachi's cavernous mind.

Waltzing through the gates as if nothing was amiss, I told the security guards at the front of the stadium that I lost my tickets.

"You'll have to wait until the next exam, seats are all filled up." The young man seemed to brush me off, looking back to his dirty hands with a scowl before rubbing them against his green flack jacket. I really should have worn mine today, maybe then they wouldn't be looking at me like a lost kid.

"But I _have_ tickets." I promised pleadingly, "I just lost them, please believe me?" Begging with my hands clasped I looked around them.

I bought the tickets about a month ago, it slipped my mind when I left this morning. They were sitting on top of the T.V. because I thought for sure that I'd never forget something so important there in plain sight. Silly me, right? A crowd of older teens my age walked through. Correction: they were _stumbling_ through the doors, then up the stairs to the VIP section.

"Let me think about it…." The other guard looked away, "…No. Now get lost little girl."

Pouting, like your typical highly trained jonin of the Hidden Leaf, I glared at him.

"Well, my brother is working the north wing. Do you know him? Big tall blonde guy? Name's Mizoko?" They both stiffened at the name, "Yeah, he _really_ wanted to see me today." Smirking with another great victory I touted on, "It would be a _real_ disappointment if I had to tell him who held me up here…"

Like usual, it worked like a charm. Using my brother's name to get in places was an old past time of mine. Arashi used to do it all of the time to get her way.

"You're Miz's little sister? No way." The first guard cocked an eyebrow at the second who shrugged in allowance; he must have recognized the white skin of my family.

The first guard sighed in resignation, "Alright, just let him know he owes us one."

I had more annoying things happen to me before noon than most people experienced in a year. I smiled until my cheeks hurt as I strutted past them. This was my second victory of the morning.

Wandering and circling for another five minutes, I had to orient myself to the signs. I kept passing my section over and over because it was the section highest from the ground. The inner fighting arena seemed desolate when I finally arrived at the top of my row. Legs burning from the seemingly endless stairs, I grumped at the remaining ten. Judging by the time and fight schedules posted over every door, Sasuke should have been in the ring by now. But he wasn't. The fight wasn't going on at all.

Up to the left was the Hokage's viewing platform; there was a huge blue symbol above him and another red symbol above the Kazekage. I couldn't see either Kage's face since they were too far away. My seats were cheap, but my friends and I could only afford so much. I looked around for the top of my dark skinned friend's head. Aoi had dark skin and bright red hair. She would be hard to miss when compared with Koroko's tiny, blonde head and cream skin. There were plenty of blondes around, but few had that dark coffee bean skin that Aoi wore so beautifully.

I scanned the crowd near where my seats should have been, but I couldn't find my friends.

The crowd's eyes were on a blonde boy and Shukaku's son who folded his arms impatiently in the center of the arena. Gaara stood in the upper level with his siblings to either side of him; they seemed to stand a designated distance from their younger brother. His flaming orange hair was a real attention grabber. Though I could not smell it from here, I knew that awful reeking gourd was strapped tightly to his back.

Now scanning the arena fervently, my breath hitched. Where was Sasuke? I couldn't find even a trace of the younger Uchiha. Why was Gaara already back up in the stands? Was the fight over?

The one tailed demon's power was awesome when contained in a jinchuriki capable of controlling his manic desire for blood. I heard a rumor of that bloody sand's disturbing purpose: it was the ultimate defense. There were more rumors that it was capable of crushing an opponent into such fine powder that there were no remains to bury, not even something so small as an eyelash.

My heart skipped like a broken record, out of synch. Faster than ever. Was Sasuke…?

Air left my lungs, the world around me buzzed from lack of oxygen. Maybe this was why Itachi didn't want me to come. Perhaps he didn't want me to experience another loss, or have to deal with the aftermath of my violent throws of angry mourning. Then again, Itachi didn't know that I was watching after his little brother, so he had no reason to think that I would be upset by the boy's death.

Just as I was about to have a break down, a hollow sounding version of high a ranking jonin. It was like hearing the shinobi speak through a tin can as a child would. A smile wanted to crease my face, but I was too out of sorts to let it out. Genma's voice came over the speakers with an announcement to the effect of: "Sasuke Uchiha will be given ten minutes to get his butt to the ring before he's disqualified."

My heart fell back into a normal rhythm. He was just late. Not dead. Thank gods.

That muted smile broke out with true relief. I wandered down about ten rows until I found my seats.

A new frown sank my face like a fallen soufflé. Flavored with crushed friendships and a dash of disappointed heartache.

All three seats were empty. My friends didn't show up. That was why I couldn't find them in the crowd.

Sunken and defeated, I plopped down heavily onto the hard wooden ledge they called a 'seat', probably bruising my butt in the process. I pouted with my arms folded over my chest. This kind of put a damper on my triumph against Itachi and those guards. Still scowling like a little kid, I looked toward a group of shinobi around my own age. I recognized a few from the chunin exams from when I had taken them with Arashi and Yua. One boy was there when I proctored for the written section.

A boy with russet hair shook slightly when one guy with the spiky black hair and a bandage over his nose punched him in the shoulder. The puncher motioned to his friend, tilting an eyebrow in my direction, implying something. When the red head turned, I closed my eyes. He had purple eyes.

It had been days, maybe even glorious _weeks_ since I last saw him. It had been peaceful not seeing his heartbroken face around begging for me to love him.

Hiroto's own face seemed to fall at the sight of me. After a few back and forth arguments with the dark haired guy, he huffed then ambled up from his box seats to my row. Shouldering his way through the activity around he made a beeline for the empty seat next to mine. I dropped my head into my folded arms to hide when he brazenly sat directly next to me, nearly squishing into my shoulder. Rolling my eyes, I sat up to bravely face this nuisance; I squeezed to the opposite side of my chair to avoid touching his encroaching hand. He inched a little closer, leaning against my arm, trying to reach over to touch my hand.

He was such a twit. He was highly expressive with his emotions, which was why I dated him in the first place. His body practically shadowed over me, those nervous emotions of his were seeping into my veins. This was so impossibly awkward even _he_ had to know that. I glared hard into thin air, hoping he would just leave. Instead of taking the hint, he reached out to touch my hair.

I slapped the hand away with a mortified squeak of alarmed frustration, "What the -!"

His hand recoiled slightly then cocked his head with an annoyingly patronizing smile as if I was a child. "Always playing hard to get..." My face heated up as the scent of alcohol floated over to my nostrils, burning my eyes. He was tanked.

He cocked an eyebrow at my reaction and smiled, "Stop trying to hide what you feel." Dark lashes fell over his neon eyes, "You still want me." I rolled my eyes. This guy _really_ couldn't take a hint. He then tried reaching up again.

"You have a leaf in your hair." He stated, taking a strand from the braid in my hair.

Further humiliated, I swiped at my mangled braid to wave him away, not feeling the offending foliage at first. Without breaking the intense glare, I worked my fingers into the white hair between my clumsy fingers. It wasn't working and the time it was taking to search was making the situation even more awkward. I settled on just untying the already destroyed hairdo. Wavy white hair fell before my eyes along with the little crumpled leaf. My eyes followed it as the papery thing floated to the small space between my ex and me.

Looking up at his smug, stupid face, I informed him with a sarcastic edge, "First of all: no, I _do not_ 'still want you'." Anger flitted over Hiroto's expression. My hand motioned to the remaining empty seat next to him before moving my eyes back to the mostly empty arena with hopeful optimism. "Secondly: Those seats are already taken." My lip tweaked, "...sorry." I added absently.

There was still no sign of Sasuke. Hopefully he would show up soon so Hiroto would go back to his friends and leave me alone. I still had that ache from being with Itachi. Surely Hiroto would shrivel up like a salted slug if he knew. At least then he might go away. As of now I had no such luck.

"No they aren't 'taken'." he stated with a harsh undertone in his typically cheery baritone, "And after three years you still can't just sit next to me like a normal girl, that's just sad." his eyes narrowed a little when they trailed down to my neck where dark purple marks undoubtedly stained my pale skin, "Always the modest prude..." he spoke with heavy implication.

I hardened my face and stared down at the Naruto's hair. "They're just late." I grumbled as a glare peered at Hiroto from my corner of my eye, overtly ignoring his query. "By the way, I was doing just fine before you sat down." I tried to come off clipped and angry, "Why don't you go back to _your_ friends?" I faked a convincing smile as the sound of my voice seemed to lighten from the suggestion. But he was undeterred.

Hiroto pressed a finger into the small cleft of his chin, pretending to think with a presumptuous air as he looked to the sky. "You see, Kat, I've been sitting in the _VIP section_ with _my_ friends, waiting for _your_ buddies to get here." he shot me a snide smirk. He was really beginning to aggregate me, why the heck was he waiting for my friends?

"You said you couldn't come with me because your friends got you a ticket, looks like you were lying again." He motioned to the other empty seat, breaking eye contact briefly. "Where are they, hmm?" Turning back toward me, he smiled as if being completely genuine, but the facade of genuine happiness was smothered with accusation, "Or are you trying to hide a new boyfriend from me?"

I opened my mouth to protest his accusation before he cut me off, "Maybe your so-called friends got sick of that _manipulative_..." Low indecipherably bitter mutterings, "..._shameless_ blood trait too?"

Rolling my eyes again, I shooed him away with a hand as I pouted, "No, they're just late," I tried convincing myself, "can't you just leave me alone?"

"Ohh so you're not contesting boyfriend accusations?" his voice took on that diva quality it would when he thought he had something meaningful to say, "Before you move on without me, you have to hear me out."

I smooshed my face between both hands propping my heavy head up as my elbows dug into my knees.

I left Itachi… naked… in bed …_for **this**?!_

"Fine." I muttered into my pouting lips as I mused how poorly I hid the marks on my neck. Apparently my skin was conducive to hickeys...

It didn't really matter if I answered or not, because he already began going off on a tangent about my awful, terribly qualities as a person. He rattled off his different reasons for why I was a selfish bitch, then about how much he cared about me, then how I was a manipulator and didn't deserve anyone, then how I was the only one who could fill the boundless hole I'd left in his soul. The list could go on for hours, never really making any sense. Isn't that always the way with those of us who fall in love with the wrong person? I could feel how much he cared for me, but now it felt almost ridiculous compared to the love I felt for my own personal Uchiha.

Ignoring Hiroto in the way only a woman could, I glared blankly ahead.

Whirling leaves announced Sasuke's arrival as he appeared out of thin air, back-to-back with Kakashi who smiled a silly excuse to Genma who twitched the straw between his teeth in smirking irritation.

I stood abruptly to cheer with the people around me, causing Hiroto to jump back defensively in surprise. The crowed went wild; apparently this was the fight _everyone_ came to watch, not just those emotionally attached to the younger Uchiha like myself.

Sensing around, I felt for the younger Uchiha's subtle emotions to see how prepared he was for this, but everyone else's excitement kept getting in the way. The ill intent of several ANBU black ops was obvious; the feeling was really quite frightening. Itachi was ANBU when we were still young. But he never felt that hateful

I searched around with inconspicuous interest, expecting something bad to happen with so many black ops around. There was nothing, so I sat back and listened to Hiroto's obnoxious accusations in one ear while eavesdropping on the people in front of us with the other. There seemed to be a lot of betting going on for this fight. More so than past exams.

Most were betting on Gaara to win. In fact, one of them thought that the Kazkage's son would kill Sasuke in less than five minutes. Two guys bet on an over-under, one thought Sasuke would die in under twenty minutes, the other thought it would take longer. One of them argued that the last Uchiha was bound to make it interesting, so he bet on Sasuke to win but not to kill his opponent.

My heart was stuck in the hollow of my throat when Sasuke went on to attack.

When Gaara cocooned himself in sand, worried fear chilled my heart, as it was still located in my throat.

If that demon came out right now, civilians in the stands would die horribly, and so would Sasuke. Flashbacks from the Kyuubi's attack rattled me.

I remembered the nine tailed fox, the death, the destruction. It was then that I realized my ability to sense emotion. I never wanted to feel that kind of terror and mourning again. So, I prided myself on making people happy. Aside from a select few, I wanted everyone to be happy and go about their business unmolested. One of those select few who I wished serious misery on was Hiroto, but only at the time being. I wouldn't be unwilling to kill him in a few minutes if he didn't stop throwing these heart-broken accusations at me, expecting some adoring expression of love and apology as /i flung myself into his embrace.

Yeah, no-_freaking_-thanks.

Half listening to Hiroto, a chill dripped from the back of my brain, draining back behind my ears and down my spine, raising the fine hairs of my arms on the way down my body. Sasuke's fear quite literally chilled my soul. The black haired boy's chidori sliced through Gaara's sand cocoon, burying him up to his upper arm. All I heard was the sand nin's bloodcurdling scream, echoing from within the shell of sand. Sasuke started tearing at his arm furiously, in a state of panic. He activated the chidori again to cut his way out, leaving him pretty drained from the exhaustive amount of chakra required.

A huge sand and blue tattooed monster-hand flew out of the opening the chidori created, following Sasuke's backward motion. Had he been even a step slower in his reaction, Sasuke would undoubtedly be dead. The sand sphere cracked like a giant sandy egg and began to fall apart in the same manner as rain would fall around the young redheaded ninja within. It was showering him in that bloody sand, emitting that awful stench.

For a moment I looked away to glance at the Uchiha boy to make sure he was ok, he was shaken but he was physically all right, intently watching the scene before him unfold in an attempt at hiding his terror. When I looked back at Gaara he was only half human. The monster within overtook half of his body. Crouching foreword, I prepared to leap out to stop the fight. I could not let Sasuke die today, even if it brought up some uncomfortable questions from the public.

An explosion ripped through the stadium, shaking the earth beneath me, rattling concrete met my ears as sheetrock fell from overhead. My heart skipped a beat.

This was _not_ good.

Every ANBU disappeared from sight, presumably reappearing in the area where the Kazekage and Hokage sat. The smell hit me before the sight: _smoke_.

The Hokage's viewing platform was enveloped in smoke. Fighting broke out around the section of stands as a purple cage of sorts shone through the black above the Kage's platform fog ominously. Throwing my head around, I quickly thought of the best plan of action. I saw that everyone surrounding my seat had fallen asleep, the air felt heavy as my eyes drooped from the effort of keeping open. White shimmering feathers floated around, as each fell over me, the sensation seemed to lessen my resolve to stand and help mobilize.

_Genjutsu_.

I needed to get to the Hokage. I had no time for some first-year genjutsu. I released the illusion; leaving Hiroto slumped over the seat in front of him, forehead rumpled uncomfortably against the wooden bar auburn hair flopped over his face.

Guy and Kakashi were several rows up from my section. Moving quickly, I appeared before the two veteran jonin, awaiting orders form either.

It was a really good thing that I didn't listen to Itachi. I would have been the only jonin missing from the Hokage's rescue. Which, knowing his past, could have been the point of his restraining actions in the first place.

Kakashi knew what he was doing and since I was a still newbie I looked up to his one exposed eye for some indication of what to do next. Suddenly he was gone from sight.

Metal shuriken flew around, disharmonizing the brief calm. . He and Guy were each engaged in a violent skirmish with… ANBU?

No, they weren't real ANBU. They were Sound ninja. There was one very calm ANBU among the Sound. Each was pitted up against a Leaf shinobi. Without waiting for directions, I raced up to the grand stand where the Third was being held captive.

There was a blackened area that punctured the blue sky above the stadium. Bruising the clouds dark purple and grey with swirling light blue. It was a surprisingly beautiful day for such an ugly turn of events.

Some days you find yourself in a place, in a situation where you wish you had just pressed snooze on the alarm clock and slept through what some call 'the day'. Today was crazy, nothing was going the way it was supposed to. This morning I was supposed to be reunited with my lover after months of separation, then go see Sasuke beat the pants off of a Sand ninja. Instead, I manipulated my lover because he didn't want to let me leave, then found my beloved village in a firestorm of activity as the Sound and Sand Villages attacked us.

Blue eyes swept the newly formed battleground; I glanced down to the fighting ring to see that everyone was gone including Sasuke and Gaara. Only the sleeping civilians filled the stands.

Guess I'd never find out who won the fight... Another deep pouting frown pulled at my lips.

When I reached the roof, where there were _real_ ANBU standing around the dark purple barrier around the Third and the infamous senin, Orochimaru.

What the actual hell was going on here!

One masked ANBU barked commands to his team, then to me. "Go after the snake!"

He pointed to the point where land met the sky near Konoha's main gate.

Leaping to another peak of the stadium, I scanned the horizon.

Snake?

I found the culprit. The sky was bright and inviting, unlike the deeply colored horizon.

More smoke.

Oh _crap_.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews, I'm loving the criticism. I know there are a lot of flaws in my writing, I really do appreciate everything you guys suggest. Anyhoo, I wasn't a huge fan of this chapter. The next one will be better._


	35. Seeing Red Again

_"Seeing Red Again"_

* * *

Thick, billowing smoke filled the streets, stinging my eyes as I flew to the main gate of Konoha.

All forms of emotions dissipated into the passing air as I arrived on scene. Everything was disjointed chaos of advanced jutsu and condensed hand-to-hand combat.

Beige uniforms of Sand ninja collided with the forest greens of Leaf. A quiet moment passed as I wondered why our allies would attack us so brutally. Before the thought could really sink in, years of training took over my body.

When I saw green vests splattered with blood and meat; I tore into the crossfire. Everything seemed to slow around me.

A Suna shinobi wrestled one of my comrades. Green vested ninja threw a hard punch into his enemy's jaw, knocking a few teeth free from his mouth. They landed several feet away. Blood spewed and flickered in the light. Angry, the tan cladded man recovered and clutched the other man by the throat, shoving him to the ground. The movement crushed the Leaf's head to the ground, effectively immobilizing him. With a heavy cleaver raised high, the ninja swung hard to lob off the downed Leaf's head.

Kunai flew from my clenched fists before I could register what I was doing.

I saw one metal piece rip through the offending Sand's throat, spinning his head. Two more pivoted the points in his raised arm, knocking the heavy cleaver from his grip. It landed, just barely missing the Leaf's unconscious head. Another kunai shot through the attacker's temple, sending him to the ground. Twitching in his final death throws.

The beating of my quick feet created a rhythm that seemed to put all other motions around me into a slow, easily managed perspective. I leaned to the ground to jerk several kunai from a dead Sand ninja's body. Whistling metal cut past my face, leaving thin lines of blood trailing down to my chin.

Jerking to my left, I watched as a Suna nin dropped to his knees then fell weightily to the ground with a shuriken the side of a dinner plate in his back. The Suna had a chain gun in his hand, aimed in my direction, ready to kill me.

Glancing around, I tried to find who threw that shuriken. There was too much commotion; it would be impossible to decipher specifically. There were dozens of other Leaf shinobi currently in combat situations scattered in bunched constellations in every direction.

As I picked up some other metal weapons from the ground and bodies of fallen Sand ninja, I took note of the living and dead counts.

There were certainly more of us than them, but they were fighting with all of their hate and anger while we were trying to defend our own with our renowned passion. Throwing signs quickly, I summoned a shadow clone with a decent amount of chakra and sent her out to keep the enemy from capturing downed men and women.

From intimate experience, I knew the destructive interrogations they would face if captured by the enemy. My clone took off, lifting our fallen comrades.

Still trying to make sense of the situation, I glanced around quickly to see who was available for strategy development. Koroko and Aoi were on the front lines. Were they out here the whole time? That was why they were missing from the stadium.

Aoi's dark hair was bunched up on top of her head. She was fighting a short haired kunoichi. The kunoichi threw shuriken, Aoi narrowly avoided being hit by dropping to the ground, fading into the background with a camouflage jutsu. The yellow dress my friend usually wore was burned and torn from the exploding tags she was trying so hard to avoid. I knew that Aoi was competent enough to survive so I searched the battleground for Koroko's slight appearance only about one hundred meters away. She was only a genin, she didn't even belong out here.

Scanning the area, my eyes stopped once they saw her little blonde head. Little Koroko was mangled and bleeding.

A chained shuriken sliced through her like water. The entire front of her body was torn open, her innards spilled from the offensively gaping wound as she was forced to her knees. Blood flowed from the opening, staining the vibrant green grass. Bile rose in the back of my mouth, nearly forcing a scream form my throat. But I couldn't put the others on the field at a disadvantage. The thing about fighting among ninja is that it is usually completely silent minus the sounds of metal clanging against metal, or sometimes against broken bones or teeth.

But gods was it a battle of pure will not to yell out to her. Then recollection of those happy rumors taunted the back of my mind. The rumors were that my friend was having another baby. The pieces came together slowly like a jig-saw puzzle of a clear blue sky. I didn't want to believe this was all happening. Everything was happening so quickly, yet so painfully slow all at the same time.

Tears stung my eyes but they started to blur my sight so I blinked them away before they could hinder my ability to fight. Koroko was not just a genin, but a _pregnant_ genin! What was she doing on the field! Her body sank to its knees, falling into the flowing blood that spilled like water from her tiny body.

And then she _exploded _into a wave of water.

A water clone.

The real Koroko took the assailant's confusion to her advantage as she was now tangled around the Sand nin's neck with a kunai between her teeth and a sharp ferocity in her black-teal eyes.

Relief choked my skipping heartbeat.

With newfound devotion to my friend, I rushed back into the fray. Pushing through the filmy smoke, I leapt forth with liquid motion to help Koroko against her combatant.

Splinters of hot pain spread through my shoulder. A hot blade shot through my shoulder, dropping me with the force of its owner's thrust. Cold metal lurched my body toward the ground, the odd manipulation of my joint forced me to lose balance. It all happened too fast to catch keep from falling on my teeth.

Dirt didn't taste particularly good, especially when its gritty texture ground between your teeth. Lacking any sense of grace, I crashed to the ground. My mouth filled with grass and bloody dirt. The fall busted my lower lip open, filling my mouth with warm blood.

Being stabbed didn't hurt as much as I always thought it would. It was cold and hard. I felt the unyielding metal manipulating my joint from the inside. The whole arm was numb, only letting me feel the joint move in abnormal positions as the Sand nin tried to pull it from my pinned shoulder with a foot on my back. They probably thought they killed me.

The blade was buried in the dirt under my bleeding shoulder joint, digging a little hole through the other side as the muscles in my arm snapped and tore from the rough jerking.

More training kicked in as I tucked my core muscles and heaved forward flipping the sword's handler over my head in Aú Giro Sem Mao, taking the swordsman between my ankles as the motion curled her up into the air with me. I then threw them to the ground. Their little black haired body bounced with an audible _thud_.

Stalking closer, the little body of a child faded into view through the obstructing haze. She was a young girl, maybe Kaz's age at _most_. She was flat on her back, trying to stand. When she saw me, she took a kunai in her hand, ready to fight. Calm fear in her eyes told me that she was awaiting death.

The blade still stuck through my flesh, leaving my right arm completely limp at my side. I was running on pure adrenaline and defensive anger fueled by the tense surrounding emotions. She held the kunai with two shaking hands in front of her face, jabbing it at me as if that could stop a trained Leaf shinobi.

By gripping the tops of her wrists, both of them with my one remaining hand, I squeezed the soft spot between her index finger and thumb to make her drop the pathetic weapon. I quickly pinned her arms to either side of her tiny waist with my knees. Reaching over her head, I picked up her dropped kunai. I was going to show her how that thing was supposed to be used.

Just as I thrust her own kunai to her tiny throat, those terrified blue eyes and feelings of fear stopped me mid air as if a thin barrier of air forced my hands back to keep the knife from coming down to slit her little neck from ear to ear.

This was so horrible.

Why was I willing to kill a _child, a little girl,_ for no reason? She must have as much of an idea of what was going on as I did. Why did she deserve to die? I thought to my damages friends scattered about the field. Different people hurt them, not this little girl. She was scared, terrified even. Not to mention she was barely trained. The poor thing didn't even know how to use a katana.

She couldn't know any more about this conflict between our nations than I did.

We were both fighting for the same cause, to defend our friends. Our friends were killing one another for some 'greater cause'. For our Hidden Villages; Suna and Konoha.

Was that enough motive to kill someone? To put her family through the same things I endured only two months ago with the loss of my baby brother? Did she have big brothers and sisters at home awaiting her safe return? A mom and dad who were worried sick?

Something was decided in that moment. If you want to know _what _was decided, then you're out of luck. Because I still have no idea what came over me.

Flipping the kunai back so my hand concealed the blade, I plunged my hand into her long black hair and pressed the useable fingertips of my left hand to shock the major nerves in the back of her head, just before she could bare her teeth and bite my hand. Her head dropped back to the dirt, black hair a halo around her shoulders. She would be paralyzed for hours.

For now, I would have to forgetting the small girl for a little while. I jumped away before anyone could see what I'd done. Later I would return and hide her immobilized body so she wouldn't be taken into interrogation.

Although it was _exceedingly_ illegal, it didn't feel right to kill a child. Especially not one who didn't know that katana were for slicing flesh quickly, not stabbing through the boney shoulders of your enemy.

There was commotion all around, someone took hold of the sword's hilt from behind and roughly pulled me back to my feet then jerked the metal from where it was embedded in my shoulder. I wish they hadn't. Blood spilled endlessly it seemed to spew over everything, including the sleeping little girl in the dirt.

The pain began to set in like a blooming hypersensitive euphoria. My skin felt like it was floating above my bones. Dazed and high on the neurotransmitters rocketing through my brain, I turned, stumbling from the blood loss into the giant ninja's brusque grip.

Mizoko quickly wrapped up my shoulder with a ripped up shirt. Before I could thank him, he jumped back into battle, but not before shoving the sword into my hands with a look. The look was a warning. He must have seen me save that girl's life.

It might have been the euphoric chill of blood loss, but I didn't give a shit what my brother thought of my actions. That girl was at most thirteen; she deserved this life of suffering and misplaced hostility like a foot needed a rock in its shoe.

I felt the weight of the thin sword that protruded from my shoulder through only moments prior. Its hilt was slick with my own blood. I grimaced as my stomach burned form the thought. I whipped it around with my left hand, I was not a born lefty which was very apparent in my not-so-nimble swings.

A sword was supposed to be an extension of your body once you had the balance right. This was a short katana used for quick slicing, not stabbing. That girl was too young and undertrained to be out in a place like this. I blinked hard and shook my head as the fuzziness from my low blood pressure tried to overtake me again.

My arm was so impossibly numb that I couldn't even feel the bleeding, puckered flesh around the blade jutting through my muscle.

Taking the katana in one hand I balanced and counter balanced using my body weight to swing more effectively. The blade was fine as china; it could slide through flesh easily. Bone would stop it with ease.

Feeling a disturbance in the air behind me I turned to block a hefty blow from a masked Suna nin. The small sword bowed as the much larger man's flaming fist came down on it with all of his massive weight. His thick skin and jutsu prevented his skin from being sliced open like fresh sashimi.

After collecting my legs beneath me, I pushed up to force him back. Now the katana began sliding through his knuckles, bearing the white glint of bone as the sword stopped. He grabbed the steel with his other, gloved hand engulfing the slight width of it without concern for his skin's condition. He pressed forward, spitting nasty insults at me.

"You ready to die Leaf bitch?" His fist bled against my katana, yelling through his teeth.

Why was everyone calling me a bitch today?

I glared through the pain in my shoulder into his blood red eyes.

No, I was not ready to die.

His hand covered my own as we struggled over the hilt of my weapon. Apparently he had no knowledge of my type of training. It was all about balance and nerve points, the hands were chalk full of nerves. Approximately one billion nerves actually, but I could only name about two thousand specifically because that's how many were used in my family's technique.

My father trained troops in the use of Kyusho's jutsu during the third great ninja war. Many were incapable of the chakra precision required for it, but those who could were invaluable on the battlefield. It uses pressure points and artery manipulation to throw the enemy off balance, using their body weight and momentum your advantage. Or you could easily kill them. This was accomplished by cutting off their nerve center or blood supply just by pressing finely tuned chakra into their nervous system. Specifically, the central nervous system.

I, for one, enjoyed working the delicate art of peripheral nerves. These affected the body's muscular function.

From within his hand, I wiggled my fingertip against the joint between his metacarpals and phalanges of his middle and ring finger. Just a small jolt of electricity and he was down, one major nerve is located in the base of the palm. It controlled your bowels and the use of your entire arm.

Maybe it wasn't pretty but I managed to slice that one major nerve away with the tip of my stolen katana as I pulsed chakra through the metal blade. That hand was useless and the ability to move his arm would be greatly decreased if not entirely cut off.

Dropping into a slight stance I jumped over my attacker, throwing the blade into the dirt beside the man's huge head, pressing the points of two fingers into a few major centers of his face quickly.

Not quick enough.

His huge fist crushed my ribs into my stomach. Each bone felt like a bursting water balloon as my ribs punctured organs. A disconcerting sensation to say the least.

More blood rushed forth from my mouth, splattering the monstrous Sand ninja's chest and remaining arm. Ruby black dribbled from my broken lips, coating my teeth. I gripped my hands around his fist, pressing my fingertips into the sides of his wrist, cutting off the efferent pathways to his brain, essentially cutting off all muscle reflexes.

The subtle attack took effect at the perfect moment, just before he could kill me with his ham-sized hand aimed to crush my scull.

Something happened.

Black fading occurred around my visual field, crushing the breath from my lungs.

The man before me dropped flat on his face.

It was as if I had been trying to stay awake for days. The lids of my eyes weighed ten pounds. My head jerked back as I tried to stay awake for just a little longer. I was suddenly unaware of my body as it faded into this comfortable detachment. The huge man's falling abdomen rushed up to meet my face. I couldn't move. The world closed in around the slits that remained of my sight.

All of the fighting stopped. The Sand ninja were falling back into the forest. Joyous cheers rushed forth from the remaining, but rundown and torn, Leaf ninja. And then everything went black. Dirt didn't taste or feel so nice between your teeth when you face plant the ground for the second time in a day.

* * *

White light. Pure beautiful light came through the center of my brain and filtered past my yellow-pink eyelids. Webs of red veins filtered the light to the fine color of a freshly bloomed carnation. The light was soothing and calming.

A painful _whush _of air rushed through my hardened, deflated lungs_._ Every molecule of oxygen protested against the walls of my chest, screaming for the pain to release me from its constricting grip.

My chest bowed up to the ceiling from the miserable shock of life giving energy as if it was being lifted to the sky by a rope tied to the middle of my abdomen. My lungs gurgled and ached resentfully toward the air that forced its way inside.

The rigid tubing is what hurt most. My eyes went wide, but there was nothing to see. Only whiteness. The light was too bright, hurting my head. They sealed back together, accepting of this suffering.

There was something annoying me, it was like someone was poking my dreams to keep me from them. Like when you wake up from a good dream and can't pick up where you left off when you close your eyes. Maybe it was more like that feeling when you're just about to sneeze. That liberating, wonderful feeling was only just beyond this tiny burst of energy. Then someone says "god bless you!" and the feeling fades, defeated back into your head.

Increasingly annoying, the feeling repeated many times, swirling like a riptide. It came and went like the tide. I'd be just about to sneeze my way into the comforting oblivion of that white light when the harsh sense of reality would bubble over, causing my body to become aware of itself again. But each time I felt my body, it seemed wracked with more and more pain.

All I wanted to do was sleep, but I couldn't. It was upsetting in the way exhaustion could be sometimes. Tears formed behind my eyes, building a thin bubble that could pop and spill forth at any moment.

Finally I gave in to the pressure. I tried opening my tearful eyes again.

The light was still annoying, but not nearly as harsh as it had been a few moments ago.

Now I was searching the hectic scene surrounding my… bed? I couldn't turn my head, there were tubes down my throat. I fleetingly wondered why I didn't want to throw up. My gag reflex would normally have a field day with this.

Everyone was dressed in black or white.

Thin slits of sight allowed my to search the scene with my eyes alone.

For a moment I was worried that I was colorblind. Everything was blacks and whites and shades of grays in between.

My whole family was dressed in black around my bed while the medics rushing about my bed with tubes and bags of blood donned only white. Their faces twisted into hopeful grimaces directed toward my crying mother.

Was I dead? Was this a dream? This was a lot to handle right now. I closed my eyes again.

If I could get back to sleep for even just a minute or two...

Darkness became my reality.

No, white light overtook my sight. The light was punctuated by this loud, drawn out noise. It was loud and grating. It sounded like The overwhelming light faded over my subconscious, leaving me pain free and happy again.

That annoying feeling came again, the frustratingly unsatisfied feeling. Someone was shaking me, it cracked my sense of calm. I felt hot breath on my face, someone was yelling at me. It all sounded so distant.

"No!" Someone seemed to leap on me, taking one shoulder and shook it violently. "No no no no!" The words were succinct like the sound of tenor drums or an automatic gun and certainly as loud.

"Not again!" The voice intruded my psyche again, making my eyes open just a little, everything was still blank and featureless, but that voice was horribly familiar.

"You better stay the _fuck_ awake this time!"

It was Hiruko. Screaming.

He yelled in my face, placing one rough hand on the side of my painful cheek, shaking my abdomen with the other. He had uncontrollable tension in his strained, raw voice. It was the sound of desperation. I blinked slowly, almost falling back into the soft absence of pain again.

His voice shot through my head, leaving me with a resounding headache. "Don't you fucking do this to me Katsue!" my brother's desperate threat was all I could hear over the sound of a heart monitor beeping erratically. It felt like being thrust into a lame soap opera.

Hiruko shook me awake again and again. Hearing his pleading voice beginning to break, I bitterly let the hard, cold air invade my lungs once more.

I opened my eyes again to the same surreal scene. It wasn't a dream.

And unfortunately, yes, I was still alive.

Hiruko was braced over the bed, hovering directly over me with bloodshot eyes that made his green irises stand out even more than usual. He was shaking a little with one hand clenched around me one shoulder hard, digging his fingers into the pale skin. Mizoko's huge form was leaned up against the bedframe. My mother was kneeled on the other side of the hospital bed. She cried on my hand leaving cold, wet teardrops to fall over the white skin giving it a perspired appearance. Father gave me a raggedly tired smile from the foot of my bed, tugging at his white beard anxiously wit one hand. Mikah's white haired head bounced in excitement under Father's other hand.

"Kat's awake dad, I saw her eyes open!" He yapped enthusiastically in excitement just like a puppy. From under Father's hand, he leaped up onto my legs in one movement. I groaned in pain.

"Look!" He pointed at my face, nudged Hiruko over, who didn't move. He just continued glaring at me.

My father's eyes smiled at me because his face looked far too exhausted. "Yes she is, she did a good job out there."

He only had enough strength to pull the eight year old off of my painful legs.

My oldest brother put his huge hand on my head from beyond my peripheral vision and patted my hair gently as if I would break if he gave any more pressure.

"You had me scared out there kiddo. Almost bled out in the dirt like a dog." He pressed a knuckle into my scalp, deciding I was sturdy enough for the affectionate expression, "don't you do that to us again." He cautioned softly.

I tried to look up at him, but my throat ached badly from where the tubes were. Being awake was exhausting.

Hiruko glared at me, it wasn't a real glare. It felt scared and relieved, he was angry at me for getting hurt. He pouted deeply down at me from his hovering position above my abdomen.

A medic moved him out of the way with a count down.

"Okay, here we go." Two white uniformed medics took ahold of the tubs in my throat, "Three… two…"

I didn't even realize what was going on until they ripped it out of my throat in one not-so-smooth tug. I gagged and nearly threw up. My arm went to move defensively to cover my throat, but it wouldn't budge. It was trapped to the side of my body. In fact, my whole shoulder was in a hard cast that restricted my entire right side.

Hiruko was ushered off of me by the two medics who seemed to hesitate away from him. No one seemed to actually _want_ to touch my brother much of the time. It was usually an accident or because of some necessary physical interaction, like blood tests and such.

Once the medics left the room with bland instructions for my care, my brother resumed his hovering position. Glaring low, he muttered in a low, barely audible voice, "When you're able to," His eyes traveled to my throat then back to my eyes, "we need to talk." A small smile flickered at the corner of his mouth but it didn't reach his still angry eyes.

He spoke to me in a baby voice, softly pinching my cheek between a knuckle and thumb. "I need to ask you a couple of something's when your wittle boo-boo's feel bettor." A real smile broke through his face.

I tried smiling back at him but my lip split open, so I sucked them into my mouth and winced. Hiruko sighed at me with a weary smile-pout then stood from his crouched position and turned his attention to Mizoko who still leaned against the bed over my right shoulder.

"I'm going to go get some food, you want anything?" Hiruko suggested lightly with a wide smirk, as if they had big some secret together.

Before Mizoko could answer, my stomach growled loudly. It was as if my brother had asked it directly.

My face lit up in embarrassment. Both of my brothers burst out laughing. Mizoko fisted the sheet as he clenched his stomach next to me to keep from doubling over.

"D-do you want something sister dearest?" Hiruko giggled boyishly, I tried pouting at him, but failed from the pain.

"Pfft!" Another giggle blew through Hiruko's tightly smiling lips.

Face still red and hot, I tried lifting my head to scowl at both of them. They laughed harder.

My attempt to speak was sad and pathetic, my mouth was so dry and my throat hurt so much.

I croaked in a whispered tone, "anything."

My older brothers both sniffed breathy, but pleased, laughs. The two left, taking food orders from our parents and Mikah.

Once the two were out of the door, Mikah tried to climb onto the bed again to hug me, but my father held him back.

The white haired little boy jabbered on like a broken record, "Mizoko was bragging about you to the medics," He pointed at my face again, "what _really_ happened? He said you saved three people and killed a huge guy with your _bare_ hands!"

The memory was faded, I wasn't entirely sure what happened anymore. I did remember that big guy and his heavy punch to my stomach.

The boy's high voice kept going on, "You're wayyy too nice to kill someone."

Father answered for me with sadness in his voice, "Mikah, let Katsue alone," His darkening eyes moved to my heavily bandaged face with this low sense of sorrow and suggestive sadness, "it's going to be a long day."

I glanced at all of the black clothes again. If _I'm_ not dead then who was?

Quickly, I filed through the people in my family. All of my surviving brothers were in my room only moments ago. Both parents were present. So my family was still alive and seemingly alright. Check.

Koroko and Aoi? Were they okay?

I tried to sit up but it felt like my arm was being sliced from my body as the cast dug into my neck. A choked cry whined from my throat involuntarily, a sad little whimper.

Mother's cold hands pressed me back lightly to the chilled sheets, "Save your strength for tonight." She offered gently through an empathetic sob.

I felt around the room, for a consensus of emotions. Everyone was in mourning. Everyone was depressed. Every single person was suffering. Medics, doctors, my family.

Physically I was definitely hurt, but why wasn't_ I_ suffering? Why wasn't I mourning, too?

The curiosity was too much, before I could stop myself, my dry mouth blurted out against my will in an almost sarcastic manner, "Who died?"

All eyes moved away so they didn't have to look at me. My father's eyes closed with lines of pain pointing to the center of his face.

Something was terribly, horribly wrong.

* * *

A/N: Sorry that these chapters have been lame, I recently moved and changed jobs so I don't have much free time anymore. I'll still try and get one chapter out per week, but don't hate me if it takes longer. Thank you for the reviews and to my newest favorites and follows! You guys are great!


	36. Half Of My Heart

_(A/N: Sorry for the wait! Life got in the way for a little bit there. Also, a HUGE thank you to Jin Forever for being my beta. You are amazing.)_

_"Half Of My Heart"_

* * *

About an hour of silence passed by in a hurry. Long bars of shadows hung delicately on strings of dust as the sun shone through the curtain and across the floor, shading over my bed. Due to the concussion, the doctors felt that my eyes were not yet prepared for the light's intensity.

My injuries included a total of fifty stitches in my face, holding my lip and three long slits along the side of my cheek closed. The eight fractured ribs and internal bleeding pretty much sucked. The ribs had punctured my liver and stomach when they had broke from that punch to the stomach, causing a terrible popped water balloon feeling. My pierced shoulder and a grade three concussion were nothing compared to the impossibly low chakra flowing through my body.

My shadow clone had been destroyed just as that Suna nin fell to the dirt. The onslaught of empathy for the clone had caused me to pass out when she dissipated. The medical team was able to close the wound in my shoulder and face for the most part, but they were only able to close the internal bleeding. Disjointed muscles and organs were closed while I was still unconscious, superficial wounds were either left open or stitched closed until the medics had more time.

There was a massive number of patients filing in from the fight. While a few medics were standing over me, pressing their chakra into my stomach, I asked them to leave so they could attend to other, more damaged, patients. To ask of anything else would be selfish.

It was hard to open my eyes. My mom handed me a compact with the mirror flipped up for my viewing pleasure. A groan whined in my throat at the white and blue face staring back. I looked like I'd met the wrong end of a garbage disposal. Black, crusty stitches pinched shut the three slits that extended from nose to ear on the right side of my face. More dark blood lined my cracked lip, but none of these external injuries were as bothersome as my eyes. They were dark, bruised, and swollen into thin slits that allowed me to view the world. Maraschino red starbursts of ruptured blood vessels rimmed my pupils. Pain strained the backs of my eyes, just above my brow, as I scanned the room.

Mother was hugging Mikah to her chest on a pair of chairs pressed side to side, transforming them into a little bench to nap on. His eyes were closed, grinding his teeth and twitching, fighting off a raucous dream as his cheek smushed against her shoulder.

A smile tried to pull my cheeks, but I was too tired, so I let my lips drop back to a neutral line as my eyes traveled to the empty seat next to the bed. Father left soon after my older brothers without answering my question. He wanted to avoid the stress that my question incurred. The man was retired, and hoped to never to deal with war again during his lifetime. I could certainly understand why he was so silent about his time in battle.

Melodious beeping lulled me to sleep in dark waves as the heart monitor sang on. One moment I was awake, the next I was enveloped in dreamless, restless sleep.

…

…

…

Creaking loudly, the door slid open with a _bang_, causing my mother to jerk awake clutching her smallest son in maternal protection. He slumped over her shoulder, undisturbed by the sudden commotion.

Hiruko strode into the room, chest puffed victoriously. He broke the stillness with three crinkling, white, grease-stained paper bags. Mizoko was in tow, glaring at his smaller brother's back.

Without looking to my bed, Hiruko placed one bag on the low table near Mikah's sleeping head. Smells of fried shrimp and other yummy things filled the air. The seductive scent wafted under my nose, the floodgates in my mouth failed. I nearly drooled. I stared at the bag in my brother's hand. It was filled with all kinds of delicious smelling things that I was not allowed to eat for another three days. My depressed frown adopted the appearance of a begging puppy just as my stomach growled loudly as if to gripe about its situation.

Extending the bag, Hiruko took a step toward forward with a bright smile.

Mizoko wagged his finger at my pleading expression, "Oh no you don't, little girl. Dr. Shabu said 'nothing solid for three days,' remember?"

I pouted up at him pathetically with my bruised, squinty eyes.

Hiruko intercepted the exchange by holding out a small plastic container between us. It had six sticks inside. Each had three white balls smothered in tasty goo.

"Ignore that obtuse oaf. Here." Hiruko offered.

Thank _gods_ Hiruko loved me.

A delicately formed smile crossed my broken lips at the child-like grin on Hiruko's face. No, Mizoko was not the type to break rules. And certainly not in the unabashed way our goofy brother pulled off with his impressively blasé style.

Mizoko, still glaring at his long haired counterpart, retold the saga of how they got in the hospital with the tasty contraband.

"This guy," He thumbed Hiruko's smug expression that seemed to broaden at the accusation, "goes and hits on these poor, defenseless nurses." He looked utterly appalled, "They were helpless!"

Mizoko was not the one to talk when it came to women. Whatever Hiruko did must have been atrocious.

When we were young, a few girls were very much in love with Hiruko. But now it seemed that he was completely asexual. He never gave girls the time of day. Though they would always throw themselves at him, begging for his attention. Silly fangirls…

Thinking of my tall, blond, brother giving that mischievous smirk to a pretty young nurse left me tickled. No one could escape his devilish smile.

I dared a widening smile, ignoring the stinging pain. Coughing to moisten my throat, I was able to rasp quietly, "_You_ are criticizing _his_ debauchery?"

Mizoko folded his arms, "I'm never so vulgar toward my female companions. That was totally… philistine!" he accused.

Giggling hurt. The soft muscle of my stomach ached. A soft whine came as my eyes winced closed momentarily.

Hiruko, first glancing over at me secretly, rolled his eyes and smirked, "First of all: Do you even know what philistine _means_?"

"You-!"

Hiruko ducked away from Mizoko's swinging arm, "Second: stop with the falsely noble outlook. They were just a couple of dames." He taunted. He then turned his attention over to me, shaking the clear container suggestively, "My sashimi-ed little sister is up here starving to _death_ and those people had the nerve to try and keep me from feeding her? I think not." He defended himself, cool as a cucumber.

Now I was interested in the story, "So what did you do this time?" I asked curiously. Hiruko's responding smile was wide and unapologetic. Still smiling I rasped a quiet laugh, "I hope you didn't break any hearts on my behalf…" I added jokingly.

Mizoko was the one to retell the tale with a small glare at the two of us.

"He called her over with a finger," He motioned to the other man in a 'come hither motion'. Eyeing my oldest brother's sausage-like finger like a three-headed dinosaur, I imagined it was probably far more alluring when Hiruko did it. "She walks on over, thinking he had something important to tell her. You know, lab coat and everything. The poor thing probably thought he was a doctor or something." He said, glaring at Hiruko who just smirked on without shame. Mizoko looked back to me, "And once she was close enough, the brat just goes, 'if I could make you come with just a finger, just imagine what I could do with my di-"

Mother yelped, cutting off the conversation in one foul swoop. "Hey!" she shouted quietly, as not to wake Mikah. "There is _no_ need for that kind of language _Mizoko_. You were _not_ raised in a barn!"

We were all quiet for a minute, trying not to laugh at our mom's 'wrath face'. She always had the funniest faces when she was angry. This one comprised of comically furrowed eyebrows and an upside-down 'U' frown.

Hiruko smiled at mother and finished the story in not-so-vulgar terms. "I simply informed the lovely lady that I could do a lot more for her if she would only let me."

Mother seemed unperturbed by his rewrite, reclosing her green eyes to resume her nap as pardon for Mizoko's near-vulgarity.

Mizoko's mouth dropped open then snapped shut with a narrow glare at both the blonde woman on the chairs and the young man smiling at him condescendingly.

Once he was sure that mother was asleep, Hiruko stuck his tongue out at his elder sibling, throwing salt on his wounded pride.

Shaking his head disapprovingly, the older man mused aloud incredulously, "He could literally get away with murder…"

"Whatever," Hiruko said flippantly, "you're just jealous that chicks dig me and you somehow manage to strike out at strip clubs." Mizoko opened his mouth to argue but Hiruko sat on the corner of my bed and cut him off by asking, "So," his eyes flickered to my cast then back, "how're you doin' kiddo?"

I stared at him, searching his blasé expression for answers to my earlier questions. He had no idea why I was staring; I could see it in his cornered-animal eyes. He wanted to make me feel better.

"Want some?" He offered the blister wrapped pack of dango to me as a peace offering.

Mizoko rolled his eyes and looked around for somewhere to sit. With an unnerving response of complete silence, Hiruko hid his face behind the package, "Okay, Okay! Whatever I did," closing his eyes tightly, he pretended to pray, "I'm _so_ sorry," he poked his head out from behind the package and smirked, "I'll never do it again?"

My brother would always make light of tense situations. It was his way of grieving.

Grieving. Why was my brother grieving?

I attempted a smile so he would know I was okay. But it came off as a pained wince when the bruises on my face seemed to bunch up into knots. He frowned back.

Mizoko dragged a chair over to my bedside to use my legs as a lumpy table next to Hiruko. The paper plate he used kept falling and spilling on him, and me. The big jounin sulked at the stains from his pad see ew, but decided to leave the mess with an indignant shrug. He cracked his sticks and began shoveling the thick noodles into his mouth.

Hiruko snapped the package open and picked up a stick of dango smothered in red anko. Sight of the sweet paste made my mouth water. Absently, I wondered how such a sweet, innocuous ingredient became Anko's namesake.

I went to lick my lips, but the big stitched up split made my stomach squirm. It felt like a stinging ridge of rusted fishing wire bunched in a thick line down the center of my lip. It was freaking disgusting. Oh _good_. It tasted like numbing agents, too. _Yum_.

He waved the stick under my nose with a toothy smile, like that of a five year old who got away with sticking gum in his sister's hair.

Knowing my arms couldn't move he popped the first ball of gummy goodness in his mouth right in front of my face in spite of my stomach's demanding growls.

"Sho…" He started, but decided to finish chewing. He swallowed, "what's with the hairy eyeball? Did I piss you off or something?" He chewed off another doughy ball.

Mizoko muttered a quiet, offensive little insult that I couldn't really hear. But judging by my longhaired brother's stilled reaction, it wasn't very nice. Face hard, Hiruko stopped chewing momentarily to take Mizoko's sticks and throw them across the room.

"Really? How mature of you." Mizoko deadpanned before standing to collect his lost items. Hiruko continued taunting me with the promise of tasty goodness as soon as Mizoko stood.

He swallowed the second ball loudly. "No really, why the long face Kat? None of this 'I'm fine' bullshit either. Don't make me coerce you." He half-threatened, half-joked.

Memory of my unanswered question from earlier busted through the haze of hunger. Everyone was wearing black aside from Hiruko who wore his lab coat over a black and blue uniform.

Clearing my raw throat with skidding, sore coughs, I asked, "Why is everyone wearing black?"

The question seemed to freeze the room. Even my mom stared at me with wide eyes. It was like a third had emerged from the middle of my face and everyone wanted to say something about it.

And 'Idiot Of The Year Award' goes to… Katsue! For her inability to ask a question with _any_ form of delicacy.

The undersides of his eyes seemed to darken. He responded without even a glimmer of emotion in his low voice, "Lord Hokage was murdered."

The air went still.

Without warning he popped the last ball of sweet dough in my mouth, as if to soften the blow.

It didn't really hit me at first. Maybe it was the drugs or the lack of blood or the tasty nourishment in my mouth. It took a total of three seconds for the words to reach my brain, but a full minute for the admission to sink into my heart.

"What? How? Who could-? When did-?" My questions were rapid fire. Hiruko just looked at me pathetically, not willing to answer them.

Then the shock set in.

All hands were on me as I tried tearing out of that room. Hiruko and Mizoko each pinned a shoulder to the bed so I couldn't wrench myself free of the intravenous pin in the soft spot on the inside of my elbow. Both brothers forced me to stay still as not to disturb the blood transfusion process.

I sealed my stinging eyes shut, remembering every moment I'd ever spent with Hiruzen. He had been a staple in my life since before I was even born. He was the Village's grandpa. He was the reason I learned of Itachi's undercover position. He was the only reason I found myself expecting more of my life as a shinobi.

Hiruko hugged my head to his chest and shushed me gently as my body softened, smoothing my hair with his fingers. His cheek pressed to the top of my head. Mizoko eased off of my shoulder and now had my left hand in his own, rubbing deep calming circles on the back of it. He looked away from us to the window to hide the tears frosting the rims of his eyes.

I fell back onto the pillows hard. Hiruko stopped my head from banging against the bedpost with a quick hand. He glared at the wooden thing threateningly. Those concerned green eyes moved to my electric blues with some profound emotion. His head leaned in until his ear was next to mine, hovering away only slightly.

"Fortune smiled on this village when you survived that fucker's attack," he whispered softly so only I could hear, "I couldn't live in a world where you didn't exist." His voice was an obvious threat.

Losing a sibling is the worst thing that can happen. They're your first friend, first enemy, your first ally and comrade. We learned that dark lesson when Kaz passed away with so little warning. He was different from us, but we all loved him without limitation. As a sibling, it was a basically a requirement to adore each other under every circumstance.

My brothers had me discharged from the hospital. It was a very, _very_ long night.

Mizoko retrieved a long black dress from my closet at home after I gave him explicit directions on how to navigate my landmine- I mean, room. My mother helped me get into it after tightly wrapping up my right arm in a black sling so it wouldn't seem as visible. I had to wear a sling to keep from using the severed muscles. I had yet to even feel my arm, only pins and needles. Loss of functionality in my dominant hand would really put the icing on the cake.

I wasn't supposed to walk yet, but no one tried to stop me from taking the initiative and just doing it. Medics, who came and went, eyed me wearily as I wobbled on one foot then the other, nearly falling before Hiruko caught my left shoulder.

Standing was weird at first, but it got better. It felt like every organ could fall from my bellybutton at any given minute from where my ribs were broken

It was raining heavily, drenching everything in sight. The sky was crying at the loss of our revered Third Hokage.

One at a time, everyone from the village dropped a flower on the Third Hokage's final resting site as symbolism for our last good-byes. There was not a dry eye in the clearing. Kages don't just get murdered out of the blue. You have to be godlike in strength to kill a Kage. Judging by the mumblings in the village, Orochimaru was one of the Legendary Sannin. An immortal by many standards.

Sasuke stood before the memorial stone. Dark shadows under his eyes. Instinctually I wanted to do, or say, something to uplift his broken spirit. He must have been suffering greatly from our latest loss.

But in all reality, what could I say to him? I could see the conversation going downhill quickly. Like: "Buck up champ. Since your beloved brother killed your whole family, this funeral should be a cinch!" Or even better: "Sorry that I haven't told you until now, but I'm basically your sister. So if you need anything, just let me know!"

I internally punched myself in the head like Sasuke undoubtedly would, had he heard my inner dialogue. Instead, I watched him wander away, only to be welcomed home by the silence of loneliness.

I couldn't help the sense of self-loathing for letting Sasuke go home alone to deal with this grief without someone to talk to. Without family or friends to let out his hidden misery.

On the slow walk home, Hiruko jolted upright like he had been stung by a bee.

Sheepishly, he turned to me with a guilty smile, scratching the back of his head like a kid, "We're goin'a have to have our little chat another time. I've got to go now."

The prospect of letting him leave was upsetting. I tried to button my lips and keep from arguing with his decision. But the words spilled from my mouth anyway. "Can't you stay for little while? We could _really_ use some brother-sister bonding right about now." I asked, trying to sound convincing.

"I've got work to do. This…um." he searched for the right word, "…Incident. It was doesn't only affect Fire and Wind. There is a lot of paperwork for me to catch up on this week.

"Oh please. You could finish that stuff in five minutes. You just don't want to hang out." I pouted at my brother as he placed a hand on the top of my head.

His stupid smirk made me smile back, "I'm no superhero, Kat. Sometimes I have to be _responsible_ n'stuff. I'm a big kid now," He pressed a knuckle into my scalp, "I put my pants on one leg at a time, only I get paid a lot more to do it." He joked.

I frowned, ignoring the pain in my face. "Not even for a few more hours? The funeral just ended…" I bargained.

His green eyes rolled, "No. And that's _final_." He ignored my disappointed grump face, "I'll be seeing you again really soon, don't you worry." He took one step back and held a hand seal with a wink, "Remember: be good, _stay safe_ and I love you."

And with that, blinding blue lightning evaporated his from this existence.

I kicked a small rock at the spot where Hiruko stood moments before. Stupid Hiruko, he was always leaving me behind. We never did have that 'talk' he promised so resolutely in my hospital room. Then again, wasn't this always the way with my mysterious older brother.

Mizoko took Hiruko's place as my shoulder to lean on for support as we walked home. I spent the night at my parent's little house. I was able to commiserate with Mizoko and my mother. Father was out with old war buddies, drinking; and Mikah was in his room, dealing with the death in his own way. By studying. Hiruko had to leave right after the funeral. I was sad to see him go.

"You really should come stay with us for a while. Or, at the very least, until things settle down with your health." Mother requested over her teacup. Her request sounded like a demand.

"She's right, you should take some time and heal up before going back to that mine field. Do you even know how many plates she had on the floor? Each had a piece of toast in different stages of decay." Mizoko backed up her logic, "It's unsanitary for someone with new stitches. It's not smart to stay there alone when you can't even use your right arm."

I cast a dead stare, "Yeah, as if I've never dealt with something so debilitating in my life."

Distressed, he said, "That wasn't the same and you know it." He leaned back on his chair, "Back then, you weren't so injury prone. And I'm pretty sure you were a lot cleaner."

"Was not!" I sniffed, "Tidiness and I never seemed to get along."

Mother laughed, "You get that from your father."

I sighed, "Mom, just trust me. I can't go back to living with other people. Things are arranged just the way I like them. No one has to take care of me, I've been pretty self-sufficient for the past few years."

"Trust me, you'll be singing a different tune when some boy steals your heart." She hummed in her motherly way, "Then, you'll be begging to change your living arrangements. Maybe you'll even learn how to cook." She wondered before taking another sip of tea.

"You guys are the worst. A girl can't be totally independent in your eyes. Its like you're all waiting for some guy to come spirit me away to some fantasy land where I can be doted on for all eternity." I threw my one hand in the air for emphasis.

Mother smiled warily, "With an outlook like that, you'll never get a good man to marry you." I opened my mouth to protest but she cut me off, "I'm not asking you to be some fool in love. All we want is to make sure you're okay, that's my one job in life. To make sure you go to bed each night with air in your lungs and a full belly."

"And to make sure she doesn't work herself to death." Mizoko added under his breath, mimicking our mother's voice.

"What? Do you really think that?" I asked, completely bewildered, "I barely work as it is! I'm never assigned any missions of difficulty."

"Except that you're lying to us, Kat!" Mizoko accused, "You've been doing this little disappearing act for months now. You disappear for days, even weeks. Then you have so much free time that we're all jealous of you. I even asked the Third if he had you on missions and he said there was nothing available for you. I knew it was a cover-up. These little lies are making people suspect that you're doing things off the book. Its infuriating!"

I stared at him in wide-eyed horror, why were people so interested in my comings and goings? Did anyone suspect something? I'd have to get some information from him. "It's none of your business what I do during the day." I assured, "On what missions would you send someone like me? None. And you know why. I'm not a killer, you know that. I hate fighting. It makes me panic. I wanted him to give me a team of genin, but he wouldn't even let me play babysitter."

Our pretty blonde mother smiled at me, "If that were the case, that you were unequipped for missions, then you would never have achieved the level of jounin at so young an age."

I rolled my eyes, "Just because I'm my father's daughter does not mean that I'm meant to take on missions every day."

Mizoko's eyes looked tired of the argument, "What we're trying to say is that we don't think you are mentally stable enough to live on your own anymore."

The accusation hurt much worse than anticipated. It felt like cold lava in my stomach. My family thought I was crazy. That's just great. "I'm not crazy, why do you think that?"

"You disappear without reasons, you hurt yourself-"

"I have never hurt myself!" I cut him off.

"Explain your hands then. Why did you break your own hands if you weren't trying to kill yourself?" Mizoko implied with a raised brow.

"I- What- You-… um." I stumbled my words trying to manifest some excuse other than 'Itachi Uchiha broke them'.

"No excuses. I saw you that night, I know what happened. You somehow knew about the massacre. It made you lose your head." His eyes dropped to my bandaged arm, "You lost your self preservation. As shown by your actions on the war front."

Now confused, I pressed my brows together in thought. Much of my memory form the fight had faded from the concussion and consequent healing process. "What exactly _did_ I do? I barely remember anything." I asked.

With a frustrated sigh, Mizoko stood. "I'm not getting into this right now. I have papers to look over." He looked to our mother, "Can't you tell her she's not _allowed_ to live alone?"

She smirked knowingly, "Our Kat is a big girl now. If she thinks that she can handle things all by her self, then she has that right. Even if I completely disagree."

I smiled back at her as Mizoko's dejected form stomped away down the hallway to his room. As enticing as it seemed to life at home and forgo monthly payments, I couldn't do it. This house was too small. Four brothers and two parents were far too many people for one very tiny, mostly dilapidated, house on the bad side of town.

Wait, only two of my brothers lived here anymore. Hiruko lived… _elsewhere_, and Kaz was dead.

What an awful world in which we live. Everyone died so suddenly, with little to no warning, so you couldn't prepare yourself. You never know how long you'll have the people you love most.

The thought dropped my heart to the floor. The thought of my terminally ill lover squeezed my chest tightly. Once more I'd left him alone without thinking of how he was handling life and the prospect of death. I never asked him if he was alright, or how he was feeling. I was a horribly neglectful…. significant other? What should I even refer to myself as?

What if he decided not to fix things anymore and let us fall back into a world of feigned indifference? It was always he who made things better in our relationship. I was almost never the person to let my pride down and apologize for the many reproachful things I'd said and done to him. I'd always wanted to, but never actually did. Time and time again I was letting him down, some day he would stop trying and find someone who was easier to manage.

My mother had a small frown on her lips as she looked me over, it was as if she could see exactly what was wrong, but wouldn't openly call me out on it. Moms are pretty good for that kind of stuff.

The clouds broke several days later. It was all sunshine and blue skies, as if nature was telling Konoha that it was all right to move past the death of their beloved Kage.

Konoha did not take nature's suggestion. Missions weren't going out, people stayed out of the street. Those who did go outside were dressed in dark colors and avoided speaking to one another. Our whole world was mourning while the sun shone on blissfully unaware as if it had forgotten the events of the days before.

I limped heavily with one crutch under my arm as I made my way back to the apartment. I saw two black something's flash through the air with immense speed. They bounced from roof to roof from the corner of my eye. I sensed them out, but they were too quick to get a good reading. Something like blue and grey, but the colors were all jumbled in their consistency. It gave me a headache. They were probably ANBU. Security was going to be intense in these coming months until a new Hokage was chosen.

A person moved within the canvas drapes of a restaurant as I passed by. At first I thought nothing of it, then I glanced back and realized that it was none other than my good friend Sora. He was waving. He wore a mask of bandages and a high collared shirt to hide his face further. The only reason I knew it was him was his quiet mannerisms and well-hidden face. I smiled lopsidedly at him and waved back with my good arm, he motioned me over more urgently.

He stood with strong posture and met me in the middle of my trajectory in order to help me to the table with a soft, guiding hand. If he felt the need to help, I must look utterly helpless.

"How are you feeling Katsue?" He asked in his quiet way as he helped me sit by taking my crutch and leaning it against the table.

Well, I could tell him that I was in immense pain and actually wished to die whenever the healing ointment wore off. That I was a terrible person who used peoples' emotions against them to get my way. That I killed people and treated them like pieces of meat for the 'better good'. That I cried myself to sleep the past three nights because I hated what I'd become, the heartless, spineless, manipulative person I'd always strived to avoid. But I didn't tell him anything.

Instead I made a muscle with my good arm, "Fitter than a fiddle!" I spouted, "How about you? And Yua and Senji?"

His doll black eyes gave away this uncharacteristic, minute and very well contained, annoyance. He folded his hands on the table and leaned forward.

"I thought it was only me you were avoiding." He whispered, sounding hurt.

"Huh?" I cocked an eyebrow at him and tilted my head and said, "I'm not avoiding anyone."

Sora shifted uncomfortably, masking a wince form the movement, "What has you so occupied that you have forgotten your friends?"

My jaw dropped. Then clamped it shut. Sora, of all people, was calling me out! Was I _really_ that readable?

I was positive I'd been doing a good job with this balancing act of work, family and friends. Plus, I saw him only a few days ago. Did I miss something?

His implication became clear when he rubbed the scar on his chest, not releasing me from our eye contact. I hadn't seen Yua or Senji since that one mission nearly four months ago. Senji probably didn't want to spend time with the girl he used to bully in school. But for me to neglect Yua was mean at best, and callously inconsiderate at worst. She was always a good friend and I had simply overlooked her like a piece of paper on the street ever since Sora got out of the hospital.

"Yua has been looking for you." He informed me, "Aside from Anko and me, no one has seen much of you in a good while. What has changed, Kat?"

I opened my mouth to defend my negligence when a worked up jounin came tearing down the road, past the restaurant.

He doubled back with his eyebrows knit together furiously, stomping into the restaurant yelling, "What're you doing!? Two S-class felons are somewhere in the village and you two stop for lunch?" He took off again, but not before shouting over his shoulder, "Get moving!"

Sora leaped to his feet and ran out the door to chase the green-vested man.

"Akatsuki?" He called after the sprinting jounin. Fright was well hidden in his slightly elevated tone.

The jounin yelled over his shoulder once more, "Kisame Hoshigaki and Itachi Uchiha!"

Sora's body froze but his lips managed to murmur, "Kat, they're the same…"

Understanding my friend's fear, I lifted myself from the seat with my left hand braced on the hard table, "Don't worry, I'll take care of them."

He pressed a hand to his shoulder absently, remembering something specific. Specifically disturbing. I looked his tightened shoulder up and down, knowing the scars hidden under his jacket.

I stepped forward, covering a wince with a smirk and commanded with authority, "You stay here, I'll go after them."

He took two long strides toward me and grabbed my right shoulder to make me look at him, producing a loud yelp of pain.

He flinched his hand away and apologized, "Sorry…" he collected his voice and took my sovereignty away with logical consideration as he eyed my right arm with tolerant dismay. "Although I would want no one by my side on this task more than you," He looked back at my eyes, "you have no business trying to fight Akatsuki in this condition."

"Like _you_ should be talking…" I muttered, knowing he was entirely right.

Placing a light hand on my left shoulder, he took a step forward before looking into my eyes with unfaltering control.

His voice reverted back to its typically quiet resignation. "Go home and take care of yourself. Last time, you did everything you could for me when Ita-"

Before he could finish the word, he felt my body twitch at the outright accusation of my lover. Of course, he didn't know that. He probably thought I was scared.

"He doesn't scare me anymore." I assured, not only him, but also myself as the memory of those blood red eyes crept into my psyche.

Sora sighed, breathing away his bad memories and mine with one breath. Remembering how I crouched protectively over his dying body before nearly getting myself killed by two Akatsuki members while under his supervision.

He continued with even more command in his voice, "Stop trying to protect everyone. I'm taking you home."

My mouth opened to protest, but he held up a gloved hand, "This is urgent, I need to leave as soon as possible. I _will_ keep you apprised of the situation, but you are going home. Don't argue.

I began to object again, but he grabbed the hand from my good side and dragged me out of the restaurant straight to my apartment, feet digging lines of dirt as I tried to step on the brakes. He wouldn't let me go with him.

"It's not fair! How come you can go and I can't! You're just as beat up!" I argued loudly with him the whole way. People stared at us. I could see his shoulders slope as if to hide from the embarrassment.

"At least I have two functioning arms." He muttered only loud enough for me to hear.

"At least I have two functioning lungs!" I shot back; he didn't seem to like that one. But if it really bothered him, he didn't express one way or the other. "And I have experience fighting sharingan users, you don't." He ignored all of my arguments.

We reached my apartment. He used the kick plate to open the door before pressing me through the threshold even as I fought back. I turned around to give him a piece of my mind, but the door slammed shut in my face, bonking my nose.

Ugh!

It was days before I could make myself a functioning part of society again. Aoi came by to help me out with food and things, it was nice spending some time with her after the battle.

After seeing it's comically messy condition, she helped clean up the apartment. Aoi was not a clean freak or anything, so it was a little embarrassing to have her reprimand me for the disarray.

Hours of picking up laundry and cleaning days-old tea cups passed. We sat at the kitchen table to chat a little over a shared pot of tea.

"You were really great out there, Kat." She gave me a small smile over the brim of her cup. I felt jealousy and admiration emit from her in tiny yellow waves, "I could never be so selfless."

I still had only a vague idea of what happened. I only heard bits and pieces from my brother, but the images didn't match the stories in a lot of cases.

I scratched my cheek out of embarrassment, "Honestly, I don't even remember what happened, it's like everything is fogged out in my head." I explained as heat spread my cheeks.

Her jaw dropped open slightly, a sprig of curly black hair fell from her high ponytail and into her face.

"You don't _remember_? Wow." She barked a laugh, "Guess I should explain before the rumors get out of control."

She leaned in as if telling me a secret, "Basically, you killed a bunch of Sand to save our guys."

That much Mizoko had told me.

"With one attack, you managed to save two jounin from certain death." She went on with the spooky voice of a story-teller.

"Huh?" I grunted dumbly.

She giggled again at my naivety, "Koroko said she watched you throw two kunai. Then suddenly two Sand nin were dead, saving our guys.

Okay, I remember that… vaguely.

"That was just good hand eye coordination." I shrugged it off, that wasn't impressive- it's in the nature of shinobi. "Wouldn't you have done the same? " I asked.

Aoi tipped her cup back to finish what remained of her tea then narrowed her eyes at me accusingly, "I don't have eyes on the back of my head, I couldn't have known two people on opposite ends of the clearing were about to kill someone."

I smiled at her with a raised eyebrow. She had to be kidding.

"Yeah, _sure_." I giggled, "Sorry to say it, but I'm not _that_ cool. Koroko was exaggerating."

She grew somewhat irritated with me, "Oh yeah? One was in front of me while the other jounin was all the way by the main gate, near Koroko." Seeing my resigned expression, she dropped the angry bite to her tone, "You really don't remember any of this, do you?"

Her smug face was bothering me for some reason.

"No, I really don't." I responded with a slight edge, "Who were the other two guys I _supposedly_ swooped in and saved?" I asked, rubbing my bad shoulder absently with a low smirk.

She folded her hands under the table and looked to the ceiling to think, "Well, you threw that one kunoichi off of some Hiroto. Then you somehow managed to stick a shuriken in this one big guy's neck. He left a Leaf kunoichi alone and went after you.

"That's when he went to grab your katana. That was pretty freaky. You did some weird thing with his fist that brought him to his knees." Aoi's voice lowered along with her eyes as she looked to me with a little apprehensiveness, "Then you gave him the Death Mask." Raising an eyebrow at her sarcastically, she ended the story with nonchalance, "And that's how you killed him."

The Death Mask? I fleetingly wondered when I learned _that_ technique.

Before I could respond, Aoi continued with the story, "But that wasn't before he punched you in the gut and you hit the dirt. Sand retreated, but that big guy is in our custody, and so is some little kunoichi."

I sat straight up as memories seemed to flood back. Dark hair, Kaz's age, scared blue eyes, the katana…

"A little girl with black hair?" I asked anxiously, leaning closer.

For whatever reason, that girl had an effect on me. I wanted to keep her safe. "Where are they keeping her? Did they bring her in to interrogation?"

Aoi batted her eyelashes with this total lack of compassion as she said, "Oh. I think she's already been disposed of." She pushed back the free section of curly hair behind her ear, "The big guy is more interesting to TI."

A few hours later, Aoi left me with a clean apartment and frozen dinners to aid in my survival.

All I could think about was that little girl. It sunk my heart to think that she had been killed by TI.

Hiruko would know what to do. I needed to talk to Mizoko and set up a meeting with him or something.

Later that night in the bathroom I looked over the dark purple bruising that bloomed over my stomach and right side. Yellow patterns indicated where my ribs had been broken. Luckily the internal bleeding had not been as severe as I had suspected on the battlefield. Sutures held my lip together along with three thin lines where kunai sliced my cheek open.

I wanted to smash this stupid mirror. I'd never looked so terrible in all of my life. My greasy, almost gray, hair was braided up against my skull in tight cornrows that met the nape of my neck. Aoi had done it for me so I wouldn't have to worry about showering as much for the next few days until she could redo them.

Slowly, I unbound my stabbed shoulder. Black in the middle, it puckered dark red around the edges of the wound with yellow plasma crusted along the rims of every clear thread stitched into it.

My first thought was '_damn that looks super infected_.'

Oh well, there was nothing _I_ could do to fix it. So to stave off any further discoloration, I washed it out with some alcohol; whimpering in pain through the whole procedure.

The healer had done a great job on the inside, my stitches were beautiful, but my shoulder was still a wreck. I couldn't lift it above a certain point. Around the joint was almost entirely numb. Pins and needles. The slice oozed some funky colored liquids leaving me wanting to vomit profusely whenever I tried moving it too high.

Sora did as he promised. He came later that night to give me details about the fight with Itachi and Kisame. Kakashi was in a coma and the two Akatsuki disappeared.

_Apparently_ the pair went elsewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever the they want to tell themselves to help them sleep at night. I knew better than almost anyone that Itachi couldn't be found if he didn't want to be.

Knowing my missing nin, I'd probably see him soon. Hopefully he wasn't _too_ angry with me anymore. It had been a week since the Third's death and the chuunin exams.

Heat seeped into the lining of my belly nervously. Now that the Hokage was gone, I wasn't entirely sure what would happen to Itachi and my correspondence.

I gulped hard. Would our arrangement cease entirely?

Tossing my head from side to side, I shook the concept away. That was a thought I could not face. Instead, I let myself believe Itachi would come knocking on my window at some point with his apathetic way of forgiving my manipulative ways.

But he didn't.

Months passed. Mizoko was able to wrangle Hiruko into meeting with me about the prisoners. Although he wasn't much older than me, my brother was a genius. He was born with talents much greater than either my father or myself.

"I can't bring you to where I work, but I can bring you to Konoha's TI." He explained as he helped me wrap my well-healed arm on my couch, "I only have jurisdiction over POW's, though. So if you're looking for information on Konoha residents, you're out of luck.

His sandy brown hair was so long now that it was a tangled mess at the ends. With my left hand I tugged hard on a long handful of hair, jerking his head back. He scowled at me, retaliating by tightening the bandage painfully.

I winced. Then, in an attempt to change the topic, I asked, "when are you going to get a haircut bro?"

He looked horribly offended. He stood from the couch and fluttered his eyelashes. He reached up to his head and hugged a long bunch of hair around his stomach twirling like it was a dress, "Never!" He struck a ladylike pose, "Not until I can be a pretty girl like you!"

I shook my head slowly with a smile, "I worry about you sometimes." My eyes narrowed with a broad- lip cracking- smile, "How did I know you were gay?"

He dropped the act with an opened mouth of insulted accusation, "I am _not_ gay. I just don't have enough time in the day to cut my hair you little twerp!" He defended.

A goofy smile set itself on my lips, "No need to get all worked up over a joke. A real man is secure in his sexuality." He gave me an exaggerated frown like our mother's. "If you have time to twirl around like a girl, you have time to lob off that mop on your head." I added teasingly.

Begrudgingly, he sat back down and taped the bandage into place. I wasn't in a sling anymore, but I wasn't supposed to move my arm much to allow the muscled to reconnect without scarring too much.

My brother pulled the long hair in front of my face, "If you keep making fun of me I might lob _your_ hair off." He pressed his knuckle into the ear length, messy hair on top of my head. "Oh damn, looks like someone beat me to it." He popped his tongue out at me. I smiled brightly at him.

"So when can we go see the prisoners?" I asked.

Hiruko tapped his chin, then stood and looked at his watch. Then took out a small agenda pad with a calendar on the front. A frown pulled at my lips.

He held out a hand, "How about right now?" he said with a toothy grin.

Unthinking, I grabbed his hand out of pure excitement.

A painful flash of light seemed to condense my body, thrusting it through an electrically charged sense of nonexistence.

As soon as I regained my bearing, I plopped to the floor. The room was spinning. It had white walls and dozens of doors in a circular colonnade.

"Who are you looking for, specifically?" Hiruko asked in a more professional voice that seemed to echo through my skull painfully. No, it actually echoed through the empty halls of the creepy room.

He glanced down at me dismissively, then back again with a small worried frown, "I forgot you've never done that before.

I stumbled to a standing position with the assistance of my brother's arm. I shrugged away the dizziness and described the girl to the best of my memory, "A sand nin with long black hair and blue eyes, she has to be around twelve years old at most."

Recognition lightened his green eyes, "Ahh Mokuro. She's down the hall." He said affectionately. He walked through one of the dozen doors and made a waving motion in my direction.

"Follow me." He called over his shoulder.

So many times I'd spent days upon days on interrogations in this building. Yet somehow I had no idea where we were, or what subsection we were walking through.

Through the door was a quarter mile of endless doors only a few feet apart. The fifth one down had a red light shining in the dim walkway. The door next to that was where we stopped. Hiruko knocked a special set of knocks. Probably to see if there was an interrogation in session. He listened closely for a minute then pushed it open.

All curled up in a chair with her arms tied outstretched like a bird in flight so she looked as if she had been crucified. Ironic, almost, that she was strung up like a bird when all she probably wanted was to fly away from this dark place. The little girl's eyes were wide, bloodshot and rimmed in red. She stared past us with this look of absence. Her clothes were tattered. She was so dirty. It was a terrifying sight.

I glanced at my brother disapprovingly, but he just shrugged and looked back at Mokuro's tiny, destroyed body. Surely he was numb to this kind of thing by now.

I stumbled forward to speak with her. I kneeled in front of her and smiled in an attempt at getting her to smile back. Typically, sane people would smile back. But this case was different from anything I'd ever experienced before. The test didn't work, she just looked past me at nothing. Her blue eyes were dull and broken, so unlike the fierce blue eyes I had seen on the battlefield.

Like tongues, my chakra swam around her. But her emotions were so dismal and faint that I could barely feel them. This kid must have had one hell of a life to be in this kind of shape at her age.

"Hi Mokuro," I spoke into her wide, numb eyes, "my name is Katsue, but you can call me Kat. Is that alright?"

She didn't respond. She didn't even blink. For a moment I thought she might be dead.

I waved a hand in front of her face warranting no reaction at all, not even a blink when I flicked my fingers at her eyes. Then something occurred to me. I took her bare foot in my hand and pinched the skin gently. Normally, skin is bouncy. It retracts the minute it is pulled from the muscle. Mokuro's skin stayed up, like I'd just formed clay with my two fingers.

"Hiruko, when was the last time you gave this girl water?" I asked without looking at him, afraid that I might try and hurl something if he had that stupid smile on his face.

He didn't answer. Aggravated, I looked over my shoulder to see him staring blankly beyond me and the girl.

"Hiruko!" I demanded, now angry, "Did you give this girl water, or what!"

Judging by this girl's slow reaction time, she was on the verge of death by dehydration, and that did not sit well with me.

In a flash I was outside of the room with my brother alone. He had me by the front of my shirt pinned hard against the cement wall.

His teeth were clenched, angrily he reprimanded, "_Who do you think you are?_"

He twisted his fist into my shirt harder, choking me a little, "This is _not_ my operation. At her age it isn't policy to give prisoners of conflict _anything_. They get no food, water, fresh air or sunlight until they talk. If they die, so be it. Or did you already forget that these people killed your Hokage?"

I bristled, "What do you mean '_your'_ Hokage? Or did you forget that you are a shinobi of Konoha as well?" I grabbed his hand and flicked it away. "When did you become so heartless?" I spat back at him, rage infused in my voice.

Terrifyingly calm, he loosened his grip on my shirt. With a dark undertone my brother replied, "Katsue, you know nothing of the darkness I'm capable of if you consider this humane treatment _heartless_."

I planted my legs and folded my arms over my chest defiantly.

"Apparently not." I growled, I had never been so angry with him in my life. "So what's the treatment for kids Mikah's age? What if Kaz had been captured? Is this what we would expect for him?"

He stood straight, fixing his coat and combing fingers through his hair. "It's the same for every person Konoha interrogates regardless of age, race, creed, clan, gender or stature." He pronounced as if reading from a handbook. "For someone who worked for TI, you are entirely uninformed as to what you do for a living."

Glaring at my older brother, I reached out past him to reenter the room, but realized that instead I was now reaching for my kitchen window.

He sent me back! With an angry cry, I swiped my arm across the counter causing plates and a breadbox to shatter on the floor.

How could he be so cruel to a little girl! She doesn't even know how to swing a sword how could she possibly know anything of importance?

Looking around, I grumbled at myself for breaking everything.

I kicked a mostly shattered plate. "Great job, now you have to clean up all of this glass with a bum arm." I muttered into the darkness, suddenly feeling horribly alone. It wasn't just Itachi this time. This time it was my brother who was angry with me. Hiruko was not renowned for his forgiving disposition. A sob sat in my throat, threatening as a cold knife.

Shivering, I felt the chill of loneliness drop over my shoulders. I curled up on the floor among the debris of my tirade. Hugging my legs under my chin, I dropped a heavy head onto my knees. There was that feeling again. The feeling as the world around me changed and shifted as uncontrollable as a summer storm. Change was endless and far beyond my control.

All I wanted was to feel Itachi's arms around me, protecting from the rain and thunder. To save me from this feeling of loss and isolation. But no. I was fool enough to drive him away again, thinking that I could simply fix things once the chunin exams came to a close. He must have known about the attack beforehand. I'm always so blind to the things I didn't want to know.

A feeling of responsibility came over me in shivering waves that raised the fine hairs on my arms.

Arashi, Ryu, Hiruzen, Kaz. The names of the ones I lost folded into endless loops, a ringing in my ears. I tried to remember what Arashi's smile looked like, or the Third's wrinkles that resided beside his eyes when he smiled. I tried to remember the way Kaz would roll his eyes when I would tell him I loved him, or the put-out face Ryu made when Arashi told him I had a boyfriend.

But I couldn't seem to picture them. Whenever I tried to create their faces in my head, they would fade into the images of people who still lived. Hiruzen into Sora. Ryu would fade into Hiruko with a big goofy grin. Kaz somehow morphed into Itachi with red sharingan eyes. Arashi into Anko, yelling at me to do more pushups.

They faded into images of people who survived the endlessly draining world of shinobi. People who were heartless enough to survive. It was sickening, it was heartbreaking, it was… it was…

"I hate this place." I mouthed a choked whisper, muffled by my legs. "I'm so sorry..."

Fat tears fell from my eyes for the first time in months, soaking the soft fabric of my leggings. The words were meant for Arashi. For Ryu and Kaz. Even for Itachi and my horrid brother. Holding my knees hard against my eyes, I tried to stop the flow of saline. It didn't work. I sobbed into the night. Completely alone.

Heard by none of my intended listeners, the words faded into darkness. The only comprehensible noise was my quiet weeping.


	37. Viva La Vida

_"Viva La Vida"_

* * *

The next morning I awoke in the same position I slept in, a ball on the kitchen floor. Lines from the tiled floor left a waffled imprint on the side of my face, I felt them as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. My poor kitchenware was scattered about the floor, shattered and confused at my aggressive actions toward them the night before.

"Great job, idiot. Now you have to clean up all of this glass with a bum arm." I kicked a mostly shattered teacup across the floor. "Why am I just the worst?" I whined out of frustration.

After about an hour of picking up tiny pieces of glass with a tiny piece of tape, it was all done. It wasn't particularly clean, but it wasn't particularly dirty either. It was the dark hours of early morning. Framed by the grime-encrusted metal of my window were the pretty yellow and reds of Konoha's sunrise.

Dark enough to reflect on how furiously disillusioned I was with my heartless brother.

Gripping the counter until it squeaked under pressure, I clenched my eyes shut. Blurred memories of those bright, fearful eyes that made me self-aware enough not to murder a child contrasted with the soulless blues I saw earlier in that awful interrogation room.

That little girl didn't belong there. What if someone had treated Kaz that way? Or worse, sweet baby Mikah? How could he not see the inhumanity? I could understand it. That kind of treatment, had she been an adult with any combat skills, could have been understandable to hang her up like a side of beef and refuse her any food or water. No smart person would trust important strategic information with a child like her.

Opening my eyes I frowned at the steam pipe in front of the window from the restaurant below. Itachi had only been thirteen when he was appointed captain of ANBU. But that was different. He was born with unfathomable talent. This girl was a tiny thing who used a katana like a meat cleaver; it wasn't a damn claymore!

I sat down at my kitchen table to think. There was literally nothing for me to do today. I thought I might go crazy if I just sat here feeling sorry for myself any longer, so I went out to see what was different with the world.

As I walked down the steps, I looked to my left into the cafe below. Yua and Senji were seated across from each other at one of the picnic tables set up under the canvas roof, conversing amicably. Almost adoringly. Hell, Senji even _smiled_. Only once, but it counted.

I rubbed my eyes, not trusting my what I saw. Nope. Still there. Gazing at each other lovingly. Senji caught my eye and pushed Yua's hands to her side of the table and gave me a disapproving stare. Yua waved with a little pink blush on her cheek.

Without invitation, I went on in and sat down next to Yua. "How are you guys! I missed you!" I announced.

Yua brushed her blunt bangs back from her face with a precious smile, "We're doing well. How's your shoulder feeling?"

Yua was answering for the both of them? And Senji wasn't patronizing her? What awesome parallel universe did I just enter?

"It's okay." I thought back to my fights, I definitely didn't see her on that field, "Wait, you know about that?"

She giggled, "I was your doctor, silly."

I felt my face go white. Well, you know, whit_er_. I was really the worst friend ever. I somehow managed to overlook something so important. I didn't even know that she was working at the hospital.

I frowned, "…You're kidding, right?"

A peachy blush touched her cheeks as she said, "Not at all, you were a perfect patient. Slept the whole way through the initial stitching. That artery in your shoulder was a real mess though."

No freaking way.

By the gleeful little face she made, I think she guessed my ignorance of that rather important detail and managed to forgive me anyway. She fluttered her hand at me with a sweet smile, "Don't worry, you were asleep, you wouldn't have known I was even there."

Senji shifted awkwardly across from me, obviously wanting to change the subject, "So you're a jounin now?" He cut in with irritation in his voice, "who in their right mind let that happen?"

I tapped his shoulder with my fist, "Hey, be careful. You might have to work with me again someday." I taunted.

"Probably not, seeing as you don't take part in normal missions these days." He replied folding his arms, seemingly annoyed with me.

"Oh, yeah. Right. About that, I'm just doing some side job. It's steady, something they can use my 'weird-o brain' for." I lied, poking fun at his opinion on my kekkei genkai.

"So someone finally put that weird ability of yours to use, took them long enough. I always assumed you'd be taken up like your brother. Guess you were even too weird for them." He glanced over at Yua who was braiding a small section of sea foam green hair.

At the mention of Hiruko my attitude seemed to shift into something darker. I was angry with him, and would be for a long time, "Yeah. Well I'm glad to be where I am right now, even with all of this turmoil lately."

Senji glanced at me sideways, "Yes, it's good to see you're not completely pointless in a fight," he, like everyone else, glanced at my arm before adding, "I heard Itachi Uchiha showed his mug around here. I guess there wasn't enough innocent blood on his hands."

Cool depression curled in my stomach. No matter how many times I heard about it, talking about the massacre never got easier. It was only worse now that I had let myself fall for the culprit like some foolish nincompoop. For the most part, Senji avoided bringing it up around me, but lately people seemed to forget how much those deaths had changed my life. Everyone felt the need to bring up my favorite dark eyed murderer.

Senji had suspected my relationship with Itachi early on, but never said anything directly. Just like I pretended not to know anything about his relationship with Yua even though he was engaged to another girl, he pretended not to know anything about my relationship with Itachi. Though he probably just thought that the Uchiha could do better, he really seemed not to like me as a person. But, I'm no marshmallow anymore!

"That guy. If I'd been born with talents like his, I'd be hokage by now," his square face grouched, "What a waste," he grumbled under his breath, fiddling with his wedding band.

**Wait**. What! A _wedding band_?!

"When did," I pointed at the offending metal, "_that_ happen?" I cried with a pout. We weren't on horrible terms. I'd be disappointed if he didn't come to my major life-events. I felt totally left out, "Why wasn't I invited!"

Looking away from me, his gaze fell to Yua, who blushed profusely and folded her hands. Hands that contained a sparkling silver band. On her left hand. It all came together, "What happened!"

She held her hand up a little to show off the glittering silver ring, "Senji proposed nearly a month ago. Rather than make a big deal of it, we just had a small family gathering for the wedding. It's what we wanted," she explained with quiet pride.

I could jump for joy; Yua had loved him since we all met as kids. This was a big deal. I was proud of her, yet horribly distraught. My smile didn't waver as I asked the obvious question, "What happened with Irina?"

Senji's glare could have burned through me had I looked at him, instead I awaited Yua's explanation.

"Oh, yes, well," her happy smile dropped, "Senji decided he didn't want to marry a floozy jackal with no moral compass."

My mouth dropped open at her cavalier assertiveness. "Huh, that bad?"

Her smile wavered again, "So, about this lovely weather…"

We continued chatting for a little while as I watched them interact. She was the cool breeze to his hot day. It was comforting to see them together, but after another few minutes I decided not to barge into their private time anymore and bid them goodbye.

Wandering the streets I practiced my kekkei genkai. I saw my village coming together, fixing the damages of the battle. People were still trying to resume their relatively normal lives. Their emotions felt drained, but full of strength and resolve. Typical Konoha, jumping right back into action after such a painful loss. My chakra was low, so there was little I could do by means of training.

For the rest of the morning into the early afternoon I sat atop the water tower and watched the sky. It was one of the few things in my life that never changed, ever. The place I held in this world had changed, becoming increasingly important on some level. My family changed with the passing of my brother. The people I spent my time with were beginning to dwindle in numbers, becoming more compact and significant.

My love life went in endless… shapes. Not circles like normal relationships, where arguments and happiness come and go in endless cycles. Instead of circles, we were _shapes_. Itachi and I were like this abnormal amoeba-thing that squished around all contented with the world until put under a microscope and poked with needles and bad decisions galore. Oh, and somewhere in between we manipulate one another, and threaten to kill each other. Then we end the day with uncomfortable feelings of affection that neither of us had the right to feel. There were more questions than answers with Itachi. And that was the way things would always be.

The air was cooler at night, it puffed from my mouth in tiny personal clouds. In attempt to spell my name in breath-puff letters, I almost fell off of the slick metal surface. Waving wildly I caught hold of something. Whatever it was, it had a pulse.

My view from here was a little funky, but let my explain it to the best of my ability. I almost pissed myself in fear when I saw that I was clinging onto Kisame Hoshigaki's leg, and whose eyes looked down at me like some kind of predator.

Blood drained from my face to see that he was not alone. Somehow, I was more terrified to see Itachi standing next to him completely careless of my existence, than the fact that I was currently holding onto one of the Seven Swordsman for dear life. From my position their collars covered their mouths, but the red clouds and height differences were enough for an educated guess.

Kisame looked down at me with black, villainous eyes. I felt no anger or hate in him. But a playful need. Need for what, you ask? Well I'll tell you, be patient.

These general observations all took about a second to comprehend. In that miniscule amount of time, Kisame hoisted me up by my forearm and held me away like the plague. The position felt like it would tear my bad arm right out of its socket, ruining all of Yua's hard work.

"Hello," Kisame greeted with a toothy grin.

Something must have scrambled my brains, because I was entirely open to talking to this S-class felon. Normally, I'd simply cut off his ability to use the arm holding me, but since I was incredibly high in the air, it would be a fatal error to use that technique. Now, what would a normal person say when thrust into this position?

"Hi, how are you?" I asked nonsensically. I clenched my eyes shut out of embarrassment. There was something sincerely wrong with me.

He seemed humored by my polite conversation. His chuckle shook the beam of his arm. Successfully hiding the agonized scream in my lungs, I glanced over at Itachi. His eyes met mine briefly before casually looking to the horizon. He wanted to tell me something, and it was pretty obvious what those red sharingan eyes wanted. He wanted me to get the hell out of here.

"Keeping my head above the water, and yourself?" He enunciated each word in perfect bad guy style.

The monstrous man was pretty intimidating, but his tone was mannerly. His water based pun made me smile when paired with his gilled face and blue-gray skin. He belonged in the ocean. I wanted to laugh at the strange situation, but I couldn't. My arm was really beginning to protest.

"Hm, that's a _tough sail_," I joked back, laughing away the pain. But instead of laughing, I choked and coughed. I managed to hide the wince of pain. The swinging motion pulled my arm out of its socket, an audible _pop_ made my fingers go limp. Kisame's eyes narrowed and trailed from my face, up my arm to the slumped fingers. For a second, I thought he might let me plummet to the ground.

I smiled, hoping he might find me endearing enough not to kill, "If you _krill_ me now you'll _shorely_ make more _anemones_," I warned, jokingly.

Shuddering away from the aching pain as Kisame laughed again, shaking my arm heartily, I glanced at Itachi again. The Uchiha was gazing over Konoha with his sharingan still activated, not seeming to care in the slightest that his partner was currently the only thing between me and two hundred feet of sure, and probably sudden, death.

Kisame smiled with the obvious intention to show off his sharp teeth threateningly, "You're very punny little minnow. It's dangerous to play just beyond the shark's mouth."

It was a stretch, but another pun came to mind before I could let the game go, "Well I was hoping you were a …pacifisht," The last word was a stretch. It came out with the upward inflection of a valley girl.

How was I always the fool who got stuck in these inconceivable circumstances? Oh right, because I am a naïve little marshmallow with no self preservation.

"Ah, that's where you are _shrimply_ mistaken," he threatened in this odd means of communication we had created.

The muscles in my arm were tearing again, I could feel the bands of tendons and muscle begin to strain and snap. If he didn't drop me soon he would have just an arm in his hand as I fell to the streets below.

I liked this pun game. I'd never actually seen the ocean before, but I learned about it in dozens of classes in the past.

"So, _water_ you saying? That you need _kelp_?" The humor left his eyes as I grabbed for more ridiculous puns, now I was stretching it. They just sounded stupid now. He lifted an eyebrow, all humor gone from his features. I frowned at him, "Don't be so crabby," I accused.

I smiled at him through the painful muscular tension in my face, hoping he wasn't going to kill me after getting a laugh out of him, "Would you mind putting me down now?"

His tiny black eyes stared into mine with a menacing laughter behind them. They weren't quite black; they had a thin sheen of dappled green in the sun's sparkling light, like dogs and cats in the darkness. I wondered if he was biologically different from other humans. Did he have the capability to breathe underwater like a fish? Was he even a mammal? I wondered if his offspring would be born of eggs or live birth.

His eyes closed as he smiled a toothy grin. He then said, "Thanks for the laugh, little minnow, but you're about to hit rock bottom."

He dropped me right off the side of that water tower.

I found myself talking to the Third in my head, telling him I'd be visiting him soon. I apologized to the people I loved for letting myself die in such a stupid way. I imagined what my splattered body would look like form Itachi's vantage point. Would he be angry? Would he cry?

My arms and legs felt heavy when I tried to roll into the fall to soften the damage. I don't remember much, only the sound my skull created as it hit the ground, or the metal, or whatever I hit. Then everything went dark.

Calm, serene darkness fell over me like a comforting blanket.

But I didn't die that night.

Instead, I woke up in this strange, alien room.

…Fuck.

The light hurt my head. _Everything_ hurt my head. _Living_ hurt my head. When I felt for my limbs, I realized I couldn't feel my arms. In a frenzied panic I sat straight up and felt them drag across the metal table. Well, at least I knew they were still attached.

"Hello sister dearest." A familiar voice came, "My colleague and I will be conducting a short survey if you would try and comply I'd be much obliged."

I could hear nothing but his voice. Everything else was missing. I couldn't hear or feel or smell anything.

His voice came again, "This is X, he will be writing notes while I ask the questions."

My sight returned. I went to open my eyes, but the light was too strong. My head throbbed. I opened my eyes enough to catch a glimpse of the two standing on either side of the metal table. Hiruko was with standing before me along with a large man who had massive scaring across his face with only one eye. Unlike most, he didn't bother patching it, instead there was just a socket where his eye once lived. He was built like an ox, wearing the same lab coat my brother always wore. Were I a prisoner of war, that guy would probably get whatever he wanted from me just by showing up. He was terrifying.

Hikuro tilted the light away so I could open my eyes, but thought better of it and shone it directly in my face again.

Hiruko's dark, commanding baritone echoed through my ears, "Before you open your eyes, tell us everything you saw, experienced and heard. Everything matters. What you felt, the tones of their voices. If you can manage it, even tell me the color of their eyes."

* * *

_A/N: Thank you to my Beta, Jin Forever! Please review :)_


	38. Say It Ain't So

_"Say it Ain't So"_

* * *

Once again, I woke up somewhere new. What kind of life did I have that people always wanted to leave me places?

I traced my steps. The last thing I remember was my brother making me (somehow) tell him about Itachi and Kisame. After that, my mind is blank. Maybe he just sent me right to the hospital when he was done with his questioning. Then again, I barely even remember that. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe someone found me on the ground and dropped me off at the hospital. I didn't even know what time it was; the blinds were drawn shut, so I could not see the sun.

The door creaked open, revealing a highly concerned Yua. She came in and flashed a light in my eyes with a look of disconcertion.

She hummed, "Follow my finger with your eyes."

She wagged a finger in front of my eyes then wrote something on a notepad, "Tap your fingers to your thumb, one at a time, quickly," she demanded gently, her voice was very soothing.

Yua's small mouth slanted with disapproval as we watched my fingers jerk to my thumb slowly and uncoordinated, missing the target a few times. I chewed my tongue to concentrate on the action with little success.

"It would be a good idea to stay in the hospital for a few days. I worked on you throughout the night, but there is only so much a girl can do for post-concussion syndrome," Yua explained, looking back to her yellow notepad with the tiniest wrinkle of dissatisfaction.

"No-no I don't have a concussion. See?"

I took my pointer finger and extended it to the side then tapped it to my nose as you would in a sobriety test. My first attempt missed, poking me in the eye, but the second hit the tip of my nose perfectly, which was enough proof for me. Yua sighed at my perseverance.

"I'm fine," I pleaded, "please don't make me sleep here."

"Sleep? You slept all night, are you still tired?"

"Er, no, I just didn't know what time it was."

"Oh! The curtains! My goodness, you must be very confused," Yua blushed, brushing a short bit of green hair from her face, "it's about noon," she walked over to the window and threw the heavy fabric away from the sun's intense beams. I squinted to keep the pounding in my head from getting any worse.

"Oh," I tried to smile so she wouldn't fuss over my confusion.

She didn't buy it for a second.

Yua's concern flowed from her body, which I felt it in sad, little waves. But, she kept a professional face as she considered my appeal, "I'll give you until the end of today to work up some strength before I can discharge you. If you feel dizzy, or experience vertigo, you need to come back. I'll tell someone to come check on you later to make sure you don't fall asleep." She said.

I nodded dumbly. It was all I could manage, feeling dull and exhausted.

It's really annoying when you find that your life isn't in your control anymore. For a long time I knew exactly what I wanted and how to achieve it. I wanted a husband and kids, and a house to fit them all in, just like Koroko and my mother. But, my life was upside down now, thrown about like the toys of a careless child.

Here I am, 18 years old, with no control over anything in my life. Even when I think I have control, I'm only being manipulated into thinking that I have a say in my future. My brother tells me what to do all of the time, Itachi tells me we're going to have a kid, and I have absolutely zero say in the matter, and I had never been hospitalized in my life. But, here I was for the third time in a year, with very little memory of what caused my ravaging headache.

Other people my age were entwined in their career fields, or at least well on their way. I didn't know where my job as a shinobi would take me, but I never suspected that it would have shaken my life up and dropped me here. I never would have suspected that Itachi would land me in the hospital. Well, to be fair, it wasn't his _actions_ that caused this damage. It was his _lack_ of action. Somehow, that realization hurt more than anything else.

I spent the day staring up at the white ceiling thinking about life, love, family, horses, and dreams.

What is it to have dreams? Are they meant to be fulfilled or do they exist only to tell us what _could_ be, but forever remain out of reach? Like my fairytale of happiness and love. If my dream of the little house with my little husband and a handful of kids were to come true, Itachi would be forcefully extracted from my life. He couldn't be my little husband, or the loving father of our children. That was the fantasy of a little girl.

In this world, the real world, he only had a little more time to live. Someday, I'd be alone with a baby to take care of. But, that would be Itachi's baby, the only one he would ever get to have. The only one that _I _would ever have.

It would be impossible for me to move on after he eventually died. I had shifted and altered my life so much to make our Ken and Barbie lifestyle work that no one else could ever fill the void. A sad, lonely life was ahead of me. But I wouldn't be entirely alone, I'd have a baby. A little nugget that looks mostly like Itachi and maybe a little like me. I hoped they would have his eyes and skin with my hair and individuality.

I sighed at the pretty image that danced over my eyes.

Itachi fed me this bullshit about reality and illusion as if it was gospel. How does he expect someone like me to live in reality at all times? I was born with my head in the clouds, and I would fight tooth and nail to protect that quality. Maybe he lost his faith in dreams, maybe he felt it was okay to just go around killing people all willy-nilly, but I didn't. I never wanted to see someone die right before my eyes again because I was too callous to fight the system I was born into. Reality was something I liked to take with a grain of salt, if I'm living happily in the dark, I'd rather keep it that way.

Many things were beginning to make me worry about this whole twisted relationship. Of course I loved him more than I loved myself, but he was a monster. He hurt me physically so many times that it really was beginning to boarder on abuse. I mean, really, what guy holds a damn knife to his girl's neck! That's definitely not what someone who loves you does to prove their affections. Itachi liked to replace candy hearts with kunai. And that is _not_ cool.

One of the last memories I had before the darkness took over was watching Itachi's face shrink as I plummeted to the streets below. His sharingan was sickening; I wanted to erase that part of my memory. Those sharp red eyes reminded me of that one night so long ago. Before, when we were young, he never used it around me. But now he seemed to use it all of the time just to instill fear into my heart.

It hurt to think that he was using me or something. What if this whole thing was a sham and he was actually just using my body and mind to squeeze out information about my brother? Hiruko was always talking about Itachi. It made me wonder if there was some kind of secret warning hidden under those words.

Cool ice water chilled my heart leaving my fingers and toes as icicles. What if I actually just fell for some elaborate plan set by the master of mind games? My belly twisted painfully as memories of what I'd always hoped was feigned indifference started to look like actual disinterest and disgust. He couldn't possibly feel the way he claimed to. He didn't have the capability to feel that way about anyone, not even his parents or baby brother. Tears started up behind my eyes but I swallowed them away by telling myself that I was being silly or something.

Then Sora burst into the room tossing his head to the sides, looking for me past Yua (who I honestly forgot was standing there) as she tried retreating from the room. Clutching her shoulders he shook her heartily.

"What happened!" He yelled in his sickly rasp. The young medic indicated to my bed with a slight tilt of her head. He eyed me up and down, gaze trapped by my miraculously mended shoulder before releasing Yua to rush over to my bedside.

"Kat, tell me what happened."

My inner monologue: 'Well, Sora, let me tell you. My brother is a psychotic overlord with a god-complex, while my possible, but possibly not, boyfriend is a heartless monster who obviously doesn't care if I die. Looks like the whole 'having a kid to save your life' thing is out of the question. Oh yea, forgot to tell you, best-buddy-old-pal, I'm planning on having a child with the guy who nearly killed you. Hope you don't mind.'

But no, since I'm a complete coward, I just shelled up under the thin, grainy hospital blanket and smiled. "I don't really remember," I said sheepishly, holding out one hand toward him, "Want to take me home?"

His hood was down, it was nice to see his whole face. Among Aburame it was such a rare sight. Short black hair skimmed the top of his head where it popped out over his forehead protector like grass around a stone in the forest. I smiled up at his unnerved shifting at my request.

He worried his brow, "Kat," his eyes trained on my arm, then down to my unwrapped wrist, then to some bruising on my inner elbow that I didn't remember receiving, "If someone is hurting you, you need to tell someone," he took my hand and pulled me into a loose hug, "If I need to be that person, let me be there."

As if I was about to eat a watermelon whole, my mouth fell open at the very open request. Then my heart heaved emotionally. Sora was one of my only _true_ friends. He and Yua, and sometimes Senji. Though it bothered me, I could understand why he would be suspicious that someone was causing me harm. He had known me for a long time. He knew that I was not someone who was injured easily. Lately, I had mysterious scars and injuries appearing left and right and had no explanation for the healing scabs.

"Don't worry, no one's hurting me," my big fat lie of the year, "Do you really think that someone could put me in the hospital without my brothers finding out? C'mon," I smiled, it took effort to make the facial expression since my face still felt numb. As he held my shoulders at arms length, Sora's eyes told me that he didn't believe a word I said.

He came closer and hoisted me up like a sack of potatoes, then lightly placed me on my feet, "I'm taking you home. Yua asked me to walk you there," At the mention of her name I heard an 'eep!' and loud scurrying as she shuffled out the door nervously.

We arrived at my apartment. I had zero memory of the walk and that really, truly scared me. I turned to Sora who stood next to my front door, eyeing me up and down with concern written in his attempt at an emotionless face.

"Do not sleep, drink, or eat until tomorrow morning," he said, as if reading from a place card. Then he disappeared. Whether it was his speed or my cognition, I was unsure.

I smiled at the empty space where my friend had stood. It was nice to have someone like him to talk to. I took one dizzy step to my door and stepped on the kick plate and watched it swing open to reveal an _immaculate_ kitchen.

My mouth dropped open, horrified. I panicked, thinking that I accidentally walked into the wrong place. By stepping in then out a few times I came to the conclusion that it was in fact _my_ apartment. My apartment with a few alterations. Everything was completely organized. Someone cleaned up the broken breadbox from the kitchen corner, where I left it in shambles. The books were in size ascending order. The bed was made; four blankets were all folded at the end into perfectly measured squared next to one another, eagerly awaiting my return.

Limping unsteadily, I walked over to the fridge and pulled the doors open.

I held a hand over my mouth, forgoing the shocked gasp. Something _very_ weird was going on here. Eggs weren't in a few scattered cartons on each glass level; they were all in one in a designated spot in the top drawer. It was the same story with the milk, greens and meats. I slammed the door and slid on my socks into the bedroom and living area.

In a confused stumble, I wrenched open my armoire's doors. Everything was hung in order of color and fabric. One pretty violet dress hung by thin spaghetti straps teasingly at the end of the row of hangers. It was something Arashi bought for me when we were young, far too young to even think of wearing something so revealing. It was a little short for my taste so I never wore it. My brothers would never let me put it on anyway, so I tucked it away into the cavernous black abyss that was the back of my closet. My face fell. Someone was in my apartment. They went through my things. They dove through the depths of my disorderly room. They… _cleaned_.

"Mizoko must be messing with me," I thought out loud as I slapped the row of hangers to knock a few shirts to the floor. I smirked, _that_ looked _much_ better, "Or maybe Hiruko is getting back at me for whatever I did this time."

Backward stepping, I spun so I could look out of my little window. Reaching out to pull the blinds open, a hand clapped around my wrist. A big, gaudy ring and purple nails? Oh, well isn't that just great.

Swinging my weight, I tucked myself slightly so I could grab the weak point in his chest with my unoccupied arm. The figure flew over my shoulder with little effort. He landed in a low crouch behind me, wrenching my arm back into a half nelson. My head dropped so I could look at him from under my chest. He didn't get up, he just stared at me with glowing red eyes and poorly concealed amusement on one side of his cocky lips.

Rearranging his hold on my wrist, he manipulated my arm and contorted my body until I was standing right in front of him. The smile was gone, but he jerked my arm to the side, forcing me to brace myself against his chest. Looking down with dark, mysterious black eyes, Itachi softly asked, "How's your head?" A large hand smoothed against my, now ear length, hair and rubbed a thumb into the curve of my neck.

"It's fine, no thanks to you," I glared up at him, then, in reaction to his regretfully downcast eyes, I back peddled, "I don't think I got another concussion or anything though, so that's good."

He have me a dull look, as if I was the most unintelligent sack he'd ever met, "Oh really," he said, reflecting the same sentiment.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked with another pouting glare. Now worried, I ran my hands over my face to feel for injury or the physical embodiment of stupidity that was obviously slathered all over my face. I noted the amusement in his eye, "What did you do to me? Am I missing something?"

Curling up a little closer to hold me tightly, slowly, like he was afraid that I might fall apart at the slightest movement. He said, "You were nearly brain dead last night."

"No, I remember. You almost let Kisame kill me and then

Hiruko..."

A memory wandered across my mind. My brother. Something about Hiruko…

Oh…

_Dazed, I tripped over my tongue as each word felt labored and exhausting. I felt my words form without the control of my lips and tongue. Time and time again, I tried to hold my words, worried that they might give away more than I wanted my brother to know. But, the words had a mind of their own, and flew from my mouth like birds. I told the pair about the brief experience I had with Itachi and Kisame on top of the water tower. This explanation included the ridiculous conversation I had with the shark-man. I heard my brother slap a hand to his face. _

_Once my droning came to a close, Hiruko squeaked the lamp out of my face so I could open my eyes again._

_I watched him strut out of what looked like a door in the darkness without acknowledging the little pale girl on the table. Even though I was still mad at him, I didn't think he would ignore me like a big brat._

"_Watch her," he commanded. _

_Tense nerves rimmed my skin as I looked over to the massive man, worried he might kill Hiruko for talking to him like that. To my surprise, he jerked away from the leaner man and nodded with a tight salute, a bowed head, and widened eyes as if my brother was a monster. Hiruko crossed the black threshold into what looked like the outline of a hallway. I couldn't see much beyond the lamp's light. I felt entombed in light, as if nothing existed beyond its beams, only darkness and outlines of figures._

_Noticing my curious gaze, he turned to me with something other than a frown. Perhaps because I was expecting the hardened expression of a warrior, his lack of anger was welcoming._

"_Hello Katsue, it's wonderful to finally meet you," he said in deep base voice. A voice you might expect from a demonic gargoyle._

_Everything was entering my brain like a swimmer through tapioca. Words would enter, then slow to a near stop once I tried to comprehend the language being spoken. It was my native tongue, yet I could hardly understand a word of it._

"_It's nice to meet you too..." I forgot his name, it was some letter right? Hmm. _

"_Would you like a glass of water?" He offered, walking across the chrome room to a shiny something-or-other. It looked like the small vessel sink that you might see in the dentist's office. _

_My head was swimming. I was impossibly thirsty. "Swimming and thirsty, like a fish." I thought out loud. I tried lifting my head from the table, but gravity increased, forcing my head to drop back down. _

_A white paper cup appeared next to my ear, the big guy was back on the other end of the room eyeing me up nervously, "Fish probably spend very little time feeling thirsty, considering they live in water," he noted._

"_Yeah, you're right," my face screwed up as I answered. Where __**am**__ I? What was this place? "Probably not," I started, in my slow tempo, "What is wrong with me? I feel all…" I couldn't find the right words._

"_Drugged?"_

"_Yes! That's the word."_

_He remained unsmiling as he answered monotonously, "That is the after effect of Hiruko's ability."_

_After effect of what ability? I was fully aware that he had done something, but I wasn't entirely sure what. I'd been unable to keep myself from answering every question he asked about my encounter with the two Akatsuki members, "So what exactly did he do to me?"_

"_I'm not at liberty to discuss this with you, sorry," he dismissed my question, one eye traveling to my arms._

_I found myself staring at his empty socket. It gave me shivers. I could never live blind. _

"_What's it like having one eye?" I asked. That familiar feeling of discomfort appeared in my chest like I'd just said the worst possible thing in this situation._

_But, the man's eye softened, they were surprisingly gentle as he spoke, "It's similar to living with an arm or leg missing," his eye moved over my un-gloved wrists openly, "You know that everyone is staring, wondering how it happened and whether or not it hurts, but you pretend not to notice. Of course there are the times when people try not to stare, but that only makes the feeling worse," he didn't smile, but he didn't get angry with me either, "Thank you for acknowledging the elephant in the room."_

_Everything was still numbed so I could have been smiling like an imp for all I knew, but I wanted to frown. I knew what he meant. I grew up looking totally different from my peers and it was like everyone saw you like a plague to avoid at all costs. It was strange seeing this enormous man open up so freely to a stranger. We had never met, to my knowledge, but in the wake of my brother's cruel demeanor, this was a breath of fresh air. Slowly, I was beginning to regain movement in my face, it was a tingling sensation, like a waking limb._

_Suddenly, Hiruko was standing in front of me, hand behind me back, lifting my torso a little so I could sit up. _

'_When'd he get here?' I wondered. The earth seemed to tilt from my shifting position._

_Even though I was extremely irritated with him, I couldn't have been happier to see that stupid long hair when I woke up. It could have been Kisame. Or worse, __Itachi__. He was probably angry at me considering that apathetic look he wore as I was dangling like a dead fish from his partner's grip. He would probably give me a hard time about my messed up arm. Yeah, he was right and I was wrong about going to the chuunin exam. It was awful of me to manipulate him. Blah, blah, blah. I really didn't want to hear 'I told you so' right now._

_Speaking of arms, "Where are my arms?" I asked with a slight slur to no one in particular._

_"Hiruko cut off your ability to feel them for the time being. Your shoulder is badly infected," the bigger guy explained. I still hadn't remembered his name._

_Cool, so I got to experience my brother's creepy ability first hand. __**Whoopee**__. In all my life, I'd never been the object of his practice. Hiruko's favorite target was always Mizoko._

_"So how long do I have to stay here?" my own voice sounded foreign. I sounded like a toddler asking for a cookie._

_Hiruko answered this time instead of regarding me with cool trepidation. Anger gave his voice a rough edge, "You can leave once you answer __all__ of my questions." _

_He gave a curt nod to the big guy who saluted my brother again and turned away, locking the metal door on his way out with a heavy clang. I was sad to see him go, he was nice. Silence filled the space between my tall brother and I. Hiruko's peridot eyes burned with fierce anger. Now I was plain scared. This place wasn't particularly hospitable with its dark metallic feel, and the air in this strange room was freezing cold. Every surface was made of metal. But, none of that had really frightened me. For some reason, the idea of being alone in a room with Hiruko scared me half to death._

_Hiruko strutted toward me with his hands folded behind his back, "So," he started, his voice was lighter and more open, "tell me more about Itachi."_

_My lip twitched. Hadn't I already told him everything? I shrugged, "What about him?"_

_Freezing into a copper and gold statue, his face flashed several emotions simultaneously, fashioning a mosaic of different expressions on each corner of his face. It was like sitting on a merry-go-round and watching the colors swirl around until you just want to throw up. _

_"When are you going to start being honest, Kat?" He questioned, gently exasperated. He looked exhausted. He had the appearance of an abused child, like he lost the ability to have dreams and happiness. I felt horrible, as if I'd done something to crush his typically happy and goofy demeanor._

_"Honest about what?" I asked, wanting to see what I could do to fix him. After all, he was my big brother._

_He brightened and gave me a cynical know-it-all smirk, "Do I look like an idiot to you?" He took another step out of the darkness and into the strong lamp light, "I'm more than capable of obtaining any information I want out of you. I'm simply being polite because you're my sister," his personality glimmered in his eye as a wide smirk dragged the side of his lip, "Or, if you're really planning to be so obtuse, I could ask Itachi himself about this little situation in which you two have tangled yourselves."_

_Shocked by his fairly upfront accusation, I felt my stomach squirm. How much did he know?_

_He dropped the joking tone, "Now tell me what you know, and I mean __everything__."_

_I tried to play ignorant, there's no way he could know anything about my involvement with Itachi. No one could. Everything was completely hushed, unless I'd somehow given it away._

_I started to defend myself, "I really don't understand-"_

_"Yes you do," half of his face was shaded over, leaving only one bright green eye visible, "The Hokage brought me into the loop on your little arrangement. The very small loop," he said, "I wanted nothing to do with it, but since this intelligence transcends the Hokage's office, I agreed to give it a shot. It affects our entire world as shinobi, not just Konoha. I respect the Third's decision to appoint someone to handle this intel. Hiruzen knew that his life would end soon, so he chose me as his successor," he held out his arms and bowed deeply, not losing eye contact once. He didn't even blink. It was weird. _

_An immature smile broke his red clay mask of professionalism as he stood again, putting his hands on his hips. He said, "Stop giving me that look! I'm your new boss!" _

_He held out a hand to shake, then retracted it like a snake's strike, laughing, "Aha! I forgot you're still paralyzed. I'll take care of that in a second. But, I'm being serious right now so that'll just have to wait," he began pacing the short side of the room, "you need to talk to me about this before I can help you. You seem suspicious of me, if you need proof that I'm not trying to lie to you then how about we conduct a little experiment," he stopped in front of me and pointed a fingerat my face, "The next time you see that son of a-" a derisive cough, "Excuse me, there was something in my throat. When you see 'Itachi', tell him 'fuck you'." _

_My face drained of blood at the prospect. What if my brother was just being a jackass? Itachi would think I was being a total bitch for no reason. _

_Hiruko pressed a knuckle into my head, "Consider this your first message. He'll know who sent you."_

_If the concussion wasn't enough to make the room spin, this demand certainly was more than enough. Hiruko was the person I had to give everything to now? _

_"Do you have any of the scrolls?" I asked, knowing the scrolls would have burned up. If he claimed to still have them, then he was obviously lying since all of them burned up after five seconds._

_"No, they burned up after I read them. Then I fed the ashes to the wind," he responded. _

_Well, I didn't get it. Perhaps it was the pudding slowness of my comprehension, "What?"_

_He smirked and put a heavy hand on my head, "The information Itachi wrote on those last few burning scrolls were dispersed into Wind Country. Hiruzen commanded it."_

_My eyes went wide, "Why would you do that! They attacked us!"_

_"Kat, you're not stupid. In fact, I'd say you're pretty smart. But, holy hell you're naive," he dug his knuckle into my head, hard, messing up my hair._

_I grumbled indecipherable curses. That's what Itachi always said. _

_"Why am I naïve? Everyone keeps saying that," I grumbled through a dark pout._

_"I just explained this. The information that Itachi collects isn't for Konoha. This shit affects every country and every shinobi who thinks that their country is 'right'," he patted my head like a puppy, causing rings of light to play with my vision, "Remember me saying that, or do I have to repeat myself again?"_

_Well, this was certainly different. I wondered if Itachi actually knew about this, or if Hiruko just wanted me to curse the Akatsuki member off as a joke. I would not put that passed my brother. _

_Hell, I didn't even know when I'd see Itachi again. It could be never, it could be in ten minutes from this very moment. Actually, I didn't particularly want to see him at the time being. He was so perfectly indifferent about me that it was beginning to totally break my heart. _

_Aside from my obvious anger, nothing was scheduled out anymore. Even if I wanted to see him, the times that we encountered one another were sporadic and random ever since the Third passed away._

_"How do we go about this now? I barely see you for family events, how am I supposed to find you?" I asked. Hiruko stood in front of me with this stupid, patronizing expression._

_"I'll show up every third day at the same time to pluck you from your nasty ass apartment. You disappear and hang out in this room, which was specifically designed by some dashingly handsome blonde to ensure that no one could hear anything within its walls. Then, once we've exchanged our info, I send you on your merry way," he explained with a playful smile, "We'll finally get to have that 'quality time' you crave so desperately." _

"_Oh shut up," blush tingled my cheeks. I didn't crave anything. He was so damn self-important with a stupidly smug smirk to match. There were still so many questions, "Just you and me right? No one else is going to know?"_

_He nodded once, "It would be dangerous for anyone else to know. I've been pretending to pull this information out of random people. It's even hidden from my own agents. No one knows who you are or how you're involved in this. X thought that I brought you here as a routine interrogation. It just seemed to fall into place." _

"_Really?" I wondered aloud._

"_Speaking of 'falling into place.' I'm very unhappy with our little spy friend. You could have died tonight had I not been planning to pick you up anyway," a snarl rose the skin on the bridge of his nose, "don't pretend like he's never hurt you before, either. I see that scar on your neck, you didn't get that on a mission. He did that to you," hunkering his shoulders, his lips tightened into a thin line, "Itachi Uchiha is not to be trusted under any circumstances. Yes, he's very convincing. But, lets not pretend that he didn't kill his whole family in cold blood. That little fuck took your best friend away from you and," he took my hand gently turned my wrist to press a finger into one of the five deep scars, "he did irreparable damage." _

_It was a very good point. I looked down at my scarred wrist and frowned. As much as I'd like to pretend that he was perfect and simply forgive his grievances, I couldn't without losing some of my own humanity. It wasn't a good enough excuse to say that I love him. My brother didn't understand emotions such as love. Even if he did, I couldn't tell him about Itachi and me. It would just complicate things. I had nearly forgotten how many times Itachi had tried, and was successful, at hurting me. I had a thin white scar from where he cut my neck and ten dimples on my wrists as reminders of the evil that lurked below the ever calm façade of Itachi's face. It was so deceiving. Like the river's calm surface when all that lingered below was the torrential current that could kill you in an instant. But, it is so beautiful that you can't help dipping your feet in the water._

"_Hiruko. I know it's weird, but he really is a good man. I think he's just a little lost and confused," I tried, "Yeah, he's done unforgivable things, but he's trying to repent by spying on the Akatsuki and I think that it's helping," I smiled a little, "He hasn't tried to hurt me in a very long time."_

"_What about that time Mizoko found you running out of the Uchiha compound like a bat out of hell?" _

_My cheeks tingled. That was the first time Itachi and I…_

_Hiruko lifted an eyebrow, "What about that time you carried Sora home from some mission where you were left with bruises all over? Don't those times count or does abuse only count if blood is drawn?" He challenged, "I doubt you ever even put up a fight. Do you think you deserve to be treated in such a way?"_

_I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear any of this. Itachi wasn't hurting me, he was just as angry as I was. If I was strong enough to fight Itachi, then I would have hurt him badly the time I saw him in the forest over in Rice Country. I would have hurt him when he nearly killed Sora. But, I couldn't because no one is strong enough to hit him if he didn't allow it. _

"_Please stop, Hiruko. You're implying that I wouldn't have done the same things to him if given the option. He killed my best friend, you know that. He killed women, children, civilians. If I was strong enough I would have hurt, maybe even killed him," I looked away from my brother, who was visibly fuming, "But, I'm not that strong, the only thing I can do is Kyusho and there's no way to use that on a target who won't let you touch him."_

"_As if any male would put up a fight…" _

_I choked at his suggestion. I'd done exactly that only a month ago. A warm giggle bumbled my lips and hummed from my mouth. Hiruko rolled his eyes._

"_Alright, well, I think we're done here. Any questions?" Hiruko started, looking at the black watch on his right wrist impatiently, hoping for this conversation about his sister 'touching' a guy would come to a swift end._

"_I have one question, where are we? Your big friend said he couldn't tell me anything, so how about you enlighten me?"_

_Hiruko's face hardened again, "If I tell you, I'll have to kill you," he hesitated briefly, "Unless you join the organization."_

_Pain had settled behind my eyes, the coming of a bad migraine. I wondered how many times my brain could rattle against my skull before I was permanently mentally compromised. _

_I felt dark honesty in Hiruko's words. He might actually kill me if he divulged such information. I learned the cruelty that my favorite brother was capable of not too long ago when he was so careless with some poor child in the hopes that she contained some kind of important intelligence. Which was doubtful. Thoughts flashed back to her. Tension grew in my chest. _

"_Just like you killed that little girl?" I said, eyes tight. The slurring gave away the angry effect I'd been aiming for. _

_His voice trailed slightly as he turned his face away to hide the embarrassed frown on his face, "… Mokuro. She's perfectly okay," he promised, "Someone blanched her memory and let her go back home the day after you saw her."_

_"Good. I like that you did that. Especially the 'let her go back home' part," I commended with a smile, "But, don't think for one second that I forgive you for that kind of cruel treatment. That was vile. What if that was Mikah? Or Kaz? Or __Me__?" _

_Hiruko held up his hands defensively, "Okay, okay. I get it. She wasn't one of mine, so you can't hold her condition against me. I had no idea that such a young girl was being interrogated so harshly," he explained, "I have just a few more things to say before I can send you back," his face morphing into 'serious work mode'. _

_"First of all, since you're completely in love with Itachi, could you please try not to make it so fucking obvious?" Surprised, I opened my mouth to argue, but he cut me off, "Yes, you're very easy to read, and that's why we leave the espionage to deceitful fucks like him," He sighed and shrugged, "I love you, so stop being so careless and stupid. How could you not notice two S-class criminals standing behind you for ten minutes? Are you dumb, or do you simply lack any self preservation?"_

_My lips dropped into a frown, "Ten minutes? They weren't there that long, c'mon." _

_"No, they were. Ten minutes and thirty two seconds to be exact. This is based on multifocal surveillance compiled by yours truly, so don't try and fantasize that you're some sneaky super-spy or something," my face dropped again at the accusation. He twirled a strand of blonde hair around his finger, "Three people saw what happened to you on the water tower, each one had their brains poked, then they were let go with their memories wiped," Hiruko told me with a hand combing through the end of his ragged hair._

_That admission kind of annoyed me. He did not have the right to just remove peoples' memories, "Do you wipe everyone's memory who comes in here?" _

_"No, only civilians and kids under the age of eighteen," he spoke as if he was reading from a handbook again._

_"So, basically, I'm the perfect candidate…" I sneered._

"_Fret not sweet Kat, I'd never be so rude to my own sister." _

_Narrowing my eyes, I remembered back to that big guy's salute to my slimmer brother. It struck me as odd that the nice, huge ninja was saluting to this leaner jerk-wad. My power hungry brother was probably using his position as an excuse to be a jerk to everyone._

"_So, what's the deal here? Are you like the head honcho or something?" I asked. _

_He yawned, bored with the conversation, "That's two questions, first of all, but I'll let it slide this time," he smirked, "You could say that I'm the HMFIC here at ASEB."_

_I stared, waiting for an explanation that Hiruko didn't seem rushed to give. _

"_Is that supposed to mean something, or…?" I questioned sarcastically with one raised eyebrow._

_He buffed his nails on the front of his lab coat then held them out to view his handy work. "It means I'm the 'head mother fucker in charge.' Do you like my acronym?" _

_I blinked. My brother was an arrogant little shit. Noticing my perplexed, and relatively annoyed expression, he smiled with a wink. The world around me faded momentarily._

_"I have a quick question," my head perked from the metal table. Hiruko's request rattled my gelatinous brain, "Would you ever consider..."_

_I turned my head, my hair fell over my face, and laughed hysterically clutching my stomach. Everything was funny. My skin was made of goop, sticking me to the chilly surface beneath. _

_"…Kat? Are you even listening?"_

_I muted the dumb smile on my face. Hiruko sighed. Resigned, he stepped over to me with a book in hand, "Here."_

_I swiped at it, but my hands wouldn't do what I asked. Instead they flopped around like soggy noodles. Eyebrows pressed together, I threw them at the thing in my brother's extended hand. A frustrated growl rumbled from Hiruko's mouth. He pressed the book into my hands deliberately. I felt around the coverless book with my fingertips. _

_"What is this?" I slurred heavily. I felt drunk._

_A smirk that could kill a cat spread across Hiruko's face, wrinkling the sides of his eyes, "I want you to work with ASEB."_

_My mouth fell open. Was he serious? I wasn't meant for an operation like this. He barely had time to see me, much less have a family or kids. That was certainly not part of the plan. He must have noticed my hesitant recoil. I went to decline his offer, but he spoke first._

_"Just think about it," he held that smile in place as he waved. His hands then flickered into a bunch of seals so quick that I couldn't identify them._

_Flashes of painful light burned the inside of my skull. _

_Then, nothing._


	39. Hard To Concentrate

"_Hard To Concentrate"_

* * *

Katsue flew out of there as if a swarm of bees chased her. I could still watch her slip away, though my body was completely slack from the electricity pulsing through my veins. I couldn't have been more infuriated, or proud. She was going to be there for Sasuke, even if I couldn't. More importantly, she would be there for Konoha when it needed her. I was impressed by her drive, yet at the same time she completely ignored my wishes. Even going so far as to use my affections for her to change the tides in her favor for means of escape.

Sora Aburame pulled Katsue through the crowd below us, withstanding her loud complaints and the weary glares from strangers on the street. Her tone was exaggerated, indicating she was not actually angry. She wanted to be helpful in the search for Kisame and I.

He took her hand. The pitiful expression of submissive anger that shifted on her pale face shot a hole through my heart. Kat never showed her emotions around me anymore. She shelled up, as if I would think less of her were she to show her true colors when, in reality, all I wanted was for her to behave naturally.

Kisame ignored my interested gaze toward the pair. Since we had arrived, the swordsman only wanted to talk about my past. He was interested in the places I would go to, and who I would go with. He wanted to know if I had many friends, or if I was a loner. Assuming I had many friends, he would point out anyone in my age range, asking if I had known them before defecting. Many were recognizable faces from the life I'd left behind.

The sight of Katsue's face as that bug master dragged her through town gave me pause. I followed them vaguely with my eyes, letting Kisame think that we were headed toward the main gate. But, we weren't. The Aburame navigated the area with sure steps. He knew the way to my white demon's apartment too well. Boiling envy seared my veins. It was enough to make me mutilate him again.

Reportedly, Sora was uninterested in Katsue, and vice versa. But, observing their easy speech and happy joking, I was made unsure of her disinterest in her captain.

He made her laugh. I hadn't heard her laugh in so long. Hearing her laughter, elicited by someone like him, was infuriating. I wanted to be the one to make her smile and laugh again. It was once so easy to make her blush, or hide an admiring smile. Now, it was a process to get her to look me in the eyes. She feared the way I would react to the words she spoke. She feared being shunned and ignored. Katsue was afraid of me.

With Sarutobi's passing, I would need to find a new reason to see her. The long periods without a dose of Katsue's calming effects were growing tiresome. Strung out and irritated, tension built up, and I typically took that frustration out on the only good thing left in my life. Even when I had the chance to make things better between us, I was at a loss. I frightened and wounded her at every turn.

Katsue's maniac older brother made her fear and weariness quite clear when we first spoke.

Hiruko was highly intelligent. Cryptic and mysterious, much like his sister. Contrasting with Katsue in his industrious diligence, he quickly rose through the ranks of Konoha's Torture and Interrogation Corps. Through this, he gained the notoriety necessary to construct a cult-like following at the early age of twelve.

He developed ASEB in hopes of creating a more stable world. No one knew much about this organization. I only hoped that his goal had peaceful intentions. The group had its hand in every country's business. It could cause mass panic and anarchy if he gave the command.

The man was truly a multifaceted genius. His intelligence encompassed mathematics, genjutsu and the elusive art of persuasion. He had this tone of voice that gave you pause; he made you want to believe whatever came out of his mouth. His scholarly intellect and social acuity were insignificant when compared to his blood limit's manipulation technique. Using his unnerving blood limit, he could alter mental and physical states of his enemy.

I learned this the hard way one cold night as I closed my eyes to sleep.

Eigengrau black bruising that faded my eyesight until nothing was left. I could no longer feel the eyelids that blinked over my eyes. The chirping of night birds faded until there was only the hiss of white noise in my ears. The smell of fresh grass and crisp, night dew left my nostrils. Only the outlines of my muscles existed in my consciousness, but not the electric nerve endings that allowed me to know what they were doing. Everything faded into painful pins and needles.

It started in my brain and moved outward. Numb buzzing dulled my thoughts. Thinking I'd been trapped in a genjutsu, I wanted to be angry. No one should be capable of trapping me in such a manner. But, I could not even feel the emotion. I felt nothing. Only logic told me that I should be bothered by this situation.

"_Itachi," _a bright tenor greeted_, "it's nice to see you again_."

'_Again_?' My own voice echoed through the endless cavern of my mind.

Laughter pounded against my skull, like thousands of snowflakes swirling through a blizzard wind. Thoughts piled up in the back of my mind, calculating means of escape. There had to be a weakness in whatever jutsu he used to cut me off from the world.

Vague outlines of my lungs' fluctuating breaths told me that if he wanted to kill me, then I would undeniably be dead. Percussive heartbeats reminded me that I was still alive. It was challenging to distinguish reality from the vivid imagry that occupied my mind during this jutsu. I tried to pull myself from its grips to no avail. This was not genjutsu. It was ninjutsu. He was physically controlling my body, leaving me powerless to escape.

"_Now, now. Don't panic. I won't kill you, not today at least_," a manic laugh hummed through my brain, "_So long as you don't lay a finger on my sister again, we'll be best pals_."

Hiruko had me trapped. He was the manipulator of my mind and body. Memories of Katsue's happy appearance flew through my mind, images of her smile, the sound of her laugh, all at the hands of Sora Aburame.

"_Yes, I understand your frustrations with her. Trust me, I hate her line of work much more than you possibly could._"

Images of Katsue flashed in my psyche. A memory. It was like watching a stop motion film of crowds cheering as a girl with white hair and skin sunk over to a large, greasy man with black, slicked back hair. There were other people. Many of them had menacing weapons and sharp eyes, and were attempting eye contact with the highly infatuated grease ball as he ran grubby fingers over Katsue's perfect skin.

I should have felt anger, or something akin to it, anything, but I found myself observing the images with barely coherent disinterest. Katsue flipped away from the man, taking his head between her ankles and throwing the body to the ground, snapping his neck. He flopped to the hazy ground as his head bobbed to the side. His wide, white eyes and mouth were haunting. I could feel the contrite anger felt by the viewer, he wanted to keep her from seeing the dead man's face to save her from any further emotional distress. This was Hiruko's memory.

A thin blonde flung herself from the stage like a slinky. She picked up one of the dead man's henchmen, taking him away to some room in the back with a shining syringe between her teeth, leaving Katsue to defend herself against several dozen mercenaries.

"_She's being used by Konoha, thanks to you," _the lightness in his voice darkened,_ "Do you know how many strings I had to pull to keep Ayumi on her guard? If she wasn't there to back Kat up all of the time, she would have been going on these missions completely alone and naïve. Defenseless against those pigs_."

I didn't feel the light burning sensation of adrenaline flood my body like it should have. Each image seemed ingrained in my thoughts as Hiruko continued his lecture.

"_It seems I've exhausted that argument. You don't want to hear about Kat's time away from you, so let me move onto the next piece of information I'd like to convay: Sora Aburame_," Hiruko paused to let the name sink in, "_I'm sure you've seen that look in his eye when he stares at her." The memory of Sora pulling Katsue through the crowded streets of Konoha came to mind as her chiming laughter filled my ears. _

_"That's all I want for her. That spark of admiration, devotion. Things that you could never give her,_ and you must accept this. Hiruko's voice echoed within the walls of my skull painfully, "_Which brings me back to the main point of this conversation. Let me give you a piece of advice. Until the day you're short, miserable life comes to a close, you __will not__ leave another mark on my sister's body," _Hiruko threatened_, "Those scars may have healed, but her mind __never__ will. It is your responsibility to fix the mental and emotional damage you've caused her. This is nonnegotiable_."

I felt my existence begin to fade as my lungs gradually slowed, breathing became shallow and painful, "_I could kill you right now," Hiruko warned darkly, "but unfortunately I have a purpose for you. I'm giving you an opportunity to fix Kat's sweet little mind in the next six months. I'd __really__ prefer not to take this upon myself_, I'm really a busy man."

I felt my breathing becoming dangerously slow. I knew she had lost faith in me, but to go so far as to tell Hiruko about our strange relationship was reckless.

Hiruko laughed again, "_Yes you moron, I'm fucking omniscient about everything when it comes to my baby sister. You should have muted your cousin sooner than you did, I wouldn't have learned so much if not for her loose lips. The Uchiha were a blight on this world. A scourge of hatred and blood lust from within their own family,_" he growled, "_How is that brother of yours, by the way? Kat's been keeping a close eye on him during your absence. Poor boy, so sad that you had to leave him behind like that_."

Pressure flooded my marionette of a body. I was able to feel the general outlines of my skin and muscles, but still could not move.

'_How do you know,_' I thought.

"_You're not simple, I know this from the many years I've spent tracking you. Don't concern yourself as to why I followed you, just know that you passed the test because I'm a nice guy, not because you are_," a derisive snort, "_Curiosity killed the cat, you know. But, I'll play, you're wondering about my organization. There isn't much to tell you, only that I'm working to unify the nations by altering their views of one another. Of course, this is no easy task which is why I'm in need of your assistance_."

I could almost hear his eyes roll through his voice when I tried to voice my disapproval, "_If you really must know, Hiruzen came to me the morning before his life ended so he could pass this peachy torch to me. One of his last living requests was that I take his position as the distributer of information. The old man seemed to think that I was better suited than Konoha's TI corps to handle such delicate information. It's kind of funny how little trust you people have in your own establishments_."

I wanted to get out of this darkness and kill him. Hiruzen wanted Hiruko dead, not in a position of power, '_I find it interesting that you do not consider yourself one of us._'

"_Ah, yes. Well, when you're forcibly taken from your home and family at the age of nine to work a job better fitted for a seasoned shinobi it's easy to lose the love you have for your nation. I sometimes forget that you're a self sacrificing Konoha shinobi. What a bunch of suckers you all are,_" he scoffed, "_No, I do not plan on using you for my own benefit. It will go far beyond __our__ home village. Together, we can save thousands, if not millions of lives_," he explained, "_Kat will continue going back and forth between us to pass along the information you've been collecting. This is not for my benefit, and it's not for yours either,_" he paused, "_The benefit lies in my baby sister. Being around you seems to ground her. She actually likes you, though I'm not entirely sure why_."

'_What is her significance in this? It would be more efficient to collect the information directly from me_. _Leave out the middle man_,' I argued.

Hiruko sighed heavily, like an actor on stage, "_I really hate repeating myself. This part of this agreement doesn't have anything to do with you or me_," his appealing voice took on a somewhat gentle quality as he spoke of his sister, "_I told you that you have six months to fix her fucked up brain. Once that time passes I will assume that you want nothing to do with her and I'll have do whatever I think's best._ _Everything I've done has been so that my little nieces and nephews don't have to live in this tumultuous world of warfare and suffering. Those kids will have a better life than you and I had. People like us, used by our Kage as tools of war and espionage, will not be necessary. Katsue's beloved kids won't have to live the way your brother does, suffering the loss of his family and number one idol," _another sardonic laugh vibrated from within my skull,_ "Too bad he can't know it was all for the greater good. Right Itachi?_"

It was exhausting trying to fight off whatever jutsu he used. I was focusing chakra around my body to maintain the knowledge that I was still alive. He knew about my part in the massacre. This could be very bad.

"_Yes, I know about that too. And before you stress out and start over-thinking how I came by this information: No, no one told me, so don't you dare try and pin this on my sister, you fucking detritus,"_ Hiruko snarled_, "It was purely observation. No man kills his family for nothing. Certainly not Itachi Uchiha, Konoha's prized gem. __He__ could __never__ harm a living creature without the safety of Konoha on his conscience. I admire you for that," _he added begrudgingly_, "You saved innumerous lives through that sacrifice. Without you, we certainly would not be having this conversation_."

'_Does Katsue know?_' His laughter echoed through my mind, the sound was overwhelming.

"_No, my baby sister doesn't know the real reason why you killed her friend. I will never tell her," he said, "In fact, I want her to hate you so you'll keep your hands off of her. But we both know that will __never__ happen_."

Air pushed from my lungs rhythmically. A laugh. I'd managed to press through the darkness in my head without Hiruko's explicit permission. Hiruko didn't seem pleased with this reaction.

I felt my proprioception leave. It was similar to sleeping, the outlines of my limbs disappeared from my consciousness. I found it hard to differentiate between reality and dreams again. I had been unable to watch the caster's hand seals, I had no way to copy and analyze his ability. If this was his bizarre kekkei genkai, I could see why the Third Hokage feared it's power. Hiruko had removed my ability to feel anything. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Everything was gone. All I had were my thoughts, and even those felt slow, and occupied by his voice.

"_No, Katsue doesn not know about this alteration yet. She and I had a bit of a…_" he hesitated, _"a disagreement," he cleared his throat, "When she sees me again, I'll ask her to say something completely outlandish and highly insulting so you'll know that she's seen me,_" he laughed again, I couldn't help imagining this supposed monster as ten year old child, "_Why something insulting? Mostly because I don't like you_."

I felt a smirk form on my face as it began to regain feeling. The tingling started in my fingertips, then spread across the surface of my skin.

"_My name is Hiruko. But, since you're a psychotic bastard out to ruin my sister's life, you may only call me ASEB_."

Then, silence.

I never saw his face. I only heard his voice, which sounded nothing like the way I imagined. From his shadowy reputation, I had assumed he might sound intimidating. Rather, he sounded calm and inviting. He was not the typical image of a psychopath. He was a different kind all together: a politician.

The moment Hiruko released his kekkei genkai, every restrained emotion burst from my inner core. I punched a hole in the wall next to the bed, and left extra money at the front desk of the inn for repairs. Those images from Hiruko's memory...

As much as I wanted to make her own her mistakes, I couldn't. Hiruko made it plain that I would not be upsetting her anymore. He had too much information about my missions, and the capability to spread it, to press the issue.

Blackmail did not typically faze me, but if he were to convince the world that the Uchiha clan was decimated for such a reason, then the misery I'd inflicted upon Sasuke would be all for naught. The same went for Katsue. She would have acquired all of those scars needlessly if Hiruko ruined my plan. I wandered around the forest, trying to regain my mental facilities. Though my sight was typically blurred, my eyes were not usually blacked out. I could barely see as it was, whatever Hiruko did seemed to have a strong after affect that suppressed my senses.

Hiruko had given me a six month parameter to fix the damage I'd caused Katsue before he took it into his own hands. I was not sure how he would go about that, but I was not willing to find out.

Katsue was already one loud noise away from scaring herself away from our relationship; I did not need Hiruko turning her against me. I now knew why he was so revered.

There was a deeply disturbed quality to Hiruko's manner of conversation. He seemed hateful toward Konoha, scorning the divisibility of the shinobi world and wishing to resolve that problem using his underground organization. Though admirable in theory, in reality it would be impossible to attain.

My eyesight sharpened just in time to watch in horror as Katsue's body dangled from Kisame's massive gripping hand. Her eyes met mine with an urgent plea.

Before I could react, a disorienting buzz fell over my body like a blanket of moss. Hiruko's ability was still in effect. I couldn't move. Light began fading over the horizon as I was filled with the narcotic after effect of the mind numbing darkness.

I knew that Hiruko would take Katsue within the next few minutes. This was calming. The man was not entirely sane, but he would never let his sister die. My sight blurred, but I could hear Katsue stalling Kisame, giving me time to think.

How did Hiruko know about the massacre's true purpose? Was he part of the discussions with the Third as the Uchiha planned their insurrection? The memory was like a projector. No one near my age was present during that time.

A sound cracked my peaceful introspection. It was the sound of snapping celery stalks; a wet snapping. My heartbeats stilled with the realization of what caused that thunderous crack. Katsue's skull splintering against the earth below, her bones shattering.

Kisame smiled, casting a side glance in my direction. It was difficult to maintain this indifferent appearance in the face of something so utterly scatological.

I found myself sitting on the side of a bed, slumped over. I push myself up to lean my forearms against my knees, staring at the wood paneled floor, breathing heavily as Kisame joked. He thought that I'd been drugged, or had a rough night of drinking. My excuse was exhaustion, which wasn't a far cry from the truth.

How much time had passed during this state of fugue? This was uncommon, I never lost time. Each moment was precious, not to be wasted. Somehow I'd fallen out of consciousness and was left with zero recollection as to how I got here.

"What time is it?"

"0100." Kisame sat across from my bed on a wooden chair with Samehada across his lap, grinning.

I tried my best not to show the shock on my face. I had lost five hours.

I focused on slowing my breathing and heart rate. Katsue was probably fine. Hiruko would never let his sister die by the hands of Kisame. He was too narcissistic to let an Akatsuki member kill Katsue. If anyone, _he_ would be the one to kill his family.

Kisame's eye met mine lazily. One eye twitched nervously before sharpening in comprehension. He saw through my disgraceful feigned indifference. He knew that Katsue was mine, and that I had just allowed him to kill her without even the slightest reaction. The look in his eyes told me that he found my lack of action nothing short of appalling. I couldn't disagree.

Kisame was an inquisitive creature, yet in a base way, he understood why I gave so little information about my personal time.

My eyes closed gently, exhausted. I would let Kisame fall asleep before searching for Katsue. In my mind's eye, I saw her porcelain face cracked and covered with blood, but I knew it was just a nightmare.

Even breathing filled the air, so I knew my partner had fallen to sleep. As I strode through the door, his eyes opened just enough to watch the door close. I didn't respond to his questioning gaze. Words would have been a hindrance in the search for my ivory girl.

The front door was unlocked, as always. Pulling at each snapping button, I removed the Akatsuki cloak and hid it so Katsue would have no more reason to argue. I didn't want to look at it right now anyway.

Katsue wasn't here, she was most likely in the hospital. I blended with the shadows, and took a nap in the corner between the closet and kitchen. My lungs were aching badly, making breathing painful. Meditation and a thick yellow medicine prevented the coughing, but nothing seemed to dull the pain.

Lightning struck the middle of the room with the reverberating strength of crackling thunder.

Instantly, I was hidden, a reaction from years of living in the shadows. I peaked around the kitchen counter and saw a tuft of messy white hair from under the many blankets.

I had no idea where she had come from, only that she was there now and needed medical attention, badly.

Her eyes were glued shut with blood over her white eyelashes. She could have sustained brain damage from the fall, and with a concussion that bad, she shouldn't have fallen asleep.

Black, starburst bruising appeared to blossom from within those sunken eye sockets. The badly dislocated shoulder was back in place and nearly healed.

It was driving me up the wall, feeling completely useless as I waited for her to awaken. So, I wrote out some notes. As per my usual routine, I wrote them as if I was addressing Katsue. It made it easier to write them. I wasn't sure who these would go to. It had become a comfortable shoe, a habit as I wrote to myself, my future child, to Sasuke and Katsue.

And beginning tonight, I addressed one message to Hiruko - also known as ASEB. It was a strange feeling, bonding through threats and truths that no one should know. However unnerving, I trusted him not to give away my secret. He wouldn't want to hurt Katsue that way.

No wonder Katsue felt such devotion to her brother. He obviously held no affection for me, but more love than fire for oxygen for his sister. An emotion that I could appreciate.

Once done with my notes, I scanned through her fairly extensive bookshelf. The last time I set foot in this place, she screamed at me to leave, so I hadn't had the chance to look around and take in the slight changes.

A bookshelf can tell you a lot about a person. It shows what truly interests someone. For example, I enjoy a good history text. Katsue enjoyed fantasy and fiction. My fingers padded over the thick bindings as I read the embossed titles.

'The Anatomy and Physiology of the Human Body', 'Black Medicine', and 'Advanced Kyusho Pressure Points' were all dense and tall, obviously written for academia rather than pleasure. There was one smaller, black book about the length of my hand without a title on the binding. Using one finger, I pulled the dusty thing from its place next to a shiny new leather bound book labeled 'Essential Reiki'. I held the delicate pages carefully in my hands as I read the introduction:

"_Dim Mak death point striking__, a system of deadly strikes to vital acupuncture points at the root of t'ai chi ch'uan.__ There are __martial and healing applications of the most dangerous points, plus set-up points, multiple point strikes and neurological shutdown points. Chakra is fine tuned for the application of these techniques. Beware of training. See: BLACK MEDICINE for training exercises."_

Of their own accord, my eyebrows lifted in shock. I was expecting to find some books about Kyusho and anatomy... but Dim Mak?

When had she become interested in death points? My eyes ran over the other titles sitting upon her shelf in search of the things I expected to find.

Ah, there they are. Love stories and picture books about dragons. That's more like Katsue. Completely and totally absurd.

A sound like a child awakening from a bad dream warned me that Katsue was awake. She cooed and ruffled the blankets over her neck and shivered.

"Hey," a sleepy little smile relieved some of my worry. Both sides of her smile were even, there should be no permanent brain damage.

Her blackened eyes glistened in the dark with some kind of amusement, "Hm, hm, hm," she giggled softly as her eyes slowly moved over the book in my hands, "Fuck you."

Her brother must have spoken to her, "Hiruko?"

She just nodded slowly, lifting herself to press a palm to her eyes, small crusts of blood flurried to the white sheets. It was like she was moving through mud. So slow, like watching a sloth cross the road as she tried crawling away.

"He asked me to do something for him," she told me out of nowhere as I crouched in her path, "he wants me to hate you, I'm not sure what for though," she sounded drunk. It was concussion syndrome. She really did need to go to a hospital, but I couldn't get her there without causing a commotion. What to do, what to do...

"Katsue, can I ask you to do something for me?" I placed my hooked index finger under her delicate chin to lift her face. There was dark blood pooling next to her pupils, staining the whites of her eyes.

She nodded slowly, skeptical.

"I need you to go to the hospital, do you know where that is?"

She nodded again. Still slower, her eyes closed lightly as a child's. "Later, I'm so tired."

"Don't sleep," I shook her face by pinching her chin between my index and thumb. She then rolled away, back toward her futon, trying to convince me to lay down with her by patting the white, blood spattered pillow. I didn't lay down, but I came closer to make sure that I could shake her awake if she began fading again.

"My brother asked me to do something for him, you know," she began again, "He wants me to hate you," she reached out like a baby exploring its environment.

The contact was nice; her fingertips trailed the undersides of my eyes, then slid down the bridge of my nose. Her brain was in bad shape if she was repeating herself so this frequently.

Sapphire eyes glinted acumen, even as she slurred like a drunk. They closed gently, falling into a dream, "I fell down. Why don't you ever catch me when I fall?"

* * *

_A/N: Thank you SO much to my beta, ForeverJin. You're the best. _

_Please review!_


	40. Cross Hair

"_Cross Hair"_

* * *

"Katsue? _**Katsue**_."

Itachi's eyebrows leaned together, causing a little wrinkle of concern. I smiled like a complete goof. He was worried. Not just worried about anyone. He was worried about me! I was being held up by Itachi's solid grip in a slumped kneel. My eyelids felt like they weighed ten pounds each. Fluffy cotton balls of light accumulated on my eyelashes as I focused on keeping them open.

Itachi's voice cracked my concentration with a firm demand: "You are going back to the hospital."

"No! I can't, just one thing," I wiggled out of his grip to watch his face, "Fuck you!"

I waited expectantly for the surprise to raise his eyebrows and lift the corner of his lip into a smile of weary confusion. But, it didn't. Instead he just resorted back to that 'you're such an idiot' face and slid and arm around my back to press my body against his, "Yes, I know, you told me last night."

I lifted my chin to make sure he saw my confused, and relatively let down, face, "Um, no I didn't," I kneeled so we were facing one another, rather than lounging in each other's loving arms. Though it pained me to watch such a sweet moment pass.

But I had to let go of the sweetness and butterflies. There was something a little more important on my mind. "Why did you let Kisame drop me?"

"The effects of your brother's jutsu slowed me down."

"Hiruko got to you too? Whatever, that can wait," I tried to look as angry as I felt, "No, his jutsu didn't do anything to you. I saw you watching me, you were fine. Was it because you were still angry at me?"

"No," it was strange how such simple terms, when spoken by Itachi, held such significance. Had another person uttered such an answer it would come off as avoidance. But, in this circumstance, he was just answering a simple question with a simple answer.

"Well, what's your excuse then?" I prodded, his face tightened into its emotionless mask, "Are you just going to play this off like it's no big deal, just like all of the other times? Because that is not going to happen, okay?" The glint of Arashi's picture caught the corner of my eye. "Do you forget that I should _hate_ you? You've tried to kill me not just once, but twice. And then, what do I get in return? No, not an apology or explanation like I'd get from any _normal_ person. Instead, in typical heartless Itachi fashion, you almost let me _die_ right before your eyes to save your pride. So your partner wouldn't see that you have a weakness just like everyone else," I glanced away from the intensity of his black eyes. I muttered under my breath, "Unless you really don't think I'm worth showing some weakness for."

Itachi's face was solid as stone as he peered at me under his wing-tipped eyelashes. "Hiruko used his jutsu. I was unable to break free before Kisame dropped you." His eyes seemed absent as he recounted the feeling, "It was like being made of moths, as if my body was only held together by my heavily controlled mind. As you are currently experiencing it, the after effects of his justu are potent."

"That's _**no**__ excuse_," I persisted through clenched teeth, "If someone was about to kill you, even if I died in the process, I'd do whatever I possibly could to make sure you survived."

Minutes passed which faded into a half hour as the sun fell over the horizon into a bleak twilight. I took the liberty to turn on the squat lamp on the end table, next to the floppy couch in the middle of my floor. The small amount of light gave me ample opportunity to look over Itachi's irritated scowl before he tucked it away. I kneeled a few feet away from him so that I would have space to be angry with him.

"Not everything needs to be an argument," Itachi's words entered into the quiet atmosphere, each syllable consisted of pure exhaustion. He was tired of fighting.

Screw that. The pressure from this stress was pushing me under. If I didn't get this all out I would certainly drown. "This is _not_ an argument! Stop being so difficult! You obviously wanted to get me worked up, so here I am. All worked up," I pointed at myself melodramatically, "It feels like you don't care at all that I nearly died last night," I accused through gritted teeth, "You're lucky Hiruko picked me up before I became a blood stain on the road."

Itachi's dark eyes twitched at the mention of my brother's name, "You believe that _I'm_ uncaring?" His voice was a black monotone, "You ignored my attempts to save your life three months ago and now look at you," his gaze fell over my bare, scarred shoulder. Reds and blacks wormed their way out of his psyche. He was losing his cool. Itachi's voice quieted as he tried his best to regain control of his emotions, "Not only did you ignore my request, but you said that you _loved me_ in order to escape. You act as if my touch will burn your skin, yet you promise me your heart," his eyes fell back to mine, "You are inconsistency at its finest. How am I to believe a word you say?"

I sat back on my haunches. Itachi never argued back. Something I said must have really annoyed him. Well, good. Now he knew the feeling.

"Oh, you don't like it when I toy with your emotions?" I snorted, "Have you ever considered the abject misery you've inflicted upon my life just so you could have things your way?" I demanded, my face twisted angrily as more accusations flourished in my mind, "Also, you think that _I'm_ a liar. That's cute. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Talk about calling the kettle black. Every other word from your mouth is fortified with lies and manipulation. You think that you can just play with me and spin me around in circles until I don't know which way is up, but you can't. Not anymore. After you _broke my damned wrists,_ I made it my number one priority to detect liars by using my blood limit. You can't hide anything anymore, I simply let you say whatever you want because I know questioning you about it wont change a damn thing."

"The phrase is, 'the pot calling the kettle black.' Saying it any other way removes the meaning behind the idiom," he corrected as I glared, "Do you think that I _want_ to hurt you?" His voice was calm and gentle as his face. He breathed lightly. "I knew I should have just let you go from the beginning. This is my fault. You weren't meant for this world, you're not strong enough."

Tears burned my dry eyes. He was patronizing me. It was maddening, "I'm _certainly_ strong enough. I survived deaths of some of the people I love most, I've endured my own scars, I spent years training and then nearly died by your hands. Far more times than I'd like to remember," I added, "You're dangerous, and gods damn it, I love you, but with danger comes consequence. I deserve an explanation. _Twice_, you held kunai to my throat with the intent to kill. Once, you even managed to slit my throat," my hand flew to the banded scar on my neck. I felt Itachi's emotions go wild while his face remained untouched, "Maybe I'm just a push over, but I'm sick and tired of you and Hiruko telling me what to do."

"Hiruko is a monster," Itachi said, "and so am I."

"Leave my brother out of this," I cautioned. Siblings were typically off limits in any argument. He seemed to understand, "So what now? We drink tea and pretend that we have a normal relationship?" I probed sardonically, "This is royally screwed up. Hell, even with all of the lies and deceit, I have been willing to sleep with you, have a kid with you, to love you with everything I have to give," Itachi's face fell as he looked away from my eyes to hide the pain within his black orbs, "Now, for the last time, tell me why you broke my arms."

"I don't know," he muttered softly, tucking a long piece of raven hair behind an ear.

"Yes you do. You're Itachi Uchiha. You don't just go around doing things for no reason," I said insipidly.

"I killed my entire family for no reason."

"No you didn't."

His eyebrows lifted in question, his emotions spiked wildly, worried about something.

"You didn't kill Sasuke," I divulged, finally daring to say his name in Itachi's presence, proud of my minuscule courage.

"I mutilated his soul. That was satisfying enough," he offered dangerously, revealing nothing but hatred in his tone, but his heart told another tale. In the back of my mind I wondered what was with all of the inconsistencies when it came to Sasuke. But that could wait for another time.

He still hadn't answered any of my questions. I answered all of his, but he was putting up an impenetrable wall, as usual. But today, after being interrogated by my brother and watching the man I love stand by as I was nearly killed, I was not going to deal with any more of his nonsense.

"You're impossible." My head drooped, rubbing my temples as my head began to ache again, right behind the eyes.

He didn't answer at first. He was fuming, though he did a very good job of concealing it. Finally he broke the silence, "Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was trying to save you from myself."

Bird-like, my head popped back up and cocked to the side. "What do you mean?"

"I had recently killed my clan," he offered with no trace of emotion, "The blood on my hand was still warm from my mother and father's corpses. For a moment, the shortest second of my life, I lost control, and I felt your little wrists crack like eggshells inside of my hands," he said, unfurling one big hand so he could glare at it, unwilling to look at me as he spoke, "At first I was horrified by my own actions, but afterward I decided it was better that way."

I flinched, maybe this was something I didn't want to know. My fantasy world where he just loved me was much better than the real world where my lover was totally unfazed by violence.

"This way you wouldn't feel compelled to forgive me," I watched his stoic eyes, the way they remembered that night. That one hand suddenly bunched into a tight fist, "But, I broke my own promise by making you my liaison."

"No, you broke it the first time you held a knife to my throat,"

He took a deep breath. He didn't want to talk about this anymore, "It felt easier to kill you than let you deal with the path I set out for you."

A bad taste entered my mouth at his explanation. The path he set out for me? Was all of this just some elaborately stacked plan?

"Yeah, but then I would be dead and that would be a pretty major flaw in your plan," I countered. Itachi raised his eyes to meet mine, I watched as justifications passed through his mind.

"At the very least, you would not have been tied to me in any way," he reached out to touch my face with calloused fingertips.

I furrowed my brow and slapped his hand away, "_'Tied'_ to you? What is that supposed to mean?"

I watched as the wheels turned behind his eyes, spinning at breakneck speeds. He was thinking of a believable explanation, but I knew better than to trust him when his veins pulsed that way. Hiruko was right. Itachi was very deceitful. It came to him naturally. Before my mind could comprehend the motion, he reached out and pulled me into his chest, trapping me fully with a hand behind the nape of my neck, the other around my waist.

"Because of me, you feel bound and trapped. You're willing to settle for this disjointed life instead of going after that dream of yours," he muttered into my hair. I felt his lips move against the very tip of my ear, the heat of his breath sent shivers down my spine. It was incredibly pleasant.

"I don't feel _required_ to do anything. If I did, I'd do my best to ruin it, or did you forget that I'm incapable of following any form of order?" I kissed his collarbone, trying to lighten the mood a little.

He was ignoring me, looking out of the window with a look of distain, and I could sense just a touch of gray sadness in his soul.

"What's wrong?'' I asked gently, hoping that the argument was over.

He took another breath, as if to calm down before releasing some evil demon from his mouth, "You are open with your Aburame friend, but you refuse to show your emotions around me. It's unfathomably frustrating."

Squirming, I managed to push myself an arms length away before tilting my head in confusion, "Now you've lost me. I really don't know what you're talking about. Sora is just easy to talk to and you're…" I smiled at him, "Well, you're just _not_."

That seemed to bother him immensely; he shifted and looked to the wall. I followed his eyes to the broken picture frame hung delicately at the foot of my bed.

"Since we were kids, I was always afraid of saying the wrong things around you," I explained bashfully, the heat of a slight blush warmed my cheeks.

His eyes flashed to mine. They were asking, 'why?'

"Your face. Or maybe it's your general demeanor. Anyway, you just come off as disapproving all of the time. It makes people think that you're displeased with whatever we have to say."

He reached out and swept me into a gentle embrace before pressing a kiss to the ridge of my cheekbone, "Forgive me, it's unintentional."

"Why? Do you think I'm secretly sleeping with Sora? He's really not my type. Plus, we're both kind of seeing someone," I said, smiling a little with the slightest blush.

"He released you from the hospital."

"So?" I sat back and watched him carefully.

"He knew how to get here," His face maintained indifference as he spoke, "It was disconcerting to watch another man walk to your apartment as if he lives here. This place isn't particularly easy to find if you've never been here."

I rolled my eyes and smiled at my lover with dry humor, "Oh, right. He knows how to get to my apartment, not because he's my captain or anything, but because he's my secret boyfriend," I deadpanned. Itachi's eyes hardened then narrowed toward the window as if he was going to jump out of it and try to kill Sora all over again.

"I'm joking, relax. Hopefully the only person I'll ever sleep with is you," I assured, running a finger through his longer bangs. I wondered if he was planning to let it grow, he looked sexy with long hair.

His outwardly indiscriminant emotions shifted slightly. The air around him seemed to spark, "Hopefully?"

_Ugh_. Bad wording, "I mean you can't plan for _everything_. What if some dashingly handsome rich guy proposes to me on the street? You can't say no to a deal like that!" I laughed, crawling a soft hand over his larger, rougher one as it reached around my lower back posessively.

The topic obviously bothered him, "So, am I a placeholder for someone else now?"

I rolled my eyes as he threw my own words back at me, "No you're not," I said, "you're the only one, _ever_."

"That's not what you said last night," he said flatly.

"I didn't see you last night so I don't know where you would get that idea."

"I'm the only reason you made it to the hospital before bleeding out from the hemorrhaging in your brain."

"Oh, ha-ha, you must be mistaking me for your _other_ girlfriend," I joked, poking him on the nose.

"Ah yes, the _other_ one. She slips my mind from time to time. It must have been an oversight considering I do not currently have a girlfriend," his playful tone was laced with a dare. It was one of those awkward conversation starters that people use when they want to talk about something without saying it out right.

With a furrowed brow I teased, "Well what would you call me? Your hooker? Oh, never mind. People actually pay them. I'm free of charge."

"No, you're not a hooker. Though I wouldn't put it out of the question, considering your," his jaw tightened, "line of work," a note of anger seeped into his baritone.

Rude much! I narrowed my eyes at him as he leaned back against my futon, awaiting my retort.

"And what is that supposed to mean exactly?" I demanded.

His black coals seemed to darken in color as he searched my face. He didn't even have to speak. He knew about my assassinations. _Crap_.

"How do you know about that?" I asked quietly, not wanting to provoke him any further.

"One of the younger Akatsuki saw you," he closed his eyes as I watched his jugular pulse quicken, "He then proceeded to appraise your every detail. I was wondering how your fighting style became so fluid. Ayumi's title as a master of her art tells me that you are likely training as her disciple."

I bit my lip. He was really upset. It was showing through his emotional blockade. I was unused to feeling this much anger from this particular man. It was beginning to affect me. If I wasn't careful it could cause me to go off my rocker.

"Yes, I was. But I stopped doing assassinations. They bothered me too much," I explained.

"I'm sure they did," he said emphatically. He folded his tense forearms over his chest and shifted a shoulder, "You, a woman who wears massive scarves to cover your body from vague observations of strangers, somehow gained the bravado to strip."

"They were missions. What would you have done?" I defended, growing more frustrated as his accusations surmounted. What did he think? That I wanted to do those things? That I wanted this life? He was the one who pushed me into that world in the first place. Ayumi was simply my guide to accomplish those missions successfully.

"Missions always include options. Ayumi _chose_ to put you in that position so people would recognize your face, probably under the command of your brothers," before I could defend my kin he continued, "Do you know how many times that fool brought up this striking white goddess he watched at a strip club?" Itachi bristled as he tried to slow his own breathing, "It was enough to kill someone."

The threat made me flinch. I didn't know if he intended to kill the Akatsuki guy, or me. I sucked in my lips nervously, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Insincerity is unbecoming of you," he snapped, black diamond eyes sharp as knives.

"But, I _am_ sorry," I inched closer to him, "Not for taking those missions, but for how it made you feel. I didn't think that you would ever find out, and at the time I was under the impression that you wouldn't care even if you had."

"That's telling of your character," he said frankly. From anyone else's mouth it wouldn't have sounded insulting, but with Itachi speaking anything could sound like an insult.

Well, that was hurtful. I recoiled a little and hugged my knees to my chest. He was really angry with me, and I wasn't entirely sure how to react. Normally, I was the one yelling and losing my mind at him, so this was a whole new world. I tried to avoid his eyes, but something kept dragging them back to his dark, angry expression. He was like an entirely different person when he was angry.

"You know, I never would have done any of that if you hadn't lost your mind in the first place," I accused, trying to push the blame.

"The way we react to tragedy paints a picture of who we are as people. I suffered after I killed my clan in my own way. You became someone else entirely," he took a breath, trying to push a memory away, "Do you even know who you are anymore?"

I was silent for a few long moments, trying to calm myself before responding with the first angry comment that came to mind. But I couldn't. I couldn't hold the hot pressure inside anymore.

"I know _**exactly**_ _who I am_. Here's a thought. Maybe I didn't know who I was back when we first met. Perhaps this skanky assassin lurking behind my 'innocent' walls is who I was meant to be," I jerked into a standing position and paced the room, his eyes followed me vaguely out of the corner of my eye, "I sure as hell had no idea that the person who would ruin my _god damned life_ lived just below the surface of your well constructed façade of sweet adoration and acceptance. I fell for your little act like a pathetic little school girl," I growled each word. Itachi's eye twitched.

"It wasn't an act," he promised, eyes to the moon as it rose through the windowpane, growing steadily more discouraged with each syllable.

I cocked an eyebrow, "Oh, yeah, _sure_."

His eyes snapped to mine, "Trust me."

"I love you, yes, but I can_ not_ trust you. I never will, and that is _your_ fault," my hands were shaking as I threw them about to emphasize my words, "It's like you _want_ me to die just to avoid dealing with your own fucked up issues. I know you're hiding something, so man up and fucking deal with it because I am _done_ being tossed to the gutter like some piece of trash!"

Quiet stillness crystalized the night air leaving us unsure of what to say next. I just ran passed that line in the sand that he was daring me to cross. He was provoking me into this lathered anger. This was all intentional, just like everything always was with Itachi.

Silently as a shadow, he stood and took two long strides toward me before grabbing the front of my shirt. He took another step forward, pressing me back step by step, until I was pinned to the wall. I felt reds, greens and blacks flowing off of him like wild birds in flight. My heart fluttered like beating wings. I was so angry. I was so in love. I was so _done_.

Something inside told me that I needed to get away. _Now_. I squirmed and pressed my cheek to the wall as he leaned in until his face was only inches from mine. I felt his chest rise and fall against mine in heavy breaths as his irate blood pressure spiked.

"You are really beginning to tick me off," he growled through his teeth, his breath heated the fine hairs along the tip of my ear sending electricity down the back of my neck. The calm, easy going Itachi was not here. Someone else inhabited his body, someone cruel and uncontrollably enraged.

I swallowed hard. This was bad. I lost control and said the wrong things to a mass murderer. Sometimes I was so stupid. Everyone was right. I lacked all forms of self-preservation. I closed my eyes and waited for death.

"Look at me," he demanded with darkness in his deep voice. Anxiously, I obeyed, hoping it would help alleviate the tension.

It didn't.

His hand gripped my shirt until it strained against the back of my neck painfully, "You're hurting me," I whispered, wishing I could just disappear, wishing that I knew what catalyst ignited this terrifying reaction in my lover.

"You should be used to that by now," his eyes were scaring me. More menacing than ever, he was intending to scare me; he was trying to make me understand that I had no place to question him. But, I did. He thought he could push me around and bend me to his will, but I was not going to fall anymore if he wasn't even trying to catch me.

Tingling nerves deep in my heart alerted me that Itachi's lips brushed against my temple, "If I wanted you dead, a black memorial stone would be the only remnant of your pretty little skull."

Shuttering, I squeezed myself against the wall. I bit my lip to keep myself from speaking. A small squeak vibrated my throat. Itachi slammed his palm next to my head, denting the wall. I flinched, my eyes shut. His nails dragged the paint, which scratched into a starburst pattern as it flaked to the ground.

Itachi's lips crushed mine. His hand flexed into a fist and he punched it to the wall several times. The other hand ran down my face then cupped the back of my head, deepening the contact as the tip of his tongue forced my lips apart so he could take my lower lip between his teeth.

Tears formed behind my tightly squeezed eyes. I twisted in his grip and turned my face against the wall.

"Please stop," I sobbed in a choked whisper.

Afraid of him in a way I hadn't experienced yet, I became a statue. Each action was mechanical and stiff. When his hand grabbed at the side of my skirt, my eyes flew open, horrified at his contact. "Itachi!"

His eyes hardened, then closed tightly before he pressed his head against the wall over my right shoulder. After a few deep breaths, he looked at me with so much sadness. He was glistening with sweat. I looked him over carefully. His lips were drawn, face pale and the under sides of his eyes were a blackish, deep purple, like someone had punched him out. I hadn't noticed how sick he looked because I was busy accusing him of all kinds of awful things. Guilt pitted my stomach and my head bowed forward until it met his clavicle. We were both so wretched, so tired of fighting.

He kissed the top of my head and held that position, hot wet drops fell through my matted hair until they reached my scalp, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for everything," he repeated again and again into my hair, his throat sounded tight with remorse. I wouldn't say it out loud, but I forgave him. We were both in an awful place right now.

Again, I swallowed, still scared of the significantly larger man pinning himself against me. Still sensing my fear, he leaned back, and our eyes met somewhere in between. I looked away. With his index and thumb he pinched my chin, forcing me to keep my head squared. I shut my eyes so I didn't have to look at him, "Forgive me Katsue."

I avoided his request; my shaking voice broke through my slightly swollen lips, "What's going on with you?"

Even breathing blew the hair on top of my head, "Hiruko told me some things that I'd rather not discuss any further tonight."

I couldn't make myself speak. My head was spinning. He had done the same to me, he reminded me of all of Itachi's awful actions just to make me upset. Maybe he had done the same to Itachi.

"Yeah, he told me some things too," I rasped, my throat was still dry from the adrenaline rush.

Itachi held me tight enough to know he was there, but loose enough that if I wanted, I could get away from him, "Let's never do that again," Itachi breathed in my ear, pleadingly.

Smiling, I leaned heavily against him, wrapping my arms around the barrel of his chest. I pressed my lips to the side of his neck before whispering, "Agreed."

His emotions opened into clearer ones, the tone of the room brightened a little. His entire appearance changed. Somehow I was now straddling Itachi on the floor as his hands roughly dug their fingertips into the bottoms of my tights. They pierced the fabric just as I untied his pants and yanked them down. Without warning, Itachi thrust himself inside of me in one hard movement. I squealed, but his lips muted the sound as he took hold of my hips and picked up a hard, fast pace. I tried to keep up, but it felt so good that all I could do was bite into his shoulder and try not to scream.

One set of fingers tore at the opening in my leggings as the other held my hips upright. I ran a hand along the hem of his shirt and felt for his well-formed stomach and chest, caressing each hard ridge and crevasse delicately. I kissed his lips and tangled my other hand into his black hair, gripping a handful to maintain my balance. He reacted by shifting his weight to one side to flip me on my back without losing our intense pace.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"**Hello? Katsue**?"

Groaning in frustration, I felt Itachi release with a breathy, exasperated, gasp before disappearing.

My fingers dragged across the imprint left by his knees. They clenched in frustration as I was left to deal with the intrusion by myself. Grumbling obscenities into the darkness, I threw on a fluffy pink robe and went to the door. I tried to look sleepy, probably unsuccessfully.

When I opened the door, one of my favorite black haired kids was standing there with an annoyed look on his face. I felt conflict and anger coming off of him in barrels full, but I was seriously not in a mood to deal with any midnight visitors after tonight's tumultuous activities, "Can I help you, sweetie?" I asked flatly, face unmoving so he would understand how unwelcome this infraction truly was.

The "sweetie" just kind of slipped in, I'm not entirely sure why.

Those eyes were darker than Itachi's. They were so angry, hateful even. His hands were stuffed deep into his pockets with the moonlight glinting off of his perfect Uchiha face.

"Tell me everything you know about the Uchiha clan."

_**UGH!**_


	41. In My Place

_"In My Place"_

* * *

I blinked at Sasuke, whom I distinctly remember being shorter than me, as he glared down at me with an intensity that could chill nearly anyone's blood. Except, I was already immune to a much more intimidating pair of black eyes.

Scared? No. Confused as all get out? Absolutely. Mind spinning, I thought of ways to deflect his incoming interrogation. But, before any of that could happen I held up a finger and turned on my heel, slamming the door in Sasuke's face.

This conversation was _not_ happening right now. Seriously. Fifteen seconds ago I was being ravaged by the kid's older brother who is debatably the most evil person to ever come from Konoha. Not to mention that under this fluffy pink robe, I wore the sad, tattered remains of my favorite pair of leggings with only a few strips of bandages hanging from my torso. Flinging the robe away, I fingered through the different shirts, ones that I forgot even existed that somehow resurfaced in my newly organized closet. _Thanks Itachi_. I returned to the front door to find that he wasn't there anymore. Rather than waiting at the door, or just plain leaving, like a normal person might, Sasuke sat himself at the kitchen table, drumming his fingers against the cheap, hollow sounding wood.

Using my blood limit, I ensured that there were no signs of Itachi before waltzing over to the younger teen with a poorly hidden shit-eating grin on my face, which probably ended up looking more pained than happy anyway. I felt a tiny knot of contempt tighten in my stomach toward the kid who interrupted a _very_ enjoyable 'kiss and make up' session with my lover.

What if Sasuke just barged in without knocking? I had no locks on my door; it wouldn't have been the first time someone came in without knocking first. What a scene _that_ would have been.

Dragging one chair out, I plopped myself down across the table from the young man. His eyes narrowed and lips a tightened into a thin line. My own face dropped into a small scowl "Do you invite yourself into everyone's house, or is that a courtesy you reserve just for me?"

Fidgeting with a piece of jagged wood from the old table, I watched his the emotions on his face shift to remorsefulness, embarrassment even, but it wore off quickly as intense anger reasserted itself as his dominant emotion. The slightly intimidating aura of the vengeful boy told me that I was not avoiding this discussion.

"Tell me everything you know."

I folded my arms over my chest and rocked the chair back onto two legs defiantly, "What do you think you could learn from me? Arashi never really told me much, only that you guys are, as she would say," I raised my eyebrows and using air quotes I laughed, "'_awesome'_."

Eyes black as pitch peered into my soul, seeing through my meager attempt to dodge the truth. Under siege of his dissecting eyes I felt nude. It was more unnerving than Itachi's detached appraisals during intercourse. My face lit up red at the thought. His eyebrow quirked. My face felt like it could ignite at any moment. Gods I hope Sasuke can't see into my head; that would really be a downer.

"You're lying," Sasuke's hands clenched into sinewy fists, each knuckle tipped with white bands of tendons. One of them cracked as his muscles tensed.

_What to do, what to do_. Hmm. Okay, option one: I could just tell him that yes, I _am_ lying, but that I can't give him any more information because I'm under oath or something relatively believable like that. Then I realized that those Sharingan could probably see right through something like that. The thought made me shiver. I really hated that stupid blood trait. Stupid Uchihas.

Option two: tell him that I know nothing, that I'm a total dimwit with no working knowledge of the Uchiha or their clan killer. A complete and total lie.

No, my transparent emotions would show through my face. Damn it! I wish Itachi could tell me what to say. If I did the wrong thing here it could spark up our recently doused argument, I was not going to be the one to start that up again.

Since there seemed to be no way to avoid the inevitable I tried to stave it off with unassuming naivety, "What do you think I'm lying about, sweetie?" I smiled as I dropped my chair back to the floor and propped my face up with my hands.

Black and harsh, he glared at me, loosening his tight fists, "You were _there_ that night," his voice lowered dangerously.

"Oh." My heart felt as if it burst open like a water balloon. "From what I remember, you were there too. I'd hate to spark some horrible, forgotten memory or something."

"Of course I was there," Shaking his head a little as he muttered some insult under his breath.

"Well then there's not much I can tell you that you wouldn't already know."

His face took on the appearance of a pouting child. I couldn't help but feel awful for him. Here I am pretending to be totally ignorant of the tragedies he faced since childhood when only minutes prior I was having a screaming fit with the person who caused both of our losses, letting out all of my own frustrations toward him in an attempt at calming a similar violence in my heart. Of course, Sasuke's were far more extensive, but we both suffered at the hands of his older brother in different ways. I was simply stupid enough to fall in love with that murderer. I feigned a yawn and stretched my arms above my head, "Sasuke, I'd really like to get back to sleep. Can you please just get to the point?"

"You were not sleeping."

A nervous giggle chirped from my lips. Heat rushed my face and ears, tingling at the dizzying accusation. "Uh, what?"

"I saw you through the window, you were shouting at your reflection."

My mouth fell open a little before morphing into a lopsided smirk. That son of a…

Itachi must have used some kind of genjutsu. I guess when you live as a missing nin you know that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. In this case, the worst thing that could possibly go wrong was narrowly avoided by his sophisticated mind games.

"Yeah," I blushed, Sasuke probably thought I was off my rocker. "I get kind of crazy sometimes."

"You and I get angry about the same thing."

I stupidly decided to lead the conversation. "And what would that be?"

"The guy who took everything from us." His fist tightened again. I felt darkness overcome his emotions, a deep pitted depression that no one could understand unless they lost a close family member. I wondered if he felt that depression toward his brother, too.

The tightening coil of word vomit threatened to spill through the thin barricade of my mouth, so I bit my lip. It was my only defense. "Sasuke, listen, I know you're angry but I don't think you can compare your losses to mine."

"Kaz died horribly, doesn't that make you want to hurt the ones to took him from you?"

I bit down harder. Yes, once or twice the thought crossed my mind, but I knew that this was a part of the lifestyle we had all chosen. Life and death were on a knifes edge, one tiny push in one direction or the other could send someone spiraling into a truly awful existence. Sasuke was on that teetering edge, just one or two words away from falling to the wrong side. So I had to choose my words carefully, "I'd considered it briefly, but hurting someone else's child or brother or sister will not bring my brother back to life."

"You're a fool if you think I believe that." His expression darkened. "The one who killed my clan has no one left to miss him."

A knife drew across my heart's tender muscle. There was one person who would definitely miss him. _And that woman is sitting right in front of you, you dimwit!_ I looked down to my hands and flexed my fingers. "It's kind of a long story, but I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone else, if you're willing to listen."

Eyes black as beetle's wings watched my mouth as I spoke, waiting for my story.

"I was once an acclaimed assassin for the Torture and Interrogation Corps." I watched his eyes glimmer with interest at my profession. "Since I was about your age, I've been trained as a Kyusho style killer for hire to the highest bidder. This meant using the very specialized skill of lightning element chakra to slow, or even stop, a person's vitals." My heart fluttered painfully, remembering the white eyes of so many dead men and women. I blinked the images away and spoke slowly, "It was easy at first, a way to channel the hatred I felt for… a certain person." Sasuke shifted only slightly, thinking that I wouldn't notice. He understood who I was referring to.

My eyes, and heart, drooped a little, remembering that picture from my last victim's wallet. "That was a hard time for me." A small, weary smile flitted across my face before dropping again. "I'm not a hard hearted person Sasuke; in fact, I love people. I love people and animals and seeing people smile. To make myself take a life from someone was devastating to my soul."

"Then one day, I had to kill a man, slowly, as my partner forced him to talk about a potential attack on our village." The seizing, hard pain in my chest twisted as I closed my eyes to face the images racing across my eyelids. "Each heartbeat became strained and I could feel his nerves firing uncontrollably in an attempt to keep his body alive. While I was killing him I found a photograph in his pocket. It was a young woman with two little girls with words written for him to read. It said '_I love you, always'_."

I snapped my eyes back to Sasuke's. "Are those the words written to a man they never want to see again? No, those are the words spoken by a woman longing for her lover to return home safely. The photo was worn and turning color from how many times he held it in his hands. Seeing that, feeling the begging, pleading emotions flowing throughout his body, it all made me wonder, is it that good people turn around one day and decide to do bad things? Or do bad people decide that they will do good things to make themselves feel better for the unforgivable evil they have already committed?"

The meaning of that woman's words impacted my heart. I empathized with her because I knew the feeling of being in love with someone who commits his life to committing horrible acts of terror. Those words always stuck with me because they were the exact ones floating through my mind when I met Itachi again many years after he killed his clan.

Sasuke's contemplating expression seemed somewhat vacuous. My words meant something to him, I could only hope that he could understand what I was trying to say. That everyone has someone who will miss them when they're gone, even if they _are_ evil.

Sasuke's consideration paused to scoff, "And you call yourself a shinobi. You're weak. You allowed your emotions to affect the mission at hand."

Throwing my hands out to the sides, my chair nearly tipped backwards, but I caught myself by wind milling my arms spastically, catching the side of the table just in time. "Were you even listening!? Yeah, I killed him! It was brutal and merciless. By doing so we prevented a major attack that would have hurt tons of innocent people. The point is that there's always going to be someone who mourns a loss no matter how evil they are. I'm telling you to understand that human lives are precious, not to be destroyed in the name of revenge." I rolled my eyes and shook my head incredulously, "It's like talking to a brick."

"Some people don't _deserve_ to live." He eyed me up and down suspiciously, "Was it hard to kill? Did it make the pain go away?"

I had to be careful with what I said here. Time and time again my brothers and I would get into deep discussions like this, they would always word things to try and make me do the right things. This was my chance to try and make Sasuke make the right decision. Or, for the very least, the right decision in my eyes. The decision not to kill Itachi.

"No, it didn't help." I admitted with a tired half-smile, "It distracted me until I realized that I was doing the same thing _he_ had done, but instead of killing innocent people, I was killing the bad guys. It was always the hardest to kill when I didn't agree with the reasons, but I never really had a choice in the matter."

The dark haired, darkly clad kid glowered. "So what you're saying is that you compared your missions with his senseless act of murder, which made it somehow _more_ difficult?"

Closing my eyes to restrain the urge to knock him out, I took a deep, cleansing breath. "Think about what you're saying. _Obviously_ I don't compare myself to him. He killed my best friends, children, infants, people who were no match for someone like him. He killed people who were completely unable to defend themselves. I did not."

The popping of knuckles shocked me, clarifying the scene around me. I tried to keep my eyes from widening at the young Uchiha's intensity. "He _will_ die for what he did." Sasuke's round, cherub face hardened. "Whether or not you care about him is not my problem."

Pulsing heartbeats thrummed within the shell of my ears, effectively drowning out Sasuke's voice. I gulped, but my throat was dry as a bone. Scared that he somehow discovered my connection with his brother, I thought of ways to explain it all away. If he had, I couldn't even comprehend the hate he would feel toward me, toward my particular interest in him. I imagined how angry he must have been when we last saw each other in front of the compound. A coughing fit caused me to double over, clacking the chair back onto all fours, hands over my mouth, nearly crying from the stress.

Catching my breath, I pounded on my chest lightly with a soft fist, getting a hold of myself, "Sorry about that," I rasped, "Do you want some tea?" Placing a hand on the table to lean against, I started to stand, but hesitated for Sasuke's answer. He looked irritated with the suggestion so I sunk back to the chair like a chastised puppy.

Sasuke's stern face was betrayed by heartbroken emotions as he demanded answers, "Don't try telling me that you didn't know him, I _know_ you did."

Vomit burned the back of my throat as the truth burned the tip of my tongue. I clamped my jaw, shutting away the words that yearned to escape. I made myself think carefully. What do I tell him? He shouldn't know about Itachi and my relationship, he was too young to remember the few times we met as kids. He should only know about my relationship Ryu and Arashi.

The side of my lip pulled up into joyless smile, "Personally I didn't know him too well. Arashi and Ryu were some of my best friends, I could tell you anything and everything about them, but Itachi," I watched him wince away from the name, "he was a little more, I don't know, '_standoffish'_ than the others," Sasuke's suspicion was palpable. I backtracked a little, "I saw him around every once in a while, though. Arashi used to train with him, so we met in passing, but it was nothing too memorable," I shrugged, softening my face in hopes that he would believe me.

Sasuke looked me over with a disappointed scowl. I had to hide the smug shoulder dance of success that wanted to wiggle free from my body. Damn, I'm a great liar.

Sasuke's tight fists shook a little as he glared at the air in front of my face. That's the same look Itachi gives me when he knows that I'm lying; completely devoid of emotion, eyes intensely thoughtful as they dissect my every word and syllable.

Never mind, I'm an awful liar. Heat rushed to my cheeks, I stood abruptly to actually make tea, hoping he wouldn't see my face.

"Tell me everything, not just what your selective memory decides to give away."

Well, my insides just turned to jelly and fell through the bottoms of my feet. Chilly nerves overwhelmed me, I wondered what I was supposed to say in this situation. "Uh, let's see," I bit my lip and filled the rusted out metal teapot, feeling Sasuke's eyes burn a hole through my back, "He dated a girl from the village. He liked some restaurant around here; Arashi sometimes went to keep him company and dragged me along. He graduated _way_ before the rest of us, so we never had classes together or anything. I don't really know what else to tell you."

I told him very superficial facts so he couldn't detect exactly how much I was hiding. _Then, the kicker._ I spun on my heel and pointed at the ceiling as if I'd just remembered the most important thing in the history of things.

"_Oh yeah!"_ The exclamation made Sasuke jump a little, but he played it off as nothing, "There was this one time, I _think_ you were there, we all had dinner together at the cafe downstairs. All of my friends were there and you knocked me on my ass." I laughed, leaning against the counter, "You were so little though, there's no way you'd even remember it."

"That's how I figured it out." Sasuke shrugged.

"And what did you figure out, exactly?"

"That you and _that guy_ were," he made a face of total repugnance, "_together_."

The world went dim for a second, and I realized I'd stopped breathing. How could he know that?

"What did you say?" He asked plainly.

"Huh? I didn't say anything," I smiled innocently, turning to place the filled pot on the wonky burner, making it tip and sit at a slant. I sighed.

"You're an idiot," Sasuke pointed out.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid_. My brain-mouth filter needed a serious upgrade.

"I came here as a courtesy. I'm going to kill him. I need to know how deep your connection with him went." He demanded indignantly, threating almost. "Did you know that he was going to end my clan."

The squeal of boiling tea water disrupted the moment. I almost had a damn heart attack. How does he know this stuff and why did he feel the need to talk about it _today_? I hadn't spoken to him in _months_, why bring it up _today_ of all days?

Time to take another tactic. The broken hearted fool in love.

With downcast eyes, I let myself look as tired as I felt, "We were never in a relationship I can assure you. I don't even know why you would think something like that," I took the pot off of the stove as it whistled the sad cry of a lost fledgling, "When we were young, all I wanted was for him to see me for who I was. For someone like him to notice me and see that I wasn't the weirdo everyone though I was. But, like every other guy on the planet, he saw me more as a spectacle than a person," I frowned, "A freaky looking peon like me had no business with an beautiful, elite, Uchiha, you know that. No, I had no idea what he was planning. We never really spoke much, and even if we had I doubt he would have said anything about it. When I found out what he did I…"

Tears choked my words, threatening the backs of my eyes as the memory of that night flooded my mind. That horrid smell of blood and metal. Those pinwheeling red eyes. I bit the inside of my lip hard enough to push the memories back into my skull. Itachi and I just talked about this, I needed to try and let the pain go.

But, it was no use, a thick tear dropped down my face as Arashi's tortured face flashed into view, "He was sick, Sasuke. Twisted and sick. A sociopath who took everyone and everything for granted. He had this ability to make you feel so insignificant, like you were nothing," I looked to the table, realizing only after I spoke how much truth my words actually held.

Sasuke's fists loosened and I looked back to his face. Eyes transfixed on the two steaming teacups behind me on the counter, there was now a disheartened absence as he tried not to look at my face. I couldn't help the guilt that pitted my stomach.

"Tell me about Ryu and Arashi," he urged quietly into the darkness. For a brief moment, I wondered why he wanted to talk to me of all people about his deceased, or otherwise indisposed, family. Then it hit me. He was looking for fuel to throw on the fire, for more reasons to hate his brother. That's why he came here tonight.

Dreading the thought of having any hand in Itachis death, I sighed heavily and poured a few table spoons of sugar into my cup before speaking. "Arashi was my best friend and Ryu was a kid with a huge heart. We went everywhere together, it was the hardest day of my life what I had to identify their bodies." My heavy eyes lifted to his distant gaze, like he was considering an extremely important decision. "Sasuke, I hate to ask, and I know how hard it is to keep all of this inside, but what really brought all of this up? Is something going on that I should know about?"

The popping sound of each knuckle cracking again made clear his implication. Worry carved into the walls of my heart.

"Mind your own business," his jaw set, he looked to be pouting as he jerked his face to the side, eyeing up the front door, ready to bail as soon as the circumstance arose.

"It's my business now, kid," I cocked an eyebrow at the boy satirically, "You can't just invite yourself into my house in the middle of the night and expect me to go along with your little cross-examination without question. I'm pretty awesome, but I'm not quite a saint." I smiled ruefully, "So spill it."

Abruptly he shoved away from the table and stood, the grating sound of my chair digging into the floor made me wince. I face palmed. That would be a real bitch to fix.

His steps tapped in quick succession as he strode out the door. His hand hesitated on the handle before swinging it open, allowing the chilly night air to raise bumps on my arms.

"Wait, Sasuke!" I looked away from his retreating form, "Whatever you end up doing with yourself, please know that I'm here for you," my whisper carried through the darkness. By the time the words spilled from my lips, he was gone.

The silence was dense and comforting until heavy hands quietly dropped over my shoulders, I wanted to think that this was his way of agreeing with my pledge, but I knew better. Itachi hated his family, I would never know why, but he did, and he took care of that problem by killing them all. And, in doing so he created a dangerously cold spirit inside of his little brother.

In that moment I wanted to absorb him into my body and protect him from the inevitable. But, Itachi had made it clear on several occasions that he was going to kill his brother. Or his brother would kill him. I wanted to argue, to yell and fight, claw and cry, do anything to change his mind. But, if there was only one impossible thing in this pliable world, and it was the unachievable dream of changing Itachi Uchiha's mind when it was set on something. He had to die by the consequences of his decisions, and I hated that. I hated that I wholeheartedly agreed, that he allow his baby brother to exact vengeance for his mother and father's pointless deaths. There was a chance he would survive, but I doubted he would live much longer afterwards anyway. The cancer was ravaging his lungs, spreading a little further every day, and he simply allowed it to happen.

Living with consequences of foolish decisions included this stupid decision to stick with Itachi, to trust him, if only a little, and to bear some of this hell with him instead of condemning him like my brother asked. Maybe I was simply born a little rebel, but anytime Hiruko wanted me to do something for him, I automatically wanted to the exact opposite.

That book, for example. A few hours after Sasuke left, I hid it under a floorboard while Itachi wasn't looking. The last thing I needed right now was another argument. The offer was tantalizing my every thought. Hiruko wanted me to join ASEB, the memory only came back in pieces through piercing headaches and dizzy spells. Itachi made it painfully clear that he did not trust ASEB or my big, stupid brother. Why did he think my brother was, and I quote, _"a monste_r"? My goofy brother just wanted to see everyone safely coexist with one another. He was a nonviolent person, curious to a fault, but he was certainly not a danger to himself or others. The broken floorboard was under the left side of the couch seemed to pulse with energy every few minutes, dragging my eyes over to see if it was still there, my own curiosity was burning, calling for me to read it, to find out more about the strange world my brother had created.

* * *

"What're you thinking about?"

Blinking a few times to shake the thought, I looked over the top of my book to a suspiciously happy Itachi. My face jerked to the right to catch an inquisitive glint in my lover's eye as he seemed to follow them to what I was hiding. For a split second, I thought I'd been caught and was about to be lectured, but tonight was my lucky night. He let it go without a word.

Itachi was happy. Well, his version of happy.

The way he sprawled and stretched was feline in nature. Normal people curl up, or lay in with their legs crossed, or just sit against a wall or something. Not Itachi, he never relaxed like a normal person. One leg would jut in some direction while the other could be either tucked near his chest, flopped to the side, or propped up on something, in this case his foot was being propped up by the windowsill at the end of my bed as his head sat heavily on one arm, bent at a sharp 90 degree angle. The other hand rested inconspicuously into the curve of my hip, rolling circles into the prominent bone.

"My brother," I allowed with a little shrug.

"Did he speak with you again?" Slight alarm rang in in his voice, though he realized and quickly scrambled to cover it up by drawing out his most devastating smirk. Damn him and his stupidly distracting smile.

One eyebrow jumped up curiously as I pretended to start reading again, "So Hiruko is psychic now, that's very interesting."

"Ha-ha-ha," he faked a laugh before dropping any trace of humor from his face, "No. I don't believe anyone would intentionally subject themselves to the utter pandemonium in your head."

"Hey, watch yourself, Your Majesty, you seem to be forgetting that you asked what I was thinking about, making you one of those crazy people subjecting themselves to my thoughts."

Caught, he smiled impishly and continued massaging the wee muscles in my side. A hummed moan buzzed my lips, I closed my eyes and took in the affectionate sensation. My hands fell slowly, eventually dropping the text to the floor.

Noticing the title of my book, his voice broke my quiet musings, "'Dim Mak'? That's pretty impressive."

"You don't really want to talk about that," My head throbbed painfully. For once, that deep, sexy baritone was unwelcome. A grouchy face wrinkled my forehead in protest of conversation. I felt exhausted, remembering his reaction the last time we spoke about my assassination gigs.

"It would be wise to continue training, maybe become a master of the art."

I shook my head, he seemed sincere in his suggestion, "Like Ayumi? Yeah, _right_. You know very well that you don't want me within ten miles of her. And I told you, I don't do that stuff anymore."

Judging by the hitched breath he took at the sound of the beautiful blonde's name, it was apparent that I'd guessed correctly, "It will keep you safe in the long run."

By that he meant, 'it will help to keep our little family safe when I'm dead.' I was getting better at deciphering the real meanings behind his words. I had to navigate through the inconsistent sea of speech patterns and emotions he tried to hard to hide, "I can try and get Miz to help me with it, I get the sense that you kind of hate my sensei."

"I don't hate her. I hate what requires of you."

"Same difference," I waited for him to correct my vernacular, but it never came. Slitting my eyes, I watched his breathing, wondering what was going on inside of that cryptic mind of his and what put him in such a good mood. Why was he so serene?

There was a softness in his almond eyes, making them look like big, shiny ink blots. The difference in his face between the two alter egos was striking. Evil Itachi had these sharp eyes that could cut through you without expressing the intention of doing so. The mere thought of his eyes could make me say or do whatever he wanted. Yet, my sweet Itachi was pure love. His eyes seemed to round out, the harsh creases under his eyes seemed to accentuate that innocuous curiosity he had, making him look more like a big, black kitten rather than a panther on the prowl.

I knew exactly what he was thinking about.

Watching the way his eyes traced my body's outline, a hopeful light in his eye, I smiled, "Do you want boy or girl?"

"There's no way to decide something like that."

I snorted, swatting at his chest playfully, "Just play along. If you could pick, which would you want?"

"Healthy."

Closing my eyes to keep from rolling them, I snickered, "That wasn't one of the options."

"It's what I want," he offered quietly into the desperately large distance between us. Actually, it was only a few inches. I wanted to curl up closer, but didn't want to do something wrong and ruin his good mood, so the distance felt more vast than it actually was.

Smiling dreamily, I got caught up in my thoughts again. If the world was perfect, if things hadn't turned out the way they did, if he hadn't taken those unforgivable actions, he would have made the perfect father. I had always figured he would be. Itachi's father was harsh; a rough man with a notorious temper. Arashi would tell me stories when we were very young about how her one aunt and cousin were the victims of his mistreatment, but I never wanted to believe it could be Itachi's family.

It seemed impossible to me that someone would hurt their own children, especially someone as gentle as Itachi once was. I'd always imagined Itachi as a passive, loving parent who could accept any child's dreams as possible; the complete opposite of his father. More than once I had heard the two fighting, or more, Fugaku yelling at Itachi as he listened intently, most likely silently plotting how he would dispatch the man when the time came. The thought sent shivers down my spine. Goose bumps rose all over my arms. Itachi saw this and placed a warm hand over the offending flesh. Closing my eyes to take in the comforting touch, I remembered back to when I was a kid and how my father had always seemed so aloof. He never took an interest in us, he seemed to avoid me completely, thinking that I was the black sheep of the group. My mother took that upon herself, she was a full time parent with few exceptions. I wondered if Itachi's mother had done the same. I imagined so, he spoke very highly of her, even referring to her once as the perfect woman.

He wasn't waiting for me to speak. For whatever reason, Itachi was very talkative tonight. I was near the point of exhaustion listening to all he had to say. We hadn't gotten a wink of sleep.

It was extremely early in the morning as the sun cast a red hue over the inside of my one room apartment. That's when I decided to make omelets. It burned a little and maybe I'd forgotten to grease the pan, but aside from that, it came out pretty decent. The bits of rust and charred shell gave it character.

"I didn't know you cooked," Itachi pondered aloud quietly.

"You never asked."

"When we were younger you seemed to be sustained by only a few different flavors of cereal and microwaveable dinners."

"Gotta grow up some time," an odd, bad mood was crawling under my skin as I flipped the crusty yellowish blob on my rusted out pan. Silence filled the apartment, the sweet sound of silence. Until Itachi started tapping his foot.

"Do you still drink sugar water?"

I spun around and saw him standing midway between the main room and kitchen, arms folded, leaning back against a wall. For whatever reason his voice was suddenly grating on my nerves. I narrowed my eyes at him, "Can you, like… stop talking?"

He didn't seem to understand, "I'm not sure-

"_That_! You need to stop doing **that**! Right now!"

Eyes wide as tea plates, his brain started whirring like a machine, "If you just tell me-"

"SHUT UP!"

Perplexed with just a dash of bemused concern, he pressed his eyebrows together, worried that I'd gone off my rocker, I kind of worried the same thing. "Are you alright?"

"Of course I'm alright, why **wouldn't** I be?" I growled, temper building, I was ready to explode at any second. The realization of my crazy spell hit and I stormed away from a pair of well-burned eggs, not bothering to turn off the stove. I needed to get away before I could cause a real scene, or start another violent fight. So I stomped off, leaving a very punch-drunk man in my wake. I locked myself in the bathroom, sank to the floor in a ball, and cried into my elbows.

A light rap came at the door before he tried the knob, which shook uselessly. Then Itachi's voice muffled through the wood partition, "Let me in, Katsue."

Repulsed by the thought of human contact, I ignored him. Sitting in a loose ball on my bathmat seemed like the most logical thing to do in my current state, "No! Go away!"

Even to my own ears, I sounded like a pouting preteen.

The knob jingled a few more times, then clanged to the linoleum, sending a few chips of defenseless tile to scatter aimlessly. The round knob rolled to my feet and I curled up tighter to hide my face. From the way he held the door, I didn't hear the squeak of the rusty hinges. Itachi pushed the door open and peeked his head inside. I hid my face under my long bangs, strands of hair stuck to my tear stained face, making me feel ugly, which made me cry even harder.

He didn't come in any further. Rather than face whatever crazy was going on in my head, he let me cry it all out without saying a word. Just by being there in the same room as me was surprisingly calming. Feeling stupid and lightheaded from the wracking sobs, I eventually wiped my eyes and looked up at him from beneath my tear clumped eyelashes. Watching my every motion were a pair of mildly amused black orbs. I wanted to die, I was so embarrassed. This happened every month, I'd cry, and cry, and cry over something pointless, then get my period minutes later. There was something annoying me, I thought it was Itachi's voice, but it was much more than just a voice. My skin felt like it was electrified, every sensation was too overwhelming. It was giving me a raging headache. Maybe that was because I was still hungry. I absentmindedly wondered if Itachi knew how to cook at all.

I decided to apologize for my crazy moment, that would surely get rid of that 'deer in the headlights' look he was currently bestowing upon me, "Sorry-"

"Don't," he cut me off.

Tears fuzzed my vision again, he didn't look angry, just totally flabbergasted. I felt like an idiot.

"Please don't be mad," I whined.

"Keep crying."

Floored by the suggestion, I shot upright, "What?"

"Don't stop crying yet. Tears have a soothing effect."

"But, I'm not sad anymore," now I was puzzled at myself.

Leaning heavily against my pedestal sink he pointed out, "You weren't sad to begin with."

He had me there. I really didn't know what that whole freak out was for, it held no purpose. It was a momentary break in sanity, "I shouldn't have gotten mad at you."

"You could yell at me like that every day for the rest of my life," he crouched down to lay his hand against the side of my face, "And I would deserve it."

Agreeing with that statement, I grinned. The smile seemed to melt away my pent up anger, "Yeah, you would deserve it, but that doesn't make it okay."

"Anger is part of our relationship's life cycle. Happiness, anger, sadness, then happiness again," rough skin left my face smooth as he ran his fingers across my cheek, then through my long hair, brushing it away from where it had stuck to the undersides of my eyes, "Tears are meant to be shed. My mother used to tell me that each time you fight back tears, they accumulate inside. Eventually, they build up so much that you have end up with a situation like this where you can no longer control them," he gave a weary smile.

I had to tell him about the book. Tears and secrets, both of them can have that mounting effect. Keep too many inside, and eventually you'll just implode. Or become completely emotionally constipated.

"I like that. Maybe that's why girls are always crying so much," I laughed, "By the way, what 'relationship' are you talking about? A little birdie told me that you did not currently have a girlfriend," a sarcastic smile pulled the left side of my face up; eyebrow, lip, even my eye squinted in mocking pleasure.

"I hate that word," his stony face dropped minutely into a scowl.

"Why?"

"It doesn't encompass what we have."

Open mouthed, I gaped up at him like a fish, totally surprised that he would say such a thing, "Well, what would you call it?"

"I have no idea."

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, well, what's the closest thing? For example, if you were a relatively normal guy, and you were introducing me to your friends, what would you call me?"

Without moving his face, his eyes lit up as he softly admitted softly, "My wife."

Spoken so nonchalantly, like it was common knowledge. A little tickle in my stomach made me giggle like an idiot. I covered my mouth; wide-eyed shock filled my every nerve.

The expression on Itachi's face withered slightly, he retracted his hand and rocked back away from my reach, emotionless façade back in place. He thought I disagreed with his sentiment.

"No! I love it!" I cheered, "You don't even understand. That's kind of what I was thinking about before when you asked! That if given the chance, I would have married you."

"'_Would have_' being the operative verbiage."

"C'mon. Let me have this one. You know very well that I can't marry you; it's unfair to even expect something like that. Under any normal set of circumstances you would say that we're too young to get married," I explained, "Not to mention you're an S-class felon and I'm a noble Konoha jounin," I added, squirming into his chest, latching onto one of his arms like a little kid, "In another place, and another time, I would have jumped down your throat in utter excitement exclaiming 'yes' thousands of times, but we can't have that. Not in this lifetime."

Muscles tense, I rubbed my face against a firm trapezius as a kitten would the leg of a chair. He was still put out that I'd laughed at him. I couldn't blame him. I really had a knack for ruining the moment.

I took his face between my hands, I felt like a complete goof, my hands were so small compared to his head, it was almost comical. His eyes were pleased at my attempt to make him listen, "Listen here Itachi, I love you. We're trying to have a disjointed little family together. That's the closest thing we'll ever have to being married."

He didn't answer, only shifting his posture slightly to get away from my grip, I held strong. With a mildly irritated expression he pressed against my shoulder to push me away, "I have to leave."

My face plummeted to the floor, "How long will you be gone this time?"

"I'll be back tomorrow. Until we're assigned a new mission we will be in the area."

"For some reason, I don't find that very comforting," I imagined Kisame, the big shark man, staying in Konoha, picking out small children and eating their bones like the monsters from childhood tales.

"Kisame won't bother you again," Itachi promised. The harsh anger deeply imbedded in his voice told me that he knew something that I didn't.

"I have a question for you," I started. I wanted to see if he knew anything about ASEB, and if he did, how much. If anyone in the world knew anything about it, he would.

"You don't need to preface your questions by informing me that you have a question."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes, "This is serious though, don't write me off."

"Katsue, I have to go."

"It'll just take a second, please?"

Relaxing his muscles under my grip ever so slightly, he gave me a permitting glance, "One minute."

But, I chickened out. I bit my lip, what if he started another fight over this? I felt boxed in. Trapped. I stood and turned on the shower with a tiny smile, "You smell kind of funny. Do you want to take a shower with me?"

Before I could finish my words he had his shirt in a pile on the floor.

_Flip-flop._ My heart plugged along, eyes taking in every hard plane and curve of muscle. I looked away for my little hearts sake, but he knew I was still watching from the corner of my eye, "I'll take that as a yes."

Without seeing the warning in his smirk, I was suddenly scooped up and plopped onto the sink, fastening his hands to my outer thighs, wrapping my legs around himself.

"Itachi!"

My cry fell on deaf ears as he gently crushed his lips to mine. I worried my dinky sink might break, but he seemed to trust the shifty porcelain. I let him pull my clothes away, but I stopped him before he could remove my skirt and leggings. I would be so embarrassed if I'd really gotten my period during that earlier freak out session.

He didn't seem to get it when I pushed him away and ran to the living room to take my clothes off privately. He followed with only a pair of black boxers, beckoning me with two fingers and a dare in his dark eyes. Fast as possible, I threw off my clothes and glanced them over. I wasn't bleeding. I was a little confused. I'd never been perfectly regular, but my monthly panic attacks were usually very telling. Itachi appeared behind me and picked me up like a sack of rice over one shoulder and threw the bathroom door closed behind us, allowing the little room to fill with steam.

Little trickles of water formed first as little tear shaped droplets on the walls, then fell in long lines, streaking the paint a new, darker shade of yellow. It could be the condensation from the water, it could be from the nearly breathless physical contact.

Nude as the day I was born, I contorted my body so he wouldn't see so much of my skin.

Softly he chuckled, "Relax," his lips met the side of my neck, "I want every inch of you," each syllable was spoken as sensually as his movements.

I think my whole body blushed as he dragged his nails lightly over my tender side, the same hand falling upon my hip before cupping my behind. Every bit of white skin was made modest by his overt gesture.

"You have my full," he murmured through our lips, "attention," his teeth worried my lower lip, then let it jump back into place, "What question was so important?"

How did he always know? I wanted to ask him something serious, but I just couldn't, seeing as we were both lacking in clothing, "Later," I kissed along his jaw, his hand tensed, pulling my body closer.

"People would be more honest if all important conversations were had in the nude," Itachi tilted his face up into the shower stream, making a funny face to keep the water out of his eyes and mouth. It was the most natural I'd seen him in a very, _very_ long time. If ever.

Running a flat hand down his smooth chest, I heard myself say, "Yeah, the only problem with your plot is that people would never get anything accomplished, everyone would just have sex all the time."

A slippery arm wrenched me under the water with him gazing down at me with a devious smirk, "That's not much of a flaw," one finger started under my chin, then dropped down my neck, over one banded scar then landed between my breasts, "Now, what did you want to ask?"

I opened my mouth to speak.

In a disorienting flash, I was cold. Covered with a towel. In that metal room… again. Hiruko's striking, tan face was mere inches from mine, our noses nearly touching, teeth bared like a cornered animal.

"So, _little sis_," his tone was calm and collected, but there was a fierce anger behind it, "Feel like telling me what the _fuck_ you think you're doing?"


End file.
